"Old age is the most unexpected of things that can happen to a man." Leon Trotsky
Favourite quotes please.

Alt: Spades eh? (Just for BrianHequator).
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Sun 3 Apr 2011, 14:21, 105 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Two dirty martinies is my limit, three and I'm under the table... four and I'm under the host.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 14:26, Reply)

Who said that?
Or is it an original Gonzism?

Edit: Found. Dorothy Parker.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Sun 3 Apr 2011, 14:28, Reply)

"Whenever I hear 'culture'... I remove the safety from my Browning!"
Hanns Johst
( djtrialprice, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 14:31, Reply)

gravy browning?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 14:32, Reply)

"Do you know they're now producing eating dogs for the anorexics?"
Prince Philip, 2002.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 14:32, Reply)

From Sir Henry at Rawlinson End
If I had all the money I've spent on drink ...
I'd spend it on drink.
(onefishtwofish Redfishbluefish, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 17:56, Reply)

Speak softly but always carry a big stick.
Theadore Roosevelt quote but originally from an old African saying.

Also...A hard man is good to find....Mae West.
( girlinthehole, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 18:26, Reply)

"Pugh! Pugh! Barney McGrew! Cuthbert! Dibble! and Grubb!"
Captain Flack said that.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 18:32, Reply)

And he knew what he was talking about.

( girlinthehole, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 18:34, Reply)

Fuckin' right he did.
How are you today Blousie, caught up with your lost sleep and is your mum feeling better?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 18:35, Reply)

Yeah! she's ok. Came back from the family meal about an hour ago.
I was tired this morning but I'm ok now.

What you been up to?
( girlinthehole, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 18:39, Reply)

I've been working.
I need to go and get a bottle of wine in a minute.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 18:43, Reply)

I really fancy a drink too.
Come on Jeff, talk me into it.
( girlinthehole, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 18:44, Reply)

I'll step into the bigger mans shoes
Do drinking, BGB. What harm can possibly come of it?
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 18:47, Reply)

Too late!
I've opened the bottle : )
( girlinthehole, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 18:48, Reply)

Good
I commend you to the house.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 18:52, Reply)

I'm in my, 'I'm fat and I don't care because no-one is ever going to see me naked again anyway' mood.
So bring it on.
( girlinthehole, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 18:53, Reply)

Other than Pervy Wilf of Todmorden
With his telescopic lenses.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 18:56, Reply)

He likes me on the chubby side does old Wilf.

( girlinthehole, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 18:57, Reply)

He thinks it's always foggy in Tod
That's just his breath steaming the telescope up.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 19:01, Reply)

I wonder if Pervy Wilf knows 'Stringy Bob' who is mentioned in this sond
www.youtube.com/watch?v=1FR842KUaOw
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 19:02, Reply)

I'm slipping into
a melodramatic 'no one will ever love me! wah wah wah!' mode. Must try and avoid
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 19:04, Reply)

I get that but the alcohol stops me from caring so much.

( girlinthehole, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 19:10, Reply)

I think that'd just make me want to
cuddle up with someone more

/lame
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 19:13, Reply)

I'm just trying not to think about it

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 19:56, Reply)

Have a drink Blousie.
HAVE A DRINK!

Enjoy yourself, it's later than you think.....
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 18:48, Reply)

Enjoy yourself while you're still in the pink.

( girlinthehole, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 18:49, Reply)

The years go by, as quickly as you blink...

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 18:50, Reply)

Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself, it's later than you think.

( girlinthehole, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 18:52, Reply)

he got it right every time

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 18:38, Reply)

And here is he great man in action.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=3P5wcCuNZbY
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 18:41, Reply)

aww, I'm all misty eyed
and nostalgic, now
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 18:43, Reply)

I have a boxed set
Of all the Chigley and Trumpton and Camberwick Green programmes.

