Normally I think Little Britain is woefully unfunny...
But this made me laugh quite a lot.

DISCLAIMER: No Horses, Rickrolls, or anything upsetting as such, it's simply Matt Lucas impersonating Susan Boyle
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:37, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Happy 'World Hepatitis day'
You sexual beasts


How will you all be celebrating the special occasion?
(Is this a good idea? ... Yes this is definitely a good idea, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:18, 13 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Morning, all.
I'm happy to say that Josephine seems to be recovering nicely. She's been eating and drinking, and is sleeping a lot. I'm pretty sure she was trapped somewhere for all that time.

I've been singing "Smelly Cat" to her all morning. (If you don't get the reference, here's a de-ris.)

She may reek, but she's still my kitty.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 19 May 2009, 14:16, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Noise cancelling headphones
The noise at work is practically impossible to work with so a decent pair of headphones is needed. My current ones are too uncomfortable when worn for long periods and I have to listen to music louder than I'd like to be (for the sake of my hearing) to try and drown out the din.

Can anybody recommend a pair before I have a breakdown at work?

:edit: If they're comfortable to wear with glasses that'd be a massive plus.
( Captain V, Tue 19 May 2009, 14:01, 18 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

We haven't talked about Swine Flu lately
Perusing the HPA website I see that 57 of 102 confirmed UK cases are in London.

I propose all London bashes be moved to Birmingham for the duration for safety reasons.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:57, 13 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Still makes me laugh
when people go "What the fuck does W T F mean?"
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 19 May 2009, 13:52, 32 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Looks like /board has a troll NSFW
Do not look if you have others who can see your screen
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:21, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

What the Deuce?
Can anyone explain what all this Honda Accord bollocks is?
(stubbledchin, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:11, 16 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

World of warcraft
I noted on /talk that I now know three relatively normal, nice guys that play this, who I now consider otherwise. I have no problem with regular gaming, but something about WoW just makes my flesh crawl.

Anyone else on here play it?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 19 May 2009, 12:08, 26 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I have a question
How do you all feel about Chinese food and Hollyoaks? I ask not for myself, incidentally.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Tue 19 May 2009, 11:54, 15 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

The Awakening
When did it first happen for you? The first time that you realised that the opposite sex weren't icky, smelly things?

I think for me it was when I watched the film 'Trading Places', and Jamie Lee Curtis took her top off. This was followed, a few years later, by her unforgettable striptease in the film 'True Lies'.

Thank you, Jamie Lee Curtis. You may not have known it, but you made me a man.
(Slip Digby is a meat puppet, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:22, 86 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

:( on haitus until further notice
hopefully not for very long.

stupid laptop has royally shat itself. Am borrowing mum's. getting a new one in a few days :(

Am very upset and frustrated as have lost major essays and speeches due this and next week. Have exams in two weeks. Bad bad baaaaaaaaaad time for this to happen.

Love you all. If you have any ideas how to burn my laptop - tell me now!
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 19 May 2009, 11:14, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Proper ninja cat
www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/5346256/Cat-amazes-owner-by-climbing-the-walls-of-her-house.html
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:05, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

It only takes a midget girl,
to fall in love, to fall in love.

What songs do you wish you'd misheard?
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:45, 17 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Expenses committee
If they set up an expenses committee, it should comprise of lay-persons in the same vein as jury duty but lasts month rather than 2 weeks. One works from home, receives a delivery of receipts to process. Decide which ones are actually relevant to being an MP, discard those that are quite clearly a scam and send back the information.

A lot of people are frothing at the mouth, but when people are on jury duty, it is refreshing how lenient and unbiased they are.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:31, 14 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

People who DO want to claim expenses
If you are supplied with a uniform through work and wash it at home...
www.hotukdeals.com/item/403577/wash-your-uniform-at-home-then-clai/
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:27, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm just popping out for a bit
don't break anything while i'm gone.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 19 May 2009, 10:14, 19 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

European destinations
So, in exchange for cat- and house-sitting for my best friend over the next three months, she's offered to send 12 year-old daughter and I on holiday somewhere within an hour or two's flight. Yes, she's a bloody superstar!

I tell you this because I'd like recommendations for places we could go.

We're not beach bunnies but wouldn't be averse to a couple of days sunning and sea. We're both active and quite adventurous, enjoying walking, horses, boating, fishing, camping etc. Great countryside is a bonus, nice people, food, etc always good.

