Toe long
I had a tumour removed from the end of my little toe on my left foot (non cancerous). Unfortunately the NHS doctor who performed this task (under local anaesthetic) made an absolute pig's ear of it and not only did he give me a compound fracture on the end of my little toe (v painful), he also didn't remove the whole tumour and so it grew back.

This time I went private (thank God for BUPA) and had it removed under general anaesthetic. The doc also had to take the end bone of my little toe away because it was so badly damaged. You can't really even tell anything's been removed.

Fast forward a couple of years and I sat my new boyfriend down to tell him I was an amputee - you should have seen his little face!
(Mad McMad, Fri 2 Jun 2006, 8:55, Reply)

I lost my
foot, did'nt know how i would cope but the difference is staggering!
(djgalaxe, Fri 2 Jun 2006, 8:55, Reply)

Digital dilapidation
All my fingers are falling off, one by one. This makes using a computer increasingly diffi
( petuniadb, Fri 2 Jun 2006, 8:53, Reply)

I lost...
my hymen. Some bloke stole it off me.

John walker I'm watching you you filthy hymen-stealing ponce.

Yeep.
(The Apeface Cherub is not a cunty-uber-cunt, Fri 2 Jun 2006, 8:36, Reply)

i'm slowly falling apart
i lost a lump of abnormal bone that grew out of my left leg. i also had my tonsils removed, the fact i had a plant growing on one of them was a bit shocking.

I also lost a bit of my skull after someone threw a brick out of a tree at me. :o)
( Rev. Jesse. broke his ankle, Fri 2 Jun 2006, 8:21, Reply)

I
Left my heart in San Francisco.
(beatpig understands subliminalesbianmessagaying., Fri 2 Jun 2006, 7:46, Reply)

Everyday
I shed millions of dead skin cells. In a couple of billion years the dust is going to be enough to bury you all!
(wago, Fri 2 Jun 2006, 7:23, Reply)

Things your mother never told you
A friend of mine, upon losing her virginity lost about 2 pints of blood as well. She was expecting a little bit but when the towel she was using to stem to flow became sodden she thought that maybe this wasn't a textbook first shag after all. She also didn't need a textbook to know that her boyfriend's dick wasn't that big but it did rupture a great big vein that wouldn't clot and had to have it stitched. Who'd of thought?

So, when I have to tell my daughter about the facts of life this story will be a feature point. Best go and make that convent booking right now!
(sld440, Fri 2 Jun 2006, 6:44, Reply)

missing body parts
In middle school my friends and I were a strange bunch. Our customary greeting was "How is your spleen?"
At least until we went off to high school and, by this method, one of us found out that in fact one of the teachers had their spleen removed that summer because of illness.
It made for a very very awkward moment.
(Luna loves you., Fri 2 Jun 2006, 6:30, Reply)

I've just lost...
a little bit off wee reading some of these
(tyler198125, Fri 2 Jun 2006, 6:22, Reply)

8 extra teeth
Yep count em 8 extra teeth removed. Why on earth would I need 8 extra teeth, what am I a dinosuar?
(rattus, Fri 2 Jun 2006, 5:56, Reply)

not real body parts but
I've got a chunk of my right tooth missing. I fell over (was fouled), went flying and smacked my face into the ground when I was playing football. Hurt like ****ery, but I never told anyone so I never really got it filled. You can't actually tell as somehow it happened behind the front of the tooth. I've also had both of my big toenails ripped off. The pain just seemed to last for ages. Bastard body parts....
(Habacock, Fri 2 Jun 2006, 5:51, Reply)

I
had a haircut the other day
(woo who?, Fri 2 Jun 2006, 5:49, Reply)

Ugh
This one time I lost my entire uterine lining.

It was an unpleasant experience for everyone involved and I'd rather not discuss it further.
(Mrs_Talbot, Fri 2 Jun 2006, 5:40, Reply)

Lost a chunk of my eyebrow :(
From an eyebrow ring gone wrong. My fault entirely however, the eyebrow isn't meant to have a GIANT safety pin stuck through it. Luckily I was able to hide it under my hair until my sister ratted on me.


Later, after being bitched out by my dad(whom of course was told by my mother) for my teenage stupidity, I took it out. Yes, the same day I stuck it in there. BAD IDEA. Scar tissue galore resulting from the trauma of the giant safety pin/other factors.

A few months later, for my birthday, I got it repierced. BAD IDEA. Scar tissue holds nothing. I was brushing my hair out of my eyes one night, and my hair appeared to have been harboring an eyebrow bar. :'( Good thing is, I didn't feel a thing. Bad news is I still have a very noticable scar. The eyebrow hairs are gone in a small little patch.

