Slo-o-o-o-ow thread...
I'm off on a MEGALAD stag do next weekend, although this does mean going to Wales, tell me you stag/hen do related stories?

ALT: Do you think we as a country sucked enough Obama dick whilst he was here?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 May 2011, 10:51, 206 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I've only ever been one on Stag Do, and it was pretty chilled
We just travelled up to Chester, and had a rather large number of pints, it was good fun.

My brother's one will be later this year, but again it'll be a quiet one as well, due to finances all round, etc.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 26 May 2011, 10:55, Reply)

Finances?
Was this a so called "Hag do". i know someone who went on one of those, one of the guys got fed up with the girls being there so took a massive dump into their salad bowl and served it to them.

They went out after that
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 May 2011, 10:57, Reply)

Charming.
Aye, my brothers is saving for their weddings, other lads have young kids, most of us can't really afford to splash the cash.

Tbh, it's fine by me, I'd prefer an quiet night to a raucous one.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:12, Reply)

Army lads, there's no stopping them

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:42, Reply)

Totally not giving a shit about this thread.
Have you seen how many health stories are coming out today. Fucking shit loads, all big and all have the hand of the Department of Health in them.
Expect some sort of big government statement in the next 48 hours which basically says "the NHS is broken just look at the news, let's tear it all up to fix it."
Media based politics in action people.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 26 May 2011, 10:55, Reply)

Should I get my breast inplants now then before it's too late?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 May 2011, 10:56, Reply)

Your tits look big enough already, big lad

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 26 May 2011, 10:57, Reply)

*blushes*
*pushes arms together*
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:02, Reply)

*motorboats*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:03, Reply)

*films for tasteful discreet documentary*
entitled "Fat Fags VI"
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:08, Reply)

All this slagging of the Royal Free in London is pretty much unwarranted, it's got some of the best run wards that I've seen

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 26 May 2011, 10:57, Reply)

Wait, what? Rory is that you?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 May 2011, 10:58, Reply)

Yer, I'm on various hospital wards and mental health units throughout the week, I see shit goin down man

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:00, Reply)

It was the lack of vitriol that threw me!
Are you a head or leg mental? Or are you working?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:02, Reply)

I'm there for work reasons thank you very much.
I get to see b3tans in their natural environment
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:03, Reply)

Oh, they have an obesity ward at the mental asylum do they?
Or Asda as it's otherwise known
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:06, Reply)

I've not ever been there,
but yeah generally none of this is useful, it fucks with staff moral. It's like publishing disciplinarys on a work noticeboard.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:01, Reply)

Everyone knows where the shit hospitals / wards are, they're not exactly hard to track down.
Leave the Royal Free alone faceless bureaucrats !!!
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:06, Reply)

Yeah MK general for one
Stafford, I could go on.

That said I think even decent hospitals need some serious scruitiny, especially with the out of hours care. It's expensive to staff it so they're generally massivley understaffed and under supervised.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:09, Reply)

understaffed?
Not for long.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:19, Reply)

What has annoyed me
has been the rise in using members of the public who have had a bad experience to act as a mouthpiece in support of some cause, for which they have zero experience and have done zero research, but the people with experience can't criticise them, because that would be seen as attacking a grieving person.

For example, the women on Today this morning who's mother died and appeared to have had some shitty treatment. Also, that woman that got raped and talked to Ken Clark on the radio (I saw her on TV and honestly, I don't know why anyone would bother) and finally, the two that fuck me off the most, the mother of James Bulger and the mother of that girl that Ian Huntley murdered.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:06, Reply)

Rape lady was back in the paper saying that having had a chat with Ken she understands his view point
So basically what she did misunderstand something, fly off the handle cause a media storm and threaten someone's career.., before back tracking, brilliant.*

*I couldn't give a shit about KCs career, this is just making a point
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:07, Reply)

Yes, I rather enjoyed that.
Having had the same argument with a number of people that Ken never actually said that Date Rape was easier (although I heard if you live in Milton Keynes its a piece of piss).
(Bazongaloid, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:11, Reply)

I liked that her change in view seemed to essentially be
"Well they're going to bypass the police and the courts and all that and just lock them up straight away so I guess a shorter sentence for the ones that might be innocent seems fair".
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:27, Reply)

