Jamie of Reuben
I went to see underground rock band Reuben a few months back at London's fine Mean Fiddler - their biggest ever show I'm told. Was standing over by the left wall facing the stage, sat down a lot cos I'd had an A2 music performance exam that day and was pretty knackered but was looking forward to a great gig. He walked past us once with me and mates wondering between us if it was him - his guest spot with one of the supports confirmed this. Saw him talk to a few other fans then walk by again, said "Hey man" he said "hi" in a disinterested way and walked off. Realised actually that was pretty much what I wanted - the pissed off guy trying to make a break for himself from the songs (and he's obviously a good guy cos he was having photos done with others and generally chatting, just not wanting to then) so didn't break my illusions at all. Plus they played a great set.

Met Ian Hislop when he was filming a TV show on churches in our village (a noted communist was vicar here for a few years in the 30s) and was introduced to him in the pub by my dad as "your youngest fan" (I was about 10) and he said "probably my only fan", also a lovely bloke.

Not hugly amusing, but shows people can be what you think.

My penis, etc.
( Whillow, Thu 25 May 2006, 21:25, Reply)

oooh get me
I interviewed Sophie Dahl when she was still fat, she was almost wearing a very small skirt and had inappropriately placed big ladder in her tights...
(bennyhat, Thu 25 May 2006, 21:09, Reply)

French totty and fat dismal DJ
Met that one from 'Allo 'Allo at a conference in about 1996. You know, the one who went "Ooooooh Rene". Lovely lady.

As for "dangerous" Dave Pearce though, what a dismal lump of lard. He turned up to play a guest spot at our students union one night, and as the resident dj there at the time, I did his warm-up set. Meeting him backstage in the ents office, it turns out the man has no charm, conversation or social graces. The most anybody got out of him was a mumbly one word answer. Moody twunt.
(albatross! aka Rameses Niblick III Kerplunk kerplunk - whoops, where's my thribble?, Thu 25 May 2006, 20:52, Reply)

keith Chegwin
When i worked in an electrical retailer keith Chegwin came in one day. A lot of the older women were fussing about him, telling him how much they liked his shows etc. One of the other guys asked him if he was the guy that got his cock out on the jungle program.

Fact
(Nyphur, Thu 25 May 2006, 20:48, Reply)

Not me, but...
an old colleague of mine was on holiday in Wales, and had just been to the bank. It had one of those big old revolving doors, like the ones in New York hotels. Anyway, my mate there, as he was leaving, pushed the revolving door a little bit too hard, knocking a short, scruffy-looking bloke onto his botty.

"Sorry mate" says my colleague as he walks off. It's only a few minutes later he realises he just gave Jeremy Beadle a taste of his own medicine.
(MrBeansHoliday, Thu 25 May 2006, 20:43, Reply)

mike catt
legendary bath and england fly half

went to see my first real rugby game

bath absolutely drubbed whoever they were playing.

"mr catt, will you sign my program!?"

he ignored me. I cried.

fucking twunt
(scumbum, Thu 25 May 2006, 20:37, Reply)

a couple...
Met Tony Robison. He kept saying happy birthday to me. Top bloke! He doesn't speak load, but he's got the sort of voice that seems to come from no where and everyone shuts the fuck up when the Robster's got something to say.

Disappointments. Jon Allison from Scary Go Round. Not a real celeb, but a right cock. Bastard sold me a comic with blank pages and refused to sign it.

Take my advice, save ya money and met someone really famous! David Prows, Bev Bevan, Richard Wilson.... all really nice blokes!
(David Kilmister, Thu 25 May 2006, 20:25, Reply)

Not mine really
But my friend's lunatic uncle from Bristol once got on stage at a Sham 69 concert and decked Jimmy Pursey.
(rogerzilla, Thu 25 May 2006, 20:08, Reply)

Twofer
(1) Once saw Peter Kay in Asda. I stalked the bloke around the frozen peas and then finally worked up the nerve to go say hello. Held my phone up in front of him for a minute or two before finally managing to squeak out 'Can I take your picture with this?' only for him to say 'I think so, it has a camera'. Me I'm just happy so I take his pic and start walking away. He says 'Do you want my PIN too?' and a few weeks later he makes the same joke on Phoenix Nights DVD commentry. Only then did I get it though...

