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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Watch yer doormats I'm tellin' yer.
You may well be receiving one of these from me in the next week:

www.cafepress.co.uk/+bender_greeting_cards_pk_of_10,130775216
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 16:36, 234 replies, latest was 15 years ago)
I'm going christmas card 2.0
www.lamecards.com/compose.php?imageid=94
(PsychoChomp, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 16:39, Reply)
I'll bet you've been sent this one by loads of people
www.cafepress.co.uk/+funny_drugs_theme_christmas_greeting_card,330517242
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 16:39, Reply)
The Trading Standards chappies
will be very interested in that 'funny' claim.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 16:58, Reply)
handy
because only benders send cards
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 16:40, Reply)
Aw man, I want one!

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 16:41, Reply)
You're always after the benders

(PsychoChomp, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 16:42, Reply)
It's why I love Monty so.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 16:47, Reply)
You must love Darth and Crow as well.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 16:48, Reply)
They pale in comparison to Monty's bendering.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 16:49, Reply)
SLANDER.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 16:54, Reply)
It's not slander if it's true!

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 16:56, Reply)
He takes so many drugs
to cope with the immense pain caused when he has to stand up straight enough to walk
(PsychoChomp, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 16:55, Reply)
Apparently, dreadful film "The Last Airbender" has the line:
"I always knew you were a bender"
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 16:43, Reply)
There's loads of them
I just looked up quotes on IMDB
Not bender related but it made me laugh.
"Again, I offer my condolences on your nephew burning to death in that terrible accident."
(PsychoChomp, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 16:45, Reply)
pff!
subtly conveying the plot, there
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 16:49, Reply)
Oscar winning stuff
That M. Knight Shyamalamadingdong knows his stuff
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 16:50, Reply)
He has a cunt of a name.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 16:53, Reply)
also
'there are some powerful benders in the north'

Never a truer word said.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 16:53, Reply)
But Crow lives in London

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 16:54, Reply)
And south London at that.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 16:55, Reply)
I have heard tell of this 'South London'.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 16:57, Reply)
It is a place full of people who cannot speak properly
people who have been known to utilise public transport as the Hansom Cabs will not travel there, and people who are permanently queasy from living on the wrong side of the river.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:01, Reply)
that sounds like all of london

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:03, Reply)
*narrows eyes*

(Bazongaloid, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:05, Reply)
*narrow boat*

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:10, Reply)
*narrows mind*

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:12, Reply)
*narrow-on-the-hill*

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:14, Reply)
*Tickle-on-the-tum*
What became of Christopher Lillicrap?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:20, Reply)
Once he won
'funniest name of all time' five years on the trot shit went to his head and he changed, man.

'Tickle on the tum' was Ralph Mc-fucking-Tell though
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:24, Reply)
Of course, you're right.
Mr Lilicrap did 'Flicks' which, if memory serves had the following lyrics in the theme tune.

Flick through the pages of a book.
There may be something that'll make you stop and look.

How he never got a fucking Ivor Novello award still surprises me.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:30, Reply)
How he never got a fucking Iraqi shoeing still surprises me.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:38, Reply)
POTD ^
There was some shit on the telly when I was a lad.

EDIT: www.youtube.com/watch?v=mWHwmatSueU

And you might as well have www.youtube.com/watch?v=mWHwmatSueU as well.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:42, Reply)
tickle on the what?

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:24, Reply)
Sorry Cunchy.
That was too clever for me (until I posted the links and heard the first few seconds of Tickle of the Tum).
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:45, Reply)
*narrows urethra*

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:07, Reply)
...
...
Oh god, I really can't defend where I live.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:09, Reply)
No, you of all people have no leg to stand on
mainly because they are in their usual positions of next to your ears.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:18, Reply)
He's not especially powerful, though, is he?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 16:56, Reply)
Oh sorry, I misread 'powerful'
As 'massive'
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 16:58, Reply)
Schoolgirl error there.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:01, Reply)
On the subject of benders.
Twas late last night and the bottles were drained, we were talking about crap films and Top Gun came up; in particular the homosexual undertones throughout the movie. Soooo...instead of calling it a night, clearing up the empties and going home we stopped giggling, opened a bottle of port, grabbed various instruments and decided to form ‘The Homosexual Undertones’. Within minutes we had stomped our way through a rather mincing Suede-like version of ‘Teenage Kicks’ which was inevitably re-titled ‘Teenage Dicks’. I even decided that I was going to call myself ‘Feargal Shirty’.
(If we could only find an effete, King Charles haired guitarist and a limp-wristed bassist we could go on tour.)
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 16:52, Reply)
brilliant! where's the video evidence?
I also like how your post reads like the start of some urban poem, or one of those stories that get read over some ambient music
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 16:54, Reply)
If only there was a band who could 'paint pictures with sound' about.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 16:55, Reply)
If only Bert was here to get all self righteous on your ass

(Bazongaloid, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 16:56, Reply)
I think Bert just wants his ass.
(Monty's that is)
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 16:58, Reply)
How was GSY!BE?

