I was late this morning....
My car got hit by one of those new Skodas, there was jam and sponge everywhere
(helenj, Sun 1 Jul 2007, 19:40, Reply)

I missed the bus...
... and wound up 20 miles in the opposite direction, about 40 miles from where I was supposed to be. Somebody offered me a lift to college thinking I went to one where I actually went to another, and I didn't have the heart to tell him that he'd driven me to the wrong place. I then caught the bus from Barnstaple to Tiverton... short of the fare too, but the driver didn't care. 'Why were you late?' 'Oh, I ended up in Barnstaple'...
(richietheg my dad buries dead people. he's an undertaker., Sun 1 Jul 2007, 19:13, Reply)

Car
I was too late to stop some redneck scrote from breaking into my NEW car today and stealing my NEW Sat Nav.

I would like you all to stand up and be thankful for the return of angry JTW.
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Sun 1 Jul 2007, 19:01, Reply)

Teenagers!
As regular as AllBran : "The school gate was locked". Yes, you little oik, it was locked five minutes after you were supposed to arrive.
(The Jannie, Sun 1 Jul 2007, 18:49, Reply)

As
with other opinions - if you haven't got a viable reason for turning up on time you're just a worthless parasite that doesn't deserve to have any form of employment
( social hand grenade I was a lurker before you were a lurker, Sun 1 Jul 2007, 17:56, Reply)

Stupid excuse number 45530
My VERY unlucky friend Glen once turned up almost an hour late to a party.

When asked WHY he was late he stated that he had tripped over an Argos catalogue.

Frightening really.!
(elfinpunk Touching Cloth Since, Sun 1 Jul 2007, 17:19, Reply)

A couple of days ago
In London some fucker planted a bomb under my car...

Needless to say the boss didn't believe me.
(Snailfighter Mk VIII MASTER of the bits underneath the ledges on fences, Sun 1 Jul 2007, 16:23, Reply)

Why was I late?
Because some cock crashed a burning 4x4 into the fscking airport, that's why.
(gordonjcp, Sun 1 Jul 2007, 15:43, Reply)

Good excuse: couldn't use it....
My parents weren't real big on entertaining, so when they did it was a big deal. I had to be there in good time. 14 years old then. So, hang-gliding is technically illegal, especially when you and a mate have forged IDs saying you are 18 so you can take the basics lessons. To cut a long one short (see below)we use a great deal of 3-strand barbed wire fencing in my country. I turned out to be excellent at hang-gliding immediately. First solo go. At the going up part anyway. So much so that it quickly became apparent that I was simply going to "land" by hitting abovementioned barbed wire fence at speed. Top strand; minor nipple puncture. Bottom strand: some scratching to right knee. Middle strand: SLICED MY C*CK NEARLY HALF WAY ROUND I AM SHOUTING NOW BECAUSE I CAN STILL REMEMBER THE PAIN AND....well, the shock. Right on the ol' circumcision scar. So, I was late because I was stitching my own penis back together with sutures from the meagre first-aid kit in my mate's parent's "borrowed" car and drinking fairly heavily to alleviate the shock.

I just told mum I was at the mall and the bus was late back.

Length? I wonder, if that hadn't happened....
(dadadali has hybrid vigour, Sun 1 Jul 2007, 15:24, Reply)

why i was late
i worked as a ganger for a constuction ferm many years ago, we had this tea boy simon was his name,simple simon had fuck all on this kid,he could not read wright or do anything of much use, well anyway one monday he did not turn in for work, so on the tuesday he turned up,so he was standing in the compound next to the tea cabin when the site agent shouted over,where the fuck were you yesterday.and then he shouts back to fits of lafter comming from the tea cabin...SORRY BUT I FUCKING FORGOT TO COME TO WORK YESTERDAY
(kjranch, Sun 1 Jul 2007, 14:57, Reply)

No Joke
I get the train to school every morning, it usually only takes five minutes, but the other day, I arrived in assembly (complete with harmonic choir and teeny children) blood - stained and 40 minutes late.

I had to explain to the whole room that I was on my usual route to the platform, i stopped at ticket barrier where instead of having gates that let you through, there are old turnstiles.

I had put my ticket in the machine, and proceeded to shove painfully through the turnstile. I don't know what happened next, but I remember falling and somehow landing on the floor, underneath the turnstile, which straight away began to shoot backwards as they do. Instead this time, every metal rung on the turnstile smacked straight into my head in succession. It was the most painful thing ever.

By this time, the ticket inspector and three people had managed to get me out and lift me to my feet. I was completely dazed, and lifting my hand to my head, felt a huge amount of blood seeping from my skull.

It took half an hour for the emergency services to patch my head up, my clothes had gone from white to red. I would have gone home if i didn't have a GCSE exam.

So when I finally arrived at school (people on the train had been staring at me), and explained, my headteacher said i was an idiot for coming in, even if i had an exam, and he sent me home.

Just another wasted day.
(ladyflash Formally known as "oshi_", Sun 1 Jul 2007, 14:30, Reply)

Kids these days need to be more creative
Way back when I was in high school I came to the conclusion that while my parent's signatures were all over the enrollment paperwork held up at the office, and therefore would be used to spot forgeries, they had no record of any other members of my family.

So, I spent about six months taking random mornings / afternoons / whole days off with the excuse that my uncle was getting married, and required me to be at a suit fitting / rehearsal / requiring some help with preparations. And I always had a note to back up my claims, of course.
( Udderbelly A tale of four titties, Sun 1 Jul 2007, 14:02, Reply)

my girlfriend
was late once, now we are parents.
(Jesus Quintana nothing good to say, Sun 1 Jul 2007, 13:26, Reply)

I was late
because of this happened
( St. Defenestration The REAL one, Sun 1 Jul 2007, 13:16, Reply)

Saving the world
When I was 13 or so, I used to catch the bus to school with my friend Elizabeth. One morning as I was getting dressed, I found an interesting beetle on my windowsill. Being interested in creepy-crawlies, I took it downstairs to ask my dad what it was. He told me that it put him in mind of the colorado beetle, an insect that was infamous for destroying crops and causing famines.

