Story time!
Only this time you get to hear me telling the stories! That's right, you get to hear my voice!

Following a long-ago thread by Chickenlady, I decided to record myself reading some of my better QOTW answers. So, here they are:

Download The Resident Loon - Advice From Old People WARNING: there is screaming in this one, and not by me. It may cause you to soil yourself.

Download The Resident Loon - That's When I Knew It Was Over

Download The Resident Loon - Pathological Liars

Download The Resident Loon - Family Holidays

Download The Resident Loon - That Taught 'Em

I hope you enjoy them...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 12 Nov 2008, 3:24, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

The best thing I have ever stolen from a pub


It was a fucking nightmare to carry back home though. *glees*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 12 Nov 2008, 1:15, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

right im really fucking angry now
this cunt...

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/london/7706598.stm

if anyone knows how i go about paying someone to remove his skin with pliers, please let me know
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 17:42, 15 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Here's Tuesday evening's thread.

( thealternativefact, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 17:19, 161 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Sign
Anybody have an idea what this is all about?


( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 17:07, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Something terrible has just happened to me
I was in the changing rooms of the gym sorting my stuff out and this very old woman (70s-80s)was stood across from me as naked as the day she was born (which was a long time ago)

Anyway Im quite uncomfortable about seeing other women getting changed if they're in the nuddy so I was practically inside my locker trying to avoid looking at her.

And she started walking around with her hands on her hips, without a towel or anything, making attention-seeking remarks, 'blimey' 'pfft' 'ooooohhh' 'bloody hell' and so on.

Then she started stretching.

My eyes have been violated :(
(i should have joined myspace, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 16:58, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

feel a bit queasy
so i'm still over here in dubai. team spimf will be out to join me in jan - i'm home for crimbo then we all fly back together - YAY!

however being a lonely soul i still eat out on my own a fair bit - so much so i have a regular table and i get a 20% discount. yes that is indeed sad.

so there i am minding my own, sipping my wee glass of overpriced wine, reading my book. Well, you know that way when you are suddenly aware someone is watching you - i looked over my shoulder to find 'a nice lady' smiling at me.

"are you alright up there" (my table was slightly elevated from hers)

"yes i am thank you, and you?" i responded breezily to the nice lady.

"are you on your own?"

"yes I am, for the time being" (the time being comment was me thinking about my wife and the spimflet joining me).

"would you like to join me?"

at this point i noticed the distinctly lascivious glint

"erm, thank you very much for the kind offer but i'm just finishing my wine and i'm leaving shortly"

"thats ok, so am i (holds up glass) but your STILL welcome to come and join me" - even more lascivious look.

well fuck me if i wasn't being hit on by some 'nice lady' clearly old enough to be my mum.

I'm a bit miffed to be honest - I eat there regularly and there are all manner of attractive women milling around and i get some school dinner lady type trying to separate me from my trousers.

So there's me thinking i was a man of the world only to be sent scuttling out of 'my' restaurant by some randy old bint hopped up on rubbish chardonnay and HRT.

I think i know how young girls feel now.

*imagines feeling young girl* - nope its not working - i still feel queasy.


!
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 16:53, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Dara O'Briaiaiaiineena or however it's spelt.
As entertaining and funny as the guy is (IMO anyway), does it piss anyone else off when he ends every funny line with "Ergghh"?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 16:46, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Quantum of Silliness
I'm going to see Bond tomorrow night, but my local cinema is showing it on two screens at the same time, one is 'over 18s only'. It's a classed as a 12a in both and I've never heard of a cinema doing a cut version of a film, so can anyone explain this? I'm assuming there won't be any scenes with the bad guy where Bond threatens to cunt him in the fuck, so just wondered if anyone could explain this!
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 16:04, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

video ripping
with respect to this post, I want a way of ripping the tape to the computer.

TV capture cards all seem to be PVR and compress everything. I want something that'll record as AVI. I used Sony Vegas to rip some camcorder tapes but that was through firewire and it did a fine job of storing a selection of AVi files totalling 16Gb.

