Another car crash.
Well near car crash anyway. This happened about two months ago. I'm in the back of a Ford Escort being driven by a slightly dappy Brum. She's joining a motorway from a slip road, and manages to get sandwiched between a lorry and a coned-off lane. The lorry swerved and missed us by milliseconds. I shouldn't laugh, because a) I nearly died and b) It could happen to anyone given the wrong set of circumstances.

My other near - death experiences have all been of my own doing. I drive a rear-wheel drive Japanese muscle car, a Nissan 200SX. It slides very easily, especially when coming off roundabouts, and especially in the winter, and especially when I've been puffing the magic dragon before driving.
(CerberaSpeedTwelve, Thu 25 Nov 2004, 20:31, Reply)

oy
Once while hiking in the mountains, my mother and her two brothers decided to stop by a waterfall to rest. My mom was standing on the edge of the cliff, where the rocks were wet and slippery, and her brother came to tell her to get away. Not a second after she stepped back, The rock she had stood on came loose, and, very sadly, her brother was still standing on it. She remembers seeing his face as he went down, and seeing him hitting his head on a rock. They found him lying at the water's edge, already dead. I guess it was a near-death experience for my mom, but unfortunately not for my uncle.
( trintrin has jam for blood, Thu 25 Nov 2004, 20:29, Reply)

Not been in accidents *touches the wood* but...
a fair few near misses... come close many a time to being smacked off the mountain bike by dumbarsed inconsiderate car drivers..

But the biggest ones come from being in a car myself with friends (not me driving, haven't passed yet). First was driving down the bypass, on a bit of very wide single carriageway. My friend in his 1 litre micra thinks he has enough grunt to overtake a big line of cars. Oncoming vehicle doing at least 70, big blast of horn from him and we dive back in , having only just made it. nearly shit myself, and he hasn't done it since.

second was in my mate's saxo vtr, we go tearing down the right hand lane, past a BMW converible. the problem was the road narrowed to one lane after some traffic lights, and there's someone in a zafira waiting to right at the lights. the bmw has sped up to try and pass us again (typical wanker) so we have to cut him up in order not to hit said zafira. cue much shouting from bmw and gestures. we think "fuck" and hightail it at th next roundabout. we came so close to hitting both zafira and BMW.

AFL (and shittiness)
( mr_wicksy is.... old., Thu 25 Nov 2004, 20:27, Reply)

Well...
I once was about 1 meter away from being struck by lightning...Completely shat meself and ran about 100 meters in 12 seconds... I only did that cos i was on a cub camp and was told the woods we were in was haunted
(newcustomerserviceteam, Thu 25 Nov 2004, 20:12, Reply)

The best near death experience I had was climbing a waterfall.
No harness, very slippery boulders, hardships along the way, but I made it.

And I'd do it all again...only without the person who kept telling me I couldn't.
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Thu 25 Nov 2004, 19:44, Reply)

Not me but a friend...
... we were out walking in the Yorkshire Dales about 12 years ago. You know Gaping Gill? Deepest pothole in the country. Deep enough to swallow St Paul's Cathedral. She thought it funny to walk right across the edge where the stream runs over the lip and plummets 500ft to the bottom. I was keeping a safe 20 ft away.

And I had my camera on her when she slipped. I froze, I couldn't hit the shutter button. Luckily she didn't fall to the left. I eventually managed to get a picture of her with this enormous great "Isn't it fantastic to be alive?" grin on her face.

And then she died last year of a sudden heart attack. *sad*
(spacedman, Thu 25 Nov 2004, 18:40, Reply)

When I was born...
...I was stressed and my mum had to endure a 23 hour labour. She saw an appirition of her dead brother who appeared to her and told her I'd be a healthy boy... Turns out I was an hour from death when they finally cut me out.

As for the brace position on planes mentioned below - I heard that's so they can identify you by your teeth when the plane crashes?
( beefandcheese, Thu 25 Nov 2004, 18:39, Reply)

Only plane story i know/remember
Flying to another greek island (Skiathos, my mum is big on Greece)
the stipid pilot almost forgot to put the wheels down, I remember one of the stueddeses running down to the cockpit to remind him..git.

