Shrooms
While I have done probably more than my fair share of MASSIVE DRUGS during my time at University these days I don't do anything more than a joint every now and again...apart from my best mate X's birthday last year.

X had been given a whole bunch of shrooms for her birthday and was determined that we were all going to get monged off our faces. Tea was made (rather pleasant stuff actually!) and then we kicked back and waited.

That night remains one of the most bizarre nights of my life and I shall recount the main points:

* A mate of mine was talking about pandas for some reason...the more I looked at him, the more he looked like a panda, so I had to give him a hug.

* My face felt like it was made from plasticine, by staring in the mirror and poking myself in the face I was able to make myself look like a gargoyle...till I got scared and stopped incase it didn't change back.

* I could dip my hand in and out of the mirror, it felt cool and refreshing...so i tried to dip my face in.

* X has a tapestry of peacocks on her wall. They came alive and were chatting away to me. I was not the only one in the group who could see this.

We stayed awake for about 14 hours, drinking alot of tea and talking absolute bullshit while Boards of Canada, The Cure and other chilled out musics played in the background. Felt so rough the next day but I would definitly recommend it with a big group of friends and some good tunes.
(Freak on a Leash is jerking off to centre himself on, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 11:43, Reply)

Fungus
Happily, I didn't consume any of this evil, witches brew of a potion concocted by 2 of my stoned mates......Anyway

Our last year of school, Mate1's* parents were away for the weekend and myself and Mate2* were staying at his house for the duration. Cue plenty of booze and weed etc. Mate1 suggested mushrooms and I politely declined as, frankly, I loathe them with a passion.
Mate1 and Mate2 made the aforementioned brew and drank/ate heartily. I fucked off to bed when they both turned into hysterical maniacs and woke up at 4am (ish) with the munchies. I wandered down into the kitchen to be greeted by Mate1 sat on the floor in the corner of the room, rocking backwards and forwards, hugging the kettle.

Now you would think that this would have made me laugh, worried me, whatever but I had absolutely zero reaction, continued my fridge raid and went back to bed. Shockingly, he wasn't particularly well the next day!

To this day I'm so glad that I didn't partake as, to be honest, I think he's still fucked from that - 17 YEARS later!!!!

No length jokes here. * FYI, names have been changed to protect the innocent!
(m4g1cm4n, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 11:34, 5 replies)

Drugs are bad
mmmmmmkay
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 11:30, Reply)

Pretentious druggie? Moi?
So I had a blim left and decided to roll myself a joint and listen to some tunes.

Floodland by Sisters of Mercy was my choice.

Dear Christ it's good. So good. Dark, intense, brooding, and satirical of religion - just check out this irreverent comment on Christ as "the lamb of god", how Christianity is just a front for capitalism, and will the priests will sell you out for profit, in his name: "By the river there's a sheep that will carry me ... down the river, down stream"
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 11:29, 12 replies)

Hunter S Thompson
probably bindun?

www.naderlibrary.com/huntert.fearloath6.htm
( TheFinch is getting to grips with the complex plane on, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 11:28, Reply)

My first tab...
...I was desperate for a pee at 2am, at g/f's house, with dad snoring next door She was terrified of waking him* and wouldn't let me go to the toilet. So I tried to a) climb on the window sill and piss through the little window at the top of the frame; b) piss in a waste paper basket, until it was pointed out in no uncertain terms that not only was it wicker, but very large mesh wicker at that. I ended up with what I thought was the best solution of all - I pissed in an empty coke can. The resultant racket sounded like a machine gun (to us at least). There is nothing worse than trying to stop pissing when you're bursting and in full flow.

We had sex that night, too. Sex on acid is quite neat, providing you can maintain concentration. She kept turning into a porcelain doll as I was looking down on her. It gave rise to a new term, creepotic - combination of creepy and erotic.

*Needn't have bothered, he was as deaf as a post.
(zebideedoodah likes florence but prefers venice, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 11:25, Reply)

cats
I once stole a cat whilst on magic mushrooms, took it back to my flat and tried to talk to it for 8 hours. I was convinced at the time that I'd made a breakthrough of Dr Doolittle proportions.