I think there's a point of talking to someone who's been raped and now is an anti rape campaigner for example.
but they should be based on their experience and knowledge of the subject not that they were a victim that they should be given a voice. I think people who've been a victim of a crime/neglegence shouldn't be rolled out in front of the cameras straight away.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:11, Reply)

Yes, that's exactly my point
if you have an anti-rape campaigner, then they are relevant, but just talking to someone because they have experienced whatever it is you're talking about is not relevant. It's the equivalent of running a story on bowel cancer and then interviewing someone with a bowel.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:14, Reply)

I've probably spent more time in a patient-capacity than anyone else here.
And I've always said they have about 20% nurses who are cruel and see patients as 'work', and give attitude if you ask them to do _anything_. Then there are about 30% who might as well be working on a factory floor with all the emotion/kindness they give. And then the rest I would marry in an absolute instant.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:46, Reply)

A few times I've been in a bed actually screaming out for help, and had a nurse look at me, do a tut, and then walk on.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:47, Reply)

Or they're trying to bury the story that the BMA say the whole health reform white paper should be scrapped.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 26 May 2011, 10:57, Reply)

Has anyone been watching that 24 hours in A&E?
Fucking scary stuff
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:04, Reply)

Nah can't stand medical dramas/documentaries
since I've started working for the NHS.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:04, Reply)

Fair enough
11 year old kid last night got hit at 30mph by a van, flew 20ft into a fence and basically broke his face in two, down the middle. OUCH!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:06, Reply)

Sounds like the lad who dived off a harbour wall, and hit the concrete shelf below face first

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:14, Reply)

I've seen that
and really wish I hadn't
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:19, Reply)

One of the few things to still sicken me.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:22, Reply)

Why, is it as good as three guys one hammer?

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:23, Reply)

I've no idea what that is
You don't want to see the guy fall off the wall though.
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:24, Reply)

You don't want to know.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:24, Reply)

Correct

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:25, Reply)

More bloody, but I'm not sure how they'd compare in the 'Nasty' stakes.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:24, Reply)

I've never seen any of that snuff shit, watching conscripts getting their heads sawn off aint cool kids

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:28, Reply)

I've seen a couple of those, wish I hadn't.
The harbour wall thing is far nastier than it sounds, he splits his face in half, but you can't even tell it's his face until they push the two sides back together.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:35, Reply)

b^.^d
True lad
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 26 May 2011, 10:55, Reply)

37 ninjas in a pub in Edinburgh
Most surreal site I've been part of! Especially when one ran past with 2 Drambuies stuck, one to each bare arse cheek.

Drinking pints of Guinness from a rubber chicken.

Best bit was being refused access to a club for our dress and everyone there tearing off the ninja costumes to reveal normal attire underneath. Doorman "Ahh, OK, come in then"
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 26 May 2011, 10:56, Reply)

Man, you're so crazy.
I wish I was you.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:02, Reply)

You wouldn't fit in my clothes

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:03, Reply)

ZING

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:04, Reply)

The question is about a stag do
This is what happened on the last one I went on
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:04, Reply)

obamalols
NEEDS MOAR COCK.

To be sure.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:03, Reply)

It was a bit embarrasing
Listening this morning to this minister or something (a woman) telling him on a speech that he had to keep going with his poetry because the way he talked was poetry and that was the way go lead a country... I thought she was going to kneel in front of him and kiss his shoes.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 26 May 2011, 11:04, Reply)

I heard an MP describing how they ahd all fought each other to get close and shake his hand
like the proletariat might, he also said he wouldn't wash it for three days.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:05, Reply)

I heard an MP stuck a photo of Obamas face to the bathroom mirror so that when he was wanking
it looked like obama was staring back at him and wanking too.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:07, Reply)

ha ha ha
Did he rub bootpolish onto his cock?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:08, Reply)

Na, he whacked it against the taps.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:12, Reply)

Only a fat, pasty Obama

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:12, Reply)

I went to a stag WEEK in Puerto Banus once.
1. On the first night I very nearly drowned, on my own, at 3am, following a night without sleep the night before, an enormous amount of booze, sun and ecstasy. I must have decided to go swimming on my way back to our apartment. I came to in the deep end and instantly sobered up. I remembered nothing about it when I woke up, and had to piece the events together from the pile of wet clothes on the floor and my wet footprints. I was missing a new watch, a £300 bracelet and my favourite ever sneakers.

