Morning, Bummers!
I'm away on business, I'm on expenses, my best mate's out and about again, and I've got some sales coming!

Why are your cheerful today?

Alt Q - I'm skint, it's not payday for a week yet and my car is a state. Why are you pissed off?
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Mon 24 Jan 2011, 8:25, 114 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Well I thought I'd miss my bus as I was running late but I didn't so that was good but I didn't have time for breakfast so that was bad
/exciting life of badger
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 8:30, Reply)

*writes this down*
This is dynamite stuff! Do please post more.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 8:31, Reply)

Also I'm wearing my new green cardigan now I know what you're thinking monty green with my hair colouring but I can pull it off and as such I'm looking lovely
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 8:33, Reply)

WoOoOoOoO!

(Bazongaloid, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 8:39, Reply)

Excellent news!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 8:41, Reply)

Good morning reprobates.

( SuperMatt, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:43, Reply)

I am cheerful
because you're skint, it's not your payday for a week yet and your car is a state.

I am so pleased about this I've actually mustered up a 'lazy lob-on'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 8:30, Reply)

How's your hangover, Mr Boyce?

(berk, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 8:35, Reply)

Non-existent.
I am a medical marvel.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 8:42, Reply)

Hangovers are for the weak minded.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 8:50, Reply)

I never thought I'd hear you describe yourself as cheerful
You miserable cunt.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Mon 24 Jan 2011, 8:38, Reply)

Charmander was shocked to discover that this is incredibly true- that you ARE a cheerful person.
It's great.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 10:10, Reply)

I was in work yesterday til silly o clock
I will be in work again today until silly o clock, and I've slept in so don't have time for a shower. I really, really don't want to go to work today.
I too am very very poor until Friday.
(berk, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 8:36, Reply)

What will you be on friday?
Just very poor, or filthy rich?
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 8:39, Reply)

She'll be moist and ready on Friday

(Bazongaloid, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 8:40, Reply)

Well, in comparison to my current state of financial affairs
I will be filthy rich. In actual money, I'll have just been paid the usual pittance.
(berk, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 8:42, Reply)

It won't get any better until you are old and have nothing to spend the money on.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 8:45, Reply)

By the time I am old
I probably won't be allowed to retire, and we'll all be paying a bajillion pounds in tax and stuff.
(berk, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 8:52, Reply)

You went to work after getting back from London?
That was silly.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:23, Reply)

It very much was, but I had to
Stuff to do etc. I am royally knackered now though.
(berk, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 10:02, Reply)

I made a 4wd exit the M25 in the wrong direction this morning.
No way was I going to pull out of my lane to let him in. He was silver and had blacked out windows, so deserved it.

He could have slowed down a bit and slotted in behind me, but I understand that this is not an option in such cars.

Anyway, in my small, petty way, this makes me cheerful.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 8:37, Reply)

top work

( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Mon 24 Jan 2011, 8:40, Reply)

I thought so.
A little bit hairy when he started to go over the diagonals, but I stuch to my guns.

He only had to go to Denham to turn round. Quite glad he didn't catch me up though.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 8:42, Reply)

I'm cheerful because it's 2 days til payday
Alt Q: I'm miserable because I'm not really going to get the chance to enjoy it. Ah well, all I need is one month of being boring, and I'm back on track.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 8:42, Reply)

Well you've had plenty of experience being boring on here
so I am confident you can manage.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 8:46, Reply)

I learned that trick from you.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 8:47, Reply)

So you've started the week
with a 'yeah? I know you are but what am I?' comeback.

I see your reputation for witty ripostes is richly deserved, Mr Wilde.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 8:55, Reply)

Yep!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 8:58, Reply)

Yep I LIKE COCK LOL
(PsychoChomp, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:48, Reply)

one month another decade
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 8:48, Reply)

I'm cooking up some chicken soup and I'm about to have my Rice Crispies
This has made me very happy.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 8:58, Reply)

I think you of all people should know why I'm in a good mood at the minute mate
Also, I just found out this weekend when my show's going to be on TV! Very excited, much sooner than expected.

How are you all today, you beautiful shits?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:20, Reply)

I was thinking about you yesterday
as it occurred to me that you hadn't been around for a while. I was worried you had finally got upset by the constant jibes we make pointing out that you're not very attractive, your girlfriend is, the fact that you're together is a source of mystery and as a ballroom dancer, you're probably a closet homosexual.

But I'm glad you haven't as I've missed you.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:23, Reply)

Bender.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:25, Reply)

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
I'm pleased to be able to assure you that I've long since made my peace with having a girlfriend who's way out of my league - the other way round is worse - and am practically impervious to gay jibes after years of hearing the same ones over and over and over again.