Looking back I don't think the cat was impressed.
( rofl harris, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 11:02, 2 replies)

I've probably taken more drugs than 98% of the people here.
Yes, it's a medication joke. Been taking 'em daily since I was 10.
My drug of choice comes from Islay. And Philip fucking Morris, may they all be eaten by zombie tobacco-beetles.

I've never been tempted much by the other kind. Speed once, coke once, weed every so often to round off a Friday.

I do, however hate the current drug laws with a passion, because they are extremely stupid, counter-productive, ill-thought out and founded in ignorance and now-irrelevant circumstances (coke, for example was very nearly de rigeur until it was deemed to be distracting Our Brave Boys during WW1 and promptly shunned).
I think all illegal drugs should be subject to the same controls as alcohol and tobacco, even if I personally think they're a bit crap. Apart from anything else, imagine the revenues!
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 10:55, 4 replies)

Years of drink and drug abuse have taken their toll on me really...
A blackout in Toxteth, Liverpool after a 3-day binge and finally coming round sitting on the ground cross-legged at Speke Airport, crying for some reason. Not the best area in Liverpool to disappear in, I was later told.

Cocaine-induced psychotic episodes galore. During one particular freak-out, I was convinced that 'they' were fucking about in my garden...Sitting in total silence in case 'they' heard me, i'd take a line, commando over to the closed blinds, take a peek outside to see if 'they' were there, then commando back over to the table for another line. Whilst my back was turned when I was over at the blinds, 'they' ran in and stole some coke from the table as well, obviously...

When 'they' managed to somehow get inside my house, I cut the electricity with a pair of pliers, ran from room to room trashing the house and smashing every mirror in the place, then sat at the front door in nothing but my boxer-shorts with a hammer in one hand, and a camping knife in the other. If 'they' were going to get me, I was going down fighting...

I've shat and pished the bed whilst drunk; been dragged to the emergency room by a concerned (and somewhat naive) family member after taking 'too many mushrooms' - then thinking that the soft-play in the waiting room was especially for me. Heroic doses of psilocybin + soft play area = epic, by the way; i've been arrested 'for my own safety' after taking far to much coke (again) and acting like an escaped mental patient in the middle of the street. 4-day coke binge + viagra + a night in the cells != a good night.

Oh yeah, and the time that I was convinced that there was someone hiding inside my sofa. My missus had a great time talking me round during that one. Picture me standing in the middle of the living room, waving a hammer around and shouting obscenities at the couch... We nearly ended up with a sofa in bits that night.

Thank fuck i'm clean and sober.
(god_is_a_ghoti Carpe Deum., Fri 17 Sep 2010, 10:43, 27 replies)

An open letter to the manufacturers of Migraleve.
Dear Sirs, Madams, and Indeterminates,
Waking early one morning with what promised to be a nuclear-powered migraine, I dragged myself to the medicine cabinet and found in there a box of your pink and yellow pills. Assuming that their different colours meant they did different things, I looked for the instructions so that I knew what to take, and in what doseage.

I'm sure you're aware that one of the symptoms of migraine is distorted vision, and that another is sensitivity to light. This means that migraine sufferers spend as much time as possible during an attack with their eyes closed. Even during a mild attack, activities such as reading are rendered uncomfortable.

Given these facts, and given also that most people reading the instuctions on your product are likely to be suffering at least an incipient migraine, could you please explain to me why those instructions are printed in black against a grey background, and in tiny, tiny, tiny letters? Is this your idea of a joke?

If you're having difficulty reading this letter... yeah, well.
Yours sincerely,
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 10:42, 4 replies)

I took a load of Pro Plus once
I was wide awake for bloody ages!
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 10:14, Reply)

This should be an advert to kids...

( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 10:07, 6 replies)

Headache pills.
Woke up one morning to a stonking headache.
Being a manly man I decided I needed drugs straaight away to cure it.
Plus I couldn't afford another day off so looked for paracetamol in the cupboard.
Oh no the cupboard was bare!
But I did find some Feminax for ladies down below time of the month pains.
Read the label and sure enough it had a normal dose of paracetamol plus some other stuff that I thought probably did nothing but sounded good to ladies.
So I took two.
10 minutes later I'm cycling to work and the high hit me.
I felt like a stoned hippy floating 20 feet off the ground.
40 minutes later somehow made it to work by which time the high had worn off.
My wife laughed at me when I told her and she called me an idiot.
Still I now know I haven't got to pay out lots to the local drug baron if I want a high.
(Captain Spacker I lick windows, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 9:58, 8 replies)

tried it once....never again :(
went to stay with rellies for a weekend about 12 years ago, theyw ere into speed, coke, e and copious amounts of stella.

well after spending 3 days drinking, having some speed, some coke, half an e tablet and getting a dragon tattooed on my arm and not feeling a chuffing thing I finally went to bed....

i did go to bed but was so tired I couldnt move but did not fall asleep which was horrible...

a few days later I came crashing down to earth and I have never felt sooooooo depressed ever!

wont be doing that again!
(Lip Up Fatty Fatty Reggae still loves BBQ food on, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 9:55, Reply)

i was recently sat on the edge of my bed having a cheeky hash pipe
and my girlfriend snuggled up to me, which broke my concentration (for concentration read staring into space aimlessly) and made me jump. which, as i was naked and the bowl was shallow, caused me to liberally sprinkle my poor poor scrotum, leg, and schlong with burning hotrocks.
bad times.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 9:52, 2 replies)

At a festival, my brother refused to leave his tent because “OH FUCK! I’VE GOT EARS!”

He knew he had ears, because he was asking his friends “CAN YOU SEE MY EARS?” and getting more and more agitated when they all agreed his ears were indeed visible.

What my brother failed to mention was he was asking about the giant rabbits ears that had sprouted out the top of his head. I think there’s a lesson for everybody here of the importance of phrasing questions accurately.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Fri 17 Sep 2010, 9:51, 1 reply)

A mate of mine once confessed
that he'd shat himself whilst high and hadn't noticed.
( WormuIus, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 9:38, 7 replies)

medicinal herbage
1. breasts make an excellent groove to make a joint in.
2. burning my own chest hair with hot rocks whilst smoking in bed is not a nice smell
3. watching the shining on acid was fun. but still i rememeber the tricycle. the smooth floors were scary. the 70's carpet was a disco funkathon. much less scary. thankfully it was disco stu's everytime i closed my eyes that night and it went on all night.

there was a night in bournemouth where we met a one legged lesbian, who came back to our mates and proceeded to kick off with a massive fight. very odd. never been odder than this. try not to meet new people - they can be weird.
( bazza van der trance , ooh baby baby, baby baby. Get up on this., Fri 17 Sep 2010, 9:35, 3 replies)

Not massive drugs at all (but ticks the other boxes)
My mate once had half a spliff and then decided to borrow someone's Honda-50 to go get a kebab. He was gone ages, so we went to look for him. We found him on his way back pushing the bike.
"Did it break down? It's a bit unreliable"
"Break down? I couldn't get the fucker started in the first place". So for some reason, rather than walking, he had elected to push the damn thing there and back best part of a mile each way (well he had borrowed it after all).

As an aside, he did have a super model. It was a Fokker triplane that went like fucking stink, until he took it to the park and crashed it into the side of a Triumph Acclaim and thought best to leg it.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 9:25, Reply)

Buckets!
(Insert wavy lines, droids, Accord etc...)

Back in the days of old, most Friday’s were spent round a friend’s house, pulling buckets. Thinking back, it’s hard not to think why my head didn’t explode after my eleventh bucket, not forgetting the creamy re-pull, with a couple of four/five skin snooker cues in between.

