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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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I know I'm going to regret this but still...I'm writing my anuunal appraisal, it is fucking boring banging on about how brilliant I am; therefore OT I want you to appraise me, go.
ALT: Best/most amusing comment you ever had on a report/in a parents evening?
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:00,
118 replies,
latest was 15 years ago)
You're a fucking retard.Done.
Alt: "Agnostic has some very good ideas, well thought out, and intelligent. His insistence on sharing with the class, however, is not as well looked upon' - Year 4, I think. Best way I've ever heard a teacher say 'You talk too fucking much'
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:02,
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Actually i'm a spastic, but thanks for playing(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:04,
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"Roota always brings her PE kit, is well turned-out and and tries her best.She does not try to avoid participating in PE lessons, despite it being evident that she has limited capabilities and enthusiasm for this subject. She is very graceful* in gymnastics and is a surprisingly strong swimmer, but it might be good for her to improve her overall level of fitness and co-ordination."
*notice she did not say good at gymnastics, or even flexible or strong. Just 'graceful'.
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:08,
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*breaks your arm*My parents used to lay bets on the only positive thing being "She always brings her PE kit..." and it being the first thing said on parents' evening.
EDIT and I must add we're only on about PE here. I was a very good girl.
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:11,
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I got a PE reportthat said I'd participated well all year round in hockey, basketball, fencing, volleyball and football. Despite the fact I'd only done the fencing and volleyball since my asthma was too bad for outside sports.
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Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:11,
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"Could try harder".I think everyone must have had this at least once. Actually that was for sports.
(, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:13, Reply)
Appraisal: 4/10 needs to try harderAlt: I suggest doing something in a better way to Amberl, and she politely nods, smiles and assures me she will, and then goes ahead and does it her own way as always.' Said by an exasperated teacher at a parent's evening.
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Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:08,
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NakedApe is brilliant because he can spell 'annual' in a new and creative style.(, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:10, Reply)
I had to do one of those psychometric tests a few years back to keep my employer of the time happy.Turns out I got a record score for pessimism, the open line of my feedback form read.
'Jeff brings doom and gloom wherever he goes'
That made me smile all day, especially as I'd just ticked boxes in a random fashion as I was too busy to spend any time on it. Oddly, it was completely accurate.
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:10,
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I did a similar sort of thing with the Scientologists.Using their very scientific and accurate E-meter. Apparently I suffer from very bad depression, and could do with a few of their courses. Idiots.
(, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:16, Reply)
Alt: "You're main problem is that you're an idealist""You just can't highlight moral problems even if you do dress them up by providing juvenile solutions. And please remove 'HR Manager' from your internal email signature."
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:11,
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'YOUR second problem is your dismal command of English'(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:36,
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"NakedApe takes a thouroughly cavalier attitude to his work and will fail GCSE Latin"this was the first thing my latin teacher said to my parents when they met...good times
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:16,
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Several teachers commented on my ability to drag them off on a tangent"Ooh, and there's the bell, is it time for next lesson already?"
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:17,
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In year nine parents' evening was interesting.My History teacher spent no time talking about how I was doing in class or what standard my work was at. Instead he focused solely on the time he left us a DVD about Oliver Cromwell to watch with a substitute teacher, and the fact I switched it with Taxi Driver when said sub teacher wasn't looking. Luckily my dad thought it was funny.
(, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:20, Reply)
Good job your dad wasn't Wolf from Gladiators.He never found anything funny.
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:22,
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DVD rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrready(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:26,
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Menu with be pressed on my first whistle.Play will be pressed on my second whistle.
Three, Two... One!
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:28,
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Just thinkHe could have called Wolf a Dadiator
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:29,
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If I was Wolf's son.I'd be exactly the same as I am now, except I'd have shoulder length hair and carry one of those big stick things about with me wherever I went.
(, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:30, Reply)
I cannot believe I ever let my hair get that long. Looking back on photos it looked stupid when it was bowl cut length, let alone when it was shoulder length. I must say I look fantastic now though.
(, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:55, Reply)
I liked a bit of, actually I really can't continue this sentence without innuendo(
Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:58,
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I'm intreged as the the Spanish Fisherman lookbut it's redexed
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 15:00,
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NakedApe is an aggressively militant homosexualwith severe literacy issues. Whilst he can at time be faintly amusing, this is massively overshadowed by the hugely irritating lavender-scented faeces that streams (seemingly never-endingly) from his hideous, malformed lips.
Areas for improvement include personal hygiene and basically he should just fuck off yeah.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:22,
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Alt: none, but when I was at primary school I once let rip an SBD so malevolent that the teacher announced 'I think somebody needs the toilet'.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:23,
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:24,
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You missed a one in the last thread(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:29,
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I read-a that in a comedy Italian accent-a.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:32,
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Or Count Count from Sesame StOne a a a a a a ahhhh!
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:33,
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I was probably at lunch, or possibly even workingI'm not Q, you know
(, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:34, Reply)
shoddyIt was worth at least a 7/10 I thought
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:35,
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I'm torn between my intrinsic laziness and my desire not to see it replicated hereLaziness wins. What was it?
(, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:37, Reply)
Oh I did see that oneNo score - does not make sense unless you are considerably more Northern than I am
Oh go on then, 7/10. As it's you
(, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:40, Reply)
There can be only one Q/highlander
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:42,
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7/10Excellent use of addition, however loses points for stating the accusation in such an unsubtle way.
(, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:40, Reply)
I wrote it in the style of playground abuse, given the theme of the thread.Do keep up.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:46,
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I'm not going to start re-evaluating retroactivelyI'll be here all day. Besides, 8/10 is my *click* level, it needs to be special to attain that sort of level.
(, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:48, Reply)
Oh dear, confession time.My school report read "Bartleby is a boy of some intelegence."
