OwJa
It was after Derren Brown did that ouija board on telly, that me and my flatmates decided to have a go on a board of our own. We made it out of cardboard with the alphabet in a circle and yes and no in the middle, with an upturned shot glass as the planchette.
I sat and watched for a bit as my two flatmates had a go, but nothing at all was happening. As soon as i knelt down to join in, the glass started slowly moving around. We asked "is anyone there?" to which the glass moved straight to "U". No matter what we asked it always went to "U".
So, being a complete pussy, I left the board and refused to carry on. Later on, as we were watching TV I suddenly felt a burning sensation on my thigh, looked down, and my leg was on fire! I jumped up and out of my jeans and ran out of the room, while my mates stamped on the jeans to put them out. I still have the jeans and boxers, which both have a 2p sized burn hole in them.
Oh and while I do smoke, I wasnt at the time, and there were no other sources of flame in the room.
(mynameisnotgoodge, Thu 20 Apr 2006, 16:24, Reply)

Waking up in terror
A story below has reminded me of the time I woke up terrified to find the bed shaking and rocking accompanied by a horrible groaning sound.

Then I realised I was having a wank.
.
(Ali Bongo 9000 Ali Bongo 9000, Thu 20 Apr 2006, 16:22, Reply)

German Helmet.
Cammelfanny

''the thirteenth devil woooooo!
We did a Wonggy (how the fuck do you spell it?) board in our shed, there we're 8 of us. 1984 I think?''

1983 you silly cow! And there was a Devil! I kicked him in the nuts! If you hadn't have run off you would of seen him. (really! Kids!)

Any way my story.

We went to France to vistit the somme with my Mum and Dad and 1 of my brothers. Because it was something my Mum always wanted to do, plus I found it very interesting as well.

Any way we toured round the battle field and came to a place called Delvil or Devils Wood as the South African soldiers called it. There was only one original tree still left which had been shelled to shit! Any way my Mum said she found it scary as it was getting dark, and there was a funny feeling in the air. Probably the curry I had for lunch.

Any way I bought an WWI German helmet that had been dug up, it had a bullet hole in it. My Mum then Refused to dust my room from then on saying the helmet was haunted by the poor sod who had his brains blown out, in it.

One night I had a vision of shadow on my floor of a German soldier, to be honest I have no idea if it was a dream (probably!) But in the morning I sat with it on me knee and explained to it (twat!) that I was just looking after the helmet and it's owner didn't need it any more.

The next night I had a vision or dream of this shadow waving good bye to me, and I haven't seen it since.

OOOOOOKA SPOOKA! Wooooooooooooooooo!
(ruud316, Thu 20 Apr 2006, 16:09, Reply)

My only Ouiji board story.
One friend of mine in college had an old cow skull we called "Bertha." He also had a torso and head of a female mannequin with a cowboy hat and a plastic star badge we called "The Sheriff."

One weekend a group of girls from another college visited a friend and brought their Ouiji board. They had a list of all the spirits they had contacted, and info on the people they were in real life, etc. So I decided to mess with them and moved the shuttle thingy all over the board, claiming to be Bertha and the Sheriff. I even misspelled stuff Bertha was saying. She is a cow, afterall, and not too bright.

The girls took all this seriously, excited that with new people on the board they had made two new "friends." Or at least they didn't let on that they knew it was me moving the thing around.

You know, I just really don't believe that Parker Brothers can mass-produce, at great profit to them, a game that can communicate with the underworld. Sorry, folks, I just don't buy it.
( setimret likes his metaphors mixed, not stirred, Thu 20 Apr 2006, 16:08, Reply)

Can't believe this has not bindun
Q. How do you make a Weedgie bored?

A. Take away his temazepam...

Note to residents of Englandshire, a Weedgie is a denizen of Glasgow.

( calgacus Non sum qualis eram bonae sub regno Cynarae, Thu 20 Apr 2006, 16:07, Reply)

ouija bourds were invented by the maufacturer of board games
in 19th century america.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ouija
( monstrinho do biscoito teeeshurts = www.nogunarmy.com, Thu 20 Apr 2006, 15:57, Reply)

Probably more of a ghost story, but who knows?
A friend of mine and his brother used to sneak around abandoned farm houses looking for antiques, old silver spoons and forks, etc. In the middle of the night, of course.