I shall write about my epic ‘whitie’ experiences later on.
(Deskbound You insignificant speck of dust, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 9:04, 2 replies)

Yeah man
I was like so fucking out of it on this wierd shit I'd never had before. I was like 'fuck this is freaky, no-one's ever experienced this kind of trip before'. I did some funny stuff because I was so royally off my tits and then I came down and everything was so bloody normal and boring I can't wait till I escape into my own fucked up world again. Everyone should be free to experience this kind of stuff because, like, life's just not cool enough without it man.

</generic hippy >
(teasus likes tea, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 8:59, 2 replies)

on the way to the druggy festival mentioned below, many moons ago...
I'd asked my social worker if i could go to the Reading festival, and she'd refused (can't think why - teenager in care who wears a cannabis leaf headband - what could have been the problem?) I went to the druggy pub my dodgy friends hung out in and complained, and they told me they were going to the white goddess festival in Camelford, Cornwall (of the blue hair). They were going to hitch down. So, after munching on my first ever acid tab, we started hitching from Paignton to Camelford. We'd got as far as the local zoo when my mate and I decided to go in. We walked straight through the gate without paying, went and talked to the elephant for a bit, and legged it out over the fence. Not sure how we managed to get to the festival - I don't think I'd pick five guys staggering along the road thumbing...

Oh, and I had the police looking for me in seven counties, but not Cornwall.
(teasus likes tea, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 8:51, Reply)

Salvia
I've only dabbled in drugs occasionally, and nothing really strong. So having wanted to try salvia for a while, I finally went and got some. I tried rolling it in a spliff with baccy - nothing. Tried skinning it and smking it on its own - nothing except a bit of lightheadedness. So, getting frustrated (it's always hit and miss whether drugs will end up doing anything for me) I piled a huge wad of it into my pipe and burned it with a constant lighter flame. Started to burn my fingers, but then something strange happened.

I was standing on the back step looking over the patio, small terraced house with a fence on either side at about one in the morning. Suddenly, everything went bright colours, the sky was baby blue, and I swear the trees looked a little like candy canes. I'd made my mind up beforehand not to stop huffing until I was really high, but the thing was that all this began to seem normal. It's like my brain had decided that this was how the world *should* look... so I kept huffing, taking really deep breaths and holding them.

I began singing Sesame Street at the top of my voice and bursting out laughing. Wrong theme tune, because the world reminded me heavily of the beginning to Playdays. As it finally began to fade, I began to desperately hold onto the high, until I was left, twenty minutes after I started, Sesame Street stuck in my head, standing in the drizzle on a cold night in Leeds, staring at a weed-ridden patio, and wishing so hard to be back in my little Playdays world.

Haven't touched it since, but only because I don't want to be disappointed and screw the memories of that first, excellent Salvia trip.
(jellybeanflicker Jesus was Korean, but there he was Cho Sun Wun, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 8:48, 1 reply)

I went to a druggy festival when I was 17
My mate had found a letter 'E' from a pub sign in a skip. He went over to the rave tent, plopped it on the floor and announced 'oh no I've dropped my E on the ground'. Cue lots of shitfaced ravers poring over the muddy grass trying to find the tiny pill first and stuff it in their eyes or whatever you do. The collective headfuck when he picked it up saying 'found it!' could have powered a cow to the moon. This is the same rave where a 50-odd year old woman was repetetively waving her arms for hours and didn't even notice when a police helicopter landed 50 yards away from her.
(teasus likes tea, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 8:44, Reply)

QOTSA
I once took Salvia at a mates house at uni. I remember leaning back in his chair and then walking over to the door to open it and head to the bathroom (face was sweaty and I was feeling very hot). When I came back in the room, everyone had huge grins on their faces!?

What's wrong I said?

Apparently I had been walking around the room for ten minutes touching everything in some kind of super slow motion. I also spent a few minutes staring into my mates face!? Later on that evening I began to remember what I saw. It was like everything was pixelated in black and red (like the QOTSA video - www.youtube.com/watch?v=DcHKOC64KnE)


Length? I said it was ten minutes!
(RJWEcology is just sharpening his axe on, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 8:07, Reply)

Pot Saved My Degree
Despite my previous post, I am thankful to pot, as it stopped me dropping out of my degree.

