Mrs V and I are skint
so are not buying each other much in the way of presents this year for christmas, just a few small items, totalling £30 or so.

I have no idea what to get her. Any ideas?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 9:39, 151 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

An AIDS test.
I'm pretty sure I gave it to her when you were away. Definitely chlamydia, too.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 9:41, Reply)

Does this not just paint you as a STD-riddled man-whore?

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 9:43, Reply)

If the cap fits...
*tries cap on*

*experiences no sizing complications*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 9:45, Reply)

There's your problem,
the cap can only protect against conception, it provides no barrier against AIDS, syphilis, chlamydia or infectious GAY.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 11:27, Reply)

Some stripey pajamas
and an airbrush tattoo set, for that fantasy you keep blathering on about.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 9:42, Reply)

which fantasy is that?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 9:43, Reply)

Concentrate, dear boy.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 9:45, Reply)

Also a diet book
for that genuine feel

'Pro Ana and Me'
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 9:48, Reply)

the one involving frozen orange juice constituents?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 9:49, Reply)

Make her a nice meal
candles wine lube the lot.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 9:42, Reply)

I do that all the time
nice idea though
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 9:43, Reply)

3000 penny sweets

(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 9:45, Reply)

I like this.

( girlinthehole, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 9:53, Reply)

Does she like eating lube then?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 9:46, Reply)

yeah, she's a keeper

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 9:46, Reply)

Or what constitutes a keeper in Exeter.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 9:47, Reply)

says the man from Milton Keynes

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 9:48, Reply)

Wall to wall hotties.
Even number of fingers and everything.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 9:49, Reply)

shame they have standards

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 9:51, Reply)

or you'd come and visit.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 9:52, Reply)

It's a shame they all have either 8 or 12

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:11, Reply)

Gig tickets?
Or arrange an 'experience' day out for her (no, I don't mean make her watch 8hrs of Hendrix DVDs - top tip: they don't like this very much, even if they say they do, they're humouring you), doesn't have to be expensive, just go and visit somewhere like an Owl Sanctuary. Take a picnic hamper, do her up the wrong-un at a dogging hotspot etc etc
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 9:44, Reply)

An owl sancturary?
That'll work, 'Happy Christmas love, I've got you the Professor Yaffle experience'.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 9:47, Reply)

*sighs*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 9:53, Reply)

I got it

(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 9:53, Reply)

Aha.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 9:55, Reply)

that's not a bad idea old man
I could take her to see the penguins at the place in Torquay
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 9:47, Reply)

Experience as gifts are a good idea. But if it's something like the penguin idea you'll have to be inventive as there is nothing actually hand over.

(Cave Duck, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 9:51, Reply)

I would also get her other stuff

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 9:54, Reply)

Cuh - there you go being all profligate with the household budget.
Are there any Yurt sites near you. You could perhaps combine the amount you were going to spend on each other and have a night in one of those. Although there would be no surprise element.

Or if looking actual gifts then something practical that she needs/wants and something indulgent/luxurious without being really expensive - particularly nice chocolate or body lotion or summat.
(Cave Duck, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:04, Reply)

nice idea
but not something she'd be into I think, not at the moment anyway.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:07, Reply)

Surprise her
by secretly entering her into a bare-knuckle boxing match at a gypsy encampment on Bodmin Moor. They love a surprise. Apart from that Rachel Nickell. She was no fun.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 9:49, Reply)

Buy two sledge hammers
then have fun going round london bashing the brainless skulls of students in.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 9:50, Reply)

buy a pretty stocking (accessorize, m&s etc have nice christmas stockings)
buy lots of little things, some fun some sexy some practical. wrap them all. and fill the stocking.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 9:52, Reply)

+ with excrement, and a death threat

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 9:54, Reply)

that was kind of what I was going for
but I don't know what stuff to buy, that was the point of the question.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 9:54, Reply)

Oh you should totally buy her some stuff
Like that stuff you see im that place. I think there's a sale on at the moment
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 9:55, Reply)

that's what I'm talking about
specific, useful advice.

the rest of you could learn a lot from TGB
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 9:57, Reply)

Nah, they've sold out.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 9:57, Reply)

what sort of things does she like?