Your concern is gratefully received. Mad Dog is right though, you are a bender.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:28, Reply)

:(

(Bazongaloid, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:29, Reply)

Oh don't be sad dear
I can learn you to handle gay taunts like water off a duck's back.

*awaits inevitable strikethrough*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:37, Reply)

*also awaits*




*still awaiting*
That's the funny thing about inevitability, isn't it?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:40, Reply)

I think you can agree
That based on previous form I was entitled to believe that strikethroughs would be forthcoming
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:44, Reply)

That is fair.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 10:08, Reply)

*re-reads previous post*
What is it about replying to you that makes me sound like I've got a Thesaurus open as I type?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 10:14, Reply)

Morning Darth.
Where you been hiding?
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:28, Reply)

Morning sexy
I've been off work ill and frankly it never occurs to me to consult B3ta at home. Don't want to accidentally leave the page open on the laptop and accidentally allow Ms Foxtrot to see the sort of miscreants I'm associating with, do I

How have you been, my dear?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:33, Reply)

I'm OK
I haven't been to bed yet though, so I probably should do something about that. What have you been ill with?
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:40, Reply)

Just general run-downness
IT'S A WORD

Headache, mild nausea, failure to stand up without wobbling or focus on bright screens without feeling shite. Makes both work and my preferred relxation methods (Xbox, TV, porn) inviable. Thank you for asking :-)

So I assume you've been up all night furiously researching your next politically-motivated article?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:43, Reply)

Well, I was tired before work last night
And I'd been drinking all afternoon, so I may or may not have taken some MDs to wake me up before I went in. Pfft, I put the latest post up like, an hour ago, where've you been?
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:48, Reply)

Well that's made me look stupid
More so. Congrats - I'm off to read it now :-) what else have you been up to?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:51, Reply)

Meh, you know, the usual.
Bit of angry feminism here, bit of burgeoning alcoholism there. It's been rather dull. My insomnia has now got so bad that I frequently talk to an Australian online. Oh. I got my 5,000th view yesterday, that was quite nice.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:55, Reply)

Fucking hell, good going
I assume that you talk about the Ashes more than anything else? Boycs would expect nothing less. Sorry to hear that you're not sleeping though. Any movement on the job front?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:56, Reply)

Got a few more shifts at the pub, so I'm being lazy and forgetting about the real world.
My short term needs are met.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 24 Jan 2011, 10:02, Reply)

Excellent work
B3ta is proud of you for this attitude
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 10:05, Reply)

*nods*
Oh yeah, I ain't watching your show, by the way.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 24 Jan 2011, 10:13, Reply)

Oh?
And why the hell not?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 10:14, Reply)

She doesn't have a TV

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 10:15, Reply)

No, it's because he made a fucking FACEBOOK INVITE to watch him on TV.

(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 24 Jan 2011, 10:16, Reply)

Ah, that too!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 10:17, Reply)

I'm protesting that.
I'm making a stand for all that is true and good.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 24 Jan 2011, 10:18, Reply)

You wouldn't believe how many times I've been asked when it's on by people with less to do than you
That was the easiest way to let everyone know. Does it help to know that I opted for that course of action in the name of laziness?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 10:22, Reply)

Actually, yes.
I'm still not watching it though.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 24 Jan 2011, 10:33, Reply)

Fine
It's not as if I voraciously read your blog. This may affect the quality of your birthday present
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 10:42, Reply)

I have grasped the concept of positive thinking with both hands and I'm feeling quite good.
I have decided that I have lovely hair.
( girlinthehole, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:21, Reply)

I agree.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:22, Reply)

Thank you AA.

( girlinthehole, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:26, Reply)

Seconded.
Your hair. Not your thank you.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:33, Reply)

Fanku too!

( girlinthehole, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:51, Reply)

*Waves*
Morning Internet wife.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:52, Reply)

Morning internet husband.
Ready for a brand new day?
( girlinthehole, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:56, Reply)

I don't get paid until next Monday
'Last working day of the month' is shit when it falls after a weekend. I spent rather a lot at the weekend, but so long as I have a cheap week I'll be fine.