I was in the middle of a 4 year science degree, & getting disillusioned with the whole thing, ie not able to see the light at either end of the tunnel, and wondering if I would ever get a job.

Then some friends introduced me to bucket cones*. It blew my mind (in more ways than one), as it really brought home how physics can be applied in practical ways, not just the theory I had spent 2 years studying!

* - Let me know if anyone needs an explanation
(Barry Dangerous, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 7:44, 1 reply)

Hash Cookies = Paranoia
A mate's brother had a reputation for cooking some wicked hash cookies, but had problems with quality control. One bickie may get you mildly stoned, but the next will push you completely over the edge.

Not knowing this at the time, after a mild reaction to the first, ate a second, then suffered an intense dose of paranoia. Had to leave the pub as the entire crowd was staring at me, and I was waiting for the bouncers to kick me out. The whole way home I was looking over my shoulder to see who was following me. Once home, had to check out every single room in the house, including under the bed, to see if there was anyone hiding, before I could lie down.

Never again with hash/dope (but still craving pingers!)
(Barry Dangerous, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 7:40, Reply)

Freak out in Nimbin...
Go grab a cuppa or skip - sorry for length ;)

I thought I had smoked weed before but had never 'chucked a whitey' until visiting Nimbin in Australia with a bf and mate on a bus trip. For those who have never heard of it Nimbin was the site for a drug's hippy-fest in 1972 and is now the place where 'the hippies who would not leave' live. It was also a Yank draft-dodger magnet. Anyway it's still really small and consists of a few hippy shops and cafes and has some strange agreement with the law where marijuana, space cookies and mushrooms are sold by the locals in the most bizarre and weakly disguised way. It's so famous that we all thought that cannabis was legal in this part of the country but no- the coppers just turn a blind eye to it.

Anyway the driver of the bus -Dougie-was bright eyed and chatty, a self confessed hippy for the past 30 years, and passed the drive time away with very cool 70's music and told us stories of how he was 16 when him and his mate 'Maaaark' sneaked off to the festival in 1972 and ended up with no clothes on etc. And how for his daughters 21st birthday party he spent 250 bucks in Happy Herb's High shop.
'Yeaaah all you needed for a bladdy good paaaahty and they were ROOOOASTED for TWO DAYS!!!'.
Parental misguidence eh?
When we got to Nimbin were were told to respect the locals and if we were offered stuff we didn't want '...Then an "I'm sorted thankyou" is better than fackoff yeah? Oh and if you don't smoke but you want to try one of the cookies and they tell you to only have a quarter, only have a bladdy quarter. We have a nice bladdy aaaaftanoon planned and I don't want you all so stoned so you aint with me alright?'
Alright.
So we get off the bus and take a look around. True to all hippy stereo types the place was covered in rainbows and hemp signs, and the cafes had names like 'Rainbow Cafe' and all the Nimbin locals hung around the little shops that sold pipes and love beads and 'natural drugs' and basically offered you anything you wanted. Some mad woman called the Cookie Queen flogged us 3 space cookies and some chocolate discs and then she couldn't remember us 5 minutes later when she tried to flog us some more.