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 16:56, Reply)
See Phillie's thread for my review.
If you can't be bothered, basically it was OK but not incredible, glad I went - equally glad I didn't pay...
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:02, Reply)
Lying on the floor with their eyes shut?
Jesus fucking christ what a bunch of wankers.
Glad the band wasn't too bad though.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:18, Reply)
Innit blud.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:23, Reply)
Don't give me ideas like that.
I still have yesterday's mushrooms running around my brain.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:00, Reply)
do it do it do it do it!

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:01, Reply)
*opens Mixmeister Fusion and looks for beats*

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:03, Reply)
YEAH!

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:04, Reply)
*tries to sample 'Crunchy's' "Yeah"*

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:05, Reply)
I'm painting sound with pictures

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:06, Reply)
Dude - I was so going to say that!
*goes for a lie down*
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:07, Reply)
it's OK, man
we were just surfing the same fractal wave of consciousness for a moment
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:13, Reply)
Oh wow that's a beautiful sonic cathedral you're building.

(Cave Duck, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:20, Reply)
Like early Slowdive?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:22, Reply)
If I weren't too engrossed in gazing at my shoes to reply, I'd probably say..
Yeah but with liquid bricks of marshmallow gold.
(Cave Duck, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:29, Reply)
We played the Top Gun homo erotic drinking game
any time anything homo erotic happened, you had to drink. You drink a lot.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 16:54, Reply)
You get added 'poof-points' if you were drinking Snowballs.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 16:58, Reply)
second hand snowballs for epic points

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:00, Reply)
....'felched' through a straw.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:01, Reply)
You love a good snowballing you do

(Bazongaloid, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:01, Reply)
who doesn't?

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:03, Reply)
I'll be very disappointed
if I don't get it
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:01, Reply)
Oh you'll 'get it' alright.
Do they have postmen in Oirland?
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:03, Reply)
Postman Pat!

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:04, Reply)
MECHA-LOL

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:05, Reply)
Is that good or bad?
I am still rather muddled.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:09, Reply)
Very, very good.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:13, Reply)
I imagine it's like a robot laughing
it's raw and rusted gears grinding over the unfamiliar tones
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:15, Reply)
That's what I thought too.
Whoa.
(Shit - it's 17:17! I should've left. Byeeee.)
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:18, Reply)
Fucking hell
*picks self off floor*
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:08, Reply)
Apparantly so
I know it's hard to believe

*waits to get it*
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:05, Reply)
They'd better!
I have something to send there.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:05, Reply)
Is it 'the lot of them back'?
I do hope so.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:06, Reply)
Fuck off with the irish hate,
I'll send you a nail bomb.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:07, Reply)
I am intrigued
and curious. And you and berk are being mysterious
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:09, Reply)
Berk and I are totally fucking.
(sorry, Berk, for the massive lies)
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:17, Reply)
Gossip right here!
You can claim 'massive lies' but I know the truth
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:18, Reply)
Sadly I heard secondhand from the horse's mouth that he totally isn't into me :(
Made for a lot of crying for someone not that awesome.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:20, Reply)
That's pretty shit
just berk now then?

Seriously though he's a fool.
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:25, Reply)
My vagina is cursed, obviously.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:27, Reply)
Better cursed than haunted.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:28, Reply)
abandonned and tumbleweed inhabited
a ghost-vagina, eschewed by all
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:31, Reply)

es
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:39, Reply)
Overgrown, damp and smelling of mould.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:41, Reply)
Samantha! You have to get out of here! YOUR PUSSY IS HAUNTED!

