My missus had been in Australia about 4 months when we got together
It was a bit strange and I wasn't sure what to expect, the first time we went back to England, together, to see her parents.
As I walked through the front door, remember this was 13 years ago, I was wearing a black AC/DC t-shirt, had hair halfway down my back and 13 earrings, her dad said "coming down the pub?". Her mum said "You haven't changed you bastard".


This was because they were already my parents-in-law, having married the oldest daughter 9 years before.
(peewee13, Fri 20 May 2005, 6:23, Reply)

Impressing my mother...
Actually I have a bunch of these, each worse than the last. When hubby and I got engaged my parents invited us out for a semifancy dinner to celebrate/scope him out. I'm on my best behavior, and hubby is being as charming as only a complete loon can when the mood strikes him. Desert arrives, something-or-other with several pf those toxic red maraschino cherries on top. I loathe the things, so I passed him mine and went on chatting. Shortly I noticed that mom had gotten very quiet and starey. I looked down to see my perv fiance calmly popping the cherries into his mouth, pulling out the knotted stems and lining them up down the middle of the table, one after the other.

That was eleven years ago and yes, we're still married. He can do double knots.

Also he's on B3ta too and doesn't know I'm posting this. Good morning, you perv!
(RedQueen, Fri 20 May 2005, 6:01, Reply)

Ooooo oooh, but now that I think of it
First time I met the parents, I was there for the weekend. Mom and Dad seemed very easy going and liberal and perfectly fine with me spending the night with their son. The next day, mom pulled my aside to admonish for me for not coming to her when I realized that I had gotten my period and bloodied the sheets. She wished I had brought them to her so she could have washed them right away. The thing was, I didn't have my period at the time. To this day I wonder if it was some sort of mind game...or what???
( Artamnesia, Fri 20 May 2005, 5:38, Reply)

Not exaaaaaactly when I met the parents
but typical of my experience with them.

I was at the in-law's for the Christmas and on Christmas Eve, we went to a local mall to go see some Jewish friends of theirs who bell-ring on Christmas Eve (kindly giving the gentiles a break) and have lunch. It being California, we lunched outside in the glorious sunshine while my mom-in-law launched into a story (and not using her indoors voice) about a friend of hers who left her husband after putting up with years of his demands for anal sex. "Anal sex! ANAL SEX! Day and night, that's all he wanted...ANAL SEX! Can you imagine if all your husband wanted was ANAL SEX!!!???". While the man at the next table leaned forward expectantly to hear my answer, I remarked upon the seasonal kindliness of the mall in placing bird feeders in each tree. Now that the attention of all the neighboring tables was upon us, my dad-in-law began to loudly expound upon the exotic attractiveness of our asian waitress, calling her "that little oriental girl" and wondering aloud why waitresses no longer bother to "shake their ass" when a paying customer is on hand. All this while she, a full-grown woman, stood about three feet away from us.
( Artamnesia, Fri 20 May 2005, 5:30, Reply)

I should of run
Back when I was a wee punk I started seeing this lad who had gone to the same school as me (I was still going to school but he was working) I was invited around to his parents house for Friday night fish & chips, I bravely went along in my finest punkery and was greeted at the door by the biggest smelliest woman you could ever believe and ushered into the breakfast room (sounds a bit posh but believe me it was not) and given a seat between smelly woman and mental case younger sister and the fish & chips were plonked down in the middle of the table (no plates or cutlery mind) and everyone dove in I was delicately trying to eat this greasy mess when up popped the head of the mankiest old ginger cat from the other end of the table and he proceeded to help himself to a piece of fish kind of hard to ignore but I did my best whilst listening to smelly woman prattle on how her day had been and how sad it was that the budgie had died that morning I was uttering my 'oh how sad' comments she said look see here he is and lifted up the fish & chips paper and pulled out this dead budgie wrapped in a hanky cue complete loss of appetite so I just sat there trying to smile through the rest of the experience. At the end she said that she had some choc cake for afters and asked me to come and help her in the kitchen so I did because my parents had brought me up to be polite, where she pulled out a bread board covered in ants (dead & alive ones) and gave it a cursory wipe and then slapped the cake on top of it and started to cut it into pieces by this time I had even less of an appetite and made mumbled excuses and called my Dad to come and rescue me.
(DWF, Fri 20 May 2005, 5:14, Reply)

Not me, but a mate.....
Took his new girl home when he was still living with his parents. Next morning, his dad walks into his room, naked (don't ask) to be greeted by, "Hi Dad, this is Milla".

