Last night
I watched Batman (Burton/Keaton) and whilst incredibly cheesy has convinced me when I grow up I want to be the joker.

Which bad guy do you want to be when you grow up (obviously the superiour cunning of B3tans would mean you'd win over the hero)?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:25, 41 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm growing increasingly frustrated with big wigs
Why do they have no idea how maths works or how to analyse/present data? They ask for information in such a way that it holds little to no meaning and can easily be manipulated to show the reporting party in a good light.

Ridiculous error of the morning: price 1 / price 2 = difference

Clearly a price changing from £100 to £75 is a 75% difference...

Then we have the issue of wanting reports that "measure" things that aren't even remotely inline with the goals of the business.

:edit: For clarity my frustration is with their labeling the result of the calculation "difference". It's not in any way shape or form a difference.
( Captain V, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:13, 14 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm stressed to hell and need cheering up
so any posts with fluff, jokes or motivation can be posted here, please.

I spent a few minutes manning the fuck up after breakfast, and a few minutes before... well... you know... so I've hopefully covered the /ac.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 12 May 2009, 8:15, 22 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Guilty Musical Secret
Was sitting on the DLR (Docklands Light Railway) this morning on the way into work with the iPod on listening to ... Meat Loaf and tapping my feet and using my hands on my thighs as a drum kit (I play sax, not drums, but there's not much in the way of sax in the songs of Mr Loaf).

What's your guilty musical secret?
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Tue 12 May 2009, 8:05, 38 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I had the nicest afternoon today.
Psych teacher told us yesterday that she would treat us to fish and chips today on the way to our social experiment (we were testing piaget's theory of development on 5 and 6 year old kids).
"bugger that!" thought we, so today we all collected all the spare change we could muster and gave her about 30 bucks to cover it. And she went "aww" and blushed.

Then we all sat outside the chippie in the autumn sun eating our greasy, soggy chips and tater cakes and drinking lemonade.
It was ace.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 12 May 2009, 7:52, 17 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Seen this?
www.boreme.com/boreme/funny-2009/twitter-by-b3ta-p1.php
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Tue 12 May 2009, 7:28, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Gnah' ! I've woken up pissed off.
It's as if it's suddenly clicked, but one of the people where I work has decided to tell everyone something about me that I really don't want other people knowing. He only knows (and it's a half truth) because I showed him something else once (a project I'm doing in cyprus) when I first started working there, because he is from the same place. I've told him a few times to stop telling people, but last night he decided to tell pretty much every driver there.

One of the drivers asked me how old my mum was, in all seriousness, and then said [something like] "Nah', to old for me, she's probably shit (in bed)". Next time I'm going to say the same thing about his daughter, who's 15.

I'm working on their website, it's 90% complete, I'm going to finish that, get paid, then they can all fuck right off, I'm sick of constantly being asked every time a lady walks past the office "What would you do to THAT? Would you bang her? Would you give her one?". Christ, it's no wonder that place is eaither basicly "The Devorced Husband's Club" or "The 40s Year Old And Still Lives With Mummy Club".
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 May 2009, 7:22, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Christ, what a weekend!
Saturday afternoon I headed up to "my" lake and met up with great people from my fishing team. (on the way, I bought flowers and gave them to a little old lady trying to carry her shopping out of the store - helped her with packing up her car, too).
We partied hard! Sunday woke up an hour late and hit the tackle shop to be greeted with a mimosa (bucks fizz) and promptly downed 3 of them while nomming on eggs and pancakes.
Spent the day drinking champagne on a boat while fishing (champagne was served by the male team members) and won a hideous bright pink fishing rod in the raffle which I promptly gave to my partners daughter in law as she loves pink stuff.
Had ribeyes and lobster tails for dinner, and passed out after quaffing another bottle of champagne.

Fucking awesome time all round!

And Clendrix, thank you for making me feel a little bit more humble about things.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Tue 12 May 2009, 5:56, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Cro(w)atia, pt.5
At long last, the final part of Crow's egotistical wank-fest visit to Dubrovnik, in which not very much actually happens.

All in the reply. Then it stops. Honest.

(The rest can be found here, here, here and here)
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 11 May 2009, 23:53, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Heroes season 4
My God what an excellent ending to the series!
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Mon 11 May 2009, 22:29, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

So Middlesborough will be in the championship next season
Do we think Newcastle can squeeze past Hull to stay safe?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 11 May 2009, 21:51, 13 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

So Mr Bin and I
were discussing if a grown man could piss in his own eye the same way a baby can.

I said not, surely a man willy is different to a baby willy.

He refuses to try and I am a girl.

B3tards, it's up to you.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Mon 11 May 2009, 20:38, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Oh dear Newcastle
that was just awful.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 11 May 2009, 20:06, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Who was it?
That said the new album by The Horrors is great? It bloody is! They've got that phased, wobbly guitar sound that My Bloody Valentine used. All courtesy of Mr Geoff Barrow I understand. Seriously, if you like MBV, go check it out.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 11 May 2009, 18:22, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Evening.
My class will not SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Any ideas that are legal and safe to get them to be quiet?

Fortunately Mr Bin understands that Mondays are shit and has got me wankered on cheap wine already.


So go on, how would you shut up a ten year old that talks over you shouting one inch from their face telling then to shut up?