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:32, Reply)
*shakes head*
Lampito my lovely little thing : (
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:30, Reply)
I'll be fine.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:36, Reply)
I'm pretty awesome, it's okay to be upset

(Bazongaloid, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:26, Reply)
I believe Lampers used "chubby" to describe this one.
Therefore, if she was referring to you, she wins Understatement Of The Year.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:28, Reply)
She does understate things a lot
she used the term short to describe you for starters.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:31, Reply)
Is Wookiee short?

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:32, Reply)
Are you easy?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:34, Reply)
:(

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:36, Reply)

Sorry
(Bazongaloid, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:38, Reply)
It was good, I'll give you that.
Enough about the sex. That was not a nice joke :(
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:42, Reply)
buuuuuurn

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:36, Reply)
Is the Pope Muslim?

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:36, Reply)
You're wider than I am tall, it's true.
I'm not sure that's enough to qualify me as short, though.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:39, Reply)
Your shortness does that all on its own.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:40, Reply)
Hush you, or I'll tell your girlfriend you've been misbehaving.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:42, Reply)
I suppose if that were the only criteria
then this chap would also be considered short
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kareem_Abdul-Jabbar
(Bazongaloid, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:41, Reply)
Mmmm....massive pies.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:19, Reply)
This time
you might want not to put an 'if undelivered please return to' address on the back, Moichael.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:10, Reply)
Your cards are marked

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:15, Reply)
*checks under car with mirror on stick*

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:22, Reply)
You'll be in the fine company of Admiral of the Fleet The Rt. Hon. Louis Francis Albert Victor Nicholas George Mountbatten, 1st Earl Mountbatten of Burma, KG, GCB, OM, GCSI, GCIE, GCVO, DSO, PC, FRS, né Prince Louis of Battenberg

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:26, Reply)
His was a boat
Airey Neave got the car bomb.

Good effort though.
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:30, Reply)
I was thinking more blown sky high

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:32, Reply)
I've been to his house.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:30, Reply)
Cor, did you teef anything?

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:32, Reply)
I bet it was really dusty
He died in 1978.
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:34, Reply)
Certainly not.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:35, Reply)
Sorry for projecting Barrys moral compass in your direction

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:37, Reply)
I should say so.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:55, Reply)
Thanks to your post Monty I have actually put my arse in gear and written my cards.
Anything I can ever do for you then just ask.



Please.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:06, Reply)
I'll put your arse in gear.
Bondage gear.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:11, Reply)
*digs out gimp mask from back of wardrobe*

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:13, Reply)
I got a Christmas card from my best home-friend-at-uni
It was very cute and I love her and she's hot. Something about the Warrington area that breeds hotties ;)

I also went to a personal tutor meeting half dressed as a stingray. Despite not handing in any work I was described as having "clear and intelligent translations". University of the Year? Pfft.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:07, Reply)

hotties whippets
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:08, Reply)
Woof woof!

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:09, Reply)
I got a christmas card off my sister saying:
"Sadly, the chavs were forced to cancel their christmas nativity play, as they couldn't find three wise men... or a virgin."
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:12, Reply)
that's stupid
plays have actors in them, not the actual people

I bet they couldn't find baby Jesus either
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:16, Reply)
and sheep are really annoying on stage

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:17, Reply)
It's a joke vipros.
You know, a joke?
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:19, Reply)
jokes are nothing without
acuracy
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:20, Reply)
please tell me THAT'S a joke

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:21, Reply)
I am deadly serious
i never joke
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:22, Reply)
Warrington?
Was it delivered by pigeon?

Also, do they still breed exploding bins in Warrington?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:15, Reply)
She lives in the East End here.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:16, Reply)
here?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:17, Reply)
There?

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:20, Reply)
Everywhere!

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:24, Reply)
...on the stair?
/ac
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:26, Reply)
^ Right there.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:26, Reply)
Right there!

(Bazongaloid, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:26, Reply)
Fuck you Jeff I hope you die of AIDS

(Bazongaloid, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:27, Reply)
OMG!!!!!!
WE'RE BEING INVADED!!
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:27, Reply)
Time to use that training
from 80s arcade computer games!
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:29, Reply)
I'll blow bubble at the wall
you jump on it to reach a higher platform
(Bazongaloid, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:30, Reply)
wait - I just need to get some more change
and I've only got 10 minutes, me mum wants me home in time for tea
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:32, Reply)
*runs from left to right in crab like fashion*

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:31, Reply)
London.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:22, Reply)
I hate getting Christmas cards from people I see every day.
I think they are for sending to people you don't see very often to remind them you are thinking of them.