Comfort watching.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 18:44, Reply)

Alright TD
It's been a while.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 18:45, Reply)

Yes it has
I'm doubly handicapped this evening by being pleasantly drunk and trying to work my new laptop.

I've dragged myself into the 90's and bought my first ever laptop which is all a bit of a learning curve.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 18:50, Reply)

WooHoo!
You'll be trying balsamic vinigar next.
( girlinthehole, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 18:51, Reply)

I'm buying one of those phones soon
That does internet and stuff.

I really am spectacularly backward when it comes to technology.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 18:54, Reply)

when it comes to technology

Sorry. It was too obvious.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 18:59, Reply)

Guilty as charged.
I am, sometimes, a man of my time for better or worse.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 19:16, Reply)

Were you all confused the first time you got a TV with Teletext?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 18:52, Reply)

You overestimate me
I really am a technological retard. I've not actually mastered the concept of using this wireless yet.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 18:59, Reply)

If it makes you feel any better.
Orange sent me a fancy new HTC mobile phone upgrade about 2 months ago. It is still in the box as it looks a little on the complicated side.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 19:00, Reply)

I was telling someone the other day
A story of my schooldays. This,bear in mind, was 1983.

They introduced an O level in Computer Studies and us bright kids were instructed not to go for it because "it'd be a waste of your abilities."
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 19:12, Reply)

"Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity."
Albert Einstein.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 18:42, Reply)

and ten minutes
waiting for the chinese takeaway phone number to not be engaged seems like a million years
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 18:43, Reply)

THAT'S a bloody long time.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 18:44, Reply)

Maybe you had the 'Wong' number.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 18:44, Reply)

get your internet coat and leave

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 18:45, Reply)

We need to get Jeff a revolving door.

( girlinthehole, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 18:49, Reply)

It would be a lot easier if you lot didn't post messages that were easily 'punnable'

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 18:51, Reply)

yeah but good puns are alright...
and with that I leave you, meeting a doris in the pub. WIN.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 18:52, Reply)

did you just come online to show off that you have a date?
I'd totally do the same if I ever got one, so fair play, have fun
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 19:01, Reply)

I wouldn't tell anyone.
I like being miserable and unloveable on here.
( girlinthehole, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 19:22, Reply)

we need a sunday evening youtube disco or something
someone think of a theme
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 19:08, Reply)

I can't be arsed.
I'd rather be make sarcastic replies to everyone's posts.
( girlinthehole, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 19:11, Reply)

YES!

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 19:25, Reply)

theme tunes!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 19:11, Reply)

pow!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=zKjFgdgp7yY
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 19:12, Reply)

I have had this in my head on and off for some weeks now.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-JHfXVlkik
(berk, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 19:15, Reply)

go gadget go!

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 19:18, Reply)

Be doo be doo be doo be doo be doo doo doo

(berk, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 19:19, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=VR9J2ITspyU

damn it, I thought Jeff would at least have found some classics by now
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 19:22, Reply)

Sorry. I'll get on it now. I was on the phone.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 19:24, Reply)

Bloody Dogtanian
I hated the theme for this. Still do, apparently.
Same era but dicked all over Dogtanian:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=Na8ThDftsKk
(berk, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 19:25, Reply)

I thought it was going to be
around the world in 80 days. Now that was a good series
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 19:26, Reply)

We aren't just doing kids shows are well?
www.youtube.com/watch?v=bNRkwNC9Ms4
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 19:27, Reply)

*chuckle*
www.youtube.com/watch?v=PsBYBugvDek
(berk, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 19:32, Reply)

Get on this Captain!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=DcH_ZTF6smY
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 19:26, Reply)

You're old.

(berk, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 19:27, Reply)

Why do you say that?
EDIT: Have the greatest theme tune of that era.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=G6NBAZrdjQw
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 19:28, Reply)

Because that cartoon is entirely before my time.