(2) I'm at a corporate gig and Blue appear. I hand around my glossy programmy type thing for them to sign and see that there is apparently an extra member of Blue, Claire Sweeney.

Ruined the mag, that did. Binned it as I left. Claire Sweeney!! Who does she think she is?!
( Jalu, Thu 25 May 2006, 20:03, Reply)

Celebs, I've met a few...
And then again, to few to mention...

I met Chris Langham and his family in 1990... Which obviously turned out to be a disappointment 15 years later...

Most famous person I've met was Tommy Cannon of Cannon and Ball fame. He came in the petrol station I worked at, shortly after Ken Dodd had gone down for tax evasion.

He had a nice Mercedes and came in after filling up. I tried to not to play the sad, loser fan, but it was still cool and I got his autograph. As he goes to leave he said "Oh, can I get a receipt. Don't want any Doddy shenanigans." Class!

Finally, perhaps the funniest one: I was working nights at a petrol station just down the road from the ferry port in Portsmouth. Middle of the night this huge Mercedes pulls up, and a guy in a suit stumbles out of the car, quite obviously drunk... It was the chairman of Portsmouth Football Club, and he bought some cigars, then offered me a job!! Which inexplicably, I never followed up on!
(Bonedwarf is the size of a lemon, Thu 25 May 2006, 19:58, Reply)

Zarf
You reminded me... My uncle used to drum for Darts :) He's a top bloke.

As for not meeting heroes, I bumped into Liam Gallagher at a basketball match. Asked him to sign my program and he happily obliged with a 'no problem mate' and even asked if i was enjoying the match. But Patsy Kensit was with him, and she told me to 'fuck off' when I asked her to sign it later on. And I didn't know who she was besides being Liam's Wife....
( mr_wicksy is.... old., Thu 25 May 2006, 19:54, Reply)

Remember The Name....
i was playing football a good 10 years ago for my very good 5-a-side team, under 11 i think. We won through the first rounds up in scummy Portsmouth, the next weekend we had to go to Brimingham, we won through all those games. then the finals were at the Reebok Stadium, Bolton. Hailing from Plymouth we put some settees in the back of a transit van and made the way up.

we got through to the semi-finals, and got kicked off the park by a bunch of dirty scousers, i left the pitch on a stretcher. but i was young and i dont think i had permananet damage. anyway they stuffed us.

just before Euro 2004, when Wayne Rooney was being paraded to the country, Sky Sports News showed a clip of a young Wayne Rooney tackling one of my teammates from that tournament. So there is a 25% chance that Wayne Rooney stretchered me, they were dirty dirty scousers.
(dani_B Bollocks, Thu 25 May 2006, 19:49, Reply)

Thelma Barlow and Alan Bennett
I used to go drinking with mates at a pub in Settle, North Yorkshire. One night Thelma Barlow (Mavis off Corrie) and Alan Bennett walks in. Thelma's doing the whole mwaa mwaa thing on the cheeks of freeloaders whilst Alan is stood away looking bemused, obviously coming up with a new play about vacuousness of celebrity or something. He was supping a pint and looking a little phased by it all...
Oh and Kevin out of Corrie's dad used to drink in my local. He was a really decent bloke that you could have a natter with until some brainless slapper would push you out of the way and say "Aren't you Kevin's dad?"
I once met Fish and congratulated him on a good gig. He said "Cheers..."
Actually, these stories are a bit boring but I made a resolution this year to try and respond to QOTWs...
(Ghostlight, Thu 25 May 2006, 19:22, Reply)

David Bellamy
Ecologist? Older guy, quite large? Really nice. Met him at a PR stunt a couple of months back. Poor sweetie had a rather drunk teenage girly in a velvet vampira-ish dress hanging off him at the end (so I get cuddly when drinking, so what?) Regardless, he took it with good grace. Top notch. :)

Apologies for lack of disappointedness or childish unfunny penis line.
( Bats, Thu 25 May 2006, 19:19, Reply)

Desmond Tutu
has a very limp handshake.


