Hello and welcome, Happybara. May your residence here be long and as PsychoChomp-free as possible.
Let's talk romance. In honour of the forthcoming Valentine's festivities which I'm sure you'll all be observing with enormous preparation and enthusiasm, what's the most romantic thing you've ever done?

*produces notepad, waits eagerly*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:02, 13 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Slept in the wet patch.

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:04, Reply)

*officelol*

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:18, Reply)

The most romantic thing I've done was craft related.
I sewed my then boyfriend a stuffed toy. It was rather awesome, if I may say so myself.

I also drew him a picture. As I have no art skillz, it was drawn like a 5 year old. Intentionally.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:04, Reply)

This is brilliant
Genuinely. I wish I had any kind of creative ability
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:07, Reply)

I like sewing
but I'm not very good.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:44, Reply)

my friend's bf insists on writing his name very poorly
and then writing "aged 38 and a half" after it.

it was funny the first time.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:08, Reply)

Now he's 54 the joke just seems odd.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:09, Reply)

He doesn't sound as funny as Dr Hug.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:10, Reply)

+z

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:18, Reply)

+ 4Ulol

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:26, Reply)

Did it have a vibrating "love pocket"

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:10, Reply)

No, we were both 15 ffs

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:44, Reply)

I have made a card
featuring a love poem by 11th Century Arabic poet Mewlana Jalaluddin Rumi.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:05, Reply)

If anyone else had posted this I would have called bullshit
I suppose the card was encased in an envelope made from authentic 11th Century Arabic silk, too
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:09, Reply)

I have been to his Sufi shrine in Konya.
Few men have been wiser. He'd have my doggy dilemma sorted in seconds, and probably in exquisite verse.
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:43, Reply)

I think you may be right.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:47, Reply)

Given his wife's arsehole a good wash

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:05, Reply)

one man's romance is another man's stalky slush
you really have to know your audience i reckon.

the worst thing i did was to get the address of the teacher i really fancied (he banked at natwest. i had a holiday job there. i am not proud of this. although i was at the time.) and send him a val card and a book of poetry. someone asked him in the lesson if he had received any cards and he told us all about it, saying it was years since he'd had a mystery card and he had no idea who it was from... how my friends and i did not laugh or go red remains a mystery to this day.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:06, Reply)

Excellent work there
Not something I can easily replicate and claim as my own romantic gesture, however
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:08, Reply)

i've fancied quite a few men in my time
but nothing can compare to the heart thumping burning all consuming crushes you have in your teens. god that was fun.

now it's all "he makes me come like a train but can he pay the mortgage" or "i wonder if my dad will like him or terrify him" or "i wonder if he's fertile or sterile" or "he really is too old to be quite this monumentally shit in the sack"...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:10, Reply)

Me;
- like a train - once every few hours, but never at the time you'd like, and no (less "can't", more "won't")
- both
- no idea, EU restrictions prevent me from breeding
- I know, I know. Give me a minute and I'll try again
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:26, Reply)

you have a girlfriend
therefore you are off my list. but otherwise, nice try.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:28, Reply)

Yeah, THAT's why I'm off your list

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:39, Reply)

rachelswipe: Proven more stalkery than me.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:09, Reply)

i'm not a judge
but i'm the closest thing to one on here, and i say that the evidence against this statement is overwhelming
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:12, Reply)

The equivilent would be me looking through someones medical records to find their address.
Which is deeply creepy and highly illegal.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:13, Reply)

nooooo it wasn't like that
i was the office work experience gimp, i didn't have access to any records! i was just asked to stuff envelopes with flyers for customers, i knew which part of stockport he lived in because he had told us, he had an unusual surname, and when i saw that he was on the list, i just memorised it.

that is NOT the same as going onto the computer with the deliberate intention of looking up someone's medical and address history, you remain substantially creepier than i am.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:16, Reply)

The fact that you have said teacher's facebook page open in another tab at this very moment
gives the lie to that statement.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:12, Reply)

nah
now i know he likes teh cock i have finally gotten over him.

15 years later.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:17, Reply)

Does this explain the shitty-twat comment from earlier?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:18, Reply)

That was a reply to Chompy, you oaf.
You have RUINED my point with your up-to-date knowledge of his sexual proclivities.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:21, Reply)

in my defence nobody ever replies to psychochomp, therefore i was not expecting it
and secondly, like the proclivities would stop the stalking.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:23, Reply)

Anal

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:09, Reply)

stock Valentines answer
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:09, Reply)

It's not THAT romantic to do someone up the wrong'un
You're either a bumder, a liar, or just not very romantic.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:10, Reply)

I'm an unromantic, lying bumder.
I don't believe any man is truely romantic for the sake of it, we only do it to make the other half happy for for access to her spam purse.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:13, Reply)

I agree with you up to a point
I'm romantic for the sake of a happy girlfriend, and consequently a quiet life. And occasional access to the aforementioned purse
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:19, Reply)

Oh, God, romance...
I don't know. I did 'home-make' a Valentine's card once but it looked a bit Blue-Petery and the pritt-stick wouldn't hold all the glitter on properly. Oh, I took the then g/f to the Blue Elephant in Fulham once. That's quite a romantic Thai. Don't know if it's still there.
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:10, Reply)

It is, it has fish swimming around your feet

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:11, Reply)