No apologies for length as size is not important.
(CdrVimes, Fri 20 May 2005, 4:52, Reply)

i was just visiting my girlfriends house when i met her dad...
i went to shake his hand and he didnt let go for about 5 minutes... the whole time telling me about how if she was grounded i wasnt to let her talk to me on the phone.
(Cyrus, Fri 20 May 2005, 3:11, Reply)

I don't like you, but I'm dating you as I hate my family
My heritage is Sri Lankan(though I'm born and live in Australia), so I'm a 6 foot tall black man.

Dating this girl a couple of times, she asks me to pick her up at her parents place.

I knock and the door and it's opened my teenager guy with a skin head. Now considering I also shave my head I think nothing of it. He looks at me strangely when I tell him I'm here to pick up Kate, but let's me in.

Cue walking into a lounge room with a Nazi Flag hung up over the mantelpiece. Cue apopolectic rage from the middleaged skin head father. Cue him getting a baseball bat and chasing me down the street.

Found out later that that she also was a racist bitch, but managed to contain her disgust as her family had pissed her off, and this was the best revenge she could think of.
(Kaer, Fri 20 May 2005, 1:51, Reply)

Toe Sucking
Not me, but a mate in San Fransico, who does tend to have a lot of weird things happening to him (like donating sperm to father his lesbian sisters partner kid & performing emergerncy room surgery while drunk in Mexico)

He'd been dating this girl for a couple of weeks, and dinner with her parents got arranged.

Meal went okay, and it was the end of the night. The mother and daughter were in the kitchen tidying up, he's in the lounge with the father.

He puts his feet up onto the coffee table. The Dad reaches over and takes off his shoes. Then the father takes off his socks.

Strange he thinks, but nothing too weird. Then the Dad reaches over and starts giving him a foot massage. Okay starting to get freaky. Then his toes start getting sucked.

My mate totally freaks, jumps up, grabs his shoes and does the bolt.

Turns out the Dad was bi. My mate is still afraid of what the rest of the evening contained.
(Kaer, Fri 20 May 2005, 1:35, Reply)

Ex made her old man out to be a nutter...
built him up to be this boyfriend-hating manic depressive and everything...

finally met him after we'd been going out 6 months, knew that he wasn't going to approve of me as (a) i wasn't loaded and (b) i had tattoos and a pierced tongue (other than that i looked fairly normal)

bastard got me drunk and we got on much better than i'd expected. i am always great with parents of SWMBO.

he wasn't too pleased to see me after i'd broken up with his daughter a year or so later, leaving her devastated, then got back together, but he started to accept me again.

last i heard he was threatening to get the shotgun out if i ever went anywhere near his daughter again, largely as i broke his darling little girls heart again a month or so later.

fortunately as he was a certified manic depressive, the police had confiscated all his firearms.
(squirrelysquirrel, Fri 20 May 2005, 1:30, Reply)

Smooth Move, Ace
Okay, the first time I met mrs.9v's elders was when I first met her on my first trip to america. so it's a bloody 23hour flight, okay? can you imagine how you would be?

Well, thankfully, at least I thought so, introducitons would be saved until the next morning. Thing is, I hadn't budgeted on jetlag.

So I wake up the next morning and I feel like spagnum moss, I roll myself downstairs - still in my pyjamas and unwashed to introduce myself. I had simply forgotten to er - shower and get dressed.

Way to make a first impression. The mrs finds this story really amusing to tell everyone. I don't.
(i enjoy licking 9V batteries, Fri 20 May 2005, 1:05, Reply)

problems meeting her spanish mother....
I recently hooked up with a nice spanish girl from Kirkstall Brewery Student Halls in Leeds, and things have gone really well. Except for today when her mother flew over from Madrid. I'm kind of shy when it comes to meeting new people, but her mum was really nice and her english was ok so we got on well. So we were all having a nice meal cooked by her mother, and then at the end of the meal i tried to impress the mother with my l33t spanish skills...i tried to say "i loved the chicken, but somehow i managed to say "i loved the dick"... apparantly dick and chicken sound the same :*(

What makes it worse is her mum is a strict catholic and was obviously really pissed off with me for saying that, and whats worse is my girlfriend went bright red and didn't try and lighten the situation or even explain to me what the fuck i'd done. bitch.

