mixed tape hilarity
the curtains gently swayed in the open window and the lapping of the lake shore could be heard in the distance with the occasional hoot of an owl being the only other sound within normal human audible range - generally an audible sound that is a pressure wave with frequency between 20 Hz and 20,000 Hz - it had been a perfect evening, they had eaten on the decking at the edge of the lake and held each other as they watched the sun go down, making the most beautiful colours in the sky and on the mirror like surface of the water. He would occasionally whisper sweet nothings in her ear and his warm breath on her neck would make her shudder as she thought how lucky they had been to find each other.


Alas they would never eat on the decking again, nor would they watch the sun disappear together ever again.


For the stench of death hung low in the moist, warm air. She had been stabbed several hundred times and lay in a pool of blood with a variety of garden and kitchen utensils sticking out of her now rigid corpse. He lay in two halves, one of which had been set upon by a pack of hungry vultures, who were tearing at his sinews with their razor sharp beaks & talons. A gentle pop burst the air and a clear liquid ran down his now unrecognisable face as a vulture tucked into his remaining eyeball.


twas the horror that be fronted all the next day.





mixed tape reference so as not to prejudice the insertion of above collection of nouns and adjectives etc etc into the current insipid question of the week
(little lord muthafuckin fauntleroy, Mon 11 Feb 2008, 16:21, Reply)

b3ta mixtape
How about a compilation of the Worst Songs in the World Ever. I vote for "I Wanna Sex You Up" by Colour me Badd. And anything by Westlife.
(frankspencer, Mon 11 Feb 2008, 16:15, 34 replies)

I've never made a mix tape for any purpose
being the typical scottish bloke that I am, but I have to admit I can see the benefits to them...... especially "bedroom music". A few years back, whilst wallpapering the spare room if I remember correctly, me and the ex missus became..... slightly sidetracked. We quickly made our way to our bedroom, leaving the radio playing. Things quickly became steamy, and it looked like the spare room would have to wait...... but the radio had other ideas. It started in.......... "Ground control to major Tom......." If ever there has been an anti sexy-time song written, that is it. Within a minute we were both in hysterical fits of laughter..... the radio got switched off after that. To this day I still hear the lyrics as "take your protein pills and put your helmet in...."
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Mon 11 Feb 2008, 16:07, 1 reply)

School days
I once got told off at school for using sellotape as well as masking tape to stick some pictures to the wall. Unfortunately my teacher told me off because sellotape pulls the paint of the walls.

I'll never forget what she shouted at me...


"stop what you are doing immediately, I told you not to MIX TAPES"
(Errorist, Mon 11 Feb 2008, 15:50, 1 reply)

The Story of Derek Peanut PI
It was a dismal evening, the sun struggled to penetrate the brown, polluted clouds. The overhead lights in Derek’s office only added to the gloom, lighting the dust falling over the tatty furniture.

He sat, moodily smoking, wondering if the evening would pan out in much the same way the day had, accidentally falling after snoozing at the desk. It had been a slow week, sod that, a slow year!

A noise, faint at first, a clunk almost, Derek cocks his head to establish how close the noise is. The door opens, a well dressed woman enters the room.

“Derek Peanut? Private Investigator?” she asks, looking with some disdain at his shabby appearance

“Yes, how can I help you?”

“ My friend has disappeared, I was wondering if you could track him down, I’m happy to pay the going rate, and expenses, of course!”

Derek’s heart leaps, not just for the offer of money, but work, real work, which may stop the seemingly unending tedium of his recent life!

“Let’s talk about what you know, and what you need me to find out” he says, brushing down a chair for her to sit on and looking lazily around the room for a notepad.

The woman talks of her close friend, a fellow actor, who had arranged to meet her the previous evening. He had stood her up. This wasn’t unheard of, but unusual when it had been he who arranged the meeting. She had gone to his flat, a small bedsit by the docks, and found the door open, the house was a mess, but she wasn’t sure this was through foul play, he was not a domesticated man. She had found a train timetable and found this incredibly worrying. Her friend refused to use public transport, walked and drove everywhere due to a massive aversion to being touched by old ladies that smell of biscuits.

Finally she revealed her friend may have been feeling suicidal as the play he was in was getting panned by the critics and he feared for his job.