2. The best man tried to have a fight with about 7 or 8 of the dozen or so attendees throughout the course of the week. He also split his head open in the shallow end of the pool, being a dick.

3. We wanted to buy some hashish, and the bloke we sent to score bought nine ounces, which we actually managed to polish off before we left.

4. One of the attendees shat himself, poolside, on the second day

Etc etc etc
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:09, Reply)

£300 pound bracelet? That was some chunky chain blud

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:10, Reply)

sneakers?
WTF?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:14, Reply)

Shoe apparel

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:16, Reply)

He'll be saying sidewalk and spelling colour wrong next.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:18, Reply)

ax him a question blud

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:19, Reply)

what be yo mu'fuckin prolem main?
Gettin' all up in my mu'fuckin grill an shit!
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:25, Reply)

fo sho
Bitches be gettin stitches
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:26, Reply)

Mofo they're 'runners' int they

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:19, Reply)

They were original 70s dead stock Adidas from the US. They wuz sneakerz, yo.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:17, Reply)

I have a mate that searches this kind of stuff out.
He recently paid 250 sheets for a pair of 1950's levis.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:36, Reply)

single, double or kingsize?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:44, Reply)

Alright Jeff?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:49, Reply)

I used to collect 'sports footwear'.
I wore a pair of beige Adidas Gazelles on Sunday that I've owned for about 12 years and never worn. Red on white Puma Baskets I have four pairs of. I am a dick.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:44, Reply)

nah
It's cool.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:54, Reply)

Have you ever been to a pub, had a few drinks, a bit of a laugh and then went home without a single unextraordonary thing happen?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:26, Reply)

Yes, but I tend not to post about those nights.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:37, Reply)

b

Were you there with Darth? LOLROFLMAO!!!!!11!!!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:28, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/board/10430781
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:16, Reply)

NSFW dude
glad I manage to stifle my chortle and close the tab before anyone looked over.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 26 May 2011, 12:14, Reply)

Fucks sakes
It's sunny here, what the fuck is going on in Cardiff?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:17, Reply)

I'll take a guess at the anal intrusion of many many sheep by the locals

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:21, Reply)

Well duh
Also, it's raining and the cricket can't get started.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:28, Reply)

The manufacture of top-quality bread. Do keep up.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:29, Reply)

I thought that was classified information.
On a knead to know basis only.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:30, Reply)

Yeah, don't be letting state secrets slip Monty.
Use your loaf.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:33, Reply)

*rolls on the floor*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:40, Reply)

Shame you can't get paid for sustaining shit memes
God knows you could use the dough
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:43, Reply)

I love the floor rolling meme
even if you do think it's half baked
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:44, Reply)

At yeast it's still going strong!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:46, Reply)

I've heard when she's really angry she has accidently rolled over her hot griddle pan
leaving her with hot cross buns...
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:47, Reply)

I really wish I didn't find this funny
It does prove your ability to rise to a challenge
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:49, Reply)

It's a little tenuous

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:55, Reply)

Better than this^

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:59, Reply)

Oh do shut up AA.
You're giving me a split tin headache.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:48, Reply)

I'm going to baton down the hatches.
This is going to be pain-ful.
(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:50, Reply)

In your own time, Brian.
Bit of a late bloomer, aren't you?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:50, Reply)

Sorry, was busy earning a crust.