(berk, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 19:29, Reply)

Right. I'm going to see what food I've got in.
Catch you crazy kids in a bit.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 19:31, Reply)

Timelords
www.youtube.com/watch?v=hfkGEqu_yPU&feature=related
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 19:23, Reply)

Just mentioned this and the person I was talking to had never heard of it
www.youtube.com/watch?v=banXT6azA-4
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 19:37, Reply)

that version is a long one

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 19:39, Reply)

I always took a more realistic view of that show.
That dog would have been killed and eaten in short order by starving tramps.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 19:43, Reply)

You can't do this to me
I'm only just learning to work a laptop. I don't know how to make it sing to me as well.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 19:18, Reply)

just sing a theme tune into the speaker on the side
and it'll sing it back to us
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 19:19, Reply)

OK - you ready?
(Does singing)

Ho ho - that's right, it was the theme tune from Terry and June!
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 19:24, Reply)

good rendition, TD!

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 19:25, Reply)

You ready for another?
(Deep breath, does singing)

Oh you lot are sharp tonight. It WAS Skippy the Bush Kangaroo.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 19:28, Reply)

Paul Dirac
"In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in the case of poetry, it's the exact opposite."
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 19:25, Reply)

I like that.

( girlinthehole, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 19:27, Reply)

I think he was trying to say two things at once there.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 19:29, Reply)

Is one of them "You'll have to read this twice?"

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 19:54, Reply)

I think he's wrong

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 19:31, Reply)

I know it comes off as a bit disdainful of poetry
but I agree with the implication that poetry deals with ordinary experiences using extraordinary language.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 20:17, Reply)

I think he is saying that poetry
says things we all know in a way which obfuscates them. Really, poetry (at least in its best form) illuminates ordinary situations by crafting language to articulate the thing/feeling/something in a way which gets to its heart.
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 20:25, Reply)

I'd say poetry often does obfuscate commonplace things
at least insofar as it will deliberately approach them from an unexpected angle, which is not a bad thing. I think Dirac was just being flippant and, according to wikiquote, may have been having a cheeky pop at Oppenheimer.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 20:42, Reply)

"Science is talking about the universe in words we can understand."
"Magic is talking to the universe in words it can't ignore."
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 19:46, Reply)

In a similar vein
"Science flies you to the moon. Religion flies you into buildings."
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 19:48, Reply)

Hahaha.

( girlinthehole, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 19:50, Reply)

Good one!

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 19:52, Reply)

I can't remember who said that, I'm afraid

( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 20:03, Reply)

richarddawkins.net/articles/3567
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 20:09, Reply)

I'd have thought he could afford a .com domain with his racket.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 20:31, Reply)

I bet it was registered by someone with charisma.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 20:31, Reply)

Ha!

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 20:33, Reply)

Ahahaha

(berk, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 20:03, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=iEcVuF6bBHk
( girlinthehole, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 19:27, Reply)

I think this is the favourite text message I've ever received, from a mate at the game today (where a statue of Michael Jackson was unveiled)
"There was a bloke dressed up as MJ running and dancing round policemen outside the ground before the game, telling them that they couldn't arrest him because he was dead".

Our club is full of people who have lost their marbles.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 19:54, Reply)

"Do stop throwing those ice-creams at my wife." - Terry Waite

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 20:16, Reply)

eh!

( girlinthehole, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 20:18, Reply)

I don't think it was as good as "You, you, you, you and you!" from Kenneth Clarke though.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 20:30, Reply)

Pass me the croissants, I've never been on the /board popular page before.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 20:34, Reply)

Oooo! get you Mr cleverpants.

( girlinthehole, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 20:37, Reply)

Hey everyone! I cheffed!
I flamed brandy in the pan for my "Steak in Chains"!

It's pretty much Steak Diane but with sliced leek, red pepper and gorgonzola added to the sauce.

I have to write down what I did because it tasted amazing. Sure there was a little too much salt (salting the steak, salting the sauce and then salting the finished dish was one too many saltings) and the steak was very rare, but it was still fantastic.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 20:38, Reply)