I need a way of plugging a VCR in. WIll I need to find an old tv-capture card that doesn't compress the hell out of the footage, or is there another way of doing it?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 15:58, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Fellow PSP users?
Sitting playing a game the other night and the thing made an audible "pop" and went off. Booted up ok and could replay from last save point. Didn't appear to be overheating. Has happened while playing another game but hasn't happened while browsing web or watching movies. Anyone else had this? Think I may need to just take it back though.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 11 Nov 2008, 14:46, Reply)

as it's my birthday today
(shameless birthday pimping) i had yesterday off and spent the morning relaxing in a spa.

can i say that there is NOTHING more awkward than the tangle of strangers' legs in a foamy jacuzzi? you have no idea whom you've just kicked or inadvertently caressed, and whether the horribly hairy legs tickling yours are male or female... is anything else on the planet as awkward as this?

did i mention it's my birthday? no, no, it's not my 21st, although it's kind of you to think that.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 10:34, 17 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

disappear
How easy would it be to just disappear? Would it be possible to just walk out of the house with nothing more than a little money, go on to create a whole new life somewhere else and never be traced? I keep coming to conclusion that your National Insurance number would give you away. Unless you went abroad, I suppose.
(Stop Bloody Antivirus Pro 2009, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 10:21, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

How's this for nerdy???
I live in a shoebox apartment - 425sq ft - for you lot back home it's basically a bedsit with everything but a bedroom (i.e. full kitchen, full bathroom etc). You yanks, it's a studio apartment.

I have:

A desktop computer (which I use most)
A laptop (which I use when I'm eating dnner or to remote into work)
A PDA (the HTC Touch Pro)

I can't justify paying an extra $300 a month in rent for a 1 bedroom, as I'm only heome about 4 hours a day when not sleeping. The laptop goes everywhere, and the PDA is great when I'm at work, at the pub, or wherever I need to be mobile.

Edit: And fuck it, I'm about to post my myspaz address in my profile. Whey the fuck not!
I need to get a life......
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 9:22, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

morning.

( wanderlust, Tue 11 Nov 2008, 7:54, 326 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

How I spent my saturday night...
see reply for explanation
(Zapiola zip-zap-zop, Mon 10 Nov 2008, 22:08, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

The insane quest against dead baby jokes!
there seems to be alot of flak about dead baby jokes on facebook at the moment, its all rather funny the lengths people are going to in order to remove groups about dead baby jokes...

*shortened for the sake of my sanity*
( mr schteven In a staring competition with a squid on, Mon 10 Nov 2008, 19:42, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

gig
My mat's 80's synth band 'Rubix Cube' are playing at Roman Bath, York on Sat. Please go along and show your appreciation.

This place here.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 10 Nov 2008, 18:46, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

technology fail
my mum has just tried to 'press a button on my laptop screen'
she thought she saw a buttong in the middle of the screen and actually tried to press it
ah bless
(Just Harry What should I put here?, Mon 10 Nov 2008, 18:28, Reply)

Here's Monday's evening thread...

( thealternativefact, Mon 10 Nov 2008, 17:53, 77 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Cancer is a fucking cunt
and killed my friend on Saturday.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Mon 10 Nov 2008, 16:22, 13 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

For anyone hitting the Edinburgh bash next year
And wondering about where to stay, Travelodge has a promotion on at the mo:

www.travelodge.co.uk/search_and_book/saver_search.php?action=search&tab=list&source=XX&search_for=PROM3&checkInDate=08%2F04%2F09&locpostText=edinburgh

The Haymarket one is pretty close to the main centre - we stayed there a few months ago and it's OK. These offers don't stay around for long though - bear in mind that it's also the easter hols!
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 10 Nov 2008, 15:26, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Thank you lovely people!
For your advice on the DSS, I qualify!

I signed-on for the first time in my entire life this morning. It wasn't as soul destroying as I thought it would be, getting soaked on the way home was...

Am now going to plan what to do with the magic sum of £60.50...whenever it arrives in my account
(LittleRock is planning her next meal, Mon 10 Nov 2008, 12:06, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

:D
Yet another gig from me...well, more a festival -

www.damnationfestival.co.uk/content/lineup.html

The reason that finally made me decide to go was when "Mountains Became Machines" were announced, I'm mates with the drummer :D
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 10 Nov 2008, 10:12, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

The weekend has been and gone.
Did you have a good one?
Come in and tell us all about it.


( wanderlust, Mon 10 Nov 2008, 7:54, 294 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

searching for inspiration
Hell folks,
I am trying to organise a semi-civilised stag nite weekend that involves walking, fresh air, scenic views and pubs.

Someone has suggested "camping barns" which sound pretty fun and Sparta like. Looked on the net for them but there are thousands to choose from.

Can anyone recommend a good one near the Lakes, or Peak Districts??? Sleeping about 10 people, not close and not too far from civilisation.

thank you kindly
(smells-like-victory-v's, Sun 9 Nov 2008, 16:52, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)