I wish I had a more exciting story to tell, like I got knifed by a Ninja or something. *sigh*
(gingerdeadgirl, Fri 2 Jun 2006, 3:59, Reply)

Mock your children - it's character building
Catch and kiss was always a popular school sport as young'uns. One time I ran screaming into the girl's toilets after being hotly pursued by some gormless freak and decided that I actually did need to go. So, as I was walking into the cubicle I slipped and smashed my face on the toilet bowl making a perfect mousehole in my two front teeth. Tre hillbilly. Blood pouring down my face, I get taken to the dentist with the old bits of tooth clutched in my hand my friends had fished out of the toilet (I was 8 - germs shmerms) The worst bit was for years after whenever I told the dramatic story my Dad would say, 'Well, that's what she says but she was actually sniffing dunny bowls'. Thanks, Dad.
(sld440, Fri 2 Jun 2006, 2:30, Reply)

I lost both my front teeth
I left them embedded in someones head.
(Cockfosters!, Fri 2 Jun 2006, 2:22, Reply)

Kersal Missive, Emvee
Yes, I actually forgot the most embarassing form of surgery Ive ever had. Pilonidal sinus (commonly called Jeep Drivers bum syndrome - bouncing aroung and being sweaty), I'm an hairy man but not an chubby man.

I avoided the 'packing' option and just got a bit cut out and sewn up - not wonderfully well... have a little nobbly scar.

Yes, arse surgery.
Beware all ye who titter though. My mate took delight in telling everyone I had an anal absyss (including my boss haha) when it was at the top of the crack . Then went and had a massive shit after a couple of days eating crap and drinking at Reading Festival one year and tore his browneye.
Ha! Someone had to have his arse burnt closed again.
(tweebianmonkey Should be known as Widget, Fri 2 Jun 2006, 2:17, Reply)

Bleeeeeuuuuugh
I'm gonna lose my lunch if I read this lot, so I'll see you in a week.
( Beve The Spaniard broke off his horse's head, Fri 2 Jun 2006, 2:12, Reply)

sebaceous cyst
had one of these buggers in my neck for a year or two, was about the size of a peanut m&m. It was removed under local anasthetic and looked like.....a peanut m&m with all the colour sucked off.

by the by,
My right big toe is about 8mm shorter than my left, due to me hitting a car on my (cyclo-x) bike and kicking said car at about 30mph and breaking it.

bleh
(cotic can be bribed with biscuits, Fri 2 Jun 2006, 2:11, Reply)

Football injury
Just before my GCSE's I sustained a football injury, i tore cartilage to be precise.

The day and night i did it i was in no pain, i just thought i had pulled a muscle, only when my knee locked with my leg extended on a bus, with my girlfriend and her little brother, and them carrying me off the bus and up a great big bastard hill did my dad thought to have it checked up.

I went to the NHS, they said it was a pulled muscle, it still hurt after numerous weeks. So my football manager said would i go private. I went to a top notch physio who diagnosed me in about a minute. She got me in for an op, and out came the cartilage. Came round, got told they had missed a bit and had to operate again.

They gave me the cartilage in a little tub, i rescued it with the aid of my nan who works in a surgery to get some preserving spirit, and pickled it in its very own jar. I am told its a rather large specimen. The other little bit i lobbed away. I am told i will have arthritis a lot younger now and my scars give me jip whenever its cold because i was operated on twice. Yerrr.




(PieEater, Fri 2 Jun 2006, 2:00, Reply)

I managed to
Lose my front (no.1 in dentistspeak maybe?) right upper tooth, The reason for this was while absolutely trashed and drinking a friend's rum, I decided that a good idea would be to pick up his wakasashi, hand him his daikatana and take him out into the street for a spot of fencing. First person to draw blood three times would be declaired the winner. It got to 2-2, due to two cuts to my hand, one to his arm and one to his chest, when I parried awkwardly, and he saw the opening and um, smashed me in the face. With much more force than was appropriate. Therefore, I have a facial scar that was the result of a duel. How cool am I? (I neglect to tell the girls that I also have wobbly bridgework)

Incidentally, the tooth actually snapped at the root, and the top remained in my gum, impacted a good centimeter back and left from where it should have been, cue central eating gags.

Then to top it all off, as a goth type, I smoke a lot of djarums, after having my root pulled the fuck out with a Lot of coaxing by a rather pretty dentist, who actually had to wrench the damn thing out with her knee on the chair during what looked like some sort of bizarre s&m scene, she sparked up a Bic bloody Lighter to melt something or other that absolutely reeked of clove. So after going through some pret-ty nasty dentalwork, I was treated to the noise of a lighter sparking up, a smell identical to that of my favourate gaspers, and wobbling out of the chair shellshocked i'm told not to smoke for about half the bloody afternoon *grumble*


His was longer, but mine tapers ergonomically and grips better ;)
(Slyph, Fri 2 Jun 2006, 1:44, Reply)

Kersal Missive
Yeah, I had the same thing, a little bit of my arse is missing. It's seems to be incredibly common, I've met loads of people who've had the same thing.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 2 Jun 2006, 1:39, Reply)

Vas Deferens
well not actually missing.
Vasectomy after 2 kids, seperate from their mother and marry her sister, vasectomy reversal, 2 more kids.
interesting scars.

note:
vasectomy = 10 minutes under a local anaesthetc
reversal = 3 1/2 hours of micro surgery under a GA
(goober, Fri 2 Jun 2006, 1:35, Reply)

Rounders anyone?
I de-lurk for the good of humanity (and fluffy tiem).