Anyways, the take of and landing was always risky, the Island's width is the length of the runway.
And for takeoff not much fuel is in because its a very very very steep takeoff and fly like hell to Athens to get more.
( Blobcat Less Jaffacakes this year, Thu 25 Nov 2004, 18:36, Reply)

Appendix
When i was a nipper, i had incredible stomach pains during my P.E lesson. My teacher, being a cold hearted banshee, decided that i was fine and i kept running. Then, after i collapsed and a girl screamed, she sent me to the medical room. While there, the nurse asked how i was. Not being able to answer as i was in so much pain, she decided to send for my grand-dad. When he saw the look on my face, he took me straight down the hospital. He was a great man. As soon a we ran through the doors, a doctor saw to me and after checking me over said " We're going to take you to the operating theatre". I shit mself! And the last thing i remember about the experience was the doctor shouting " his appendix has ruptured!!". Then i woke up a day and a half later, right as rain! Hooray!
(nickanytime, Thu 25 Nov 2004, 18:26, Reply)

Stupid thinks-they-know-it-all-parent
On a holiday on a greek island (i think it was Zante...) with my mum, stepdad person and my sister. One day in a rented car he stopped the car on the side of the road near a cliff edge to check the back wheel was ok.
He didn't put the hand brake on so me, my mum and my sister were screaming as wee were rolling off the cliffedge and he watched for about 10 seconds before finally leaping in.
Mum:"What the f*** did you think you were doing?!"
Stepdad guy:"I was trying to hold the car!"

Oh and Naive Amoeba, no idea how many times it was round my neck, but I was labeled a 'special kid' through out school and had speech therapy cause my mum thought the cord was to blame...Thanks mum ||n_n||
( Blobcat Less Jaffacakes this year, Thu 25 Nov 2004, 18:24, Reply)

It was a few years ago now...
I was riding to school on my bike with a friend. He was in front and I was behind...only one problem, we were going down a steep hill and my brake cable snapped just as I was going down. I shouted him but I went straight into the back of him and we were both on the road. Thankfully no one was hurt... apart from the person my friend hated saw the whole thing.
(Hartlepool15 aka []Chips[] So you don't have to, Thu 25 Nov 2004, 17:40, Reply)

Driving blind...
So there we were. Three of us good mates in the car after a rollicking good night out, mashed up on some lovely, smooth-as-Samantha-Janus's-bumhole weed. Mark was driving, I was in the passanger seat and Gary is in the back.

"I know", shouts Gary as we get onto a long, straight road with crossroads every 200 yards, "try driving with your eyes covered!" and proceeds to cover Mark's eyes with his hands. Mark gets into the spirit of things by speeding up to about 60mph. "Yay!", we thought, "what japing good fun!"

After about 1 mile of this and much laughter from all three, Mark, for no discernible reason, starts to freak out and slams on the brakes, bringing the car to a standstill just as a Renault 5 cruises along from the right through the crossroad we had just reached. Had we not stopped we would have hit that car full broadside at 60mph.

Sobered us up, I can tell you.

AFL and all that.
(monkeyboys like monkeygirls, Thu 25 Nov 2004, 17:10, Reply)

Dunno if this was a better near-death experience..
..but I once stood in a graveyard for 5 hours.
(Fonkadelix is fucking bored, pass the crack pipe Mavis., Thu 25 Nov 2004, 17:07, Reply)

How do you scare a plane load of people?
Tell them the fuckin' engine has just blown up!
For my ninth birthday(bout 8 yrs ago if my maths is right), my mother took us all out to see my father, who was away on a business trip on some exotic island (ok, not so much a business trip, but he's in the RAF, and spent the best part of 6 months drinking shitloads of beer and snorkelling with sharks).
Excellent 2 weeks, spend loads of time with daddy, get a tan, but the shitty part of having to leave him returns.
So we are on the plane, im sobbing my heart out, face pressed against the window hoping to see him- even when the plane was taking off: cue near death experience
At the ironically named "point of no return", the engine im sitting directly behind (i always get window seats near the wing) decides to explode into a mass of flames and sparks- while im still looking out the window!
I turn to my mum, and say a bit more loudly than intended "Fucking hell! SHIT,MUM THE PLANE'S ON FIRE" ; cue lots of havoc, trolly dollys running around crying and what does mum do? Pulls the shutter down and says "go to sleep, it will be over soon".

I don't think she was trying to be ironic

*found out a month later that some rare bird got stuck in the engine, we had too much fuel on the plane, and we had 3 options after take off: turn left or right and fly into volcanic mountains, go into the sea and get eaten by great whites (in breeding season :)) or fly up

Maybe i'm invincible :-)
(cookie_freak, Thu 25 Nov 2004, 16:55, Reply)

Idiocy
When I was about 14 I was forced up a local hill with my brother and dad. Being bored, my brother and I scarpered up this slope to the side of the beaten path. It was slick, dry dirt that had been washed flat by rainwater falling down it, and the trees had been crisped by the sun since the last time it rained.

So, we made it to the top, now what? My brother slides down on his arse at full speed, narrowly avoiding getting a faceful of branch at one point, only to grab onto a trunk about an inch away.

"Blimey" thought I "I should be careful on my way down!"