Or is this just me?
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:14, Reply)
exactly - the point it for them to have a real
message, surely, not just some mass-written half-assed greeting. You'd communicate that better by, I dunno, making someone a cup of tea
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:16, Reply)
I get them from the staff at work.
I refuse to reciprocate and join their mass card exchange.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:17, Reply)
I had a couple from students
They now decorate the staff room.
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:18, Reply)
There is a lesson there for everyone.
If you're a phototography student and you send christmas cards. You too might end up painting and wall-papering a staff room in later life.

(I've missed the point again, haven't I?)
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:26, Reply)
haha, maybe
but you have an excellent idea, there. All suck-ups forced to do chores for lecturers. I have more than a few candidates at the moment
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:27, Reply)
Same

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:20, Reply)
I don't bother with cards.
I tell people that 'I'm not sending cards this year, instead I'll make a donation to charity instead'

Reality is, I just don't send cards. I've never made the suggested charitable donation.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:17, Reply)
this ^^

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:18, Reply)
That's fine and no-one should berate you for it.
It's just the expectation that everyone should send them to everyone they know that pisses me off.

I like to let some friends and family know I'm still thinking of them. It makes me feel good.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:19, Reply)
I like to let some friends and family know I'm still thinking of them too,
so I text them pictures of my erect penis.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:32, Reply)
F.O.B

(Bazongaloid, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:33, Reply)
I bet your mum loves to see little winky dinky again.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:34, Reply)
You mean, of course 'THE KRAKEN'.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:41, Reply)
The kraken
the ugly, rarely seen abomination that lurks in the depths?
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:42, Reply)
Pink, squidgy and bio-luminescent
with one hideous eye and the constant malodorous stench of rotting krill?
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:49, Reply)
and a danger to shipping

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:53, Reply)
and feared by Nordic seamen for generations

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 18:00, Reply)
And how does one awaken the Kraken?
My knowledge of Greek mythology is poor.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:44, Reply)
Jazz-mags and bugle usually does it.
The Kraken is Norse I think.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:48, Reply)
Is it?
*googles*

Edit - It is. Not that I ever doubted you.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:49, Reply)
*also googles*
God I'm clever.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:53, Reply)
It's not really her (furry) cup of tea, actually.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:42, Reply)
I don't like them at all.
They look shit, get in the way and create awkwardness. One of my uncles and I have this awful biannual card* thing going. I don't send one to him but he sends one to me, then the whole thing is reversed the following year because I send him one because he sent me one last year, but he doesn't send me one because I didn't send him one etc etc.

*hilarious 'bisexual relationship' strikethrough opportunity
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:18, Reply)
I'm the opposite
I hate getting cards from people I never see. It seems so false, like getting a Facebook invite from someone you havent seen in years but they cant be bothered to add a little "Hi, how's it going?" message.
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:21, Reply)
There's a difference between people you never see because you're not that bothered and people you don't see very often because of distance etc.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:23, Reply)
The difference is marginal
MARGINAL!!!!!!!!!!!!1111
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:26, Reply)
I'm still right though.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:28, Reply)
Are you doing the "ya boo sucks" rasberry thing right now?

(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:39, Reply)
Nope, I'm far too grown up and sensible.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:41, Reply)
depends how often you speak to/text them
surely?
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:30, Reply)
Not really.
I rarely speak or message my best friend in New Zealand but I still send a birthday and Christmas card to let her know I'm thinking of her and vice versa.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:33, Reply)
No-one sends you cards
so your ire is purely hypothetical. Like your knob.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:27, Reply)
You jest
but I think I made the Facebook situation up in my head as nobody from my past has ever tried to contact me.

And leave Mr. Winky out of it, it's not easy living with my tough-love. He's had a hard year.
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:31, Reply)
He's had a very soft year: admit it.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:33, Reply)
Maybe things will perk up in the New Year

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:34, Reply)
I suspect it will.
*nods sagely*
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:35, Reply)
This is good news for him
he just needs to seize opportunities when they're presented
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:37, Reply)
You've hit the nail right on the head.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:38, Reply)
now now monty
i am sure his mum sends one.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:31, Reply)
A knob?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:33, Reply)
She did, it was lovely.
It had a cat with a santa hat on. I gave her one (yikes) with a robin on.
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:34, Reply)
We have been receiving christmas cards for the former owners of this house for the last three years
If someone hasn't bothered telling you they've moved after 3 years, then you should really realise that they think you're a cunt and just stop.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:28, Reply)
Those are GAS BILLS, Al