(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:52, Reply)

This sub-thread is outstanding
The best of a bad batch mind.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 26 May 2011, 11:54, Reply)

I'd say it's the best thing since sliced bread

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:56, Reply)

I think you should all LTI

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:57, Reply)

Crumbs, Jeff, I had you down as a biga man.
Looks like this sub-thread is toast.
(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Thu 26 May 2011, 12:00, Reply)

I only had a little pitta the action.
But I seem to get blamed for the majority of puns posted on here.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 26 May 2011, 12:02, Reply)

This hardly seems fair!
You should leave(n) us alone, this sub-thread has fallen flat(bread) since you complained!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 26 May 2011, 12:09, Reply)

OMG!
www.guardian.co.uk/culture/2011/may/26/cheryl-cole-us-x-factor

CHERYLS BEEN DROPPED!
(Bazongaloid, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:20, Reply)

+on her head at birth

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:21, Reply)

Fucking cunt, good, I hope she fucks off back to Newcastle and does Byker Grove instead

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:21, Reply)

I thought she was from Liverpool?
I always get those two cities confused, what's the one with the accent that nobody with a braincell can understand?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:22, Reply)

You need more braincells then Gonz!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:23, Reply)

Stoke

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:23, Reply)

Oh, I thought you were going to say "both" and I was going to say "OH MY GOSH THAT IS SO OUT OF ORDER".

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:25, Reply)

Birmingham

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:24, Reply)

Berwick-upon-Tweed

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:25, Reply)

+y

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:26, Reply)

Oi!

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 26 May 2011, 11:41, Reply)

Mr Granddad
How was your meal?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:44, Reply)

Yeovil.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:27, Reply)

Both.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:33, Reply)

Spuggy lols

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:24, Reply)

*goes blind*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:25, Reply)

*mutton-chopped leader lols*

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:25, Reply)

I only ever saw 10 minutes of it once, ant or dec (I still don't know who is who) was pretending to be blind, the stuff of tragedy

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:25, Reply)

I just don't get the whole Cheryl Cole madness.
She's a bonny lass but talent wise mediocre at best.
( girlinthehole, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:23, Reply)

*Waves*
She is no Blousie, that's for sure.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:25, Reply)

You smooth talking bastard!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:26, Reply)

*waves*
Innit!
( girlinthehole, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:27, Reply)

You know it!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:31, Reply)

northern lasses
Is well dorty.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:39, Reply)

Nice to see you looking out for your own
Hardly surprising, Americans think we all talk like either the Queen or Sid Vicious. See Buffy the Vampire Slayer for examples thereof.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:27, Reply)

I think my all time favourite line
was when Spike just turns around and says "Well then stop being such a wanker and let's go!".
(Bazongaloid, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:28, Reply)

Hahaha
Nostalgiclols
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:33, Reply)

I watched "Once more with feeling" on sunday night.
I do enjoy that episode.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:34, Reply)

It is very good

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:43, Reply)

It is for children and tweens

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:45, Reply)

I love how you've waited until I responded so you could insult it.
Are you scared of insulting the others or something?

You fucking puff.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:47, Reply)

Only just seen the sub- thread actually
I was elsewhere being an adult
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:48, Reply)

Oh man, you two are totally nemesiseseses!

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 26 May 2011, 11:49, Reply)

We've started a trend babe

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:50, Reply)

You two are pretty nice to each other to be nemisisissss
I always thought my nemisis would be witty and erudite with a sense sartorial wit and charm.

Instead I get a northern fat pleb, brilliant.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:53, Reply)

Don't be fooled
We're the terribly polite British equivalent to Batman and Catwoman
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:55, Reply)

I'd like to think we Brits could do better
than Buttman and The Gerontophile.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:58, Reply)

Charles and Diana's secret identities?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 26 May 2011, 12:00, Reply)

without the rubber costumes

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 26 May 2011, 11:59, Reply)

Oh, that's been shelved, has it?
Shame, one of my better ideas, I thought
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 26 May 2011, 12:02, Reply)

Another spelling mistake?
It's not 'an adult', it's 'dull'.

As per fucking usual.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:55, Reply)

Weak

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:56, Reply)

Not to worry, I'm sure you'll recover.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:59, Reply)

HAHAHAHAHA you've purposefully misinterpreted my post!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 May 2011, 12:00, Reply)

Conversely,
he once called someone a poof and pronounced it 'poooooof' instead of 'puff'.