So I methodically (read: wimpily) slid my way down until the point about 30 feet away from the bottom, where the trees stopped. I thought I was near the bottom, apparently I wasn't. I stood up to run the last few stesp, only to realise I had a good 7 metres to go, and was about 5 metres off ground level. I took a few humungous steps as my momentum carried me, then I somersaulted into a patch of nettles and sharp branches at the bottom of the slope. I landed on my head at an odd angle, rolled onto my back (without damaging my skull) and got up.

Injuries? A few nettle stings and a minor headache. Feckin' miracle.

Apologies for length.
(youthink, Thu 25 Nov 2004, 16:41, Reply)

You
seem to have lead a very ecxiting life, cthonic.
You neary always post the question 'example'. You should complile them and get them published.
( Laughing Boy, Thu 25 Nov 2004, 16:32, Reply)

Six blotters of white lightning acid
The last thing I remember, apart from my brothers multiple heads spinning round and bleeding from every orifice, was blowing a raspberry at the universe.
( Brandy_Bumwinkle, Thu 25 Nov 2004, 16:30, Reply)

Near death experience
My mum , my brother and I were driving down a country road a few months ago and there is a corner in this piece of road where it is impossible to see if there is anything coming in the oppososite driection.

As we drove round the corner a tractor, being driven at twice the speed any sane man would drive came hurtling towards us. Seeing as the road is only wide enough for one car and tractor driver seemed not to have heard of brakes, he decided to mount the bank at the side of the road.

Result. We were left sitting with a large tractor, with one half about two meter higher up than the other, rocking side to side above our heads.

What made it even worse was that my brother and I were singing "Summer loving" from Grease and we thought it be the last song we ever sang.
( homonk, Thu 25 Nov 2004, 16:25, Reply)

radja
Jesus man, that's a spontaneous pneumothorax. Sorry to be boring, but call an ambulance. You are *very* likely to get recurrence of this and many paramedics can do an on scene needle decompression/aspiration if appropriate.
(emadex thinks the world will end on, Thu 25 Nov 2004, 16:20, Reply)

Tonsillitis
Doesn't sound fatal does it? What the doctor doesn't tell you is that once a few secondary infections kick in, your fucking throat can swell up tighter than an otter's arsehole. This makes breathing difficult and swallowing water impossible.

Three days of this, and spitting out little bags of puss, convinced me to get my backside down to the doctors. He's a nice guy. Gay as a troupe of hairdressers though, which, much to my shame, was probably why I refused to let him shove a painkiller the size of his thumb up my arse.

I left the surgery to go to the E.N.T. hospital in King's Cross. I blacked out twice on the way (it was only a ten-minute journey).

I was admitted after coughing up a load of nastyness over a nurse who, I think, only offered me the bed to get me out of the consulting room. I don't remember much after that, except for regaining consciousness to find two nurses taking pulse/temperature (106 degrees). One said 'We haven't had one this hot in ages". If I were feeling even marginally human at this point I could possibly have taken advantage of the situation. As it was, I couldn't talk and passed out again.

I was in that bastard hospital for 10 days. Thankfully I was put on intravenous morphine for good chunk of the time. Kids: anyone who tells you drugs suck is a lying sack of shit who has never had a cable pumping a pure opiate into their bloodstream. It's the best thing ever.

I staggered out on Christmas Eve weighing three stone less than I did two weeks earlier. The test for being released was being able to swallow a spoonfull of mashed potato. Isn't science wonderful.

To this day I thank the guy who runs the newsagents a few doors down who, when faced with an emaciated, dribbling near-corpse, still sold me ten Marlboro Lights.

Smoking the fuckers hurt like hell - but it was nothing compared to craving for painkillers I woke up with on Christmas morning.
( Bohica Anne Frank's Bukkaki Tentacle Storm, Thu 25 Nov 2004, 16:19, Reply)

I nearly fell off a cliff,
was jumping over a fence to get to the grassy bit on the edge we used to sit on; only, being the spacker I am, I forgot to "pull my legs up", and basically ran into the fence, flipped over it, and nearly rolled off the edge :(

I shall post other stories when I remember them; most involve buses (I've been hit by one, cycled into one, and fell out of one), oh and the time I electrocuted myself on the back of our old telly - my arm wasn't quite "right" for a while.