edit: so... pollas ='dick'(po-ya) and pollo (po-yo)='chicken'. Thanks to B3th for that info =D
( northernwifeb3ta is going to Dubai in December :D for "work", Fri 20 May 2005, 0:53, Reply)

parents with dogs
I went out with this crazy Japanese girl, right back at the innocent age of 18. I have this theory that the Japanese are crazy by default, but this lass was something else. This story isn’t so much about how she “met the parents” as it is “met the dogs” but here it is anyway…

So we've been going out for a couple of months at this point, and I decided it was high-time she should meet the rents, and indeed the family at large. As we're walking the 10 minute walk from town to home I try and prepare her for one of the more potentially dangerous elements of entering our household; namely the two furry beasts we posses Candy and Yosie - both golden retrievers.

As most people know that have or have met dogs; they like new people. They like them so much; they bark lots, bring random presents (generally the closest shoe or slipper), and are generally very, very happy to see to their new found friends! Very happy.

After talking about this and some other stuff we finally arrive, and I ring the bell.

“Ding-dong!”

The sound of the door bell is instantly echoed by two very manic barking dogs.
My misses slides behind me, suddenly going very quiet. My very cheerful mother, above the ensuing madness, cheerfully acknowledges our presence and fights her way past the dogs to the front-door (she’s not very big).

The door inches open and my mum pokes her nose out and with a big grin says “I hope you like dogs!”. Believe me, I’ve heard my mum say this a thousand times because she thinks it helps when it blatantly fucking doesn’t.
My girlfriend politely and nervously says “yes” (as you would) and we slowly edge in. I realise at this point my misses is obviously a bit paranoid of dogs, so do my best to shield her from the inevitable as a gentleman would.

The minute the door’s shut and we’re in striking distance, the dogs unleash their full force of gratitude at being blessed with their new friend! The dogs were soooo happy! They jumped. They licked. One of them nearly boffed it was so excited!

All this time of course my girlfriend had been silent.
After about 30 seconds of this she snapped. It was now fight or flight time; survival instinct well & truly had kicked in.

So she ran.

She ran upstairs in a blind panic while screaming at the top of her voice (which I always found quite cute; it being a Japanese girlie squeal not really a scream).
She ran right past my mum and up the stairs.
She ran past one confused step-dad who was shaving at the time in his bedroom and had not met her yet.
She ran into the nearest safe-haven she could find - my brothers bedroom who was also in it.
Once I’d caught her up, she was actually jumping on his bed laughing and screaming alternately in a still panicked but now seeing the funny side way. This was while my brother looked on bemused; wondering whether to piss himself laughing or not.

So apparently, she hated dogs; never told me of course. She got bitten real bad when she was small, and had a phobia ever since.
Anyway, that set the tone for the kind of girl she was. Totally crazy I tell thee.

She was a really good fuck aswell. Fancy that.

Apologies for length.
( slippery doctore, Fri 20 May 2005, 0:16, Reply)

Ex-girlfriend
French. Jewish. Previous boyfriend takes her home to the delightful* Northern Irish town of Antrim to meet the folks. They're sitting at the table when his dad rolls in steaming drunk. "Are you right, there, love?" he sprays by way of introduction. He's been talking about Fawlty Towers in the pub and decides to continue the theme. Five minutes later he is goose-stepping around the kitchen screaming at the top of his voice in mock German. She gets visibly a little scared. He decides that the best way to deal with this is to close in for a cheery little kiss. As he does so, his jacket shifts slightly and a copy of Razzle falls out onto the table, folded open at a particularly tasteful flaps shot.

It didn't last, apparently.

*better than Larne at least
(Wong Fei-Hung - now with added flickr.com (see profile), Fri 20 May 2005, 0:12, Reply)

When I Meet the Parents
Not a story of what has happened, more a worry about what will happen. A few years ago I was in Chile working/skiving and got off with the interpreter. Cue long- distance relationship (I'm in Scotland), she visits, we get engaged, break up yadda yadda.
Mid last year, she gets back in touch and after mailing for a bit, I get an invite to vist for this Xmas and New Year.
Where it gets interesting...
I am a no degree, spreadsheet producing glorified office robot.
She has just qualified as a lawyer
Her younger sister is a lawyer,training to be a judge who is married to a man whose family owns several hotels.
Her elder sister is a lawyer married to an architect.
Her mother is a lawyer.
Her father is a lawyer.
I am dreading the "And what do you do?" question.
(Darth Thump, Fri 20 May 2005, 0:09, Reply)

Stalinism
Damn, rumbled.