One night they'd found nothing much on the ground floor, and were on the top floor when they could swear they heard voices in the attic. Freaked out, they decided to look. My friend's brother got on my friend's shoulders and pushed open the trap door into the attic, which laid flat against the floor. He shined his flashlight around; nothing. The attic was completely bare. He poked his head back down and said as much as "There's nothing up - "

*SLAM!* the trap door slammed to right above his head. It couldn't have been the wind; the door laid flat against the attic floor.

They high-tailed it out of the house and didn't look back until halfway down the driveway. When they looked back, the entire house was flooded with light in every window.
( setimret likes his metaphors mixed, not stirred, Thu 20 Apr 2006, 15:56, Reply)

Is this off topic?
One time while living in Tennessee (does that count as dealing with the devil?), I was awakened by my bed shaking madly and jumping up and down. Here's what went through my head:

1. There must be ghosts under my bed (it was a relatively old building). No - no such thing as ghosts.
2. Some bastards snuck into my apartment and are under my bed shaking it. Slowly hung myself over the side of the bed and peered underneath - no, no one there.
3. It must be an earthquake. What? I'm in f-ing Tennessee. Can't be an earthquake.

4. That's strange. These ghosts have never bothered me before...

Turns out it was an earthquake after all. Who'd a thunk it? Apparently, the midwestern US is prone to major earthquakes - the last one (19th century) created a couple of sizeable lakes and caused the Mississippi River to flow backwards for several days.

"There's a message in my alphabits. It says 'ooooooo'"
"Peter, those are Cheerios."
( kingoffools, Thu 20 Apr 2006, 15:53, Reply)

the thirteenth devil woooooo!
We did a Wonggy (how the fuck do you spell it?) board in our shed, there we're 8 of us. 1984 I think?

We managed to capture a spirit in our glass (yeah right!) Anyway the glass went crazzy spelling things out only we knew (oh my god! How do you know these things?, Because your moving the glass with your finger!)

Any way this thing then told us it was the 13th Devil (thought there was only one?) and it would do our bidding if we came back to the shed a midnight.

At this point being only 6 I was a bit frightened, but my older bothers and friends said yeh lets do it, but just incase this Devil dude got nasty, we should get hold of some holy water, to throw at it! (As if that would help?)

So I was dispatched to our local church. ''Excuse mw Vicar can I have some holy water from your font'' ''All water is holy my child'' ''Oh for fucks sake!'' Says my older brother.

Midnight drew close as we approched the shed! I was shitting my pants and ready to run, being out late in our large back garden was scary enough, just incase the ghost of Punch Adam got you (thats another tale).

''Theres a blue mist in the shed!'' ''Fuck this I'm off''!

Was there a blue mist?
Was there a Devil?
Was it my older brothers and next door nieghbour twating about?

But that night everyone returned from the shed unharmed! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooo!
(Cammelfanny, Thu 20 Apr 2006, 15:49, Reply)

Not me playing personally, but some friends.
Back in the day of High School, apparantly they went into the roof of the oldest building and did a Ouija board.
According to them they contacted a girl who had died in the building as a student several decades before. Naturally, when they found out, the staff were livid, but this was supposedly because they knew it to be true.
The girl was reported to have been blown up by a Science experiment gone wrong, and hence the Science block of the building was torn out (it had been).
As I suspect you can tell, I am dubious of the whole story. Oh, and also, they used a coin instead of a glass, which is supposed to be a bad idea as you can't destroy the coin. Or something.
( CaroWallis, Thu 20 Apr 2006, 15:40, Reply)

The door
I have a dark side. Well I am black.....

/leave by the door

.
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Thu 20 Apr 2006, 15:24, Reply)

Well
I turned up to a party, but i was late so everyone had already gone home.
(DRAGONSLAYER, Thu 20 Apr 2006, 15:23, Reply)

666
A long time ago in a galaxy far far away, more accurately in a student house in Birmingham, a couple of friends and I were plinking away with an old air rifle in the back garden of our monster eight bedroomed house. Bored of shooting cans I started scoping around for more interesting things to take pot shots at. On scanning over the roof of the house I spied a small head shaped object sitting atop one of the chimney stacks. Intrigued, I climbed up the fire escape and clambered over the roof, three storeys up, to find a small head shaped stone, which I presumed was made from some left over mortar by the original house builders 40 or so years ago and left as some kind of signature.