We three convene at a cafe order a hot drink and decide to have the 'recommended' half a chocolate disk each. They tasted absolutely disgusting. And then nothing. We spent the rest of the last hour wandering around and then just before boarding time we got a little peckish. At the back of the bus we all scoff some spring rolls and chicken wings. I'm still really hungry. The Doritos get dragged out. The three of us sit at the back of the bus chomping away mechanically and probably pissing off the people sitting in front of us because the chomping was SO LOUD. At least I thought it was. Then inexplicably I have a laughing fit- and this made my mate laugh because everytime I tried to tell her what in my head I knew wasn't very funny- as it reached my lips I would snort and shake and laugh more. Then I laughed more because she, as far as I was concerned, was laughing for no reason.
'Y-- y-yodonyoudontknowwh.Wh!WWWAARRLLLLAAAFFFINNNNAAA' I'm crying from laughing so hard.
'AKNOOOOOOW' she squeaks back.
I shoot a look at my boyfriend. He looks perplexed and says 'I'm not feeling anything.' Inside my head I'm thinking 'This is like Euro Roadtrip when they eat the hash cakes with no hash in them' but I cant say it because I'm feeling a little paranoid. I control the laughing to the occasional snigger.
Silence.
'I know. Lets all share a cookie.'
That, I have to admit, wasn't one of my best ideas. Mate takes a teeny-tiny nibble and the boyf and myself scoff the rest as if it were a Hobnob. Cookie Queen had told us have a quarter each- so we all had half naturally. Sometime later I become aware that my brain is quite hot. I shift a sneaky glance at the other two and then think about the heat. It heats up. I'm a bit alarmed.
'J, my heads hot.' He smiles at me.
'I mean its really hot. My head. Not my HEAD- but like (realise at this point how I sound but was alarmed enough to proceed) my... brain. My brain is over heating.'
I feel a bit panicky and wonder if I need help. The bus had stopped and people were standing around outside what looked like a show jumping park. J tells me I need a bit of fresh air. I stagger up the aisle and see Dougie sitting at the wheel.
I ask him in hush hush tones: 'Um. Hi. Listen. You know those cookies, can they- you know. Well how should they make you feel?'
In brash loud and chirpy aussie tones he replies
'You had some eh? Wassamatter? You rushin love?'
'Well no. Its erm, my brain. It's hot. It feels like its heating up...Or getting squashed...'
'Ah. No love. YA JAST REALLY FACKING STONED.'

And with this I wobble off the bus and wonder why I'm staring at a show jumping ground. J asks if my brain has cooled down. I do a mental check and thankfully it has. Then we clamber back on and Dougie puts on some weird trancy music then starts razzing up and down some ridiculously steep roads and at first me and my mate pretended to be a on a rollercoaster. Then we just zone out. All stop at some weird place called Herbs Hippy Heaven which was a shack next to a creek. This American hippy dude gave away free fruit and nuts and chatted away and the rest of the bus crew just stood there silent eating fruit. The whole bus was now mentally gone. I looked at J, he looked distressed so I gave him my seat.
'Get a picture!' I hissed.
'No. I cant. I cant take a picture'. I got annoyed because I knew we would want pictures of this weird place- and the weird guy. Still. I couldn't get my camera out either. I just...couldnt.
Then we all got led around the forest surrounding the shack and my god was it weird. Twilight, in the woods, single file, stoned, following a hippy. Every so often you would see broken children's toys strewn about in the undergrowth and at one point there was a big wooden dirty white house in the clearing - with a wood chipper near it and logs of wood- and in one for the trees I was standing near- a broken doll. It was like something out of the Texas Chain Saw Massacre or Fargo. Creepy. As we were walking something hit my ankle and I started screaming because I thought I had a leech stuck to it. I wouldnt even look at my ankle but there was nothing on it. My mate laughed and whispered in my ear that everyone was looking at me thinking 'Thats the girl who thinks her brain is squashed. Freaking out right there.'
(Lesarama, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 7:19, Reply)

Truth Serum
When my left eye's retina began detaching, they hurried me into surgery. They used sodium pentothal (truth serum) to knock me out for the reattachment procedure.

When I awoke in the recovery room, the doctors and nurses were laughing out loud. "What's so funny?" I groggily asked. Poker-faced, a doctor replied: "Oh, nothing!" Then they all burst out laughing again.

(Come on, guys, I'd really like to know....)
(Perv With A Dog had his eyes pecked out by scrub jays on, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 7:12, 3 replies)

I'm addicted to lemsip
Thanks,

Andrew Motion
(McChinaman banned, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 4:56, 2 replies)