i can still remember
when this was all fields
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 21:07, 10 replies)

Having see the "Milk, milk, lemonade" mention earlier...
..I recalled this little beauty.

My friend Billy,
Had a ten foot willy,
And he showed it to the girl next door.
She thought it was a snake,
So she hit it with a rake,
And now it's only 5 foot 4.

Not as amusing now as it was when I was 9. Though still makes me chuckle a bit if the truth be told.

Length? See above.
(FUXTIX Not my words, Carol, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 21:05, 5 replies)

I can still
guess the age of trees just by looking at their rings.

*edit* sorry not trees, I meant women.
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 21:03, Reply)

Quite a few people have mentioned programming in BASIC as an obsolete skill.

Obscure and old maybe, but not obsolete for me. I still use BBC BASIC for coding prototype Windows applications as part of my day job. I get paid to do that. So hooray for that solitary BBC Micro Model B in primary school and for all the mockery I endured as a child for knowing a bit about how it worked.

That is all. PS Hello.
(donqui, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 20:41, 2 replies)

The red car and the blue car had a race,
All red want to do is stuff his face.
He eats everything he sees from trucks to prickly trees,
But smart old blue he took the milky way.
(Captain Mongo, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 19:27, 9 replies)

Tank fly, boss walk, jam, nitty-gritty
You're listening to the boy from the big bad city.
This is jam hot.
This is jam hot.
...
Back once again with the renegade master, default damage, power to the people..
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 18:40, 2 replies)

Will it be chips or jackets spuds?
Will it be salad or frozen peas?
........................
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Wed 6 Jul 2011, 18:26, 7 replies)

I can still remember reading a load of urban myths about this girl who gave a guy loads of laxative.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 18:13, Reply)

On the theme of cheat codes*:
UPAZZ

*Since I don't have proper QOTW answer.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 17:32, 1 reply)

I can still chat up most women and get them into bed
Even though I've been with the same woman for 9 years.
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 16:50, 9 replies)

I still know how to split wood with a sledge hamer and chisel
Much more healthy than using the pneumatic splitters.
( BrokenCoccyx doesn't mind if you grope on, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 16:48, 1 reply)

Milk! Lemonade! Chocolate!
whilst pointing at specific areas of my body.
(f_rev, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:18, 2 replies)

How to deal with a nuclear attack
Having been a child in the 1980s, i now how to lie down and cover myself for a nuclear attack.
(Robotnik, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 14:55, 24 replies)

Useless stuff clogging up your brain, you say?
"Orangeade Lemonade Appleade too.
Over here for Ginger Beer and Irn Bru.
Bowl a Cola, pass a Tizer, bring on the team,
get bizzy with the fizzy, Soda Stream!
Lemon-Lime, Strawberry, Blackcurrant flavours too
Mix a tonic so symphonic make a bubble or two
Handy shandy, try a Vimto, Ginger ale or three,
don't deny it on a diet try it one-calorie, a kaleidoscope dream!
Get bizzy with the fizzy, Soda Stream!
(pssh pssh)"
I don't think I'll ever get that bloody song out of my head. Always sneaks back in, somehow.

And then there's the line SET BLASTER=A220 I5 D3
That's stuck in there for good too, I can tell.
( GigerPunk has, hopefully, slept since, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 14:09, 5 replies)

I can still...
perform a 'split-the-atom' on a yo-yo.

I'm waiting for a time when I have kids and yo-yos make their way back into fashion, just so I can pick up their new toy and say "oh...we used to play with these when I was a little 'un!" Before blowing their frickin' minds with my mad skillz!
( guffguff fuckes your gradeds balls!, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 14:00, 2 replies)

If you have a copy of Game Over 2 on the Amstrad CPC
and you never got through the first one, the code to play is '10218'.
( gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 13:46, 4 replies)

sweaty hands slip off joysticks

(Dwarfsmuggler Has hogtied Snow White, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 13:30, 1 reply)

Shaving.
I'm an expert at the long lost art of cutting yourself while shaving.

Despite the best, most valiant efforts of Mr Wilkinson-Bic-Gillette-Swords with their near infinity of blades each designed to gracefully round every curve and crag of your face while leaving it smoother than atomically flat silicon all while floating on a layer of lubricants and unguents guaranteed to offer less friction than a chipolata thrown down a universe, I end up looking like a lucky escapee from a slasher film with half a toilet roll stuck to what's left of my face.
( speedyballbangpots, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 13:17, 20 replies)

Musical uselessness
I can play the tune from the ASDA advert (der der der der-der *ching-ching*) on 34 musical instruments. At a conservative estimate.

Guitar
Mandolin
Banjo
Bass guitar
Double bass
Timpani
Violin
Viola
Cello
Harpsichord
Piano
Pump Organ
Hammond Organ
Harp
Celeste
Vibraphone
Glockenspiel
Xylophone
Tubular Bells
Trumpet
Trombone
Tuba
French Horn
Oboe
Bassoon
Cor Anglais
Saxophone
Clarinet
Recorder
Flute
Piccolo
Kazoo
Swanee Whistle
Hand bells

Why? I have absolutely no idea. But I miss being in the halls of residence near the music room *AND* knowing the door code.
(nordelius, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 13:12, 11 replies)

I remember when Health & Safety was called
Common Sense.
(Kip, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 12:34, 9 replies)

Being only 22, my stuff ain't too old....
However, I know where/how to find every Pokemon in Kanto an Johto in Pokemon Crystal.

I fully realise that I'm pathetic, thanks.
(CallMeNumberTwo had his 'last' cigarette on, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 10:23, 2 replies)

This morning I removed the old film from and loaded a new ISO200 Fujifilm into a
1967 Nikkormat. I have several bits of kit for it, including a 1:1 macro lens, a bellows, and a tripod that weighs nearly as much as your mum.

I can't wait to get shooting with it.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:20, 9 replies)

I can hack Milly Dowler's phone.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:10, 24 replies)

I can take apart a deer of any size.
From being alive to lying in all its muscle groups, bones,skin,insides, etc on the table.
The joys of being a slaughterman/boner for 11 years.

Roll on the zombie apocalypse.

Edit: This works for almost all four legged animals.
( jakedamusss I understand, and dont care., Wed 6 Jul 2011, 1:18, 21 replies)

When film was film.
I can thread-up and play 35mm film, something my employer considers obsolete in this age of everything digital.
On the plus side, I get to do more of my work sat down, which suits my advancing years.

Length? A two hour show used to be about 2 miles of 35mm film.
(forkay, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 0:41, 3 replies)

Oh yeah, I know every word of On Ilkley Moor Bar T'at, AND what the bastard means, and i can do a mean invisible trombone version of the theme tune to Johnny Briggs

no wonder i can never find my fucking keys.
(Matty73, Tue 5 Jul 2011, 22:47, 6 replies)

i can still remember how to forget things
that have not happened , and most likely never will. this , I am told is down to not being and internet lier/attention seeker total spas*






* may be lies **










**this is a lie
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Tue 5 Jul 2011, 21:49, 2 replies)

I can tell you that Billy Stark
of St. Mirren is the last player in the 1978 Panini football sticker album.
I can tie a hangmans noose. I also know a knot for tying shoes that will NEVER accidentally undo.
Bigger* Bastards Rape Our Young Girls But Virgins Give Way is how to remember resistor colour codes.
*another word was used 30 years ago...
( social hand grenade I was a lurker before you were a lurker, Tue 5 Jul 2011, 21:47, 5 replies)