When everyone knows he could have just said 'massive quender' and been done with it.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 26 May 2011, 11:34, Reply)

Stoopid Americans and their lack of knowledge of overdeveloped British insults

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:43, Reply)

This is even more newsworthy.
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-13547142
(PsychoChomp, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:42, Reply)

Malden FUCKING sea salt!!
With this countries deficit, who the fuck do they think they are, posh cunts. I blame Eton (£29,000 a year) and Oxford university.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 May 2011, 12:03, Reply)

ITS THURSDAY SO HOPEFULLY FINGERS CROSS EVERYONE PRESS THIS ONE PLEASE PLEASE PRETTY PLEASE.
www.b3ta.com/questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1215768
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:21, Reply)

Jesus, Gonz, your spelling is shocking
In other news, good morning.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 26 May 2011, 11:33, Reply)

Hello Beth, how is your husband's heart condition?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:35, Reply)

I'm still working on it
but as long as he keeps taking his warfarin, the fatal sex-related MI escapes me.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 26 May 2011, 11:38, Reply)

I'll replace his NG spray with lynx if you want.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:40, Reply)

And more importantly, will it affect his ability to deliver everyone's presents on Christmas Eve?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:39, Reply)

You don't get one
You've been A Bad Boy.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 26 May 2011, 11:40, Reply)

So he wouldn't get it? you wouldn't give him one? Oh man, gutted.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:43, Reply)

I shall just have to try to cope with the disappointment somehow.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:47, Reply)

Screw you, Monty
SYWD!
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 26 May 2011, 11:50, Reply)

Stop pimping my cock out!

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:51, Reply)

Oh, please!
Like you haven't already got it on a timeshare schedule.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 26 May 2011, 11:53, Reply)

That implies there have been takers

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:57, Reply)

Look at you
knowing the difference between implying and inferring. I have taught you well, young Padawan. Or something.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 26 May 2011, 12:15, Reply)

I really doubt the addition of go-faster stripes and a seat-back television will make it any more attractive.
Although from what I've heard maybe you could do with some "phat rims".
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:56, Reply)

Go faster stripes are a brilliant idea
*grabs permanent marker*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:57, Reply)

From what I hear you are more than quick enough already

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:58, Reply)

If you will frequent THOSE toilets you'll read all manner of falsehoods

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 26 May 2011, 12:01, Reply)

Well, when you're paying by the hour....

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 26 May 2011, 12:02, Reply)

Damn
*click*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 26 May 2011, 12:05, Reply)

You get the blackboard pen and I'll get the biro out.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 26 May 2011, 12:05, Reply)

Oh that's right pick on the board Jew why don't you
Take your pogroms elsewhere
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:35, Reply)

montylols

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 26 May 2011, 11:37, Reply)

It's my friend's hen this weekend.
As I'm MOH it's been down to me to organise it. This has been beyond stressful as her Mum and sister and demanding and scumbags. However everything was kept secret from the bride...Where we're going for Lunch, the Spa day we're treating her to and the tacky club with strippers and all.
I found out last night one of the guests told her what we're doing as she got 'too excited to keep quiet any longer'
I am pissed off.
( wanderlust, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:52, Reply)

What a fucking retarded reason to tell someone about their hen do.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:53, Reply)

Women are shit

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:54, Reply)

I'm sure we'll have a good time
And as long as the bride is happy then I will be too. But GOD DAMMIT AMANDA YOU SILLY TWAT.
( wanderlust, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:57, Reply)

Oh, just like an amanda that is.
Bloody Amandas.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 26 May 2011, 12:12, Reply)

The not-quite-so-popular cousin to the ‘bloody mary’, made from bacon juice.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 May 2011, 12:14, Reply)

I don't think you'll have a good time with Amanda
I think someone so stupid that they "got too excited to keep quiet" will test your patience to absolute breaking point within about 5 minutes of sitting down in the first bar.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 26 May 2011, 12:12, Reply)

This^
Ensure you have "buffer hens" between you at all times
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 26 May 2011, 12:14, Reply)

I for one think it's bang out of order having a group of female friends without setting me up with at least one of them, prefably two.
Unless they're keeping me single for themselves, which I won't really mind.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 26 May 2011, 12:15, Reply)

Tell Amanda that the plan's changed
(and imply it's her fault) then see how long she sits in the wrong bar before she realises.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 26 May 2011, 12:21, Reply)

Is it Holden? I can imagine her doing something as cunty as that

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 May 2011, 12:13, Reply)

Thing is, I'd still forgive her
if she flashed her tits at me
(Bazongaloid, Thu 26 May 2011, 12:14, Reply)

I've seen Neanderthals with less pronounced foreheads.