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 9:55, Reply)

shitty crime books
mostly the same music as me
surfing
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 9:58, Reply)

Make her a 6 foot collage
of pictures of Jill Dando, crudely torn from celebrity magazines.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 9:57, Reply)

examples of pointless but thoughtful things
lip balm, mini designer shampoos/conditioners, book, chocolate coins, nail varnish or other makeup, (new!) pants, face mask, hand lotion, shower gel, nail files, pretty socks, voucher for an hour of viproslove...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 9:59, Reply)

she hardly wears make up or nail varnish, and due to sensitive skin only uses the basic dove stuff for shampoo and stuff.
new pants are already on the list.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:00, Reply)

What about naughty stuff?
Or does she not do that either?
( girlinthehole, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:04, Reply)

depends on what sort of stuff you have in mind

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:04, Reply)

Rose West Cunt-Buster?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:07, Reply)

Tickets for Squeeze at the Phil?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:08, Reply)

You can't get those seats for £30

(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:09, Reply)

you'd need to make sure
they were really great seats.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:11, Reply)

Nothing too hardcore.
Just silly bits of things you can have a laugh with like flavoured lubes, nipple tassles etc.
( girlinthehole, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:10, Reply)

I'll give it some thought
*buys studded leather spank paddle*
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:11, Reply)

Now that's more my kind of thing.

( girlinthehole, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:12, Reply)

I find much of that stuff
tacky and embarrassing. Just so you know.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:12, Reply)

If it's out of the blue and not something your partner is always trying to get you to use then it can be a laugh.
Nothing wrong with a bit of fun in the bedroom.
( girlinthehole, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:14, Reply)

I find a lot of it to be like that
or just awkward.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:14, Reply)

So do I but as a one off surprise with a woman you're comfortable with it would be fun.
*shrugs*

Maybe it's just me then.
( girlinthehole, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:20, Reply)

I will look into it, as you do have a point
just need to find something either completely ridiculous, or quite nice, but tasteful
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:21, Reply)

and me
there is a fine line between sexy as hell and utter cringe.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:15, Reply)

indeed there is
obviously the enormous horse tail buttplug lies firmly on the sexy side.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:16, Reply)

Damn right, yo.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:17, Reply)

Rswipe's ideas are good
Rather than makeup just buy the small things that you know she does use though. Chocolates, minature bottles of drink, and well worth going to places like the gadget shop (I know that has shut down but there are several equivalants whose names don't come to mind) and buying some of the small quite clever items from there.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:16, Reply)

one thing she has said is that she'd like to get better at doing eye makeup
any idea how I can help her do that?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:17, Reply)

Blind her,
then tell her she's done it perfectly every time, regardless of how much she's made herself look like a clown.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:20, Reply)

I think I need you and TGB as my personal advisors

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:21, Reply)

Oh god, TEAM AWESOME Life Coaching.
We'll make a fortune.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:28, Reply)

I've already made the business cards

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:55, Reply)

You can buy ready put together eye makeup kits
the one at Benefit is lovely, but might be a bit over budget- it's £18 I think
(So you can see the sort of thing I mean)

little set
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:22, Reply)

looks good, cheers

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:30, Reply)

benefit stuff is awesome
also you can buy lots of good designer makeup like that for peanuts on ebay from distributors/disgruntled staff who have clearly nicked it and are flogging it. just make sure it's BNIB or similar, you know how fussy i am, the thought of buying second-hand make-up even for oneself is WRONG!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:35, Reply)

^this is a 150% true
it's easy to spot the fakes, but you can easily get it for half the price if you use ebay wisely, and a good brand is essential
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:37, Reply)

I'm good at ebay
so if I get pointed towards the products I should be looking for then I can probably manage that.

I appreciate your help greatly
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:38, Reply)

I can gaz you the stuff I use
for especially sensitive skin if you want
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:43, Reply)

that would be really good
thanks
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:47, Reply)

done!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:45, Reply)

this probably calls for a high five
and some tears on my part how my degree is useless
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:46, Reply)

my degree is useless too, don't worry
it's the office experience you stuff in every holiday you can and the law conversion/medical conversion/accountancy exams you do afterwards that make you employable

this being said, you do need a 2:1 or a first, even from oxbridge, if you want to get into a city firm. so many applicants that anyone with a 2:2 will be straight in the recycling tray, sadly.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:50, Reply)

easy and free!
parade her around any of the big shops like selfridges, harvey nicks, a massive boots. any of the benefit/mac/bobbi brown counters will give a free lesson, in the hope that she will then buy stuff from them.

but also, i am a bit of a make-up obsessive, and have done nearly all of my friends' wedding-day make-up etc. i can easily gaz you some step-by-step tips for a couple of looks (mostly i go for the kind of look that seems as if you aren't really wearing it, but i also do rock-chick, evening, interview, sexy smoky slutty eyes, glittering clubby make-up...)
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:24, Reply)

I was going to suggest this
but rswipe would be much better! I generally have fairly smoky eye makeup so a lighter look might be better
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:26, Reply)

I think smoky might be what she is after
it's certainly what I'd prefer
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:27, Reply)

'I like my makeup like I like my bacon....'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:29, Reply)

streaky?