I took my sister and her husband there for lunch once.
Decor: 10/10
Food: 5/10
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:16, Reply)

Prices: 2/10
My local thai is just as good
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:19, Reply)

All restaurants in Fulham
are for people with money but no fucking idea.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:24, Reply)

i like bodeans
awesome cheesecake
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:26, Reply)

It's v popular with B3tans
but a bit 'meh' if you ask me. I've only been to the West End one.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:29, Reply)

My dining room off the Broadway is properly nice

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:45, Reply)

My Dining Room off the Broadway is properly nice
this is an actually restaurant not a poor atmept to lure you into my sex dungeon
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:45, Reply)

Fulham
is for people with money but no fucking idea. Shit transport links; The Fulham Palace Road is like Compton yet the sub-Chelsea yaaah's will shell out half a mill for a shoe-box. Morons. I left London long, long ago when my thighs were gazelle-like in their length and grace and my wife's anus was as a finely seasoned slice of calamari.
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:49, Reply)

And, to tell the truth,
it wasn't actually that romantic because we were sat next to a coven of cackling, hate-filled hags having a kind of anti-valentine's celebration, moaning about men, relationships etc etc.

I wanted to stuff them in wells and use their skins as freaky, ersatz cocoons by the time the mains arrived.
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:23, Reply)

That's ra-racist.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:27, Reply)

Maybe not strictly romantic
My long-distance girlfriend at the time was really ill in bed. We normally only got to see each other at weekends, but one wednesday I took 2.5 hours worth of trains to get to hers, let myself in and while she slept I prepared dinner, did some tidying up and then gently woke her for dinner in bed.

I then spent as long as I could with her, tending to her every need, before getting the last train back home.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:11, Reply)

How in the name of hell
is that not romantic? Fucking hell. Lucky girl.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:29, Reply)

Well it's not exactly chocolates and roses
Though I did bring her sweets and flowers, and some less romantic food essentials.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:34, Reply)

I'm still impressed

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:41, Reply)

Cheers dude!

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:42, Reply)

She hadn't realised she was his girlfriend prior to that
or met him, or heard of him.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:37, Reply)

I'm not Psychochomp

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:40, Reply)

getting the last train back home

doing her up the wrong 'un.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:32, Reply)

I have never done or received anything romantic in my life.
I did turn up at the boy friend's house in nothing but a thong, corset and thigh-highs under a big coat for his birthday though.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:12, Reply)

ha my friend lisa did that
when she got there he had about 5 mates watching the rugby and they were all leathered. they kept asking her why she didn't take her coat off and in the end she stormed home again.

she also tried to replicate the "dirty dancing" sex scene, but he just complained that she was making him dizzy walking around him in circles.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:14, Reply)

I don't know how I'm going to top that now though.
It's all downhill from here.

Ahahaha, proof that real life is not the same as movies. Poor girl.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:15, Reply)

ugh, why why why would you want to replicate that

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:18, Reply)

I know, Patrick Swayze had horrible feet
And that room was a tip.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:19, Reply)

AND CANCER.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:23, Reply)

THIS TOO

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:24, Reply)

I love that room.

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:25, Reply)

two words.
patrick's.


back.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:19, Reply)

I don't remember it well enough, but she should've known it would've been a let down.

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:22, Reply)

I think Ms Foxtrot would be happier replicating the dance scene
Which is a testament to both my dancing and bedroom skills
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:30, Reply)

groan

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:33, Reply)

To clarify;
I'm saying I'm crap in bed but good at dancing. And that she'd prefer it this way round.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:38, Reply)

I need a girlfriend like you
Only better looking.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:14, Reply)

Not possible.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:17, Reply)

Harsh, I can totally get a girlfriend.
Oh, you meant the second bit.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:18, Reply)

Of course I do.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:20, Reply)

A friend of mine did this too
Turned up at her boyfriends in a long coat, high heels, stockings, suspenders, corset, you name it. Bless him, he was too shocked to know what to do, haha.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:23, Reply)

A replica Sutton Hoo burial war-helmet?


You did say I could name it.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:32, Reply)

I too have done this
except in order to do so, I had to get changed in a train toilet 10 minutes from Bangor train station, and managed to flash a dirty old man when I dropped my bag coming out of the toilet, and spent the next ten minutes being very uncomfortably aware that he was touching himself and staring at me.
(berk, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 15:16, Reply)

hahahahahahahahaha!
*breathes*

hahahahahahahahaha!

*breathes*

hahahahahahahahaha!

*breathes*

hahahahahahahahaha!

/passes out
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 15:23, Reply)

nothing ever for valentines
once I did get a plate of chocolate covered strawberries which was nice and romantic I suppose, but I felt something more along the lines of mortification

here is a recipe don't think you need the double boiler, the nazi I live with just uses the microwave
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:16, Reply)

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
You are so beautiful,
I want to wear your skin
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:24, Reply)

Blinks back tears.
That is exquisite.
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:26, Reply)

I wrote a Petrarchan Sonnet
I had to look up the structure on the interwebs for I am a dullard at poetry. Which possibly explains why it took me two days of agonising to get it done.

"That was very nice." was the response.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:30, Reply)

I wrote her a poem once called Time And Relative Dimension In Space
no word of a lie. She loved it. That was a surprise.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:32, Reply)

I've never done anything romantic
I'm shit at the whole romance thing
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:48, Reply)