Hello you beautiful bastards
I hope you all had an exciting fucking weekend. Mine was a mixed bag, a particular highlight being losing to my three-year-old nephew at tenpin bowling. I blame the bowling alley having been closed for a couple of years due to subsidence. Alley was on the wonk, innit. What did you get up to that you're thoroughly ashamed of?

Two-for-one Alt Q bonus extravanganza: Apparently today is international Steak & Blowjob day. How many of you will be honouring this? I'm going to admit my chances of coming home to find a steak waiting for me are very fucking slim. Obviously I will lobby for two blowjobs as a result of this. What theme or notion would you like to see recognised in the calendar?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:01, 184 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Bet my weekend was more exciting
though I won't be having a steak or a blowjob today
( Peej, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:02, Reply)

Details please
*produces clipboard and rigorous comparison flowchart*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:08, Reply)

Your missus finally drop?

(berk, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:08, Reply)

Bingo!
10 days early and still 8lb14 shes a big girl! Details, well she went in to labour so I went to work any way. She phoned a couple of hours later and I went to the hospital just in time to sit there for 7 hours eating nik naks until I felt sick. Then she gave birth to a tiny Winston Churhill impersonator but with hair. Jumped for joy as hair is not ginger, that's 2 for 2 on the non ginger kids. She 2 and a half pounds heavier that her sister was. My wifes vagina is fully wrecked and she is worn out so blowjobs and steak are highly unlikely to be forthcoming. I haven't had any sleep for two days and have a three year old crawling on my as I type.
( Peej, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:16, Reply)

Woohoo!
Congrats buddy, did you call her "Stand Alone Complex"?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:18, Reply)

Hahahahaha!
No I still managed to get away with Leia though.
( Peej, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:19, Reply)

I'd moan about how horribly geeky that is
but that's actually really nice.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:20, Reply)

Its still horribly geeky though
though not quite as geeky as Akira. I suggested some crackers that were all refused by the wife who obviously has power of veto.
( Peej, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:22, Reply)

Congratulations sir!
So your daughters are called Akira and Leia? You are a god amongst geeks
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:21, Reply)

You are corrrect
and though you have retracted this statement you can't retract the warm fuzzy feeling it gave me to read. Who needs a steak and a blowjob off a lady when you're around.
( Peej, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:28, Reply)

His blowjobs are legendary.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:28, Reply)

I couldn't possibly take away your status as a god among men
To persuade your wife into a geeky name for your offspring once is legendary. Twice is unprecedented.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:30, Reply)

I'm lucky it was another girl
She hated all my male geeky name suggestions. "How about Obi Wan love?" "how about fuck off before I divorce you dear?"
( Peej, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:34, Reply)

Anakin isn't THAT bad, surely

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:39, Reply)

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
/ruined vader forever
( Peej, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:40, Reply)

Yay! congratulations!
I hope mother and baby (and father and toddler) are all doing well. Shame about your missus knacker but I believe these things sort themselves out; you'll both be too shattered to have sex for about three months anyway.
Decided on a name for the new arrival?
(berk, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:19, Reply)

Yup, Leia after her great great great great grandmother Princess Leia of Alderan

( Peej, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:21, Reply)

AlderaAN
I take back my previous statement
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:22, Reply)

Ok thats fine
Haven't slept more than a couple of hours since Friday so am surprised I can spell her name to be honest. I accept my fail and will learn from the mistake. May many people put padlocks through your stretched ears whilst you sleep and hide the keys.
( Peej, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:26, Reply)

Hahaha!
Casual threat of the day
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:29, Reply)

I actually came on to post a "I made a baby"thread but didn't have the heart to threadstomp you
If I can't even do that I doubt I would actually go through with my padlocking plan despite the uncontrollable urges.
( Peej, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:32, Reply)

I'll let you
Call it my congratulatory present to you upon the birth of your second child.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:33, Reply)

YAY!
I have a really old massive rusty one that I used to lock my motorbike up with, as an extra bonus its open and I have no idea where the key is.
( Peej, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:36, Reply)

Yay for gingivitus of the ears!
My piercings aren't stretched THAT much, only 8mm and 6mm
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:40, Reply)

Then I may have to tear you
again.
( Peej, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:45, Reply)

There is no response I can think of to this that doesn't make me look like a bender

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:49, Reply)

Bender

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:27, Reply)

YOUR MUM'S A BENDER

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:27, Reply)

She does fuck a bloke

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:31, Reply)

Principle characteristic of benderism
Congratulations for being man enough to envisage your parents having pop-pop
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:39, Reply)

That's some impressive geeking out right there
but still, congratulations again.
(berk, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:24, Reply)

Yay!
Congratulations!
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:24, Reply)

Woo, congrats!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:28, Reply)

Congratulations PJ.

( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:45, Reply)

What flavour Nik Naks? I love Nik Naks, I like Rib'n'Saucey ones, they're the best, followed by the pickled onion. After then, I don't mind what flavour I get, the rest are about the same.
Did you get them from a vending machine? Do you remember how many columns and rows it had? I once saw a vending machine which had 7 columns and was at 8 deep. It wasn't fully stocked, but if it was, that had a potential of 56 different types of items. You could store drinks in there as well as crisps and chocolate bars, drinks should always go in the bottom so they don't fiz up when they drop. In Japan, they have vending machines with live crabs in, can you believe that !
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:59, Reply)

If I'm honest, I agree, what flavour Nik Naks is the most important detail lacking in that post.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:01, Reply)

My friend jimmy at school told me to try the scampi ones and then smell my fingers, he then asked me what it reminds me of so I proudly told him "Scampi and lime", I thought it was a trick question.... Now I have the nickname "Scampi Boy".

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:04, Reply)

There was a girl who sat at a desk behind me in the first office I worked in who regularly brought the scampi ones in for lunch
and stank out the entire office. Now whenever I see her post on Facebook I get a mental image of a bucket and spade.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:06, Reply)

You should get a picture of a bucket and spade, then tag her with it.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:08, Reply)

She'd be utterly confused I'm sure
but our mutual workmates would get it. Hmmmm...
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:09, Reply)

I'll be honest
I'd be confused if I was tagged in a picture of TGB and Lenny Henry too.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:13, Reply)

Can fat transvestites get any more confused?

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:18, Reply)

You tell me.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:18, Reply)

Well from looking at your graphs you can get more emo

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:20, Reply)

It was a multibag
containing 15 packs, 5 packs each of Rib and Saucy, Pickled Onion and Nice and Spicy. My fave are the Rib and Saucy but I love Scampi and Lemon flavour which are no longer found in the multipacks after a brief comeback in recent years. My least favourite are the nice and spicy which are neither nice or spicy. I have seen a live crab vending machine but I didn't go to a vending machine in the hospital as they have a proper shop and I went there. I didn't count how many individual nik naks there were in each pack, please forgive me this, I was a little distracted.
( Peej, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:20, Reply)

I wondered for a second what "terrapin bowling" was and thought it'd be fun to try.
Walked fifteen miles on Saturday, went and saw hundreds of frogs yesterday and had coffee with my bestie, chilled in the evening. Feel like fucking death today though :(
Edit: I have a steak in the freezer. Maybe it's time to try autofellatio again.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:13, Reply)

Fifteen miles?
Are you head mental?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:14, Reply)

PEOPLE KEEP SAYING THIS TO ME

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:15, Reply)

I don't
but then I cycled 150 miles in three days last year for shits and giggles.
(berk, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:17, Reply)

Why why why why why?
The fifteen miles, not why do people keep saying that to you. I can work that out all by myself.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:17, Reply)

The challenge, the outdoors, the sun, the wildlife, the head-space, the happy chemicals, the variety.
I want to get up to twenty miles, then two days of twenty miles, then try 100 miles in five days.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:19, Reply)

Good man
That may be the most rational explanation for an ostensibly irrational pasttime I've ever heard
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:20, Reply)

Once I can do two consecutive days of twenty miles without blisters and aches
I'll walk to the seaside to raise money for the charity. My legs haven't ached at all since Saturday but I do have a couple of impressive blisters on my big toes.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:23, Reply)

You must have thighs of steel

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:26, Reply)

I can crack nuts with them which is why I'm so careful with my scrotum.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:27, Reply)

I believe there are Buddhist methods for retraction of the ballsack

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:31, Reply)

ahahaha there are better ways.
get your wife to stroke the inside of your thigh, really high up next time. It's really, REALLY funny.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:24, Reply)

I don't have a wife
*cries*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:28, Reply)

Beard then

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:30, Reply)

7/10
You're on fire today. Not literally. Well, not yet.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:40, Reply)

The day is young

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:41, Reply)

I had candyfloss for breakfast yesterday.
Even if none of the other amazing parts of the weekend hadn't happened, my weekend would still have been awesome just for that.

Alt: Today is Pi Day. Much cooler and doesn't offend every fibre of my being.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:20, Reply)

Mine was mostly not particularly exciting
but if you take a peek at the previous thread, I have managed to get a DATE. Well, possibly a date. It's drinks with a cute man so I'm calling it a win either way.