When I was 9, way back in 1986 when most of England was nowt but fields and free of chavs, we were playing rounders (woo) and as a diligent little fielder with a good eye and strong arm I was always put miles away by the climbing frame.

Inevitably some twunt smacked a shot long past me and I ran for the ball. Having the grace and agility of Peter Bonetti I naturally went for the Dramatic Diving Catch of Greatness*, so as to impress a girl, only dive face first into the climbing frame (not woo).

*Patent applied for.

I lost my front tooth that day, though Baz found it later. I also lost three of the crowns that almost looked like my old tooth in many face related football incidents, but none surpass the original moment of ineptitude.

*insert length here... insert girth there*
(chronic27 up a bit, left a bit... insert girth there., Fri 2 Jun 2006, 1:25, Reply)

Well.
I have no tonsils any more, because when I was five I started throwing up everywhere all the time and dropped down to about two stone. Is it true they don't take tonsils out any more?

My nan lost the tops of three of her fingers in a cutting machine where she worked. No safety guards, no insurance in those days. She just wrapped her hand up and carried on.

My dad only has half his top front teeth, the very front ones grew but not the next ones so he just has eye-teeth next to them. Not as bad as one of my friends though - half his teeth just... weren't there.

My first driving instructor only had half a thumb and I never found out why. I'd like to think there was a good story behind it but he was fairly boring so probably not.

I lost a thumbnail when I slammed a car door on my hand a couple of years ago. The nail grew back but it has a dent in it now.

I also have a false corner on one of my front teeth that I knocked off when I was 11 falling off my mum's bike. I now live in fear of it falling off like it did last summer the day before I went on holiday and a creepy dentist had to fix it in case I 'scared off all those Italian men'. Never mind that I looked like I'd been in a fight and just wanted it fixed, the minute I came out my stalker's mum, who is friends with my mum (he thinks we should be best friends because our mums are, and is a total freak), appeared and said he wanted to meet up. Not a fun day.
( Maladicta, Fri 2 Jun 2006, 1:13, Reply)

Awful.
My dog's just lost his nose falling in a cesspool. Guess how he smells now?


*ducks*
([sic] You're ad here?, Fri 2 Jun 2006, 1:08, Reply)

Repetitive leg joke.
My great-uncle Ken had his leg removed later in life after a lifetime of smoking. My dad could never resist saying the same joke to him even after my gran/his mothers funeral.

Cue uncle Ken sitting in his wheelchair comforting my aunt when my dad strolls up and says for the hundreth time; "Alright, Ken? The leg still not grown back then?"
(chakaflange, Fri 2 Jun 2006, 0:46, Reply)

Hum....
Well, sort of a body part.

Over easter I was looking at my foot, found what appeared to be a varoca. Rather then using any recomended cures I did the amnly thing and decided to cut it out.

Using the sharpe bladed bit on a mancure set my mam got me a few years back (she thought I was gay) I started to dig at it. It came off very eaisly, I was about to celbrate a job well done when I noticed a funny white bit underneath it. I got some twesers and gave it a pull, then tried the sharp bit to free it up more. After a little bit of mild pain, I pulled out what looked like a little maggot, but made out of fat. It wasn't a maggot, but it wasnt fat either, it was kinda like clear jelly. I was going to try and work out what it was but then a tsunami of blood came out of the hole I'd pulled it from.

It hurt to walk for a few days.
(Mong goose, Fri 2 Jun 2006, 0:26, Reply)

I had a pilonidal cyst.
A pilonidal cyst is a recurrent, painful, pus-filled abcess AT THE TOP OF YOUR ARSE CRACK.

They most commonly occur in hairy-arsed, overweight men.

I am a not-hairy-arsed, skinny girl.

I had surgery (after which I came around from the anesthesia singing "You'll Never Walk Alone") and was left with a gaping hole at the top of my crack, which healed itself - no scars or anything. But for the few weeks after the ball of packing fell out and before it filled itself in, it was the strangest feeling ever.

But the bottom line is, I had arse surgery. HA HA HA HA HA.
( KersaI Missive Free Michael Shields! with Monday's Liverpool Echo, Fri 2 Jun 2006, 0:19, Reply)