It's my friend's hen this weekend.
As I'm MOH it's been down to me to organise it. This has been beyond stressful as her Mum and sister and demanding and scumbags. However everything was kept secret from the bride...Where we're going for Lunch, the Spa day we're treating her to and the tacky club with strippers and all.
I found out last night one of the guests told her what we're doing as she got 'too excited to keep quiet any longer'
I am pissed off.
( wanderlust, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:52, 7 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

What a fucking retarded reason to tell someone about their hen do.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:53, Reply)

Women are shit

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:54, Reply)

I'm sure we'll have a good time
And as long as the bride is happy then I will be too. But GOD DAMMIT AMANDA YOU SILLY TWAT.
( wanderlust, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:57, Reply)

Oh, just like an amanda that is.
Bloody Amandas.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 26 May 2011, 12:12, Reply)

The not-quite-so-popular cousin to the ‘bloody mary’, made from bacon juice.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 May 2011, 12:14, Reply)

I don't think you'll have a good time with Amanda
I think someone so stupid that they "got too excited to keep quiet" will test your patience to absolute breaking point within about 5 minutes of sitting down in the first bar.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 26 May 2011, 12:12, Reply)

This^
Ensure you have "buffer hens" between you at all times
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 26 May 2011, 12:14, Reply)

I for one think it's bang out of order having a group of female friends without setting me up with at least one of them, prefably two.
Unless they're keeping me single for themselves, which I won't really mind.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 26 May 2011, 12:15, Reply)

Tell Amanda that the plan's changed
(and imply it's her fault) then see how long she sits in the wrong bar before she realises.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 26 May 2011, 12:21, Reply)

Is it Holden? I can imagine her doing something as cunty as that

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 May 2011, 12:13, Reply)

Thing is, I'd still forgive her
if she flashed her tits at me
(Bazongaloid, Thu 26 May 2011, 12:14, Reply)

I've seen Neanderthals with less pronounced foreheads.

( Kroney, Thu 26 May 2011, 12:15, Reply)

She looks like a real doll

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 May 2011, 12:15, Reply)

seriously?
She is a rancid harridan.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 26 May 2011, 12:16, Reply)

Get one of the strippers to cockslap her to death.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:56, Reply)

that is quite twatty. Make sure this guest gets 'lost' at some point during the day.
When I had my hen party, I got a dance teacher to come to the pub and teach us a routine for a girly pop medley type thing. I couldn't do anything too slutty, as my guests' ages ranged from 13 to 65.

I discovered that night that I am completely, utterly, and totally without any inate rhythm whatsoever. And as the bride, I was made to stand at the front so everyone else could revel in my abject shiteness.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 26 May 2011, 11:56, Reply)

Maybe if you want, just thinking out loud really, possibly, but if you want a stripper, then I don't mind doing it.
I won't do the full monty though, I even shower in swimming trunks in case I see myself in the mirror. But I'll deffo get mostly topless (I'll keep my vest on in case it's chilly). I can do the mashed potato an that thing where you swing your knees and swap hands (looks well good in a strobe light, you'd have to make sure the venue has one though).
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:57, Reply)

break her legs.
It's the least she deserves.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:59, Reply)

Kick her in the cunt.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 26 May 2011, 12:10, Reply)

Shove a comedy 'L Plate' up her front bottom.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 26 May 2011, 12:11, Reply)