(Cave Duck, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:30, Reply)

burnt beyond recognition?

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 11:46, Reply)

Or show her some footage of Alice Cooper from the seventies.

(Cave Duck, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:28, Reply)

Or Lord Sutch or Arthur Brown from about 5 years earlier...

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:30, Reply)

And through this process we have arrived at the perfect gift
An Arthur Brown style erm "flaming helmet"
(Cave Duck, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:32, Reply)

yeah, gaz me that stuff and I'll see if I can make it into some kind of free present, to go with some eye makeup or something
you must bear in mind with the shops thing that I live in a pretty small city. Limited to a couple of old school department stores and a shitty boots. All the slags who work there look like they have had their makeup applied by shotgun.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:27, Reply)

i will gaz you after work with a description
and some suggested items. you can buy them ALL online!!!!!!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:33, Reply)

you are simply marvellous

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:36, Reply)

more people should realise this, vipros

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:45, Reply)

you can buy mini dove etc at superdrug for about 80p each
she will laugh, but they are bloody useful if you go away for the weekend or something!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:14, Reply)

face gimp
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:12, Reply)

Get her some jewelry something classy like this
www.Classyjewlery.com
(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 9:56, Reply)

Serious suggestion shocker
Take her on a date. I'm assuming you have a car, buy her a ticket to a gig or show you're sure she'll like, but ideally not something she's hinted at. Obviously you'll need enough spare dollar for your own ticket too. Load her in the car and let her try to guess where you're going and for what purpose. She'll love the suspense and excitement of it. The only way this can fail is if you pick a really crap gig or show. Tim Minchin is touring a the minute with an orchestra and he's fucking brilliant.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 9:57, Reply)

unfortunately, while a nice idea
this would end up going way over budget.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 9:58, Reply)

Yeah, sorry
I just re-read your original post and realised that with petrol, drinks etc I was being wildly optimistic
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:07, Reply)

feel free to donate to my cause

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:09, Reply)

Set up a Justgiving page
I can hardly play the "skint" card at the minute
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:13, Reply)

He's shit.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 9:58, Reply)

No, he really isn't.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:01, Reply)

I saw him in the summer at a festival
he was alright. The compere in the comedy tent was funnier I thought.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:01, Reply)

I had a feeling Monty would like Tim Minchin
For his musicianship if nothing else
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:08, Reply)

Really? You thought I'd like Tim fucking Minchin
and his hysterical musical parodies and 'ginger Russell Brand' stylings?

Dear God why, man? He epitomises everything I loathe about 'musical comedy'. Ugh. Richard Stilgoe, Jasper Carrott, Victoria Wood....

No, no, no. I even have a problem with the musical bits in A Bit of Fry & Laurie. I can just about cope with Bill Bailey but that's it.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:16, Reply)

Which just goes to show what an appalling judge of character I am
Further evidenced by my continued fraternisation with this board
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:19, Reply)

raternisation with this board ucking of men
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:22, Reply)

Not bad
7/10 for creativity

0/10 for originality

You smug twat
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:26, Reply)

He is pretty rubbish

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:14, Reply)

I bought this as a stocking filler but in the end I'm gonna keep it 'cus it's awesome.
www.addictaball.com/

I'm going to get a few of them as gifts.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 9:57, Reply)

I've got one of those.
Its fun but I fucking hate it.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 9:59, Reply)

I just like the fact that I got to the second level in one go and TGB took quite a few tries to get that far.
But she did manage to make a cube out of this.... www.firebox.com/product/2577/M-Cube?via=ser .... which is fucking hard.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:03, Reply)

I've got to like number 18 but I did get it last christmas.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:09, Reply)

Pah', that's right towards the start.
I ordered the big one this morning on the bases of how much I enjoyed it.

This weekend I'm gonna work out who I'm getting what.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:10, Reply)

like it
I'll get one. I got her a Bedlam Cube a while back and she loved that
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 9:59, Reply)

OH GOD
www.firebox.com/product/2854/Bacon-Chocolate?via=ser
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:03, Reply)

nice

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:05, Reply)

Yeah
just look how much she's enjoying it media.firebox.com/pic/p2854_extra3.jpg
(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:11, Reply)

hahahaha

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:12, Reply)

www.firebox.com/product/2610/Mini-Hottie-Hand-Warmer?via=gf3k
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:27, Reply)

good idea
but we've got a bunch of them already

it's led me to think of a hot water bottle cover though. cheers
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:28, Reply)

or how about?
www.red5.co.uk/headonizm_head_massager.aspx
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:36, Reply)

I have a feeling that she is one of the weird people who doesn't like those

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:37, Reply)

then she's not weird
she's in the right. I can't stand them. My dad bought one for my mum though and she loved it. Mind you I'm also in the odd category of people who don't like foot/back massages either
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:38, Reply)

Me neither
I just think 'GET OFF ME'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 11:15, Reply)

Those things are shit.
I used to have one as I needed an emergancy hot water bottle when I was really really ill. To turn it back into non-hot state, you need to boil it in water for 30 minutes and then let it cool down.

