that
when we moved house their friends were lookign after my goldfish
(sprinkles is slowly coming out of hiding, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 18:42, Reply)

worm murdering
When I was very much younger, I asked mum what happened to the worms when you trod on the grass. She told me that they died, that walking on grass killed the worms.

The guilt I felt every time I walked on grass... It was too much for a 3 year old, it really was.
(gelfling, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 18:39, Reply)

You
really can get worms from eating sugar cubes. My mum told me so.
(jimbo_smiff, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 18:33, Reply)

My entire family
managed to convince me from the age of 3 (up until I was about 14) that thunder was caused by the spirits of dead footballers accidentally kicking the ball into the goalposts up in heaven.

I also caught my brother watching a porn film when I was about 8, and it was just at the "money shot". He quickly turned over and said that he was watching an educational film about how women milk cows.

The school visit to the working farm a year or so later proved very interesting...
( GazChap, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 18:28, Reply)

not a lie persay...
we used to play "the quiet game" during car rides, the goal of which was to see which child could be quiet for the longest time. Being very competitive children, this worked for many years.
(KnitWit, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 18:27, Reply)

Haggis
I was told that haggis lived on the top of mountains, with 2 legs bigger then the other, so they can only go round the mountain one way. And that they'd sometimes fall down and have to go round an even lower bit for ever and ever too. Though the explanation is preferable to what haggis REALLY is.

And I though Thunder was clouds too until 3rd year physics.
(insert username here, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 18:13, Reply)

if you say bananas quickly...
it sounds like gullable.

i cant spell but i think ive spelt gullable right, although word tells me different
(andrewbowley, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 17:51, Reply)

when i was a kid (back in the eighties)
my sister told me that tracy chapman was a man. i believed this until a couple of years back when she brought out her greatest hits album.
(benito vaselini no not that one, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 17:49, Reply)

My lie to my younger brother (I was like a father to him)
Poor little Nick, while on holiday in France I convinced him that a ouija board was to be found in French pissoirs. It was basically a heated ledge in front of the urinal on which to place your willy whilst having a pee.
(Dr Frank, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 17:49, Reply)

Revenge is sweet
I remember breaking a mirror when I was about 3... my Mum said "oh dear, it's seven years bad luck if you break a mirror"... which was quite frightening at the time.

Once, a comedy on the TV said something about "salad dressing that looks like semen", and my brother, who was quite young at the time, asks "what's semen?" And my Mum goes, straight away, "sailors."

Also my Grandmother used to say things like "eat your crusts, it'll make your hair curl" despite the fact that I really didn't want curly hair.

But my Dad was the worst. In particular, April Fools Day, which he observed religiously, was always an absolute nightmare. (He also once tried to convince me corned beef wasn't really made out of meat.) But my brother got his revenge one day...

Anyway, my Dad has this strange tendency to get obsessed with things now and again, and this time it was "stereograms" (you know those 3D pictures). So my brother made a picture on the computer, basically a completely random multicoloured mess. And then told my Dad it was a stereogram.

He stared at it for hours...
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 17:44, Reply)

Just plain naive
Saying 'pardon me' would stop you farting. Hence trying to say it as many times as possible when you felt a fart coming on.
(Icouldsleepforever, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 17:44, Reply)

my housemate's son
knocked a tv over and it stopped working. it got repaired and we had a bill made out with the kid's name on, and all pretended that he would have to give up his pocket money to pay it. he seemed to be joining in the joke until he burst in to tears, thinking he'd be paying off the tv bill for the next five years. hehe
( Spoon, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 17:37, Reply)

...
When I was little, my Dad used to tell me and my litle brother that a friend of his at work "Big Dave" would take me to a naughty boys and girls home and feed me gruel and Id never ever see my famly or friends again, ever!
As you can imagine, this frightened me quite a bit.
A couple of years later, I mustve been nearing my teens, I went to a bonfire party with my dad and we were a queue to get burgers, suddenly my Dad smiled and pointed to the guy standing next to me, a really big tall fella with a big bushy beard and flat cap.
"Hey, thats Big Dave!"
I ran away crying.
(Ocarina and the horse comes., Wed 14 Jan 2004, 17:33, Reply)

Naughty Uncular Teachings
No reason behind this, apart from thinking it would be funny at the time. A few years ago, I was semi-baby sitting my niece, while my sister was helping a friend of hers sort out her love life on the phone.

Reading through 'Teletubbies' magazine, or some such, there was a colour puzzle. The little one was unable to read at this point, but could tell you (tentatively) what colour you were pointing at.

Oho, thinks the bad uncle, and promptly goes on to starting to persuade the little one that red was green, green was yellow, yellow was blue, and blue was black. It got quite complicated when we mved away from the magazine, and onto colours of things in the room, but I stuck at it.

By the time the sister was off the phone, me and the little one had been at this for about three-quarters of an hour. My sister thought it was funny until she realised that the little one wasn't joining in on the joke, and *really* thought that the colours had those names... Took about a week to undo.