Any suggestions, you well-travelled lot?

Edit: you're all dead sexy. Thanks!
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 19 May 2009, 9:55, 40 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Today I will mostly be singing


Badly, of course. Later on I am going to see Maximo Park *glees*

This totally useless batch of information was brought to you by MassiVag Broadcasts.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 19 May 2009, 9:20, 18 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

good morning b3tans
Hope that you are all well. I've not slept last night due to:

1. Stinging headache that umpteen paracetomol hasn't shifted

2. Meeting with shrink this morning at 0900 although this being the NHS, who knows?

3. Great model idea that I've been working up the design for and talking to a university today to get data for and to test

Other than *the* most obvious answer ("ensconced in the land of Nod" or some variant thereof) what were you up to last night / will you be up to today?
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Tue 19 May 2009, 8:11, 24 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've been good
I've done 4 of my 5 CDs for Random Burn 2009 and the other one has to wait until after the Bank Holiday anyway.

And before someone points out that yesterday was the last day, the dates changed:

"CDs are to be sent from 18th of May. The last sending day is 18th of June."

So yay me. I'm well organised. Now I've just got to remember to post them.

Have you got ahead of the game in anything lately?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 19 May 2009, 7:36, 37 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

So a couple of weeks ago
I was called into the head teachers and asked if I would like to take full time post in replacement of the maternity leave cover I'm doing at the moment.

I thought that was it, all done.

No, today I've got to interview for it. Yes that's right, interview for my own job, and the head has said that it's not in the bag.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Tue 19 May 2009, 6:58, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Does anybody have any tasty vegetable noms?
I've just been told my cholesterol is sky high and I need to change my diet - completely. As in, no more burgers, red meat, potatoes, fried foods....eat fruit, veg, brown rice, poultry and fish.

We think my diet may also account for my digestive/bowel problems, so even though I'm not seeing doc till Friday I'm changing my eating habits effective immediately. Having poached salmon with steamed veggies tonight, but anyone got any helpful hints, tips, cooking ideas?
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Tue 19 May 2009, 5:34, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

New Comic!


I shall expect the mob with flaming torches post-haste.

As ever, comments welcome.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 18 May 2009, 23:23, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Thinking about it
How many of you would milk the system if you were an MP? How many of you have fiddled expenses?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 18 May 2009, 22:42, 19 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Snog, marry or avoid.
One girl from Liverpool said that after she gets dressed up, she feels like a hundred dollars. hahahhahahahahahahahahahhahahhaha ad infinitum.

And why are they always surprised that they only get shitty blokes when they dress like sluts?
( girlinthehole, Mon 18 May 2009, 21:03, 26 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Why
does my cat insist on sitting on my bag or coat and then bite and scratch the shit out of my wrists when I need to retrieve anything from said bag or coat?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 18 May 2009, 20:50, 21 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

At least she's home now...
The Big Black Fluffy Thing was missing for three days.

I walked the neighborhood last night calling for her. She has a tiny voice, so I wasn't expecting a reply, but hoped for a familiar black shadow to appear. I went to bed worried half to death.

This morning there was still no sign of her. I went for a bike ride and a few errands, came home and called for her- nothing. I went to the back door to let the Stoned Siamese in- and there she was, sitting on the step. She walked in slowly, like she was feeling unwell, and I scooped her up to give her a hug. She smelled like death, but at least she purred.

Since then she's eaten a little and drank a fair bit of water, and is now asleep in one of the chairs I usually sit in. She's still not exactly bouncy and still smells like death- but at least she's here.

Had I lost her I would have not dealt well with it...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Mon 18 May 2009, 20:50, 20 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

check this out if you fancy
www.yousendit.com/download/MnFnck85R0ZqY3AzZUE9PQ

rough recording of a new(ish) song by my band

disclaimer: it was recorded very rough, the singer is drunk, it's 11 minutes long and 16 meg.

It's not bad though ;-)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 18 May 2009, 19:20, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

If you could have a superpower, what would it be?
I'd rather like to fly.

And to be invisible.

And to read thoughts.

Maybe be incredibly strong too.

And rich. Rich would be good.

*sigh*

Better get on and cook dinner.

I'm cooking chicken pasta surprise. What are you cooking?
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Mon 18 May 2009, 18:54, 21 replies, latest was 16 years ago)