This was about ten years ago now
I had gone down to the Reading festival - it was generally a fantastic time, and I don't want to do the event a disservice, but stuff like this can happen. As is par for the course for these things, I was looking to experiment a bit with some illicit substances, and one of my mates who I was with said he knew someone that was there who we could buy some stuff from.

Well, we met the guy and I immediately wanted to get out of there. You know when the atmosphere around someone is wrong, sort of tense? It was like that. I don't know if he'd been dipping in his own supply or something but he looked ready for a fight at any moment. I'm not good with conflict so this guy scared me. I don't remember much of what set him off - I think he took offence to my friend taking a closer look at one of his toby jugs - but something did, and he pulled a knife on us - naturally we ran, and he gave chase.

Unfortunately it had been raining that year, and almost instantly I slipped in some mud. The guy was on top of me, and I genuinely though that this was it - I'm going to be stabbed to death. But someone pulled him off. When I saw who it was, I was amazed.

It was Sir Trevor McDonald.

I found this out afterwards, but Sir Trevor is a huge festival fan, and as quickly became apparent - he is fucking RIPPED. The two got into an intense fight - the drug dealer swinging his knife, and Sir Trevor dodging it every time. At one point he caught the blade with his BARE HANDS. Blood flowed down his wrist but he just squeezed tighter, looking right into the looney's eyes with the cold stare of a predator. It was clear to me that Sir Trevor was done playing defence - it was time to move into attack mode.

He immediately head-butted the druggie, breaking his nose, but not to be outdone the nutter managed to get in a few swipes at Sir Trevor in response, cutting off his neon green tank top and exposing his beautiful chiselled body to the sunlight. The gathered crowd gasped in awe, and Sir Trevor, bouyed by the attention, swung a perfect punch at the belligerent's face. "BONG" he boomed as it connected. "BONG" another one, this time a gut punch. "BONG" a kick to the chest, and the monged up abuser fell to the floor. Sir Trevor stood with his combat boot on the idiot's neck. "Today's top story," he announced, before bellowing, "I WIN!". He stamped down, instantly killing the scum. The crowd erupted into polite applause, as Sir Trevor walked over to me, and tenderly, lovingly, picked me up as we kissed a kiss to end all kisses. He carried me back to his tent, where we made beautiful love for the remainder of the festival.

True story.
( Lightguy hail satan, Tue 14 May 2013, 0:10, 35 replies)

If this doesn't win then we're fucked

( Major Turd for tonight only, Tue 14 May 2013, 0:44, closed)

Toby jug at a festival?
This story doesn't pass the black face test.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 14 May 2013, 1:16, closed)

( Infidel , shit and wrong, Tue 14 May 2013, 1:40, closed)

I posed for this.
That's me, the one on the left with the grey hair.
(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Tue 14 May 2013, 2:31, closed)

You look just like I always imagined a white jebus would look.

( Infidel , shit and wrong, Tue 14 May 2013, 2:59, closed)

I like this and think it should win.

( Infidel , shit and wrong, Tue 14 May 2013, 1:40, closed)

People say this board is dead,
yet here is the best answer ever posted. Sir, I click and salute you.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Tue 14 May 2013, 2:21, closed)

Does Sir Trevor
often feature in homoerotic fantasy fiction?
(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Tue 14 May 2013, 2:30, closed)

I liked the part where he pulledtheman off. .. oh, and the rest had me gaffawing like a loon too.

( @><|= w0nu!) or cunt to my friends, Tue 14 May 2013, 6:49, closed)

I don't like made up stories,
so it's a good thing that this one is 100% true.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 14 May 2013, 7:30, closed)

Glorious.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 14 May 2013, 7:53, closed)

I love this so much.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 14 May 2013, 8:07, closed)

incroyable!
BONG
( rofl harris, Tue 14 May 2013, 8:13, closed)

Internet lies
click
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Tue 14 May 2013, 8:51, closed)

Pretty sure you've just won qotw.
Er... congratulations?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 14 May 2013, 8:58, closed)

I can't click this hard enough.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 14 May 2013, 9:39, closed)

That's what Sir Trevor said

(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Tue 14 May 2013, 10:08, closed)

Ok, really this time, I think we can switch off the internet
Lightguy has won it.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 14 May 2013, 10:25, closed)

^ What Fatty Margaret said ^

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 14 May 2013, 10:27, closed)

How dare you bring my weight into this.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 14 May 2013, 10:31, closed)

Alright.
^What Old Fat Margaret said^
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 14 May 2013, 10:38, closed)

You words cut me, A V. Cut me deep.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 14 May 2013, 10:52, closed)

Sir Trev is my nemesis.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 14 May 2013, 10:57, closed)

*Clicks like a demented clicky thing*

(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Tue 14 May 2013, 13:28, closed)

"Today's top story ..."
Should win for that alone.
( Wet-chinned bag shanker Cannot parse Wogan, Tue 14 May 2013, 14:35, closed)

Oh yes
Got a genuine office lol for that one (and a click)
(Mystery_Machine, Tue 14 May 2013, 14:37, closed)

Not since the great Frankspencer...

Can I remember such brilliance. Bravo!

*Applauds*

*Clicks heartily*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 14 May 2013, 15:04, closed)

I raise my hammer to you, Sir.
*Click*
(Thor McLegend FUCK SHITPANTS PAC MAN, Tue 14 May 2013, 15:08, closed)

I for one doubt the truth of this post
Shirley he would've said 'And finally' before the final blow?

However, on this occasion I will give you the benefit of the doubt and click this over and over until my thumb bleeds
(The Magic Number is neither magic nor a number, Tue 14 May 2013, 15:10, closed)

That is quite, quite beautiful

(woocfot friends with Sacha Distel, Tue 14 May 2013, 17:22, closed)

adding my support here

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 14 May 2013, 19:02, closed)

10/10
Thanks. Can we have some more, please?
( 4Q just lurking, Tue 14 May 2013, 19:22, closed)

Super
Mega massive. BONG!
(Gertcha_cowson NAH MATE, Tue 14 May 2013, 20:50, closed)

If only there were an "I fucking love this!" button.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 14 May 2013, 20:55, closed)

After lurking on here for years
Just had to post to say that this is possibly the best QOTW answer ever.
(Tippex, Tue 14 May 2013, 23:53, closed)