Fuckinell. Need a new question.
Would you stitch up a colleague and friend for a promotion?

Alt: If not why not, you pussy?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:04, 133 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Yeah, I'd totally upload hardcore porn on their computer
and then tell management that I had walked past their desk and been utterly disgusted by what I had seen.
( Bazongaloid, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:04, Reply)

Say that they were caption writing child porn.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:08, Reply)

No.
Because that shit comes back to bite you on the arse and I'm not money orientated.
( girlinthehole, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:05, Reply)

Yes
Alt: That makes no sense?
(PsychoChomp, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:06, Reply)

Changed.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:08, Reply)

I'd do it for a laugh.

( Kroney, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:06, Reply)

Yeah.
You can buy some friends with your new payrise.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:09, Reply)

Yeah! crap friends.

( girlinthehole, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:10, Reply)

Better, shinier friends!!

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:12, Reply)

Who'd leave as soon as the money ran out.

( girlinthehole, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:15, Reply)

Good.
I wouldn't want to see the bastards gloating.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:16, Reply)

I'd do it to your mum.

( Bazongaloid, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:15, Reply)

My dead Mum?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:16, Reply)

Colleague? Maybe. Friend? No.
Alt: I'm too nice really. It's a major failing on my part. I'm like Tommy in Trainspotting.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:08, Reply)

A smackhead with AIDS?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:09, Reply)

Yep
But a NICE smackhead with AIDS
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:13, Reply)

Fair enough!
The reason I ask is that I think a bloke I work with is doing it.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:14, Reply)

What, stitching you up or smack?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:17, Reply)

Former.
I am surprised because I didn't think he was that sort of bloke.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:18, Reply)

Details, man, details
If I conclude that he is I'll send the boys round
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:23, Reply)

who dies of a brain abcess.
Caused by TEH KITTEHS!
( Bazongaloid, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:14, Reply)

EVIL KITTEH
Etc
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:18, Reply)

No
Alt: Because I like my colleagues, and it wouldn't be worth it.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:09, Reply)

No.
Alt: because I don't have a job at the moment, therefore not an issue.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:12, Reply)

Would you stitch up another unemployed person for a job.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:13, Reply)

Nah.
It would probably backfire if my prospective employers found out about it.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:14, Reply)

Iwas driving home yesterday when "This Corrosion" came on my ipod.
I totally thought of you.
( Bazongaloid, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:16, Reply)

I bet you did, you kinky stallion, you.
Did you get to see them at Sonisphere?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:16, Reply)

Me and Amberl stood outside the tent for about 30 minutes as it was too full to get in.
They sounded good, but it wasn't much fun standing outside watching all the smoke and lighting from a distance of 60 odd yards, so we went and had beer instead.
( Bazongaloid, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:19, Reply)

That's pretty much what it was like in Leeds.
Even right at the font you could hardly see anything for all the dry ice. They sounded awesome though.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:20, Reply)

*mutters*
Fucking tiny tent too fucking small to see fucking anyone unless you'd been there all fucking day
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:19, Reply)

I had a barney with a loud mouthed bird who kept on shouting past my ear at the security guards
"Are We Gonna Get In Then Or What!? We Paid Two 'Undred Fackin Quid To See Them!"

I told her to shut up as there was no point shouting at the security as they weren't the ones who decided if the tent was full or not. So she started yelling at me.
( Bazongaloid, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:30, Reply)

You're getting well lairy these days

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:31, Reply)

It's old age.
You care less what people think and get more ratty when you get older.
( girlinthehole, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:32, Reply)

Tell me about it

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:32, Reply)

I was very drunk at the time
As well you know, when sober I'm incredibly quiet and shy. But get some cider in my belly and I'll have crisps in your pockets before you know what's happened.
( Bazongaloid, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:33, Reply)

I'm the same.
Although the righteous indignation is appearing more and more in the sober Roota.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:47, Reply)

She was being a loud mouthed cunt though
Why blame security for something that can't be changed? Though I was pretty pissed at them myself when they started letting people in after we left
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 16:04, Reply)

I thought you said 'hairy' then
I laughed a loud, incredulous laugh.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:44, Reply)

Ah, ye lil bata

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:48, Reply)

SQUEEZE!!!!
GREAT SEATS!!!!!
( Bazongaloid, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:48, Reply)

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:49, Reply)

Fook off

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:50, Reply)

I like this so hard I've got an erection.

