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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Hello shoes.
I'm sorry but I'm gonna have to stand on you again.
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 8:27, 142 replies, latest was 15 years ago)
Bugger! you beat me to the first thread of the day.

(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 8:28, Reply)
I'll barely be in again today.
You'll have to console yourself by starting a new thread every twenty minutes instead.
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 8:29, Reply)
Oh boy!

(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 8:32, Reply)
don't you mean "in them"?

(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 8:29, Reply)
No, I don't.

(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 8:30, Reply)
Oh, piss off Nancy
Every song you did was shit.

shoes boots
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 8:30, Reply)
Erratum.

(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 8:30, Reply)
No, really.
She is shit.
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 8:42, Reply)
I have a day of very little to do apart from wait for emails to be sent.
How shall I make this day more productive?
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 8:35, Reply)
Fritter it away on the interwebs
You know it makes sense.
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 8:36, Reply)
Well it makes sense to me.

(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 8:39, Reply)
And me
There's not much work to be done here either. Seems to be all-out or ghost-ship quiet. Can't say I mind too much, tbh.
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 8:42, Reply)
What do you do again?

(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 8:47, Reply)
Copywriter in an ad agency
We're just finishing a batch so it's being mulled over by the client. Thus, not much for me to do. Hooray for internetz.
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 8:50, Reply)
Hurray!
So you should have a way with words then?
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 8:54, Reply)

words bullshit

shirley?
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 8:59, Reply)
My cousin does that, do you also shoehorn "SEO Expert" into it yet only talk about meta tags?

(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 8:55, Reply)
We've got an SEO running our company website, because he's a friend of the MD
And he's useless.
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 8:59, Reply)
She's a fantastic copywriter, just knows f'all about SEO.
Her job was copywriting for a mahoooosive national chain, which got the #1 spots on google almost organicly... if you were in charge of say, Halfords, it would be hard _not_ to be top spots for something like "bikes uk".

What annoyes me more is the designer she uses (and has too, it's a buisness group thing), he doesn't know any HTML and his sites are straight out of the late 90s.
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:17, Reply)
Oh, and "Social Media Expert" too.

(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:22, Reply)
We do print and TV ads mostly
No "SEO Guru" or "Search Lord" or "Interwebz Dungeonmaster" I. I hope you bitchslap your cousin if s/he is shoehorning!
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:00, Reply)
I want your job.
If you could just move it to Somerset, that would be fine. Kthxbai
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 8:59, Reply)
Wow, tough one: Beijing or Taunton...

(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:04, Reply)
I was thinking more 'Weston super Mare'
That way I wouldn't have the travelling.
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:05, Reply)
Yeah, "Great Horse" it is then

(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:07, Reply)
That comment













my head.
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:09, Reply)
Huh?

(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:09, Reply)
it went over my head

(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:11, Reply)
Super Mare

(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:24, Reply)
First rule of comedy
if you have to explain it, it's not funny.
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:25, Reply)
Its not my fault everyone is stupid

(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:29, Reply)
She's suggesting it's way over her head, chap.

(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:12, Reply)
Does Weston-Super-Mare have mandatory internet blocking and a government bent on destroying dissidents and human rights campaigners?
If not, I'll think about it.
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:12, Reply)
On the plus side
you're in the right country to become one of our jackbook-wearing opressing overlords in 20 years time, so not all bad.
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:12, Reply)
20?
More like 5!
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:20, Reply)
Bollocks to that, I'm not registering to read it.
But, I seriously doubt it. China has got this far by basically having a shit load of raw materials, cheap labour, and a healthy disregard for western corporate and commercial law. They'll have to do something about the last two to progress further, as shown by the current regieme's plans with the UK and Europe. But it'll take a lot more than 5 years, IMO.
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:25, Reply)
Soz, didn't realise it was paywalled
But yeah, China has many problems, several of which are very urgent. Even if it has the world's largest economy, per capita income would still be less than middling. There's a long way to go... and many things that can go wrong. I wouldn't like to be someone who'd invested my wealth in property, for example.
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:44, Reply)
China already has a massive say in the world economy
even if lots of westerners effectively have their fingers in their ears going "lalalalala I'm not listening" ... but yeah, I bet it's very different for the general public inside the country.. Still, must be an interesting place to be living right now...
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:47, Reply)
It does not.
It does, however, have a high proportion of chavs and junkies. But these can mostly be avoided by going to places that cost money.
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:13, Reply)
Jealous.
I moved from my top floor triangle room to a bottom floor square room in another building today. YAY FOR MOVING!
I'm fucking WRECKED man.
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 8:49, Reply)
Hurray!
Is this room going to be quieter?
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 8:52, Reply)
Hells yeah. There are 6 people in my whole building. There were over 50 in the last one.
I"m stoked. No loud music, no drunken parties to deal with. AND my stuff all fits. :D
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:11, Reply)
Is it part of a geometry test?
Do you get a hexagon room next?
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 8:55, Reply)
Pentagon surely?