She used the timetable to fan herself, and as she did, a small post it fluttered to the floor, Derek reached out and read

“2.15, Alderbridge”

“I’ll check out Alderbridge, leave me your number, I’ll get back to you with news later.”

Later:

Derek Peanut takes the coach out to Alderbridge, the station is a fair distance from the actual village itself, and so he throws his overcoat over his shoulder and begins walking.

Not used to the country, Derek fills his senses with the sights and sounds so unfamiliar to him, distant dogs barking, heavy machinery ploughing the fields, the tinkling noise of children playing. The smells, not traditionally pleasing, but so fresh and real, permeate his senses, and a small ringing in his ears.

The ringing becomes persistent as he walks closer to the tracks, he feels compulsively, that he should walk closer until parallel. His mind fills with indecent, graphic images of horror and death, yet he’s compelled to move ever closer to the track.

He tears at his clothes, running erratically closer to the tracks, the noise in his ears (or is it his mind?) becoming louder, clearer, unbearable.....

“…..rail way track…..flutter…..along came…..”

Derek is sweating, trying not to gag at the imagery in his head, he sits down on the track to try to control his breathing, and at last it comes:

“The peanut sat on the railway track, his heart was all a flutter,

Along came the 2.15, SPLAT, peanut butter”

Derek turns to see the train bearing down on him, SPLAT, peanut butter!
(Jugular, Mon 11 Feb 2008, 15:34, Reply)

oddball
That freaky kid had a taste for mimicking the typical costumes of John Wayne and Clint Eastwood.

He wore bandoliers of Duracell 'AA' batteries.

He kept up the bow-legged 'comfort walk' long after he left the catholic boys after-hours choir.

On his hips were holstered; a dictaphone and a Sony FM radio / cassette recording walkman.

He had deep-rooted timing, synchronicity and audio balance issues.

He'd fallen foul of the law after being stuck in the middle of his parents drawn-out divorce.

He didn't know whether he liked girls or boys in the 'special' way.

He'd experimented with eye make-up.




He really was a mix-tape kid.
(Greencloud Wanted to go fishing on, Mon 11 Feb 2008, 15:09, Reply)

I never wanted Thursday to come so fast.
A few weeks ago, I was strolling through the Northumberland countryside en-route to visit my aunt Flossie. Being a little tired of foot and restless of spirit, I took the opportunity of TWOC-ing a tractor from a dirt track while the owner/driver was busy up another dirt track (that of a handsome moorland ewe).

To cut a long story short, there was a bit of a pursuit involving rozzers, heifers, and a telegraph pole. I ditched troublesome tractor, but not before pocketing the cabs contents for perusal afterwards.

I got home quite late that night (Flossie had been entertaining me with tales of her exploits as a table dancer in the Phillipines) armed with a marvellous recipie for Madiera cake which I just had to bake immediately.

I had the rats livers and sparrows feet liquidising nicely in the blender, but was searching for naval lint to add when I found the TDK-90 'chrome' audio cassette I'd liberated from the Massey-Ferguson earlier. I held it up to the light to read the scribbled label, as all I'd heard of it on the stereo seemed to be a recording of agricultural fair announcements (mmmnnnggghhhppp - beer tent - cccrrrrssshhhhpppppp - St. Johns Ambulance - mmmmggggrrrrreeeeeeewwhhheeee - Lovely rump! etc. etc) interspersed with various tracks by Foster & Allen and the Wurzels.

Just as I was inspecting the illegible scrawl, the tape fell into the blender and was snaffled up by the whirring blades. As the mixture was almost complete, I just carried on and baked the thing anyway. It smelled and smoked a bit in the oven, but looked alright. In fact, I was so happy with the result, I played an uplifting little bongo drum style ditty on it while it cooled.

I presented it on a Vauxhall wheeltrim platter the next day when my mother came round. She's great, my mother. In fact, you could say she's a:







Wait for it.............












"P.A.-Tape, Pat-a-cake baker's mam"

Fuck me, bring on the new question please.... see what I'm reduced to?!
(Greencloud Wanted to go fishing on, Mon 11 Feb 2008, 14:45, 6 replies)

The gorillas escaped!!!!
but only into the chimp enclosure via the orang-utan complex. They all seemed to get on so they didn't close the zoo.