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:29, Reply)
Why aRE HALF OF THem in capiTALS?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:30, Reply)
It's my new 'death threat' style.
What do you think?
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:34, Reply)
It made me slightly tumescent
MONTY I WANT A TAYYABS WHY CANT WE HAVE TAYYABS ALL THE TIME MONTY WHY!?
(Bazongaloid, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:35, Reply)
Funny
that's what I was thinking
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:38, Reply)
Have you been to the Tayyabs yet?
If not, when are you back in blightly, and when are you coming down to london to get stuffed with hot meat by me and monty in a small sweaty room?
(Bazongaloid, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:42, Reply)
Back in January
and I haven't been yet. Really still want to go. So yeah if you and Monty are up for a bit of 'action' then we should
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 18:33, Reply)
The New Year will bring curried goodness for all.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:45, Reply)
I hope you do this in teh style of santa claus by riding around London on a sleigh
dispensing spicy treats from your massive sack.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:50, Reply)
..stood grunting and red-faced as I empty it
down the chimneys of houses containing excited children.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:54, Reply)
If they gave a return address, send a card back explaining that half the family was wiped out by AIDS.
Bad AIDS
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:33, Reply)
I did check them for return addresses
We know someone who knows them and lives near them, but I've got to the point where I refuse to try and pass post on any more, I just open it and then throw it away.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:35, Reply)
Open it, check for cash from dear old Nana, then throw it away, you mean.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:46, Reply)
I bought this house four years ago
The previous owner died, aged 85. People keep sending her cards and you'd think that they'd add 85 and 4 up to make dead when they don't get a card back.

Maybe not.
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:39, Reply)
I got a Christmas card for someone called Rhiannan from her godparents.
Not posted but pushed through the letter box by hand. You'd think someone's godparents would know where the bloody girl lived. I actuall think it's for the girl next door but I can't be arsed to deliver it yet.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:54, Reply)
I hope you've written on the envelope
'No one with a god awful chavvy name known at this address'
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 18:00, Reply)
is tuna omlette a bad idea?

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:53, Reply)
Yes.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:54, Reply)
so what can I make with half a tin of tuna?
I have oven chips cooking, too - tuna and oven chips? That doesn't sound right
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:55, Reply)
A cat very happy?
Get a takeaway.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:58, Reply)
Get a takeaway cat?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:59, Reply)
GET AIDS AND DIE JEFF

(Bazongaloid, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 18:02, Reply)
This is twice you've wished death of me today Al.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 18:05, Reply)
I think he likes you.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 18:06, Reply)
What makes you say that Blousie?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 18:08, Reply)
Just a hunch.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 18:10, Reply)
Is that the sort of hunch detectives get?
Or have you got a bad back?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 18:12, Reply)
Haha!

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 18:16, Reply)
one day
they will do dogs for you, too
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 18:04, Reply)
You must have eggs as well though?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:59, Reply)
They're called 'Ben-Wa Balls' these days, Jeff.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 18:01, Reply)
yeah
but what does that make. I think I have to eat the half can of tuna before it makes the house smell worse
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 18:04, Reply)
Well make a tuna salad and eat that whilst your oven chips are cooking
And then make an omlette just before your chips are done.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 18:06, Reply)
I don't have any salad
i have half a cougette
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 18:08, Reply)
Go to the shops and get some more stuff?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 18:10, Reply)
too late
I realised that you can make a mushroom and chorizo omlette in kingdom of loathing, so that must be fine in real life, right?
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 18:12, Reply)
Is kingdom of loathing some sort of larping thing?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 18:13, Reply)
no, its an online game
www.youtube.com/watch?v=UEzvc2Pueq8
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 18:15, Reply)
wait
copy and paste fail
www3.kingdomofloathing.com/login.php?loginid=2189edd9d22b46e0be4c49043de006a1
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 18:16, Reply)
You probably know it as 'Milton Keynes'

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 18:22, Reply)
It'll serve no porpoise.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 17:58, Reply)
Are you proud of yourself?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 18:02, Reply)
You've not told me to leave the internet in AGES Monty.
I wanted that to change.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 18:04, Reply)
Oh Monty you tumescent bender
Bonus points if you can tell me who Altern 8 sampled for that quote.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 18:46, Reply)

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