( Kroney, Thu 26 May 2011, 12:15, Reply)

She looks like a real doll

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 May 2011, 12:15, Reply)

seriously?
She is a rancid harridan.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 26 May 2011, 12:16, Reply)

Get one of the strippers to cockslap her to death.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:56, Reply)

that is quite twatty. Make sure this guest gets 'lost' at some point during the day.
When I had my hen party, I got a dance teacher to come to the pub and teach us a routine for a girly pop medley type thing. I couldn't do anything too slutty, as my guests' ages ranged from 13 to 65.

I discovered that night that I am completely, utterly, and totally without any inate rhythm whatsoever. And as the bride, I was made to stand at the front so everyone else could revel in my abject shiteness.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 26 May 2011, 11:56, Reply)

Maybe if you want, just thinking out loud really, possibly, but if you want a stripper, then I don't mind doing it.
I won't do the full monty though, I even shower in swimming trunks in case I see myself in the mirror. But I'll deffo get mostly topless (I'll keep my vest on in case it's chilly). I can do the mashed potato an that thing where you swing your knees and swap hands (looks well good in a strobe light, you'd have to make sure the venue has one though).
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:57, Reply)

break her legs.
It's the least she deserves.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:59, Reply)

Kick her in the cunt.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 26 May 2011, 12:10, Reply)

Shove a comedy 'L Plate' up her front bottom.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 26 May 2011, 12:11, Reply)

Prague - Cousins stag do
I was asked if I wanted a private dance by a stripper, and replied "Well, I had to borrow money from my father to get into your wonderful establishment, and it may be a tad too embarrassing asking for a further loan to see your intimate parts inches from my face" to which she retorted "You'd need a wash first anyway"

Delightful
(TheColonel, Thu 26 May 2011, 11:59, Reply)

TheColonel, you are so grubby that an Eastern European stripper said you'd have to waah before she get within 6 inches of you?
*shakes head*
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 May 2011, 12:05, Reply)

That's an epic level of grubbiness right there

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 26 May 2011, 12:22, Reply)

When I worked at Bristol Airport, we used to have hen and stag parties coming through all the time
Generally speaking, the boys put in some real affort, with excellent themes and costume choices. My favourite was the stag in a fox costume, followed by twenty mates dressed in tweeds.

The women usually had t-shirts with 'Tracey will suck your cock for a tequila slammer' or something similar written on them.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 26 May 2011, 12:09, Reply)

Do you have her number? It's just that while we're at duty free, might as well save a few quid if I can.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 26 May 2011, 12:11, Reply)

I think it's on the toilet wall
next to Darth's.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 26 May 2011, 12:14, Reply)

i had to wear a mankini...in Brighton : (

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 May 2011, 12:19, Reply)

NOBODY
needs to wear one of those. Ever.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 26 May 2011, 12:24, Reply)

When we went to Cancun a few years ago, due to Hurricane Katrina
a stag party from Yorkshire ended up in our hotel. The stag had to don tiny red trunks and run along the beach ala Baywatch at 3pm each day they were there
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 26 May 2011, 12:25, Reply)

QUICK EVERYONE!!!! VOTE FOR GONZS SUGGESTION!!!!
www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1215916
(Bazongaloid, Thu 26 May 2011, 12:11, Reply)

I don't think we need a whole week of that really

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 May 2011, 12:17, Reply)

YES WE FUCKING DO!!!! NOW VOTE!!!

(Bazongaloid, Thu 26 May 2011, 12:19, Reply)

YOU CAN'T OPPRESS ME!!!!
*ROLLS VIGOROUSLY*
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 May 2011, 12:22, Reply)

The alternative is Oddly Fucking Attractive which sounds epically shit
take one for the team you cunt.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 26 May 2011, 12:26, Reply)

OBAMARAMA!
RAMBOBAMA!
( Peej, Thu 26 May 2011, 12:31, Reply)