Benefits girls/Jeremy Kyle uber alles
Ok, i rarely come on here, rarely post but...


www.youtube.com/watch?v=aa1aJgjWTDc

It has been suggested to me that some people on here might appreciate this. I absolutely do not apologise if you don't. My friends are in a band (such is life; you live in London, you have band friends) and the one with the biggest ego is also an award winning cartoonist. So it makes sense he drew this. I actually reckon they sound better live than on this particular recording (so how fortunate that they also play live gigs - come along! come along!).

Plug plug plug glade plug in.

So we just want to spread the good word really. I'm done now.

EDIT: If you do want to look up the band Andy and the prostitutes, firstly do it at work with caution, secondly to give you a flavour of what you might be in for, they sing such ditties as:

Daddy, you're not a Jedi
Uncle Walt's a paedophile
Happy healthy normal well adjusted balanced people (just get out)
Stalker
Small man syndrome
Not a man
Little pills
Porn star

Over and out :-)
(cheerymaddox 'Quite cute when not talking', Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:08, 91 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I don't like music on the whole.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:11, Reply)

I'm a massive fan of spam.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:13, Reply)

It is nice with some beans

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:14, Reply)

I don't really see the problem with advertising a mates band.
That's been going on since I don't know ages ago.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:15, Reply)

I don't honestly care, I was just being a cunt.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:16, Reply)

I'm only defending them because they might be a girl.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:16, Reply)

Truthful answer is truthful

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:18, Reply)

I'm going against the grain of /qotw.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:20, Reply)

I salute you sir

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:21, Reply)

You're also a drunken pervert, you might be onto something there.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:18, Reply)

I'm confused, where am i supposed to be replying?
Clearly by that, what i mean is that i am a girl.
(cheerymaddox 'Quite cute when not talking', Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:26, Reply)

If you're a girl reply anywhere we'll find it endearing.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:28, Reply)

Chompy is very witty and charming.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:28, Reply)

And not at all rapey

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:31, Reply)

Fabulabia
So, what's the deal, do you guys just sit around waiting for somebody to say something you can make a witty retort to? I'm not judging, just checking. I might try and say something witty in a minute so just hang in there.
(cheerymaddox 'Quite cute when not talking', Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:32, Reply)

I've gone off you.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:33, Reply)

Only cos she's clocked how we operate.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:34, Reply)

I'll out-cunt you. First of all, i have a cunt. I win this round. your move.

(cheerymaddox 'Quite cute when not talking', Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:35, Reply)

Alright Colin

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:36, Reply)

don't waste your time, he doesn't have a clue what to do with one.
or have any moves. like all good sweaty-palmed internet-virgins!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:38, Reply)

I'm so totally going to market "palm anti-perspirant"
"for the sophisticated internet gentleman"
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:45, Reply)

Against Chompy
that's a technical knock-out. There can be no more rounds.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:44, Reply)

I found her twitter and was going to do a big
AH HA here's something you said on twitter that makes you seem silly, but I can't be bothered to read more than 5 tweets before wanting to kill myself.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:48, Reply)

Oh, I'm sure.
But, you know, a mimsy. She's probably got breasts as well.

I like breasts.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:50, Reply)

She's pretty attractive by b3ta standards
if a picture of her on rollerskates being pulled by a dog is anything to go by.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:51, Reply)

that's a tampax advert, you fucking imbecile.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:52, Reply)

I got distracted by the Telly

(PsychoChomp, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:53, Reply)

You'll have to work a little harder to find the pics of me in my undercrackers
But good stalking nonetheless
(cheerymaddox 'Quite cute when not talking', Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:53, Reply)

Just gaz them to me please
I had a tough weekend.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:55, Reply)

Have you remembered your bra today?
What exciting online updates
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:56, Reply)

She did a bbc news link Rory.
I think we might be destined for each other.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:57, Reply)

So you won't die alone, oh boy !!

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:59, Reply)

I'M GOING TO GET HER NAME TATTOOED ON ME TONIGHT!

(PsychoChomp, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 11:00, Reply)

OH DEAR SOMEONES DECIDED TO PROTECT THEIR SHIT BEAKERING TWEETS

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 11:00, Reply)

Haha...oh.

(cheerymaddox 'Quite cute when not talking', Mon 4 Apr 2011, 11:05, Reply)

You are a harsh man!

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 11:06, Reply)

That's why we love him.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 11:07, Reply)

It's my fully patented method of never receiving offers of casual sex from internet randoms

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 11:08, Reply)

How's that working out for you?