Just changed the signs to

"Mixed Apes".
(jmaxi returned again on, Mon 11 Feb 2008, 14:40, 2 replies)

it's a Scottish Reid brothers mega-mix!
featuring the immortal single "I Would Walk 500 Miles (But I'm Not Going to Make Eye Contact)"
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Mon 11 Feb 2008, 13:36, Reply)

Mix CD
My boyfriend recently went to collect a second-hand car that he had bought on Ebay. In the few days before going to collect the car he had chatted on the phone to the seller, they got on well, and it turned out that they had the same liking for 80s and 90s sports cars.

When my boyfriend got to the seller's house, he checked the car, paid over the cash and prepared to leave. The man selling the car suddenly decided that as he and my boyfriend had the same taste in cars, it would automatically follow that they would have the same taste in music, and the most appropriate thing to do at this point in time would be to write a mix CD for my boyfriend to play in the car on the drive back home.

He proceeded to sit down on his computer, select what he said were his favourite songs from his i-tunes collection, then write them onto a CD. My boyfriend didn't get a choice in the matter, and it wasn't until he put the CD into the car CD player that he even found out what songs were on it. It was the worst collection of cheesy 80s and 90s soft-rock ever heard.
(I like kittens but I couldn't eat a whole one, Mon 11 Feb 2008, 13:33, Reply)

Mix tape from Hell
Back in early '92, I split with my then girlfriend after we had been together for about 2 years.She, unfortunately took it rather badly and proceeded to turn up wherever I went and just hang about. Come Valentine's Day the postman delivers a small parcel roughly about A4 size. I opened the parcel and there was a Valentines card from my ex, adorned with hearts and about a million kisses. There was also a cassette in a box with a note attached which read "Hope you listen to this and think of me and the good times we had together" What followed was a gruesome mix of hideous ballads from around that time, I can't remember them all, but the following ones were there.

Bryan Adams - Everything I Do.
Extreme - More Than Words
Righteous Brothers - Unchained Melody
Diana Ross - When You Tell Me That You Love Me
Roxette - Spending My Time

....need I continue?

Did it make me remember the good times and go back to her? Not likely, I did what anyone would do and went out with her best friend.
( Stu71 ....bad money dies, I love the scene, Mon 11 Feb 2008, 13:21, Reply)

Pizza car mix tape
When i used to deliver pizza the guys i worked for had a wonderful Toyota Echo. Who ever was in first got to drive it.
This car had a mysterious mixtape, one side had the classic nineties punk album - Less than Jakes "Hello Rockview". The other side was much more mysterious. It only had the theme song from that Mortal Kombat movie. Over and Over.
(spent.fish flipping and gasping, Mon 11 Feb 2008, 12:34, 1 reply)

Plumbing
The worst mixer tap I ever had was in my last flat.

You could never get the hot and cold balance just right to get warm water.
(Errorist, Mon 11 Feb 2008, 12:31, Reply)

And another...music to get down to...
Once saw a girl called Fay. She had a play list on her ipod she’d made especially for our bedroom time (probably titled ‘Bedroom selection’) which was the cheesiest shit I’ve ever had to endure. Don’t get me wrong Marvin Gaye et al are good and all, but it’s not really my cup of tea, let alone when wanting to have naked fun…

Boyz2Men
Blackstreat
Lionel Ritchie
Etc etc

She’s white and middle class. And a complete knob.
(CornishStanley can't post hyperlinks, Mon 11 Feb 2008, 11:55, 1 reply)

Worst music to shag to....
Hardcore drum and base. Not me but a friend used to have her boyfriend visit. They'd dissapear upstairs, the music would start and then the banging of the bed against the wall.

WTF!

Me and the other female housemates would just look at each other stupified.
( girlinthehole, Mon 11 Feb 2008, 11:28, 4 replies)

Sausage rolls...
I’ve only made mix tapes / cds for exes many moons ago and there is no story to it. But my ex had a mix tape made for her once, from an oddball who had met her once.