I took it on a flight and they took it away from me =((((
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:32, Reply)

Just ordered 3 for gifts

( Peej, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:21, Reply)

Ace =D

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:33, Reply)

You're a legend Gonz
I have three people left to buy for and had no idea what to get them, Now I can relax knowing my Christmas shopping is done. I ordered them from firebox though, from postage.
( Peej, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:36, Reply)

=)

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 11:42, Reply)

Get her a gift voucher,.
Nothing says 'I gave this a lot of thought' than giving someone a voucher.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 9:59, Reply)

I like those gift vouchers that have a picture of the Queen
and can be spent in any shop
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:15, Reply)

Particularly if it's for a shop sells stuff that you really like.
The Hull City Club Shop in my case or probably Weed U Like for Vipros.
(Cave Duck, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:16, Reply)

Vippers you bender,
as a man there is only one way to buy gifts. Pick a shop, wander in, hurtle around in an increasingly panicked fashion looking at stuff and then eventually grab "fuck it, that'll do" items up to your budget. Then go for a calming pint.

Job done.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:18, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1003792
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:22, Reply)

This is correct.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:24, Reply)

That or go to an all night garage at 11pm Christmas eve and buy her a tin of motor oil

( Peej, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:32, Reply)

Speaking of cunts
I went into a posh shirt shop yesterday, she messured my neck and my arm and I said "Seriosuly, look at me, I'm not normally proportioned". She told me not to worry. After the third shirt of slowing going up a size each time, I see on the label "Skinny Fit", so I asked if the others were and she said "Yes, it's more fassionable", so I said "What? Shirts that blatently won't fit?".

After an hour of trying on shirts, I walked out without any, what a bitch, it's less embarassing for her to say "We don't have anything in your size" than it is for me to try on 8 different shirts (half of them being 'skinnny fit'), all of them fitting really badly on me.

I'm only between an 'L' and 'XL' at Marks'n'sparks and ASDA, it's not like I'm massivly huge, I'm big, but not disgusting.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:39, Reply)

I have an issue with buying posh shirts.
A white shirt it a white shirt I can't really tell the difference between a £10 or £50 white cotton shirt.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:42, Reply)

Except the expensive ones tend not to last as long.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:43, Reply)

I'm not sure that I agree with you. However the cheap ones are much easier to iron due to being thinner cotton.

(Cave Duck, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:51, Reply)

I find the shirts can be odd shapes
I have to get the tailored ones because I have quite a fat neck, but if I get a normal style shirt the rest of it is massive on me.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:43, Reply)

But why give me a 'skinny fit' ? It's blatent it won't look good on me, or even fit at all.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 11:08, Reply)

on first appearance you must look like a slave to fashion
that's the only possible explanation.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 11:24, Reply)

Yes we keep getting told that people are getting larger, but clothes seem to be getting cut tighter.
I know that sounds like a classic fat blokes' "blame the clothes not me" argument, but I had Next jacket which was a size Large that lasted me about ten years. Yet during that time I tried other stuff in there that was supposedly XXL that didn't fit anything like as well.
(Cave Duck, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:48, Reply)

Wrap a bow around your cock

( Theoban What of it, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:43, Reply)

I do that every sunday

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:46, Reply)

God frowns upon those that wrappeth on the Sabbath

( Theoban What of it, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:49, Reply)

It was the priest who told him to.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:56, Reply)

Is this about MCing over the intro to 'Iron Man'?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 10:59, Reply)

Get her a 'Mrs V hamper'.
So, like, all the little things you know she buys or likes.
Say, a bottle of wine that she likes, her favourite chocolate bar, her favourite bubble bath, a lipsstick she wears.

Just lots of little things that she might sometimes buy for herself, but all sat there inside, say, big round hat box. It shows you notice all her little things, and it's lot of little treats that don't cost much as a present, but she'd feel too guilty to buy all at once for herself.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 11:25, Reply)

Haha, this has already been suggested.
Great minds and all that.
I was too busy being AWESOME.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 11:32, Reply)

you are awesome
I will see if I can find a bottle of her favourite champagne for a reasonable price though. Wine is a good suggestion.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Dec 2010, 11:34, Reply)