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 11:10, Reply)

Like a dream

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 11:11, Reply)

Not doing much to improve the "internet stalker" tag there.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:50, Reply)

haha, that too.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:51, Reply)

Meh the tags already there.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:51, Reply)

Oh no my online presence makes me look silly. How surprising

(cheerymaddox 'Quite cute when not talking', Mon 4 Apr 2011, 11:00, Reply)

He's talking to Chompy
Chompy has a reputation for finding people's user accounts on other sites very rapidly. Aka 'Net Stalking'.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 11:01, Reply)

Honestly dont worry about the stalking.
You shouldn't use the same username everywhere though.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 11:03, Reply)

Any more tips on how not to be stalked? I need them

(cheerymaddox 'Quite cute when not talking', Mon 4 Apr 2011, 11:06, Reply)

It's too late, we've found out where you live now and everything

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 11:09, Reply)

Your facebooks pretty locked down
you're better than most.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 11:11, Reply)

I'm just going to try and disappear now. you guys are scary :-(

(cheerymaddox 'Quite cute when not talking', Mon 4 Apr 2011, 11:20, Reply)

Noooooooo
You're one of the more fun noobs.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 11:22, Reply)

*tsk* Now look what you've done

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 11:25, Reply)

I feel bad now :(

(PsychoChomp, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 11:27, Reply)

Credit where credit's due, this one lasted 72 minutes before flouncing
A board record perhaps
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 11:31, Reply)

Hmm?
Sorry, thought I heard my name.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:35, Reply)

Is Fabulabia your drag queen alter ego?

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:37, Reply)

It is now

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:38, Reply)

I have created a monster.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:39, Reply)

I can't hear it here
what are they like?

although, based on the names of their songs, they are probably shit.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:31, Reply)

I agree with every word in this post.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:33, Reply)

the OP also seems to have a bit of "ooo, I'm friends with people in a band, check me out"
I'm in a band. It's not a particularly special thing.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:43, Reply)

I thought i'd made it clear everyone knows a band and it's not special?
Tard
(cheerymaddox 'Quite cute when not talking', Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:45, Reply)

Hahaha
Yeah, tard.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:48, Reply)

no, you made it seem like it was some special thing
"such is life; you live in London, you have band friends"

edit: before this goes the wrong way, I wasn't having a go, just making an observation
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:51, Reply)

You instantly lost this potential argument by saying "I'm in a band"
Probably very smugly.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:54, Reply)

I wasn't looking for an argument
and I've heard my band, there's not a lot to be smug about
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:55, Reply)

My mate's band headlined a gig with Oasis supporting.
Does that make me smug or just really fucking old?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:56, Reply)

It makes you fucking irresponsible
Just think of the suffering your mate could have averted with a couple of well-placed bullets
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 11:01, Reply)

I could have done it myself, I was there.
They were shit then and they didn't get any better.

I'm very sorry. I feel I've let the world down badly.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 11:02, Reply)

Your contrition is acceptable
How could you possibly have known that such a godawful band would achieve such prominence?

What were your mate's band called, anyway?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 11:05, Reply)

They've been through about 5 incantations
I think they were called Painted Desert back then. Can't be certain. They turned down a deal with Food about then. Then Unit, he then played lead guitar in Jack for a bit but decided that he'd have a "normal" career instead.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 11:33, Reply)

Well you know how all comedy songs are just fucking shit
His mate doesn't diverge from this particular rule
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:37, Reply)

they have to pretty special to not be instantly shit

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:40, Reply)

I'll be honest
Even Lawnmower Deth only got away with it by the skin of their teeth. Sometimes.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:43, Reply)

The song titles make them sound worringly like a novelty band.

( Kroney, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:38, Reply)

that was my thought

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:40, Reply)

Really? I did not know this

(cheerymaddox 'Quite cute when not talking', Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:45, Reply)

Either you're being sarcastic, in which case you should have told your friends
that their song titles make them sound like a joke, or you're being genuine, in which case you're not very observant.
( Kroney, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:53, Reply)

Friend of 'Friend of The Band'
K, did I give you that tagline?
(Necromental is a voice., Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:47, Reply)

Yay i have a friend
Yes, yes you did :-)
(cheerymaddox 'Quite cute when not talking', Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:48, Reply)

Shit, no ganging up on us ok?

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:50, Reply)

I'm scared, Noel.
Hold me.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:51, Reply)

S'alright badger, I'll call Miss if they kick off.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:52, Reply)

Can I hold you?
I only want to cup.
(Necromental is a voice., Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:54, Reply)

OK.
But no reacharounds.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:55, Reply)

No way man!
I'm not a poof, futon, sofa.
(Necromental is a voice., Mon 4 Apr 2011, 10:57, Reply)

Are you actually in Rob Brydon's seventh or even possibly sixth favourite novelty music act then?

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 11:00, Reply)

Oh that was aimed at me?
No, sorry. I can just about play the claves and once played a 'Riff' on a leccy guitar but that's as far as I go. Nowadays I just humm.

Like a fridge.
(Necromental is a voice., Mon 4 Apr 2011, 11:08, Reply)

I like it when my fridge bubbles and squishes, it reminds me of being in the womb.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 11:11, Reply)

Ours actually moos...
...and I live where there are actual cows sometimes present. It is quite amusing to find ones mother searching for cows only to find that the fridge has the soul of a cow as a power source.

Once at a mates farm I heard a cow enunciate perfectly "Werr."
(Necromental is a voice., Mon 4 Apr 2011, 11:15, Reply)

Fuck off Bert

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 4 Apr 2011, 11:00, Reply)