Clearly no-one ever copped off with an underage girl before Trainspotting was written, and I just made it up to gain the respect of a few people I'll never meet.

Or perhaps the story was true and I should sue Irvine Welsh's ass for every penny he's got.

Or perhaps it's just not worth getting worked up over.
(Throbbe, Fri 20 May 2005, 0:00, Reply)

Ohhh...there are so many...
Went to visit my girlfriends ma & pa for the first time. Picture the scene: Leafy avenue, all houses set back from the road by about 30 yards, mostly having gravelled drives. Her parent's house was one of the larger ones having five bedrooms and even a 'reception room' (which was somewhat larger than my entire house). They'd just 'had a man in' to decorate and her mother and father were very proud of the results. While showing off the resulting paint-job I made the obligatory comments complimenting them on their taste in colour, etc and then came out with the ultimate line:

Me: "I do like what you've done with the dildo rail."

Apologies for....er...apologies.
( Fr_Jerry_McGwier looked over both shoulders at, Thu 19 May 2005, 23:48, Reply)

Not when I met them..
..but the other week the Father in law uttered the phrase "When I took your mother up the belltower.." which left us both dying inside.
(kna has forgotten everything., Thu 19 May 2005, 22:39, Reply)

I'm SO ALONE
(beemoh, Thu 19 May 2005, 22:34, Reply)

To be honest, I don't think meeting the boyf's parents was particularly eventful
In fact some time afterwards he informed me they'd told him to hang onto me as I was much better than his last *smug* Although I'm sure devil duck will correct me if I'm wrong...

On the other hand, the first time he met my family was just before we started seeing each other properly, and he'd been at a party all day. He turned up on my doorstep with a similarly rat-arsed mutual friend of ours as I'd attempted (unsuccessfully, mind) to organise a party of my own and they'd felt sorry for me. I also fancied both of them and think it was reciprocated on both counts at the time, and discovered many months later that on the way they'd been discussing what chance they thought they had of getting in with me. Hoorah!
Anyway, my parents were in, so we sidled off upstairs to my room to have a few beers and chat. After a while, the now-boyfriend jumped up off the bed (nothing naughty, I use it as a sofa) and pointed to a picture of my older brother and shouted, "What the hell is he doing there?". After a moment of confusion, it turned out my brother had been his patrol leader at Scouts many years beforehand - well, you can imagine. He has many traumatic memories of my brother and his friend "Bovine Chris" threatening to bum him in the night on camps. They get along fine now. Then me and him spent the rest of the evening getting off with each other while our poor sod of a friend sat in the corner.

My younger brother, on the other hand, is an irritating little shit who keeps trying to break into my room while we're having sex. You'd think he wants to be mentally scarred. And my parents love him and think he's the best thing since sliced bread. Yay.
( useful_idiot, Thu 19 May 2005, 22:19, Reply)

Henry the Basset Hound
A few years back, my girlfriend at the time brought her parents to my mother's house for dinner and their first opportunity to meet one another. Dinner went fairly well, and then...

As they were getting ready to leave, my mother's Basset Hound (Henry) started acting crazy, so I stepped on his leash to keep him under control. However, in the process of saying our farewells, my foot somehow slipped off the leash and Henry shot through the air like a rocket, straight into my (ex) girlfriend's father's crotch. I, of course, thought this was one of the funniest moments of my life, and I laughed so hard I fell over and couldn't breath (you really have to picture a Basset Hound flying through the air with all four feet off the ground, in slow-motion, with ears streaming out behind, straight into someone crotch to appreciate it).

They didn't find it quite as funny and left as soon as her father recovered. Our relationship was never really the same after that and we eventually broke up because I "never took anything seriously."
( kingoffools, Thu 19 May 2005, 21:58, Reply)

OH, MORE MORE
I just remembered, the mate who was described earlier in this had ANOTHER incident. He was 'aquaintances' with a girl and ended up getting a bit drunk and going back to her house, where she lived with her parents, one night. He ended up doing the usual with her, and woke in the morning to someone he really wishes he hadn't gone home with.