'Thanks for babysitting... Did you change him?'
'Probably.'
( moogthedog, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 17:28, Reply)

Adopted
My Parents keep insisting that I am theirs but I know that one day my real, extremely wealthy, and probably royal, parents will come and get me and take me away from all this.
(Rich T has a clever and witty sig, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 17:26, Reply)

Not my parents.......
but my brother told me this one. For some reason when I was smaller, he told me that people have three sets of teeth. Fast forward a few years and I meet a wonderful woman who I fall for immediatly as does she. You know when you are really trying to impress? Best behaviour and all! Well, half way through a conversation.....this happens:

Me: I am playing in the game tonight.

Her: Really? Nice. Who are you playing against?

Me: A rough team. I'll be surprised if I walk out of this with all my teeth.......then again, it wouldn't be too long before my third set grows.

Her: HA HA HA......Your so funny!!

Me: What? Whats so funny?

Her: HA HA H*horrified look on her face as she realises I'm serious*ah.

Now, one or two points about this story.

1) I was 23 when this happened.

2) After 3 and a half years, she is still with me but whenever I am saying something that she thinks is wrong, she always says 'Oh yeah, did your brother tell you that one?' which means I haven't won a fight since I met her!!


I sometimes wonder what else I firmly believe in life which is utter bollox!
(Preacher, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 17:15, Reply)

My Dad
Not so much lies, as misunderstandings (by me or him):

All TVs have an atom bomb in them
People are regularly decapitated getting into helicopters
Eating sugar gives you worms
Burnt toast makes your hair curly
Pencil 'lead' really was lead, & if you chewed the end of your pencil it'd stunt your growth.
(keef, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 17:14, Reply)

Chewing Gum
my mum told me that if I swallowed my chewing gum, it would get stuck in my innards, and stay there forever and make me starve. I thought she was lying then, but I read somewhere recently that things stay down there for years! So that yellow lego brick could still be there!

Plus, my girlfriend tried to convince me that snakes hovered. She almost got me, too. This was last year.
( muteboy, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 17:07, Reply)

Cauliflower
They told me that cauliflower tasted of different types of fruit. I believed them and used to yelp in delight at having a floret that tasted of apples.
Silly me.
Even to this day, I still think that it tastes of bananas.
(moorph69, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 17:06, Reply)

what my parents told me...
pearost.


(DrTchock reporting live from the White Chocolate Farm, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 17:06, Reply)

Nig nog biscuits
Rob, your dad may not have been lying. I used to make Nig Nog biscuits when I was younger having found the recipe in one of my mum's old cook books. My little brother was very fond of them and told my auntie about them prior to us going to stay with her on holiday. This led to some embarassment when she was in the local supermarket in Preston stocking up for our arrival when she asked one of the shop assistants, "Do you have any Nig Nogs?" After the initial shock from the assistant, and some explanation I believe she apologised profusely for any offence caused.

Make your own Nig Nogs
(geetoo, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 16:56, Reply)

Someone got it wrong
My parents always told me I couldnt go swimming until an hour after eating or I'd get stomach cramps and drown.
My wife's parents told her to go swimming straight after eating or not at all. If you waited for longer than an hour you'd get stomach cramps and drown.
At least one set got it wrong.
(anat0010, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 16:51, Reply)

Ice cream vans
My dad told me I would be the first person to tell the one about the ice cream van, and that everyone would find it hilarious and worship at my feet.
( Beve The Spaniard broke off his horse's head, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 16:48, Reply)

The first time I saw my father naked...
...I asked my mother to enlighten me about the function of each of the items in the male genital cluster. She frankly explained that each of the testicles was the seed of a potential child and that the penis was the instrument of delivering the said seed into the female body. While this explanation wasn't wildly inaccurate, I understandably came to the incorrect conclusion that my father must have originally had 3 testicles (I'm an only child) and that I had been short changed by nature myself having a meagre 2 balls. This might seem a rather unremarkable tale, but the thing that baffles me in hindsight is why she would consider it appropriate to be economical with the truth regarding the testicles but completely honest about the functionality of the penis. I mean really- what is it about the balls that she was trying to protect me from??
(Cheesequake, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 16:45, Reply)

One time
when I was about 3 or 4 I ate an orange and accidentally swallowed one of the pips. my loving mother then proceeded to explain that because I had swallowed the pip, I would get an orange tree growing out of my belly button. At first I didn't believe her but she kept promising me it was true and I ended up in floods of tears because I thought i would have to walk around with a tree growing out of me forever.
(fluppet, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 16:41, Reply)

I was informed...
that my parents had died in a car crash and I had to live with my Aunt and Uncle and their fat bastard son Dudley.

And now, several years on, sodding letters are coming down the chimney. I mean, wtf?!
( Barry Chuckle III - the troll with a soul., Wed 14 Jan 2004, 16:38, Reply)

my dads lie
once when watching "friends" i asked my dad what VD stood for he immediately said "Violent Diarrhoea" and walked out of the room before i could question any further.
(blode, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 16:37, Reply)

My whole family lied!!
My mother, to her credit, didn't want me to grow up too fast. So, as weel as the usual things (Father Christmas, Fairies, mermaids), she also made me believe she was a fairy. Being the trusting sort, yet also not being stupid, i was in twi minds about this claim for many years.
I don't think she is...
My brother once spent a whole week trying to convince me his best friends little brother was made of plastic.
The worst thing is there was no REASON for this...
(Slartybardfast, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 16:34, Reply)

My friend's parents once told him that
when the Ice Cream van plays music it means it has ran out of ice cream.
(Maels, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 16:30, Reply)