( Bazongaloid, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:50, Reply)

Any pic in particular do it for you?
Or a combination of all four?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:51, Reply)

It's the combination.
Individually they don't even constitute a readjustment, but all four together and BAM! it's walking bent double time.
( Bazongaloid, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:54, Reply)

I feel a little uncomfortable now
Not "teenager watching Baywatch with his parents" more "that hobo at the urinal next to me is using a lot more than the customary two-to-three shakes after a wee".
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:57, Reply)

He's looking sideways at you and leering too.

( Bazongaloid, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 16:02, Reply)

Ah, ye lil bastad

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:48, Reply)

no
I have too highly developed sense of guilt and lack of self worth. Far more likely is if I were in competition with someone I'd scupper myself by convincing myself I didn't deserve it in the first place.

/lame
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:14, Reply)

/revealing.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:17, Reply)

please don't be the other people who are
being interviewed for my job next week :(
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:20, Reply)

Work colleagues don't count as friends.

( Kroney, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:17, Reply)

Not while you work with them.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:18, Reply)

Work colleagues don't
o
as friends
( broadsword, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:42, Reply)

I just turned around to see all three of the girls who sit near me walking into the office
I told them it was like the first scene of Macbeth.

It's funny because none of them will have read, or possibly even heard of Macbeth.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:26, Reply)

It's funny because that could be considered sexual harrassment.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:27, Reply)

Hardly!

( girlinthehole, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:31, Reply)

he just assumes that everyone looks at girls the way he does
blinking from behind steamed-up glasses
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:33, Reply)

How? On earth?
I realise you're an expert, so please enlighten me
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:32, Reply)

You're calling them witches.

( Bazongaloid, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:33, Reply)

You try listening to them all day
I refer to them as The Coven all the time, they seem to find it quite amusing. Am not entirely sure any of them has looked up "Coven" in the dictionary, mind
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:35, Reply)

Yeah let's assume that everyone you work with is thick, except for you of course, it's all one big mistake somewhere that you're answering the telephone and asking in a glorified way HAVE YOU TURNED IT OFF AND BACK ON AGAIN MR PEARTREE

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:46, Reply)

sometimes
i think i could have your babies
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:47, Reply)

He procreates by mitosis.
You'd be no use to him.
( girlinthehole, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:50, Reply)

Naw am not callin from Bombay, Mrs Opodopoulos

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:49, Reply)

fucking hell, i had one of those personal injury clowns on the other day. from india. but allegedly called kevin. kevin smith. riiiiight.
adamant that i had had an accident and could claim compensation. when i assured him i had not been in any accident, he said "why you want to conceal accident, ms swipe? was it your fault? we still get compensation."

i got VERY angry. then he asked to speak to mrs swipe. i told him that he could not. he asked why. i said it was none of his business but she died 5 years ago. there was a pause. then he actually said:

"and was that in car accident?"

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. it is a sad indictment of my job that my instinctive response was "the limitation act 1980 caps personal injury claims at 3 years, you CUNT".
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 16:08, Reply)

Those people are amazing.
"What are you doing?"
"WHAT?"
"I hear you have moved to a dfifferent room, what are you doing now?"
"I'm making a SNACK... pervert.."
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 16:10, Reply)

If they start asking you what you're wearing, hang up.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 16:11, Reply)

it is horrendous!
stupid ambulance-chasers
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 16:16, Reply)

so you are saying that being a witch is a bad thing?
wonder what any wiccans would say about that.

RACIST...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:38, Reply)

It's funny because you actually got really upset when you made a stupid comment
that could actually have been considered slightly racist.

Also, I'm pretty sure the wiccans here already don't like me because I don't wholeheartadly endorse their pole dancing lifestyle.

But then the catholics don't like me because of my remarks about the pope and the the anglicans don't like me because of my views on belief in a higher power.