I will not be giving or receiving steak or a blowjob. I believe it is only fair to have chocolate cake and cunnilingus day as well though.
(berk, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:21, Reply)

Speak to the UN, get them to pencil it in
They can't have much else to do at the moment
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:23, Reply)

Nice work there.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:24, Reply)

Oooh, a date?
Nice one, Berk. Unfortunately I'm on my phone, but I will check the thread when I get home. *congratulatory fist bumps*
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:27, Reply)

Yes indeed. Woo and yay and all that stuff
how was your weekend of shenanigans with BB?
(berk, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:34, Reply)

Properly awesome.
Been going to lots of gigs, having fun and lots of other stuff. I am going to be so gutted to leave tomorrow. Stupid real life.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:39, Reply)

So, DF, which lucky bender are going to be noshing off today, then?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:28, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1119599
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:29, Reply)

Well well well.
Darth and Phillie sitting in a public lavatory (in Soho),

F.I.S.T.I.N.G.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:32, Reply)

4/10
Doesn't even rhyme
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:35, Reply)

5/10
I'm giving an extra point for accuracy.
( Peej, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:38, Reply)

Don't get your hopes up Monty
He only sucks people off who know how to prepare eggs, or so I hear?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:30, Reply)

I know how to fertilise them.
Perhaps I'm still in with a chance?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:31, Reply)

I'm very intrigued as to where you got that from

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:32, Reply)

The wall of a public lavatory in Soho
'Tranny and telecommunications analyst, 31, will nosh off men for omelettes. Call 07785 ******'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:34, Reply)

5/10
Marks lost for getting my age wrong despite extensive advertisment of the correct number and for knowing the first five digits of my phone number.*

*Not really**

**possibly really***

***As if I'd tell you either way
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:38, Reply)

I wouldn't worry
Those are the first 5 digits of at least 5 peoples numbers I can think of off the top of my head
( Peej, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:42, Reply)

They did look very familiar
I may well have had those digits at some point

(as the actress said to the bishop, fnarr fnarr)
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:45, Reply)

+ up my chutney chute

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:19, Reply)

6/10
Too predictable. Bonus point for use of "chutney chute", however
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:29, Reply)

Just warming up
A 6 is not a bad start
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:30, Reply)

I had a fucking magnificent weekend.
Utterly superb from start to finish. This week is likely to be somewhat testing at work but it's sunny and hullo clouds hullo sky
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:30, Reply)

Your life is a rollercoaster
and not in a Ronan Keating kind of way.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:32, Reply)

You're right.
I don't live in a peat bog and I haven't been boffing the nanny.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:43, Reply)

Yet
On both counts
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:46, Reply)

Well that's excellent news
Details please. Monty in a good mood must be milked for all it's worth, or some other euphemism which sounds slightly less like I'm offering to wank you off
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:32, Reply)

Took my littleun to the Sealife Centre yesterday, with my sister.
Then we went back to my house for lunch, watched a film and played with my talking Yoda toy (not a euphemism, and a long story as to why I have one). It was simply brilliant - I actually felt like a real dad, and a very proud one too. I know everyone believes their children to be some kind of fucking genius but mine really is remarkably advanced for her age with regards to language. Far more important than that she's a happy little thing.

I am just so chuffed to be her father, I really am.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:40, Reply)

This won't help my manliness rating
but am properly made up for you, y'soppy sack of shite :-)
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:42, Reply)

If I had a talking yoda toy i'd only want it to say one thing...
"There.....is........another........sky.........walk...errrrrrrrrrrrrrrr."
( Peej, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:44, Reply)

Awww.
Shucks.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:46, Reply)

I have a little chair at my house
that belonged to my grandmother when she was little, it's been via my mother and sister to me, and I was able to get some pictures of my child in this chair which will mean a very great deal to my mother. Maybe now the sordid old lezza* will get off my fucking case.

*I get extra cunt points here because she lent me ten grand last week.