Lying there in the morning, in bed with her, her mum walks in...... "oh....hello...I'll.. lay another place at the breakfast table". My friend then had to sit in his fag smelling and beer drenched clothes at the dinner table with her, her VERY posh and bitchy mum, her professor dad with special needs, and her brother who was in the army. Cue the girl wandering off upstairs half way through breakfast and leaving my mate with the family to make small talk.

Needless to say, he really doesn't want to see that girl ever again.
( FinestLittleSpace, Thu 19 May 2005, 21:55, Reply)

goodbye
As I learnt every morning entering the office from my then (Italian) colleagues, in Italy they happen to use "ciao" as a greeting.

So, as anybody sensible person would do, I greeted the parents of my Brazilian gf with that exact same word... unfortunately meaning "goodbye" in Portuguese.

yes
(sndmn, Thu 19 May 2005, 21:40, Reply)

I still cringe
to remember how my ex's mum on our fist meeting sat me down in front of a computer and got me to sit one of those personality tests that recruitment companies and shrinks give you to see if your are a type A personality. Apparently she was studying psychology at Uni. It didn't go very well. A few years later she used it as her reason for cutting her son out of her will for not breaking up with me. Apparently our personalities didn't match. Wanker.
( sheraloonytunes, Thu 19 May 2005, 20:45, Reply)

I got on so well...
with my ex's parents that her mum is stilled saved as mummy in my phone...hmm, dont know why i really broke up with her really. it's actually a bit sick.
(farmer, Thu 19 May 2005, 20:43, Reply)

no need
the first time i went to my (now ex-) boyfriend's parents' house was particularly mortifying. we were getting ready for bed when his mum popped her head round the door to inform us that she didn't want to hear "any squidgy noises" coming from our room. i was particularly disturbed to think that she'd clearly considered me to be overly moist in the minge area. hmmmm.
(gubbins69, Thu 19 May 2005, 20:30, Reply)

Laaaaaaager
The first time i met the Ex-Mrs father was after about 8 months of seeing her, so we'd done the monkey dance and we were getting along fine.

Q, meeting the parents. Now they must have wondered about me after 8 months with their daughter, so the hail of questions that flew my way was like machine gune fire.
They all were answered politely and then i was taken down the pub to get drunk with the father whilst the ladies chatted.

Not so bad eh? Her brother was in the pub, tall skinny, skin head guy. Proceeded to say that "if i touched his sister without his concent he'd kill me"

Nice chap
(ntmb, Thu 19 May 2005, 19:57, Reply)

Norman Bates, anyone?
The only time I've ever met the parents was when I was twelve. (We got going early in my school, he was 13). He invited me to the cinema with him by way of a first date, and said his mum would take us. (The film was The Borrowers, to give you an idea of how long ago this was).

Fair enough. I get to his house a couple of hours before we're due to go to the cinema, and meet his mum. Who calls him her 'brave little soldier'. Boyfriend proceeds to show me his current favourite pastime. Crochet. Yes, you read that right.

But wait. It gets worse. His father was abroad a lot *cough*TAXDODGER*cough*, and while he was away, 'brave little soldier' here still shared a bed with his mum.

Convinced that I can do something to salvage the situation when we get to the cinema, I hope to relieve us of his mum and give him a bit of the experience he's been bragging to his mates that he's had (and hasn't). His mum lets us out of the car, ushers us up to the ticket booth and orders _three_ tickets. The third being for the seat between us.

Guess who didn't get to first base that day? And last I heard, he'd come out of the closet, so it wasn't my fault. He's now at uni, too, and unsurprisingly his mum acquired a job at the same place so she could 'keep an eye on him'. In a way I feel sorry for him, really.
( Maladicta, Thu 19 May 2005, 19:49, Reply)

Oh, and...
on the same weekend he first my parents, Mr b3th acquitted himself well. It was my birthday party, and merriment was ensuing. I went off to the loo and came back to find Himself slow-dancing with my mum, with his hands firmly locked on her arse.

Class.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 19 May 2005, 19:46, Reply)

When Mr b3th first met my parents
my dad took him to one side and proceeded to (very drunkenly) slur something along the lines of: 'if you ever hurt her I'll be coming after you and I'll hunt you down like a dog'.

Normal dad-ish behaviour, you might think, except that Mr b3th is a) four years older and b) five stone heavier than my dad. Somehow the image just doesn't gel...

And I don't know what he's done to djtrialprice's girlfriend (except maybe displayed his usual overbearing behaviour) but she seems to be terrified of him.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 19 May 2005, 19:44, Reply)