Me: "Sir, only some intelegence?"
Mr Logan: "Bring it here boy." Crosses out "some" with a different colour pen.
Me: Smugly, "Thanks sir."
It took me a while to work out why he started laughing.
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Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:24,
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Was he laughing at the spelling of 'intelligence'? I certainly am.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:29,
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It was a long time ago and it was spelt that way.I went to ye secondary modern.
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Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:32,
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My favourite report card ever (not mine):"Far too interested in sport. He'll never make a living playing football" - Gary Lineker
(, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:28, Reply)
That's your favourite?*genuinely baffled face*
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:30,
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Who was Gary Lineker saying that about?Was it you?
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:57,
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Alt: My history teacher told my folks that no one in our year would get anywhere near an A in Higher HistoryI breezed an A - just to piss him off.
(, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:32, Reply)
I thought the reason was you were a girly swat.(
Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:33,
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:34,
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I'm entertained that this is the only reason you can think of(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:37,
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Oh aye - and he had a cock. Probably. Well I didn't see it, if that's what you're getting at.*cough*
(, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:51, Reply)
HA, THAT REALLY SHOWED HIM, RIGHT?(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:33,
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You would probably have breezed it yourself Monty The syllabus comprised Hitler's rise to power, The Spanish Civil War, Mussolini, etc etc. Right up your alley.
(, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:36, Reply)
I'm going for the scattergun approach to taking the piss these days(, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:55, Reply)
"NakedApe is one of only three people ever to be scored 8 out of 10 by Darth Foxtrot for a gay jibe. Only one person has ever managed a 9"That should do it.
(, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:37, Reply)
Best report ever, who got 9 and for what?(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:39,
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Top of the PopsWe need a hit parade
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:40,
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Monty got the 9, he's also one of the other 8's, so is basically winningIt was something along the lines of striking through my statement "I've been subjected to a one in-one out policy on my DVDs by Ms Foxtrot" as follows;
I realise the self-defeating futility of replicating a gay jibe made at my expense but that was an absolute pearler and I might as well be able to laugh at myself, it's the only way I'll ever be in agreement with you lot
(, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:43, Reply)
I bow down to this strikethrough punnage(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:47,
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He has his lucid momentswhen he very occasionally surfaces from his Alzheimer's
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Kroney, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:53,
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"Sometimes it's like she has amnesia, one day she will come in and do exactly what she needs to do and the next it's as if the knowledge has completely left her."(
Lisette von Falcon, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:37,
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it's also truebut I'm an alcoholic, when I had that job I was getting drunk almost every night so it's no wonder, I was killing my brain
now it's not so bad because I don't usually drink during the week, I can actually function
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Lisette von Falcon, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 15:05,
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One teacher told my parents when I was 15I should apply to Oxford for history. The same teacher who tried to make me do his filing in preparation for my future as a secretary. He also told my mother I was the laziest child he'd ever come across.
Edit: memories flooding back. Same teacher told my dad that he expected I'd either be very successful or a criminal.
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Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:38,
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Well, he did come across her while she was pretending to be a secretarySounds very accomodating.
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:50,
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My parents' evening comments were always the same."He's pretty clever, but clearly doesn't give a shit about learning, which we find immensely frustrating".
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Kroney, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:42,
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Not much has changed, really.I'll happily read history books for hours, but anything that would actually contribute to my career leaves me cold.
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Kroney, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:49,
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Alt:'Monty is by far the brightest and most popular-with-da-bitchez student in the history of the school. When not duffing up the hardest boy in the 5th year he can usually be found boffing Miss Dudley (you know, the fit music teaching assistant with the EPIC GAZONGAS) in the music cupboard, yet amazingly his work is simply first-rate, in actual fact we're paying him £1000 an hour to write the text books for next year's intake.'
This is genuinely word for word what my report said, loads of times.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:43,
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Are you suggesting I am making some or all of this up?(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:47,
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(, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:47, Reply)
'although we do have to ask himto refrain from playing Wet, Wet, Wet at such loud volumes, as a mating call to attract other homosexuals'
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Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:48,
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Pah! Appraisals...what do other people know?Take this extract from my last appraisal;
"The patient continues to cling to the delusion that he is a chartered certified accountant working in a small practice in Somerset. He persistently claims that "beeta" is distracting him from his work; I can only assume that beeta is an imaginary being, perhaps a malevolent wizard, and is clearly an indication of his continued descent into psychosis. I suggest we increase his medication and restrain him with the clamps. Review again in 6 months"
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Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:45,
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What did you spend your winnings on in the end?(
Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:54,
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"Perhaps his best chance at recoverywould be prolonged and aggressive electroshock therapy"
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Kroney, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:51,
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'Dr Tugnut seems to believethat he doesn't need to try at school because he believes himself to be soon coming into possession of a crock of gold, located at the end of a rainbow, the bog-trotting diddly-dee leprechaun CUNT.’
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:51,
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...and the crock was devoid of gold but brimful of shit.* * "On the.... 45" Currylols.
(, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 15:06, Reply)
Where's Vipros with a comment on how all his reports were excellent particularly in baking(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:52,
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I liked this"I have still yet to give him a task - in 5 1/2 years - that he has been unable to do, or to do well."
It does sound like I can do anything but not well, though.
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:56,
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"Reverend Fister is a good, determined worker, but does tend to become the epicentre of all social distractions in the office"This coming from the manager who stood at my desk for 90 (yes fucking 90) minutes and bleated on about American frigging Football. Like I give a shit.
(, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 15:01, Reply)
I had something like"Waits until he has slammed the phone down before swearing at customers"
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 15:03,
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Blousie can apply herself.....................when she turns up.(
girlinthehole, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 15:42,
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