As a slightly nervous teenager meeting the feller, I decided to go for a nice firm handshake.

I could hear bones crunching, and I think he stopped signing books.

looking back it was probably due to having been treated like shite by an evil government and starved and stuff, but at the time, all I thought was "what a wimp!"
(teasus likes tea, Thu 25 May 2006, 19:17, Reply)

Raymond Cusick.
A name that probably doesn't mean much to sensible people who have lives, but to Doctor Who fans, famous as the designer of the Daleks way back in 1963. A couple of years ago he was guest of honour at a convention in Liverpool, and surrounded by about 15 fan-built Daleks, expressed his wistful regret at not having a proper photograph of himself surrounded by his creations. I step forward and offer to take such a photograph and mail it to him in due course. Imagine my disappointment, when I look at the picture properly on my PC screen the day I get home from the convention, and discover that at the precise moment the shutter went off, Raymond has decided to adopt a facial expression more consistent with being anally violated by a grizzly bear. I never did send him the picture :(
( drdavej, Thu 25 May 2006, 18:57, Reply)

in disneyland paris
i met goofy once. he crushed all my
admiration of him by setting his body
guards on me and my friends after
he tried to *hug* us and my mate
kicked him in the shin.
(torture bunny lives under the kitchen sink, Thu 25 May 2006, 18:49, Reply)

I met John Tickle
of Brainiac and BB fame once, in a Manchester nightclub.

I don't remember what I said to him (I was very pissed) but I remember him shouting "Fuck off" at me.
(The Wigmeister, Thu 25 May 2006, 18:44, Reply)

Let Loose? I bet...
Back in 1994 I was only a nipper and went to CBBC's Big Bash at the NEC. As was the time of the day, celebs used to wander about and talk to people ect...

So, being the long and liquid inducing day that it was, me and my dad needed to do what humans need to do (in otherwords...empty ones bladder).

So, after trudling into the toilet, Let Loose (terrible 1990s band) and Toby Anstis (not very good CBBC Presenter) came in. Toby being the 'child-loving' person he was, stood next to me at the urinal. I at this time in my life, did not know the 'urinal rules' (i.e. No looking, No talking, Leave a Gap between users ect). So I looked up with my innocent eyes and said "You're crap compared to Chris". With that I zipped up and went to leave

(Chris being Chris Jarvis - I later learnt, that he is equally as much a twat)

As me and my dad did leave tho, there had been a group of teenage girls that had surrounded outside the door. As soon as we opened it, we were blinded with flashes of photo-hunters.

I just smile knowing the fact that I insulted a shit CBBC Presenter and that around 50 girls have got a picture of a 45 year old dad with shaven hair and his brat for a son.

*beams*
( Grinned2Death knows what Willis was talking about, Thu 25 May 2006, 18:42, Reply)

Ian Astbury called me a cunt
which was a bit rich
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Thu 25 May 2006, 18:34, Reply)

Daley Thompson
As a nipper he was my idol. He could do anything, man! He was a legend with an awesome moustache. Anyway, I went to a lot of athletic meets at Gateshead Int'l Stadium when I were younger and met many famous athletes. On one occasion I was to meet my hero, Daley Thompson. There were literally tens of people clamouring around him and I waited patiently to get through to the front and bag his autograph. After about fifteen minutes I was standing before the legend himself. He looked me in the eye and said, "You pushed in. Get lost." I was old enough not to cry. But I wasn't quite old enough to tell him to shove his autograph up his perfectly toned muscular anus. My revenge was simple, if mostly innefective: I always made him lose when playing Daley Thompson's Decathlon on the Spectrum. Sod.