I've been hit in the face full pelt with a cricket-ball, knocked me over and knocked my front teeth out (baby teeth, I have new ones now ^.^), been strangled to the point of things going reddy/black/small

Most my nearly-dying experiences involve my bike though, as only the front-wheel brakes work. And if I push them too hard I go over the handlebars, so I have to anticipate things - only, I'm shit at that. Today I nearly got hit by a van, and a bus pulled out on me, and I nearly fell into a bush at some traffic lights - but I probably wouldn't have died on the last one.
( stevierar, Thu 25 Nov 2004, 16:11, Reply)

it wasn't
all THAT near death..

but last january the 4th I was walking to the pub (after getting money), getting ready to get pissed (as you do the day before christmas holiday is ending) and suddenly felt this incredible pain down the right side of my chest. "Oh bugger", I thought, "I think my lung just collapsed". "nah, that's ridiculous... lungs dont just collapse for no reason". so I walked on (in pain) to the pub. because of the pain, I didn't notice that I was a bit short of breath. the beer didn;t taste good, and the pain, which I thought just some weird cramp, didn't go away. so I went to the hospital, and was immediately admitted with a collapsed lung.

last july, I felt another pain in my chest. Oh, another collapsed lung. so I gathered together some stuff(books, clothes and other stuff I might need in hospital) and walked to the doctor's, about 1 km. he thought I was right, so I took the bus to hospitalk, where I was admitted immediately.
(radja, Thu 25 Nov 2004, 16:05, Reply)

I wish...
...just once, one of my patients would wake up and say "You absolute bastard...you saved me just as I was getting stoned with Buddha and Jesus before heading off to Allah's place to shag 72 virgins".
(emadex thinks the world will end on, Thu 25 Nov 2004, 16:05, Reply)

And the survey says...
...out of all the patients I have successfully reverted from cardiac arrest, not one has spoken of seeing a tunnel of light or of floating above my head in one of them near death out of body things(...which is just as well as I am very sensitive about my bald spot.)
Usually they aren't even aware that they carked it for a while and we don't tell them in case it upsets them and they cark it again.
(emadex thinks the world will end on, Thu 25 Nov 2004, 15:58, Reply)

Carving Knife
I was 13, had a bitch queen from hell step mother, who to this day is the only person i've ever really hated.

I'd come home from schol and the usual arguments and stuff was going on, as usual being blamed for something, cant remember what or even if i'd actually done something wrong.

She was cooking in the kitchen and i'd been told to stand in the hallway. Arguments continue and she walks out of the kitchen with a carving knife and start waving in my general direction while yelling at me. It ends up with her holding the carving knife to my throat and me thinking "shit what happens next"

I remember having a feeling of death standing over left shoulder looking on, except Death was a woman, not a skeleton but that probably my over active imagination
(loquis, Thu 25 Nov 2004, 15:53, Reply)

Yes...daily.
I have had plenty of near death experiences, usually each day.
But being a paramedic they are usually someone elses.
(emadex thinks the world will end on, Thu 25 Nov 2004, 15:52, Reply)

and another
hurtling downhill on my mountainbike when a hooge lorry pulled out at the bottom of the hill from a works exit without looking.

I walloped on my brakes so hard the bike fell over, and I skidded on my side towards the lorry, looking like I was about to go under it.

But I didn't. Which I'm quite glad about really.

And no, of course, the lorry driver didn't stop to apologise.
(teasus likes tea, Thu 25 Nov 2004, 15:40, Reply)

My mum
was going to have an abortion, as I was a result of a dodgy weekend, but she chickened out when she heard what they'd have to do (in Amsterdam)... something to do with sticking wires up her, and no proper sterile procedures etc, 'cos it was illegal.

I'm just bloody glad it was illegal then. I quite like being alive.

I still don't know why she told me that when I was about 10 though.
(teasus likes tea, Thu 25 Nov 2004, 15:29, Reply)

Near Plane Crash
Flying into Gatwick once with my two bros, when I was 15. Suddenly extremely panicked French recording starts to loop and red lights begin to flash. French people everywhere break out rosaries and are wailing - "wailing?" WTF? (Has to be the only time I wished I spoke French).

Then the captain came on the PA system as calm as ice and tells us in his supercalm voice that the undercarriage is not coming down, so the landing might be "a bit bumpy".

So we circle Gatwick a few times while they 'clear' the emergency runway. I'm thinking "what the F**K do they park on the emergency runway?". People continue to puke and pray and cry like babies. Even the stewardesses look scared - not a good sign I think to myself.

As we come down we have to "Assume the brace position" bent over the pillow on your knees. (What possible use is the 'brace position' when the plane blows up? - IMHO it just makes it easier to crap yourself).

And what was the incredibly profound last thought that went through my mind before we hit the tarmac, my last gift to the world? Was I worried about my brothers, or sad that my parents would lose all of us in one go? No it was - "Bloody hell, I'm about to die and I'm still a virgin!".

Turned out it was a faulty light in the cockpit, the undercarriage was fine.

Went out on a mission and lost it 2 weeks later. Just in case.
(Peelmytangerines, Thu 25 Nov 2004, 15:23, Reply)

Amazongirl, I am one up from you
My umbillical cord was around my neck TWICE!

Ha!


Oh wait... =(


Actually i was also round, crosseyed and purple. I'm ok now thou- *NNNG* -gh..
( Naive Amoeba Bored Cig, Thu 25 Nov 2004, 15:20, Reply)