*GLESS*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:49, Reply)

Pffft.
Immediate financial ruin and being hounded out of London by baying bailiffs averted then?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:53, Reply)

Embarrassingly
it's not enough to get me out of trouble. It's merely a stay of execution. I have some half-baked ideas as to how I can make some money with the lump sum (legitimately) but as with all such schemes there is risk involved and I don't feel comfoprtable taking risks at the best of times.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:55, Reply)

Surely a small injection of cash to each of your creditors will buy you extra time?
Especially if you can provide them with an illustration of how you're going to get the rest to them and in what timescale. These people may be blood-sucking scum but they want their money and they won't get it if you go bankrupt.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:57, Reply)

I've stashed the lump sum in a 'spare' account
If I use some of it to live on, my salary covers most of my repayments. I'm not actually behind with anything bar my service charge.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:13, Reply)

When you say 'spare' account...
...do you mean Switzerland? With the rest of your people's gold

Edit: Apologies for dropping my previous concern and genuine interest in favour of cheapnazilols
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:15, Reply)

I'm intrigued.
But yes, risk. I don't really risk at all. I'm trying to be a little more daring in life generally, feel the fear and do it anyway etc.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:57, Reply)

don't invest in Japanese nuclear power.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:04, Reply)

Nonsense
There seems to be quite a shortage in the market at the moment
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:11, Reply)

I heard their shares are riding the wave at the moment.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:12, Reply)

Did you realise that "Godzilla" was trending on Twitter a few hours after the earthquake?
The internet is replete with insensitive, callous bastards with absolutely no moral standing.

*looks around*

Oh
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:14, Reply)

I'm quite sensitive.
The rest is me though.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:16, Reply)

yeah that's ridiculous
everyone knows Mothra was responsible for this one, she flapped her wings in New York...
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:17, Reply)

Very good
*click*
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:18, Reply)

Seconded

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:29, Reply)

haha!
Have you just realised?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:17, Reply)

Hell no
*insert "That's the joke" here please*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:30, Reply)

That's the joke tramp's cock
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:32, Reply)

Oh, go on then, you've earnt it
8/10. *click*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:37, Reply)

Woop!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:38, Reply)

Gonz posted this which I think is even worse.
img862.imageshack.us/img862/4803/66690720.jpg
(PsychoChomp, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:22, Reply)

Fucking hell I thought I was bad.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:24, Reply)

You are

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:25, Reply)

"If you had bought a Ford instead of a Toyota your gas pedal would'nt be stuck!
Does'nt take but about half a decade to forget they blew up Pearl Harbor. Rock on AMERICA!!!!!!"
(PsychoChomp, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:26, Reply)

Fuck. Me.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:26, Reply)

Saw that over the weekend, fucking disgraceful
I can't believe they would blame Japan for the atrocity that was Pearl Harbour, when clearly it was entirely Michael Bay's fault.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:30, Reply)

*head in hands*
I sometimes wonder why I defend the majority of my countrymen :(
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:32, Reply)

They're not a majority.
Some of then have probably shut up now the death toll is rising.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:34, Reply)

What astounds me is the suggestion that this is "payback" for Pearl Harbour
I'd have thought the absolute destruction of Nagasaki and Hiroshima was more appropriate
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:38, Reply)

Well, when we have asshole nationally known TV preachers like Pat Robertson
blaming the earthquake in Haiti on a deal with the devil reportedly made by the slaves who revoted against France and won their freedom, or the hurricane in New Orleans as god's vengence on the wicked people in that city, and people in the US actually aggree with him and believe him, I don't get surprised at anything people say anymore. We are rapidly become the world's joke but sadly a joke with weapons and the willingness to use them stupidly.
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 11:27, Reply)

I meant in general;
I hate it when people call Americans stupid and fat. I know that a few are bound to be stupid.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:45, Reply)

I second the horrified sentiments iterated above by my esteemed fellow B3tans
Does no-one in America have any concept of grammar? "Japanizes", indeed.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:33, Reply)

There's a hilariously inappropriate ad in the Metro this morning
with a miserable looking Pokemon up to its chest in water. I thought this was very amusing, being a heartless cunt and all.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:16, Reply)

I was thinking that the Japanese could re-establish Unit 731 to help.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:18, Reply)

Suggestion.
Surely it would be better to use that ten-grand to reduce your debts, and then live off your salary?

Does it not make sense to clear the debts that are costing you the most to service first?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:18, Reply)

THIS^
IN CAPITAL LETTERS
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:19, Reply)

Not if I end up having to get an IVA anyway.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:20, Reply)

This is no time for pints of bitter.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:22, Reply)

There is always time for a pint

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:23, Reply)

Heaux heaux

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:24, Reply)

No Jeff
it makes more sense to squander the money on massive drugs and meat. Oh and gifts for Schteve
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:21, Reply)

And waste the rest?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:22, Reply)

anal bleaching

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:23, Reply)

You have to look your best
A musky anus just does not cut it
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:24, Reply)

Depends how hard you squeeze.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:35, Reply)

POTD

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:36, Reply)

That's revolting.
Well done.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:37, Reply)

ouch

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:39, Reply)

Highlight of my weekend was watching the dogs freaking out at a talking doll my mum bought for a friend's child.
It was hilarious.