On the other hand, legends such as Roger Black, Steve Cram, and Dalton Grant were all pretty good blokes. Old Rog even shook hands with me through the metal railing they had around the athletes' area. A true Leg-end.
( mrlogic is copying your beard, Thu 25 May 2006, 18:33, Reply)

Molko-strop
Travelled all the way to Iceland to meet the bugger. First they refused to talk to fans. Then,Brian left the aftershow party cos he had a headache. However,his girlf is lovely,and Stefan has very soft hands!
(Miharu, Thu 25 May 2006, 18:28, Reply)

Oh dear
My hero was Jill Dando.

It didn't go very well.
(Barry_Bulsara, Thu 25 May 2006, 18:28, Reply)

Not so impressive
Darth Vader...well ok David Prowse, hell, he wasnt even Darth Vader, he came to our school as the Green Cross code man, still, I've met Darth Vader.

Smiley Miley, yeah he of mid-80's Radio 1 roadshow "fame", bumped into him as a 8yr old at Bristol Ballon fiesta, completely moody fucker, wasnt happy about the 5 signatures I got off him and the 5 my mate got.

Tony Robinson, well he didnt like me singing the Maid Marion theme tune, dont blame him really, if I saw him now I'd apologise.
(Laxly, Thu 25 May 2006, 18:27, Reply)

Red Card
Met Pierluigi Collina at Rome airport, 6 years ago. I was pretty disappointed with our encounter.

Nothing funny happened.

That's it.
(Waspard has your wank bank account details, Thu 25 May 2006, 18:26, Reply)

I have never met very famous people but you may know....
Therapy? Thought they were nice until I met them in person. They donated T-shirts and pics to my charity that we could auction off but when I asked for a picture? You would have thought I asked if I could touch Andy Cairns testicles

Snow Patrol- Another bunch of N.Irelands finest cunts who think they are more famous than they actually are. They refused to play a charity gig I had arranged unless all their mates could get in for free (30 of them). I said "No, its a charity gig that would defeat the point, they can pay like everyone else" They promptly took a major strop and I told them to 'dry their eyes' and remember they were under contract to play. Tighten them!

Met 'Cal' from Give my head peace, he signed PTQ at a photo shoot one year then bought the whole RAG group a round (all 20 of us!) Top bloke.

Met KerbDog at a Placebo gig, they dared me to spit on Brian Molko, I did and hit his shoulder.

Oh and I called Patrick Kielty and useless wanker when he wanted me to pay him when I asked him to appear at a charity press conference.
( Bamboo Steamer, Thu 25 May 2006, 18:24, Reply)

I saw Cilia Black in Panto when I was young.
The seat was about 50 rows back.
That was close enough.
(waxdart hello., Thu 25 May 2006, 18:19, Reply)

Before Little Britain, Spaced ...and whatever it is Sean Hughes does now
I saw Steve Coogan back in 1998, after the show my friend wanted to hang around and try to meet him. Simon Pegg was the warm up and he walked out first, I vaguely remembered him from a show he did called “Dan Doyle Space Person” and spoke to him about that, he said he was amazed I’d seen it and was very friendly. Soon Steve Coogan walked out and was actually very nice, he signed our tickets and then asked if we’d like some signed photo’s, top blokes!

Back in 1997 I met Matt Lucas and David Walliams when they were touring the Sir Bernard Chumley character, they not only invited us backstage but signed our tickets, gave us beer (Matt Lucas always offered a cigarette whenever he had one) and let us hang out with them for almost an hour, top blokes!

Then back in 94/95 I saw Sean Hughes, he basically let people queue up after the show and he’d sign whatever you gave him. He was rude, short and didn’t answer any questions he was asked, the fucker didn’t even smile at people. He might have been having a bad day but it’s simply not a good idea to be a twunt to the people that have just paid to see you, Wanker!
(Sub-Lingual Hates You, Thu 25 May 2006, 18:19, Reply)