So I don't really care.
( Bazongaloid, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:48, Reply)

I think you're alright, ironically

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:50, Reply)

I think we'd get along great guns in real life.

( Bazongaloid, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:51, Reply)

I wholeheartedly agree
A B3tan whose opinion I value has vouched for your IRL awesomeness
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:56, Reply)

A b3tan whose opinion means very little to me
has vouched for his IRL gentleness as a lover.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 16:00, Reply)

I want to know the chances it's the same one

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 16:05, Reply)

I'm not sure Darth knows DJ
so I doubt it.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 16:07, Reply)

You should know

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 16:07, Reply)

Pagans are next on my list.
Fucking HANDFASTING my fucking ham-fisted arse-fisting
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:51, Reply)

haha!

( girlinthehole, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:53, Reply)

one of ,y best friends got hand-fasted.
She used to be such a good girl, then went of squatting in London, lived for a summer up a tree in Devon, actually got an MA from Cambridge, and has two kids. She's still weird, though.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 16:03, Reply)

pfffft
you know full well that you misread my original comment, probably on purpose because you are very witty like that.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 16:04, Reply)

You wouldn't say it to men would you?
You're calling them witches.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:36, Reply)

I used to get called the she-devil at work, many moons ago.
I quite liked it.
( girlinthehole, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:39, Reply)

Right, so, referring to female colleagues as witches - a term traditionally associated with, but not exclusive to, women -
is sexual harrassment. You stupid bastard.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:41, Reply)

He's implicating that the women would take the negative view of being called a witch.
Ugly, warty and evil etc
( girlinthehole, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:42, Reply)

I know
Still not sexual harrassment though, is it? Insulting, certainly, but hardly an arse-grope.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:44, Reply)

You thick fuck, your employer has to pick up the pieces via several tens of thousands of pounds in damages at Employment Tribunals and peoples careers down the drain because you have no idea how to behave in a professional environment
The Fwapster indeed
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 16:00, Reply)

That's just normal harrassment and bullying then, surely?
there are very few sexual overtones in calling someone a hag.
(berk, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:48, Reply)

If you make them feel uncomfortable and act differently towards them because they're women
yeah, it could be easily deemed sexual harassment.

I'm the stupid bastard?
(PsychoChomp, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:43, Reply)

It's more about how you act than banter though isn't it?

( girlinthehole, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:44, Reply)

I don't really think it is,
you're at work, there are different rules, don't make personal insults, talk down to people or call anyone any names no matter how innocent.
Doesn't stop you having conversations or enjoying the company of the people you work with. and better to limit that sort of stuff than either potentially make people uncomfortable (they often won't show it) or open yourself and your employers up for fat law suits.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:50, Reply)

I blame the Americans.
Used to be you could have a laugh at someone's expense without worrying about law suits.

And how boring would work be without some friendly name calling. A bit like here.
( girlinthehole, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:52, Reply)

Can you imagine if work was like here?
People would run off crying every week only to come back begging for their job back the next monday.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:54, Reply)

Haha!

( girlinthehole, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:56, Reply)

I think you're applying the rules of your workplace to everyone else's
In principle all of the above makes sense, I'm just lucky enough to work in a very relaxed environment
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:52, Reply)

Well I do work for an organisation that takes all that very seriously
and has powerful unions to back up anyone who has a complaint. That said the law's there already, it doesn't just apply to us.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:56, Reply)

Given who you work for I'm not at all surprised that things are stricter for you

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:58, Reply)

i used to work with two guys I referred to as my minions
I was in no way senior to them except in age. They were only 16 and I used to spend all my time making them embarrassed about stuff. I probably should have got in trouble for that.
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:45, Reply)

I refer to about half of the staff here as my minions
I even have any emails from them automagically filed into a folder marked 'Minions'.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:48, Reply)

I like the term "automagically".
I think I may start using it.
( Bazongaloid, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:49, Reply)

Yes you are
You have no idea of context and whether or not it actually does make them feel uncomfortable; as I mention above, it's something of a running joke. You're just trying to pick a fight.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:45, Reply)