She went down to our prospective post-grad uni for an interview. Met a few people in the interview and one guy, Matt, took a shine to her. Ex being the nice person she is was polite and accepted his offer for food that evening (uni was at the end of the country, an overnight stay was needed by both).

So they have dinner, nothing untoward happens, he walks her back to her hotel, and that is that, or so she thought.

The next morning, when she gets to the station, she see’s Matt again, waiting for her. “Oh, I wasn’t sure what train you were getting so I waited here all morning.” Hummn… “I made you this last night…” and hands her a mix tape… right you are, weirdo.

A little freaked out by this, she gets on her train and buggers off back home, hoping to never hear from him. Stupidly she’d given him her number, she was being nice and well, she thought he was normal when she did so. But no, one mix tape and many calls and months of attempted contact later she’d told him where to go and finally hoped to never hear from him again (this story would’ve been more suited for last week). Until the first day of our post-grad. When he’s there. And I buddy up with him. And become mates. And he tells me the story of the bitch who he dated and then he blew out.

But as the year progressed we all found out how weird he was, he only ever ate sausage rolls… anyway, the tape came in use, as broadcast journalists we used it for recording an interview or two…

Length? About 90 mins I think….
(CornishStanley can't post hyperlinks, Mon 11 Feb 2008, 11:07, Reply)

What's that coming over the hill, is it a monster? / The perils of drink.
Just under a year ago we had a funeral for my wife's cousin.

He was 29

Drink killed him, far too much of it for a long time.

The song we played as we went into the crem was the one in the title of this post, as this is what he used to sing to his kid sister, but replacing monster with her name.

Watching his mum and sister break down as the opening bars played out was one of the most horrible moments of my life, and one that I never want to be repeated. Everyone, even his well 'ard mates were sobbing.

Every time I hear that song it takes me back to that funeral, and I suppose that is the kind of emotion you want to convey in a mix tape.

No it's not on topic, but I don't care, I wanted to share.
( ogwen69 has returned from Reddit, Mon 11 Feb 2008, 10:55, 6 replies)

follow Chickenlady's example
and do some self penned erotic stories this week instead of this piss poor subject?
(The Goat www.cuttingthroughthematrix.com, Mon 11 Feb 2008, 10:37, Reply)

Alan Partridge Minimix
This is a mix of Partridge-related tunage that I made for a minimix competition last year:

www.houndbite.com/?houndbite=1982

Gary Numan - Music For Chameleons
Hot Chocolate - It Started With A Kiss
Joni Mitchell - Big Yellow Taxi
China Crisis - King In A Catholic Style (Wake Up)
Go West - Call Me
Yazoo - Don't Go
Theme from 'Return Of The Saint'

+ assorted Alan clips... i hope you enjoy it B3tans!
(irv made you eat your parents in a chilli on, Mon 11 Feb 2008, 10:28, 6 replies)

Valentines CD
Bit of a coincedence having just heard Giant Squids (awesome) mix tape for us b3tans.
For Mr Van Pelt for valentines day this year I'm making him a mix CD. Not with songs that remind him of me, etc etc, he's already got a playlist on his iPod for all of that. No, I want to make him a CD where the songs tell a little story. It probably won't be just the song titles but lyrics as well, just telling him how ace it is.
As I only thought of it this morning in the shower, I haven't got very far with it. So far, I know the last track will be It Must Be Love by Madness (incidently my most favourite song of all time ever). Now all I need is the rest...
Any suggestions?
If/When I've finished, I'll post the finished thing up.
*Edit*
First draft...
I was working as a waitress in a cocktail bar, when I met you
It started with a kiss
You shook me all night long
Over and over
And it's plain to see, you were meant for me
And that's great
Mine is yours and yours is mine
We've come a long long way together, through the hard times and the good
I think I'm gunna stick around, for a while so you're not alone
The best is yet to come.
P.S, You know I love you, take off your clothes.
Come on b3tans, I'm counting on you!
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Mon 11 Feb 2008, 9:53, Reply)

I hope you took a photo
unless I'm the only one that thinks it would be hilarious to see?
*please please please let it be a pale unpatterned carpet*
( Fathter Puddytat Kill Kill dat widdle boid is mine on, Mon 11 Feb 2008, 9:29, 1 reply)

I made one for someone else...
Two people, both alike in dignity (maybe) er, friends, who had been dating for a little while, both utterly lovely which made me inordinately happy for some reason. I made a cheesy CD for them, including such lovely ditties as "Love is in the Air" by John Paul Young and "Lovin' you" by Minnie Ripperton - reeeely cheesy stuff. I decorated it with little hearts and both their names, and gave it to the guy when we were out for a drink one night.