(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:04, Reply)
She's not allowed to talk about that

(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:05, Reply)
Building rooms in that shape
results in US special forces coming crashing through your windows to "question" you.

Well, they come crashing through a vaguely similar window in a building in the next town. Facing the wrong way. but, yeah.
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:10, Reply)
Oh no, what a really heavy bummer

(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 8:43, Reply)
Christopher Biggins?

(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 8:57, Reply)
You fucking hippy.
I hope there's a fucking hole in one of them.
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 8:51, Reply)
Same here, that way his feet an go in them.

(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 8:53, Reply)
I hope it lets in water

(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:41, Reply)
*googles*
Ahh, sorry, my mistake. Piss off Neil.
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 8:51, Reply)
Wooo! I have two excitable doggies in the office now.
PLAYTIME!!
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 8:57, Reply)
Have you fired up the Jeffsignal?
You know, the one that projects a "lipstick" into the sky?
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 8:58, Reply)
haha!
He'll be hear shortly. He has a sixth sense about this sort of thing.
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:02, Reply)
It's always playtime!
Unless it's food time or sleep time...
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 8:58, Reply)
I need to clear the crap out of Charlie's ears at some point soon
I cannot say I am approaching this task with relish
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:06, Reply)
Yeah, relish is probably the wrong tool.
I would suggest a cotton bud.
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:14, Reply)
Haha!

(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:15, Reply)
Good point
*puts away Branstons*
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:24, Reply)
What flavours of dog?

(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:03, Reply)
Beef and Chicken

(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:04, Reply)
Jack Russell.
*boingy boingy*
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:06, Reply)
My new friend has a parsons terrier, it's soooooo sweeeet!

(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:08, Reply)
Just a minute

(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:09, Reply)
That's what they are.
They are ace.

Bit hairier than normal terriers.
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:10, Reply)
Scruffy little faces!!

(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:11, Reply)
And clever buggers too.

(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:12, Reply)
yeah, but "clever, for a dog"
is a bit like saying "really quite manouverable, for an oil tanker"
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:33, Reply)
If my parent's dogs had been properly trained. they'd be running the country by now.

(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:37, Reply)
How many people can detect life signs under meters of rubble and lick their own arsehole

(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:44, Reply)
Prince
or was it Marilyn Manson? Anyway I'd say either of them would have a go.
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:58, Reply)
the worst kind of dog

(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:21, Reply)
Shaddup!

(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:23, Reply)
Cats are the worst kind of dog

(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:24, Reply)
friend of mine has one
it's actually quite cute, it a "slightly too small for me to be comfortable" way.

But, generally, yeah, if I could comfortably score a drop-goal from the 22 with it, it's not a dog but a hairy rat on a string.
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:29, Reply)
Not even a real dog.

(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:29, Reply)
Why do dogs have to be big to be real dogs?
I believe you are only 5'5", are you not a real man?
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:33, Reply)
Is he?
I had him under child like downs thing
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:42, Reply)
And it's good to see how much it's improved.

(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:47, Reply)
I don't even mean massive
I just don't believe you should be able to carry a dog under one arm.
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:47, Reply)
Why not?
Many small dogs were bred originally as working dogs and have a specific purpose in life. Even Chihuawas (sp?) we bred to go ratting i believe
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 10:07, Reply)
they look like rats.

(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 10:09, Reply)
Hence their ability to lull rats into a false sense of security.

(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 10:10, Reply)
Speaking of that.
actually no, it's not related, I just thought you'd get a kick out of this.
There is a large hook directly above my bed on the ceiling.
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 10:11, Reply)
Haha!
Don't be getting any ideas now.
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 10:12, Reply)
I don't know if it's strong enough for that.
but it gave me a giggle when I noticed it.
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 10:22, Reply)
Woop!
A lovely pair of bouncing puppies
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:03, Reply)
You knows it sweetness.

(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:04, Reply)
*trigger fingers*

(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:04, Reply)
On the telly, they're talking about a new film called "Just Do It" which is about how to protest.
I like the fact that they're using Nike's slogan, a company renouned for using child labour.
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 8:58, Reply)
If people have to be told how to protest
I suspect they shouldn't be allowed metal cutlery unsupervised, let alone placards.
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:00, Reply)
But children have small hands and can therefore do neater stitching

(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:03, Reply)
This morning on the way to work
I passed a car with the numberplate KN 08 JKY

I like to think he's blissfully unaware that his numberplate declares him a "knobjockey". Regrettably it wasn't an Audi.
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:17, Reply)
I don't have a problem with Audi drivers
I struggle with weedy, nervous drivers. if you don't feel comfortable don't drive.
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:22, Reply)
I do. They've paid way over the fucking odds for a Skoda, for a start.

(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:26, Reply)
That's a bit simplistic

(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:33, Reply)
far be it from me to launch lazy and sweeping generalisations
on b3ta, of all places. Imagine!

it's not really that simplistic. I mean, there is a lack of model overlap, sure (assuming you want to buy some ridiculous Q-coded off roader), and if you want high end spec then you need Audi, but a base model A4 and Ocatavia are more or less identical bar the badge and the fact the Audi is considerably more expensive and the Skoda has better spec
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:36, Reply)
All cars are inherently gay.