We retrieved it and, as it was quite an interesting objet d'art to our low-standard student brains, it sat atop our crummy fireplace in the living room for a few weeks. For some reason a string of bad luck followed. My mate Adam crashed his mini (though this wasn't the first time), another housemate lost a load of money, another was dumped by his girlfriend, yet another started mysteriously wetting the bed and sleepwalking... and to top it off we had a huge house party where a few hundred people turned up, had a lot of fun, and trashed the house. A decidely irate landlord decided to evict us after he turned up the next day to check up following a phone call from a concerned neighbour... and he found the house, he had originally bought for his son and daughter-in-law's return from an extended working stint abroad, filthy, looking like a bin and full of drug-addled idiots (the party was still going to an extent!).

A few nights later, slightly stoned and drunk and losing at backgammon with one of my house mates, I jokingly decided to envoke the spirits of the stone head (mainly to piss off my worried opponent who had been fretting and moaning for days that we should return the cursed head to its original resting place). I held the stone head in my hand and began rolling... 6 concurrent double sixes later I was starting to get freaked out....

To cut a long story short we moved out a week later as per the landlord's eviction letter (not legally binding and we could have stayed but couldnt be bothered with the grief). Before we left, I took the sidepanel off the bath, drew a pentagram on the wooden floorboards, placed the head in the middle and put the side of the bath back on...
(nicebeaver, Thu 20 Apr 2006, 15:20, Reply)

mhmm
I watched Star Wars Episode I, was dark enough for me


I'll leave as well
(I don't lie I change the truth o.O, Thu 20 Apr 2006, 15:20, Reply)

No Joke or owt really
When I was a teen me and some mates had a go at a ouija board as we were genuinely curious. We took it in turns on the board while whoever was away from it asked the questions.

Somehow and I really can't remember the lead up, the people on the board started getting messages from a kid that went to the same Primary school as me who had died in a car crash. Seeing as none of them had been to the same school as me I found this quite surprising. So I started asking vague questions and skirting around the issue to see if any of them were pulling my leg.
After about half an hour they had got the name of the his best friend, how it had happened and how old he was.

Either it was a genuine connection to the "spirit world" or the best example of shared thinking (or whatever its called) that I have ever witnessed, and would love to try again some day.



On a slightly lighter note, some mates around the same time tried a ouija board in the school hall one night (they had a cleaning job there so had keys). They made contact with our dead 1st year teacher who proceeded to chase them out of the place with echoey footsteps and the strong smell of her cigarettes.


As for ghost sitings, I have a friend who is a nurse who used to work on the pediatrics ward. She has seen several odd sights and people that aren't there the next minute, and heard plenty of heartwarming stories from those about to pass on. The best was an old lady calling my friend to ask the man at the bottom of the bed (who my friend couldn't see) to go away, apparently he had been looking for the woman that had died in the bed that morning.
oooooooweeeeeeeeeoooooooo!
( HappyToast Groat froth, Thu 20 Apr 2006, 15:14, Reply)

I have somewhere...
a photo of me and the family outside the (then)derelict remains of my dads family house in Ireland.
It was taken in the 70's possibly around 77 or 78 so there we are, all lookin like the Partridge family, around the front of the place which has no roof, no internal floors etc etc.
When the holiday photos came back, there is, in two of them, what looks like a nun sitting in one of the upstairs windows.
They're freaky! If I can dig them out, or if Shielsy can, one of us will post em!
( Jinkeys! bumflakes, Thu 20 Apr 2006, 15:13, Reply)

Birthday party
We were bored.. we decided the best thing to do was carefully set out an oudija board.

Tension built as we set it up piece by piece, including numbers letters and "yes" and "no" pieces in case the spirit was too lazy to choose the individual letters.