"Um, dominocat, we split up last week" he said.

Fortunately, he found it really funny. Bastard.
(dominocat opinions only valid until, Mon 11 Feb 2008, 9:12, Reply)

an actual true story, that centres around a mix-tape.
When I was in an anti-racist group a while ago, someone decided to strike a blow for the white race by sending us, anonymously, a mix-tape of Nazi rock.

Two things:

1) if they were friends with someone, presumably they'd show it by making them a mix-tape of Nazi rock.

Unless they firebombed their best friend's house, sent us the tape, and then thought "hang on, something's not right here..."

2)When the papers talk about Nazi music, they tend to describe it along the lines of "hateful lyrics screamed over a wall of sound" and so on...they make it sound kind of cool.

Not so. Take blink 182. Purge it of Negroid elements such as harmonies and guitar lines. Add the sound of someone trying to make their ideas sound inspiring, while realising that they can't really talk about any of their ideas because people find them kind of revolting. In practice this means constipated insurance-ad imagery along the lines of 'the banner of the white man waves proudly over us all.' Ensure that the quality control is based on the fact that they have to take what they can get. And there you have it. Nazi rock: Christian rock if Christian rockers regularly stabbed each other over drug money.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Mon 11 Feb 2008, 7:14, 1 reply)

Surprised
That this hasn't been posted yet...

www.youtube.com/watch?v=f2b1D5w82yU
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Mon 11 Feb 2008, 5:15, Reply)

My first love...
was into Christian Metal.

Yes, believe it or not, there is such a musical genre.

He made me not one, but two mix tapes featuring bands such as Stryper, Kings X and a stack of others I can't remember.

The worst thing is, he didn't even do it to get in my pants as he was a Christian. What was I thinking?

I listened to them half heartedly once, and will never listen to them again, but have to keep them as a souvenir of a time when I was young, innocent, and willing to put up with a guy even if he had crap music taste (and was a religious nutter).
(blu-k, Mon 11 Feb 2008, 2:09, 3 replies)

A pun is its own reword...
Chimpanzee + Food Processor = Mixed Ape.
Scotch + Duct + Masking + Electrical = Mixed Tapes.
A variety of memorial bugle calls = Mixed Taps.
Mr. Jagger's favorite shades of gray-brown = Mick's Taupes.


Oh I could go in, but I'm sure that's more than enough for most of you.
(not here, Mon 11 Feb 2008, 2:07, 2 replies)

Tapes?
I make about one CD a month for the car, and keep it in there till I get sick of it.

But the tape bit, I DO remember making tapes of random songs off the radio, and as our player also had a mic, and as I was 6 and was the best singer EVER (oh god....) there was me belting my lungs out along with....

Another tape my dad made me, when i was about nine; I'd just heard Waltzing Black by the Stranglers so my dad being the kind soul he is put it on a tape for me. Thats all that was on it. A minute and a half instrumental, over and over, on a 90 minute tape. Its got old. Fast.

*awaits Thursday*
(Fleximus Rex briefly gave up lurking on, Mon 11 Feb 2008, 1:23, Reply)

Perhaps off topic somewhat...
...but I once had a girlfriend who, just before a game of 'hide the sausage', put on a CD she'd brought over to mine.

Eiffel 65. Remember them? Try keeping it up with 'I'm blue, da-ba-dee-da-ba-da' blaring from your stereo.
(Generator cannot be named for legal reasons, Mon 11 Feb 2008, 1:07, Reply)

Slightly off topic...
... but my (female, posh) housemate just shat all the way down our very steep stairs after getting out of the bath.

No idea how a mix tape could fit in here, but theres a few chunks that look slightly like a cassio cassette in bad light.

What am I living with?
(Zapiola zip-zap-zop, Sun 10 Feb 2008, 22:03, 9 replies)