(apart from WWII German staff cars, obv.)
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:58, Reply)
Just because you can't drive and have to take...
..."The Bus"

*shudders*
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 10:06, Reply)
*shrugs*
I like reading. And drinking.
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 10:10, Reply)
Plus public transport is a great place to get characters for my angst-ridden teenage poetry.

(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 10:11, Reply)
Also a great place to sit on chewing gum, stand in vomit, get stabbed, listen to plebs on the phone
overheat due to over crowding and lack of air con, not be able to listen to radio 4 etc etc
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 10:13, Reply)
The Lonely Man by Monty Boyce aged FreeFair and a half.
No one cares.
The lonely man sits on the cold, grey, bus, invisible to all in his misery.
Cold and grey like the uncaring society that failed him.
WHY?????
No one cares.

The end.
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 10:13, Reply)
*weeps*

(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 10:14, Reply)
needs moar
The end

Fin.
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 10:16, Reply)
Damn, you are so right.
I've failed.

*cuts*
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 10:16, Reply)
+ puts Combichrist on

(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 10:19, Reply)
*fucks that shit*



*fucks that shit*
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 10:20, Reply)
There's already 26 characters for that
They start with A and end in Z.
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 10:23, Reply)
Indeed
I've caught a couple of mine cruising toilets for cock.
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 10:16, Reply)
Has anyone seen The Scheme on BBC 1 late at night?
It's about 6 families on an estate in Scotland...holy fuck what a shit hole filled with shit filled people, they really should be culled
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:27, Reply)
Unfortunately it's pretty accurate.

(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:27, Reply)
Seriously i can see no hope for any of them
One had a baby last night, i despaired for the little bugger
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:28, Reply)
You know they had to stop it for a while?
because so many of the people on it were either up on trial or were witnesses in various crimes that it was impossible for it to be shown without one of them effectively committing contempt in advance...
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:30, Reply)
Like I say, it's hopeless

(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:32, Reply)
NEIL! I have that song.

(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 9:59, Reply)
So how's the TRAFFIC?
Geddit?
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 10:04, Reply)
no

(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 10:06, Reply)
Good work, FreeFair. It's not your fault Nakers is an ignoramus of near-Bobby proportions.

(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 10:09, Reply)
That is low, even for you

(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 10:14, Reply)
It was the rudest thing I could think of.

(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 10:21, Reply)
Listen to the lyrics PAUL WELLER!

(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 10:06, Reply)
I'm going to see Adrian Mole The Musical this evening

(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 10:16, Reply)
where?
and what's the seating like?
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 10:20, Reply)
My guess would be Everyman
So the seating is shit.
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 10:23, Reply)
Everyman's closed til 2013, mongoloid.
And it's boss.
This is on the Unity, and after purchasing the tickets we discovered it's a small youth theatre. Oops...
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 10:33, Reply)
Is it?
I haven't been there in 13 years.
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 10:38, Reply)
Well it only closed on Saturday so you're forgiven

(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 10:40, Reply)
Ahh
I went to see a 'rock and roll' version of Jack and The Beanstalk. It was fucking wank.
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 10:43, Reply)
you're wrong.
Their pantos rule.
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 10:47, Reply)
In the television series the fellow who played his father was a Death Star officer in Star Wars*.
So was Johnny Briggs' dad. And Mr Bronson.

There's something not right about this. I demand answers.

*being REALLY INTO FILM this is the kind of trivia I know only too well. A STORMTROOPER BUMPS HIS HEAD!!!!!!111!!!!!!
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 10:23, Reply)
I hated the music for Johnny Briggs with all my Southern Soul

(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 10:24, Reply)
Same here.
Fucking povvo colliery brass band shit.
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 10:26, Reply)
Oh man i still hum it sometimes and do the big bwaaaaaaaaaaar at the end.

(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 10:36, Reply)
Answer:
English actors play villains in Hollywood movies because of the war of independence. And because, as a rule, we seem better at being convincingly heartless, cold shitehawks. Especially Mr Bronson. And you.
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 10:29, Reply)
And because when films are made in Britain they use local actors.
By law all 'film' made in the UK MUST UNDER PAIN OF DEATH contain Bill Nighy, Timothy Spall and Jim Broadbent. FACT.
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 10:33, Reply)
My favourite villian currently is Welsh!

(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 10:39, Reply)
If this is a Game of Thrones reference I'm afraid I still haven't seen it mate

(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 10:44, Reply)
Nope, it's Chuck and Hot Fuzz
Timothy Dalton is fucking superb as a bad guy.

I've not seen it either, won't be seeing it for a while, have just started on a new series called 'Sanctuary', not bad so far. (well, it's new to me)
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 10:45, Reply)
He didn't play it Welsh, Lynn!
"The name's Bond... Jones the Bond!"
(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 10:47, Reply)
Would have ruined the impact somewhat.

(, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 10:52, Reply)

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