Was in a bolshy mood last night but had a good cry at the end of Being human and it sorted me out.
( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 8:50, Reply)

Was a rather good episode, wasn't it?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:02, Reply)

FOUR DAY WEEK FOUR DAY WEEK FOUR DAY WEEK
THEN MY FUCKING BIRTHDAY WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:12, Reply)

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:13, Reply)

Baby Love,

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:15, Reply)

Hahah
I thought it was the into to the superb 'Blockbuster' by The Sweet, myself.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:19, Reply)

I'll have a T please Bob

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:21, Reply)

*plays saxaphone*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:29, Reply)

*but not on baker Street*

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:36, Reply)

A mixed weekend for me but all in all quite good
Mrs Cow was out on Friday night and I had lots of work to cathc up with. Managed to kick the arse out of our support incidents whilst watching the Sopranos, listening to YouTube and drinking wine.

Saturday was a 4 year olds party so I took Cow Jr along and ate load of buffet whilst watching her go mental on a bouncy castle, then back home for steak (no blowjob). Good bottle of red on Saturday night whilst vegging in front of the TV

Sunday was at the leisure pool - waves, slides, pirates, etc. All good stuff that the kids loved. Excellent roast chicken dinner and made some lovely stock for a risotto (and possibly soup) later on this week
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:16, Reply)

Sounds like you all had excellent
weekends! Mine wasn't too bad either, went to Vinopolis on Saturday morning to get some wine for my Dad before meeting him at Smiths of Smithfield.

The steak I had was stunning, best in a long, long while. Had my first sip of wine for 65 days too, which was pleasant, but heady. Then I took the long, long route home on my bike (17 miles) and settled down to an evening of xbox.

Sunday I cleaned and did all my paperwork, plus I've been approved for my first credit card. Hurrah!
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:22, Reply)

credit cards are the work of the devil

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:23, Reply)

I'm planning to leave it at home
and buy one pack of smokes a month just to raise my credit rating. I would snap it in half, but apparently I need to spend money on it for my credit rating to rise :(
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:26, Reply)

Noy only spend money,
Pay it back every month.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:29, Reply)

Yeah, should have added that
direct debit is set to cover the amount each month.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:38, Reply)

I applied for another one ages ago to use when going away with work
Barclaycard gave me a £340 limit. I asked WTF could I do with that and they said they would monitor usage for 6 months and then up it accordingly. If I go to London with work I will spend more than that in petrol/train/hotel/food/parking in two days.

Barclaycard were then told to fuck off
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:29, Reply)

Hahaha really?
I have one with a 6k limit, one with a 4k limit and one with £3400. They fucking love me....

but not for long.....
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:32, Reply)

Ohh
I have 2 now with £6500 ratings on them, just thought £340 was a waste of time
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:33, Reply)

Just a bit, eh?
Cheeky cunts.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:36, Reply)

Sainsurys and Tesco CCs FTW
Free points = free booze
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:37, Reply)

Intriguing
I might have to get one of those Tesco cards. If I did my shopping on them and then instantly transferred the amount when I was home, would that work?
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:56, Reply)

Yep!
If you also have a clubcard you'll end up with double points
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:58, Reply)

Why do you want to increase your credit rating?
Unless you're planning on getting more credit.

Don't do it.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:30, Reply)

Need to be able to get a mortgage on my own in 2 years
time. Was recommended to do this to help.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:38, Reply)

If you need any financial advice regarding credit cards
I'm your man.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:30, Reply)

any terrible
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:32, Reply)

Hi
I won £60m on Friday's Euro millions draw, 2what should I invest in:

1: Gold
2: Golden Grahams
3: Huntington Life Science
4: Ant and Dec
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:33, Reply)

5. Nipples for men.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:36, Reply)

Do you not have any?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:36, Reply)

I've got an enormous surplus
that I was hoping to flog to NA, so fucking shut up will you?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:39, Reply)

cow tits

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:40, Reply)

I am NA...

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:41, Reply)

'Nonce Alert'?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:48, Reply)

Nipples Attached

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:48, Reply)

'Not Attractive'?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:54, Reply)

'Nigerian Arsebandit'?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:56, Reply)

ABC

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:57, Reply)

'Needing Anusol'?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:57, Reply)

d: all of the above

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:57, Reply)

Not Answering?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:57, Reply)

Last time I checked I had two

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:37, Reply)

in a jar

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:38, Reply)

Nah
I've got 15 in a jar
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:39, Reply)

I'd choose Ant and Dec
As they appear to be taking over the world, one large forehead at a time.

Golden Grahams are shit
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 9:36, Reply)