We set up a glass in the middle of these perfectly set up pieces of paper, and each of us places a finger on the glass.

We heard a noise, could this be a sign? was a spirit really about to join us? would we now be connecting with someone from "the other side" ? We were all scared at what this strange noise could be

Oli sneezed, scattering all the pieces of our careful work all over the floor.

Kinda gave up on the dark side after that.
(Black sky No accidents since, Thu 20 Apr 2006, 15:04, Reply)

Our mate wet himself
When we were 14 or 15, me and a group of mates decided to hold a "seance", mainly for the benefit of one particular member of our group, who was scared of absolutely everything it seemed. I'll call this friend Danny Groves, as that was his name.

Four of us met at my house before Danny was due to arrive. We pulled the curtains in my bedroom and lit candles to get a nice, dark ambience. We then gathered around my pool table, whereupon we would contact the dead via the medium of a home-made ouija board.

It was then my job to attach lengths of cotton to my friends: one end around each of their big toes and the other end around random bedroom objects. I then took my seat and tied cotton around my own toes, the other ends of which were attached to the overhead lamp and the wardrobe door respectively.

Danny duly arrives and we commence our seance. Once the usual schoolboy giggles at "is there anybody out there?" had subsided, we were on our way.

All of us except Danny had arranged a script for our "spirit", so that we all knew where to push the ouija pointer on the board. As we were all in on it (except Danny), Danny would feel the irresistible push and pull of the pointer and couldn't blame it's movements on any one individual.

So, "John" arrives and proceeds to tell us that he's seven years old and that he died in the woods that surrounded my house. We ask "John" how he died and he says that there's a scary man following him. He tells us that he's running away and that he can see a house. We ask him to describe the house and he describes the very house in which we're sitting: DUN DUN DAAAAAR!

By now, Danny is crying.

"John" continues to run towards the house. We tell him to go in and he replies that he's opened the front door and is walking up the stairs. He comes to a door, which he pushes. At this point, a length of cotton attached to my mate Toby's toe is employed to open my bedroom door.

Danny's gone quiet and is ashen faced.

"John" says that he can see five boys sitting around a table and that he's angry with them for contacting him. He says that he's going to break things.

This is when all of the lengths of cotton attached to our toes come into action for the grand crescendo. The wardrobe door opens, the overhead lamp swings. The TV switches on and a book falls from a shelf; the window latch starts tapping on the window sill and a cup falls off of a shelf. A toy car shoots across the carpet and there would've been more but Danny scarpered to the bathroom as he'd wet himself. Literally.

Obligatory apology for length / girth.
( <>Dog www.stevelaker.blog, Thu 20 Apr 2006, 14:59, Reply)

Ghosts
Slightly off topic, but I was quite upset this morning to see a tiny, dead baby ghost by the side of the road. I thought it must have been hit by a car.
But on closer inspection in turned out to be a carrier bag.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Thu 20 Apr 2006, 14:52, Reply)

My dark side
I fell asleep on the beach one day, half of me in teh sun, and half in the shade.

I had a dark side for weeks.




no, really
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 20 Apr 2006, 14:46, Reply)

Dark Side, you say? I'm a Satanist.
Well, I own a copy of the Satanic Bible at least. I 'inherited' it when I moved into my house. It now gets used to scare away Jehovah's Witnesses.
(bedsitmartyr : Doctor of Bottles, Thu 20 Apr 2006, 14:44, Reply)

Smiles
Wooooo indeed. I can't wait to move out, and get my bint away from my mum and her fucking Rent-a-Ghost posse *rolls eyes*

Oh, and er WooOOOoooo. Again...