Cue young Egg dashing to the bus stop with the beetle in a box to tell Elizabeth about this ghastly turn of events, all the while imagining the gratitude we'd receive from the governments of the world for alerting them to what was undoubtedly a plague of famine-causing insects. Elizabeth agreed; we would take the beetle to the headmistress, who would alert the Prime Minister, and we'd be receiving our medals from the Queen while our less heroic classmates were in PE. It occurred to us that the only evidence we had that it actually was a colorado beetle was my dad's word, so we decided to go to the library before registration to check in the encyclopedia.

We spent about twenty minutes in the library looking for the right volume, thanks to which we discovered that the beetle I had found looked absolutely nothing like a colorado beetle, and that my dad was a pillock. Miserably disappointed that we weren't heroes and that PE would be happening as usual, we trudged off to class on the other side of the school grounds.

Our class was leaving the room by the time we arrived. Our teacher spotted us and asked us crossly, "Where have you been?" "Saving the world!" was our earnest, simultaneous reply.

Length? About a centimetre, including antennae.
(Stupid Uncle Egg, Sun 1 Jul 2007, 13:01, Reply)

i hit my head
on a lamp post.
(DeTimmy you'd better be sorry!!, Sun 1 Jul 2007, 12:32, Reply)

Consider this a research project
As has been mentioned elsewhere on the board, Pink Goddess's sister has her own time zone. She's supposed to be here at 12. It's now 11:54. We'll see when she shows, and I promise to get an excuse out of her and post it here.

More news as it breaks!

(Oh, by the way, don't hold your breath, even if you are a pearl diver. There's a limit, you know!)

Edit: To no-one's amazement, she was over an hour late. Oh, and she didn't have an excuse, just smiled and reminded us that we know what she's like.
(purplegod counting down for Christmas!, Sun 1 Jul 2007, 11:55, Reply)

Sorry I'm late, but.....
There was an elephant in front of my car and no one could get on the motorway. True.

The Circus was in town and had set up next to a motorway roundabout. One of the Elephants escaped and was meandering down the slip road. Bless.
(Not now Darling I liked it until, Sun 1 Jul 2007, 11:53, Reply)

the reason I was two weeks late with my evolution essay

is that my God hates my homework.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sun 1 Jul 2007, 11:50, Reply)

My friend was regularly late for lectures
and used the excuse "sorry, slow muesli"
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 1 Jul 2007, 11:16, Reply)

I just tell 'em
that I was on Muni. Works every time!

(Muni: San Francisco's beleagured public transport system)
( cynfulcynner ...another American nutter, Sun 1 Jul 2007, 10:18, Reply)

I think Joliet Jake said it best...
I ran out of gas. I, I had a flat tire. I didn't have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn't come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake. A terrible flood. Locusts. IT WASN'T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD!!!!!!!!!!!
(tokenmormon, Sun 1 Jul 2007, 9:13, Reply)

I finished my final project for Art school

it was a peformance piece against war where I cover myself in dog food. But my dog ate me.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sun 1 Jul 2007, 8:07, Reply)

Why was I late to class???
Because the bell rang before I got here!
(stans moms boobs (.)(.), Sun 1 Jul 2007, 7:01, Reply)

I was late to school
Luckily it was a Catholic school, so I was able to point out that Jesus promised to return during his disciple's lifetime, so in getting me into trouble for being late he was basically crucifying Christ all over again. The downside was that he made me join the Jesuits.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sun 1 Jul 2007, 5:24, Reply)

Cows.
Once upon a time, while I was at a boarding school in Somerset, I took it upon myself to go for a walk during a large break between two lessons. A friend thought this was a valid waste of time, and accompanied me.

We wandered around what was, essentially, farmland for an hour or so, then started wandering back towards the school. Upon the way we chanced upon a cow in the middle of the road. Cue us deciding to try to herd it back into the open gate it had clearly wandered from.

Cows aren't the most easy-to-command animals.

We spent half an hour, then found the farmer who owned it walking along a road, who thanked us for helping, and we went on our way.

Arrived back at school an hour late. And got to give the excuse, 'I was herding cows' as to why. Wasn't believed until the farmer phoned to thank the school.

Yeah, crappy story, but it's a little different. Just a little.

Length? Few miles.
(Pavlov'sDog is all out of pavlova, Sun 1 Jul 2007, 3:56, Reply)

Long distance illness
Last year my mate came up to Newcastle from London for Alan Shearer's testimonial game. Being a cheap sort of chap he got the megabus for a quid and arrived in Newcastle at about 6am after setting off at about 9 the previous night.
By 8am he'd managed to pester me into coming into town before anything was open and was calling his boss in London to say he was feeling a bit dodgy and couldn't make it in. Didn't mention he was about 300 miles away...

Good match though.


Length? 90 minutes.....
(DrBurkstrom, Sun 1 Jul 2007, 2:45, Reply)

Not
I was not late for work during a four year stretch . . . so the company gave me an alarm clock.
( Valin I changed glasses while I wasn't looking, Sun 1 Jul 2007, 1:27, Reply)

Massive
period.

All over the walls.

Some girls use the "women's problems" line.

I don't.
(Hanargh, Sun 1 Jul 2007, 1:18, Reply)

Sorry I'm late
I got hit by a burning Jeep.
( Spazzcat jam out with your clam out, Sun 1 Jul 2007, 0:18, Reply)