These are direct quotes from this thread
"It's funny because none of them will have read, or possibly even heard of Macbeth."
"You try listening to them all day"
"not entirely sure any of them has looked up "Coven" in the dictionary,"

If that's how you think about them I'm pretty sure you saying anything to them makes them feel uncomfortable, if you notice or not.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:53, Reply)

Considering they make him listen to their tedious comparisons of anal sex experiences
I think he's perfectly justified in killing them, let alone calling them witches.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:55, Reply)

This absolutely reinforces another direct quote from this thread
"you're just trying to pick a fight"

It might seem remarkable to you but I'm absolutely not a malicious person and wouldn't say anything that I wasn't sure my workmates wouldn't laugh off. Again, context. And they say much worse to me, again in jest.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 16:00, Reply)

You prick, it's all sailed over your head treacle
You need to separate the internet and your work environment, very different places
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 16:05, Reply)

so if you're talking about how you treat women and how you make them feel...
... er, which one of you has a girlfriend again?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:45, Reply)

Nah
I only work with 2 people and they are mates
( broadsword, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:40, Reply)

Also, promotion is for wankers

( broadsword, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:44, Reply)

No, I'm far too nice for that
But if a colleague did that to me then rest assured that I would make their working life a misery.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:43, Reply)

No, never
I have morals and am generally far too nice for my own good.
(berk, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:43, Reply)

*nice girls come last high fives*

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:55, Reply)

Don't they fucking just.

(berk, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:57, Reply)

*sighs*

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:58, Reply)

You're both talking about completely unsatisfactory sex, aren't you

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 16:00, Reply)

It had crossed my mind
but no, I'm talking about being underappreciated because I'm too nice to make a fuss.
(berk, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 16:02, Reply)

I'll be honest
I was talking about both.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 16:04, Reply)

No
I'm just not that type of person, plus I work for a small company so it'd have to be a case of 'dead MD's shoes' for me to go any higher.
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:51, Reply)

If indeed that is your real MD.

( Bazongaloid, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:55, Reply)

No, never
Because I'm nice. And scared of getting caught. But mostly the nice thing.

In other news, I hope a grope about under some boxes and found my disc with my epic poems on, that I was talking about earlier. They were written nearly twenty years ago. I cringed a bit when re-reading them, but I'm still mostly proud of them. I'm not going to show you lot of braying monkeys though.

As you were.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:54, Reply)

i don't think monkeys bray

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:56, Reply)

I wrote a short story when I was about 15
it won a prize and everything; I read it back two or three years ago and almost hid with shame.
(berk, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:57, Reply)

The last short story I entered in a competition
came 6th out of 109 entries. It was only a local competition. I was still chuffed, though. That judge was the one who told me I write like Nathaniel Hawthorne.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 15:58, Reply)

I was 2nd in the region
I don't know how many that was, nor, sadly, who Nathaniel Hawthorne is. It was a fucking terrible story though. I think I only won the prize because of the epic length and ability to spell.
(berk, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 16:00, Reply)

He wrote the Scarlet Letter.
Also, well done you. Not just gorgeous but talented too. You make me sick.


You know, with jealousy.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 16:06, Reply)

I don't write any more
mainly because I'm terrible at it and have no ideas. Ditto for painting. Ditto for composing music.

So I am none of the above, really. Are you less nauseous now?
(berk, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 16:08, Reply)

Not really
but that could just be because I'm still inhaling bleach fumes from giving my kitchen its weekly bath.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 16:10, Reply)

*takes deep breath*
hope a
about under some boxes and found my disc with my epic poems on, that I was talking about earlier. They were written nearly twenty years ago. I cringed a bit when re-reading them, but I'm still mostly proud of them. I'm not going to show you lot of braying
though
( broadsword, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 16:01, Reply)

*golf clap*
That 'hope' should have been 'had' though. My typing has just got so spazzy over the last few months.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 21 Jul 2011, 16:05, Reply)

I wouldn't
I'm mostly nice.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 16:07, Reply)

Liar.

( Bazongaloid, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 16:10, Reply)

Shh I'm trying to pretend that I'm nice here

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 21 Jul 2011, 16:11, Reply)