(sorry folks, slightly off topic)
(The Splendid Oaf, Thu 20 Apr 2006, 14:30, Reply)

david lynch, you bastard! (contains spoilers)
about a year or three ago, some local newspaper did some kind of campaign (i'm not sure about the word) where you had to collect seals and then trade them for some dvd's. this time, you could save up for some of david lynch's movies. me, not being very familiar with his work, decided to give it a go. i started with "lost highway" since i pictured it would be some kind of thriller with a mudered wife or something like that. So i waited till i had the house all for myself, and popped in the dvd. It did indeed started off with a murdered wife, but i was already beginning to feel slightly scared because of the movie's grudgy atmosphere, when all of a sudden the lights on the street blanked out. on top of that, a massive thunderstorm started, the kind without rain. so near the end of the film, there's this scene in a house where some bloke has a freak accident and gets his head pierced by a glass table. on itself not very scary, but at the moment the camera switched to reveal the man's accident, a VERY loud thunderclap bursts from the sky. It was the first time ever since my childhood i made a sound when something scared the shit out of me. i spend the most of the entire night watching sales-tv because i was too scared to go up my stairs.

and also this; when i was a little boy, my babysitter used to tell us ghost stories before bedtime, leaving me trembling with fear in my bed, unable to sleep for the rest of the evening. the morning after, i felt something pulling my sheets away very gently, and i knew i had to react quickly, otherwise the monster which was standing next of my bed would get me. So i turned around and lunged my arm forward toward the monster. and hit my mother square in the face. i didn't get any allowance for at least 2 weeks.
( Mr. Johnson, Thu 20 Apr 2006, 14:25, Reply)

How weird Mr Oaf
My ex-girlfriend was also persuaded by my mum that she was seeing ghosts. She was having about 4 hours sleep a day and kept seeing herself walking around in different outfits. When she was half asleep she'd have visions of people and would talk back to them out loud. I think it's sleep deprivation but my ma insists it's an attack of the ghosties. Wooooooooooo etc.
(Cap'n, Thu 20 Apr 2006, 14:20, Reply)

Smiles
My mums the same... My girlfriend recently had a bout of sleep paralysis, and told me she thought something was trying to pull her out of bed... she told my mum... my mum then starts with "Oh my God! I've seen the ghost too! He's back again. He's never liked women..."*

She blames EVERYTHING on ghosts and spirits, claims to be psychic and says the dead cat comes to visit her.

*to be fair the house was haunted years ago by a young lad who died in rather tragic circumstances. He only haunted the front bedroom (which used to be mine) and really was no trouble. You'd just hear him running around and stuff. As for not liking women, that's tosh cos he seemed to take a shine to them. It all tailed off as I got older, and stopped when I turned 18. Poor little soul :0(
(The Splendid Oaf, Thu 20 Apr 2006, 14:14, Reply)

I met a 'witch'...
...who told me that one of the things magic could do was get rid of 'non-corporeal entities'.

Seemingly the only batshit idea she didn't believe was that it'd be a good idea to have sex with me.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Thu 20 Apr 2006, 14:11, Reply)

Is it cold in the afterlife?
I reckon that nipper in Sixth Sense knows - him and his "icy dead people".... phnaaar

(yeah, terrible, I know, but I don't give a monkey's so there!)
(for flying out loud!, Thu 20 Apr 2006, 14:09, Reply)

My mum has a thing about ghosts
She insists we've got no phone reception in the kitchen because of ghosts. Also in our old house she called in a priest to exorcise the loo room. Might have been because we'd converted a Catholic confessional box into our shitter. This is all serious.
(Cap'n, Thu 20 Apr 2006, 14:05, Reply)

I went to ghost school.
The teacher wrote everything down on the ouija board and for lunch we had ham-boo-gers and ice-scream.

sorry
( Lightguy hail satan, Thu 20 Apr 2006, 13:57, Reply)

Hail Mary, take me soul.
My sister is infinitely superstitious, which is strange, as she's not usually a retard. For example, when on holiday once, she thought a ghost was in the bathroom because the shower head flicked up when she turned it on.

Seriously.

Y'know the old wives' tale that if you stand in front of a mirror at midnight on halloween and say "Hail mary, take my soul" three times, that.. well, that will happen? Yeah, well.. I did that once (as a way of showing her it's not real) to the beautiful sound of her franticly screaming "Noo! Don't do it! Nooo!". I told her, "Look, nothing's happened; it's not true. Besides, if anything happens, it'll probably be during the night, and you'll find me in the morning as an empty shell, devoid of any emotions or feelings!", and naturally, she didn't sleep for days.

She's 23.
( Naive Amoeba Bored Cig, Thu 20 Apr 2006, 13:57, Reply)