*edit* Nice to know I'm missed Al.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Mon 11 May 2009, 18:15, 30 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I am very much looking forwards to tomorrow.
Apart from the fact that I have a chemistry practical exam (which I should actually be preparing for now), its shaping up to be pretty good.

Its my last full, proper day at college EVER, and I shall be going to my first ever pole dancing lesson. I'm highly excited, its something I've wanted to learn for ages. It supposedly really good for you, and it may be a handy skill when I've no money for food next year.

Who else's Tuesday is going to be good?
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:55, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I was just reading up on my 2d beat-em-ups
At work. As you do...

When I found this for an old X-Men arcade game:

The game is fondly remembered by those who played it for its fun, addictive gameplay and colorful graphics. However, it is also sometimes criticized for its wooden voice acting and often ungrammatical, engrish-like script, particularly from Magneto ("I am Magneto, Master of Magnet" and "Welcome to Die!").

What other sound-bytes from games/films/TV stick in your head for absolutely no reason? Another example is the infamous "Wise fwom your gwave!!".. 10 internet Euros if you can name the game (16-bit era)...
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:06, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

References and testimonials
So, some guy I like shockingly claims he doesn't want to be my boyfriend. He's playing hard to get, in an extreme and ever-so realistic way. Something about an age gap and me not being the woman of his dreams. It's almost as if he truly doesn't want me as a girlfriend. Obviously he's delusional. I am thinking of obtaining good references and letters of support from people so that he will reconsider my application. Al's mum is already composing a glowing tribute.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:44, 65 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Bestival!
Afternoon! Ive just got my ticket for this years Bestival, cant wait!

Im stuck for fancy dress ideas tho???

The theme this year is 'outer-space' any help would be most appreciated... might even post some pics of me looking like a knob too if i can work out how to do it!

Preferably it has to be
A) Easy to make (and cheap)
B) Easy to transport
C) Easy to piss out of...

Cheers peeps
(Is this a good idea? ... Yes this is definitely a good idea, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:34, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Counting Crows
Afternoon all!

Is anyone else going to the Counting Crows gig tonight? I'm rather excited after it was postponed in November! I'm then off into town for a few beers, not sure where yet tho, any suggestions in Manc? I've been told the Northern quarter is ok!
(Fuckarma was masturbating into your handbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:08, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

5 years ago
I got emailed about this before, it's a rather scary video for me. 5 years ago today I finished high school, knowing that I'd never see most of my schoolmates again, due to me moving.

To celebrate my time at the school, several friends got together, and made a video for me.

I was never able to get a copy, and it went missing. A few days back, someone plugged in a old hard drive, and found an original copy. Unfortunately it's massive, so I'll be getting it off him next time I'm down.

Here it is -
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OEgOA5HmkfE
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:55, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Wormulus vs SexFace.
That's the big discussion over on the P.P.I.
My FANCLUB has been informed of this.


What's QOTW's ultimately pointless view of this great battle?

Wormulus or SexFace. One must go, possibly to lesser internet. Here, for example.


Feel free to just ask "WHO?!" and the like, if you are unsure about this topic.
Just to be a part of it. I'm JMG after all.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 15:31, 54 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Can I just have a moment of your time
to remind you all of this:

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monkey_man_of_Delhi (no 'Horses', 100% guaranteed)

It's pretty much my favourite thing ever. Tell me one thing that is more ace than a mythical beast 'about four feet (120 cm) tall, covered in thick black hair, with a metal helmet, metal claws, glowing red eyes and three buttons on its chest'.

See. You can't.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 May 2009, 15:06, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

C'mon, Gonz, c'mon, cunt, do it, let's do this shit, c'mon, let's go
What music gets you in the mood to do Srs Bzns, to build yourself up to be totally awesome.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:52, 57 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Hello the other internet.
JMG etc.

How's QOTW, then?
Here's your chance to shine on today's most looked at thread.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 14:44, 29 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

So, football tonight
what's going to be the score between Newcastle and Middlesborough.

No fat birds etc.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:39, 20 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Death voyeurism
I've just watched the footage from The Twilight Zone where Vic Morrow gets decapitated by a helicopter (it's not graphic though), which complements the Tommy Cooper scene admirably. Plus, there's always the amazing footage of the American politician shooting himself at the press conference.

Why are these videos so fascinating? They're extremely uncomfortable, and you feel like intruding on someone's privacy when you see them, but is this just because death is the last great taboo? I don't think it's about being made aware of mortality or somesuch; it just feels weird. What is that feeling, and why?
(Land of Green Ginger It's dreamy weather, Mon 11 May 2009, 14:04, 16 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've got a great idea to combat the general malaise in the world.
He's called Rafe. And he is NEVER sad. (Except when there's noone to slobber on).

I will be hiring him out to people for free. Trust me, when you have 40kg of insane dog telling you you are the best because you've thrown him a ball, the world becomes much fuzzier.

I will also be hiring him out because, in greater than hourly doses he's EXHAUSTING.

He likes cats, too. But he also likes to chase them.

He will be living in London from 1st August until 1st September, so put your name on the list now to avoid disappointment...

And of course I'm not just trying to get freebie dog walking!
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:56, 41 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Wow.
As it's lunchtime, and I'm rather bored, I've been reading some old QOTWs.

This one really touched me, as my history with this game is similar.

How about you lot?

EDIT: Fixed
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:49, 15 replies, latest was 16 years ago)