Still basking in the glow of an AWESOME weekend. Highlights include seeing Monty dance about while hammered and spinning the tunes for us, and also me kicking his kitchen door open like the MAN I am.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:22, Reply)

I'm gutted we went home now.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:24, Reply)

You missed A Good Time

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:25, Reply)

I was in a state of advanced refreshment.
I suddenly came to, to hear Lusty telling me that perhaps Lab might actually want to go to bed rather than hearing me clumsily cutting up two copies of 'Tom Sawyer' by Rush.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:28, Reply)

It's alright, I really like the first 20 seconds of a song 'mixed' into itself for 15 minutes straight

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:30, Reply)

That's a piece of luck!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:34, Reply)

Aww man, I missed out on Rush?
Why the fuck did I go home?
( SuperMatt, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:58, Reply)

Could someone remind me who they are?

( SuperMatt, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:44, Reply)

Who Monty is?
He was the tall grey-haired Maiden roadie lookalike in the jeggings.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:45, Reply)

Yes, I remember that much
I met a tonne of people on saturday, but no one ever actually told me their b3ta names. I don't want to start stalking the wrong person.
( SuperMatt, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:46, Reply)

You describe which ones you want to stalk
I'll tell you their b3ta name.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:47, Reply)

I'm going to respond with "All of them"
Except Gonz. I definitely don't want to stalk Gonz.
( SuperMatt, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:53, Reply)

Mostly becasue I already know where he lives, and that removes the fun from stalking

( SuperMatt, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:55, Reply)

safe by proxy WIN

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 10:09, Reply)

Count yourself lucky.

( SuperMatt, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 10:10, Reply)

Monty was the one in that boyband musical group T-Shirt.
I can't quite remember the name of them though, I think it was because they never sold any records.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:58, Reply)

No records and one T-Shirt.
Fruit of the Loom before they sold out.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:59, Reply)

I am cheerful because I always am.
It's my natural disposition. I'm just one of those little rays of sunshine: just a 'fun', 'upbeat' person to be around.

Why would anyone be pissed off, living in this world in the present day? It just doesn't make sense to me. There's just so much good going on! There's no reason to despair for humanity, music's the best it's ever been and the weather's just lovely.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:24, Reply)

Is that a tongue poking the inside of your cheek?
No, wait, it's just a massive cock.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:26, Reply)

Don't piss about Monty.
You're giving me the creeps.
( girlinthehole, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:26, Reply)

creeps massive horn
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:32, Reply)

Granted.

( girlinthehole, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:52, Reply)

Plus - hoverboards and flying cars in 4 years or less!
Bet you're looking forward to seeing me on TV too, aren'cha Monty. Aren'cha. Aren'cha.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:29, Reply)

I am so excited about that, I am actually sweating urine.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:33, Reply)

POIDH
This should be BRILLIANT
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:35, Reply)

I've got download speeds of 2.73kb/s at my work desktop.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:25, Reply)

Fuck Yeah!

(Bazongaloid, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:30, Reply)

We should do a SpeedTest.com post, I fucking love speedtest.com posts.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:46, Reply)

i'm positively feral today
everything and everyone in this place is driving me INSANE.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:27, Reply)

Have some bacon, that'll cheer you up!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:27, Reply)

Eviscerate them then burn all the evidence
You'll feel much better.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:28, Reply)

That's your answer to EVERYTHING

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:34, Reply)

If it ain't broke, don't fix it

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:35, Reply)

And if it is...

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:38, Reply)

Eviscerate and burn

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:43, Reply)

It's a formula with no drawbacks
As long as you ain't broke
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:44, Reply)

excellent use of the word eviscerate
this has cheered me up no end.

i am going to award myself a diet coke if i can work it into the letter of claim i am drafting.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:34, Reply)

Cheers!
Barristers play the word game all the time, where they assign each other a word that they have to weave into their opening/closing speeches.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:36, Reply)

HUGZ4U LOL

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:34, Reply)

I'm cheery today because work doesn't start until 4pm
Giving me time to look at potential dresses for my sisters' wedding.
(Mrs Ballunatic counting calories, not votes., Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:32, Reply)

OH GOD WHAT AM I DOING HERE

( SuperMatt, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:42, Reply)

Hanging around with OTers
Means you're drawn to OT, like an aging elephant stumbling towards the boneyard.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 9:43, Reply)

Happens to everyone
Then you become bitter and twisted when you finally realise how utterly shit 99.9% of the people on here are, how they constantly go ON AND ON AND ON about wah wah I'm poor, wah wah I'm single, wah wah I'm hungover, WAH WAH I'm gay, WAH WAH my maid leaves awful coats in my incredibly expensive hallway.

You should save yourself whilst you still can Matt
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 10:07, Reply)

In all fairness, most of that whinging is done by you.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 10:10, Reply)

lies on the internet
You're the worst offender
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 10:12, Reply)

lol

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 10:11, Reply)

Still, does wonders for your self esteem.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 10:12, Reply)