I tire of drug talk I can't join in with
on account of being square.

Make me feel a bit better. Tell tales of daring square-ness or nerd-ism.

In 1998, my summer holiday was a long weekend at a scifi convention.

Alt: I punched myself in the face today with a garden implement. Tell me the last stupid spazzy thing you did.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:54, 131 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Alt: your mum.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:57, Reply)

LOL

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:02, Reply)

You're old,
who's the bloke in the bottom right?
www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-14349136
(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:05, Reply)

Edward VII

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:06, Reply)

Isn't that Edward VIII?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:06, Reply)

It's Edward VIII
arguably the most famous resignation of all time, as he abdicated the throne of Britain to be allowed to marry a divorcee.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:13, Reply)

Thanks all, I knew I recognised him

(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:16, Reply)

It's Dappy from N-Dubz

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:20, Reply)

It's ym.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:21, Reply)

It's 80s judo superstar Brian Jacks

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:22, Reply)

It's Sean P-Puff-Diddly-Dee Combs.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:24, Reply)

Enjoying yourself?

(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:28, Reply)

Yup.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:31, Reply)

It's the very model of a modern Major General.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:28, Reply)

this is my favourite
good work
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:37, Reply)

It's 'Woolly' from 'Wizbit'.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:31, Reply)

Someone who monty knows personally and has a helerious story about snorting lines with him followed by a sex act that he expects everyone to know even though he just made it up yesterday when high with his friends who all have nicknames like 'yetti'.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:31, Reply)

Edward VIII.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:50, Reply)

Edward X

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:53, Reply)

Malcolm XI

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:59, Reply)

Ewa Woowa.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:59, Reply)

I like the leaning tower of pizza, where you just lay down with a lazy lob-on and get someone to stand really really far away...
... and photograph them so it looks like they're pushing it upright.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:07, Reply)

This made me laugh.
I like you.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:14, Reply)

=D

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:29, Reply)

a lot of my conversations start with "so on this website i go on"
I'm going to throw a this out there, its not to do with this thread.
The bff is being weird and saying she needs to talk to me about something but it has to be face to face, and so I asked my dad to watch my dog for me so I could go to her house tonight and he tried to convince me that she's going to try to hurt me. And that there's plenty of people that go to their friends houses without a clue that they're about to be shot and killed. Its doing my head in.
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:14, Reply)

Shoot her first
it's the only way.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:16, Reply)

I hate to admit it
but this may be your only course of action.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:17, Reply)

all friendships should be run with the plan in mind

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:19, Reply)

that is literally what my dad said
I think he's losing it
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:21, Reply)

I fear you may be right.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:22, Reply)

She should shoot her dad first, it's the only way

(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:23, Reply)

Basically, she needs to tool up and take out all her old school teachers and fellow pupils.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:25, Reply)

Also, this morning there was an article in the paper about how some dude attacked his ex girlfriend with a knife and a cop broke in and ended up killing the guy
he used this story to back up his theory, because my friend is "weird" and he's never liked her
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:25, Reply)

You need to shoot all reporters, it's the only way

(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:30, Reply)

WITH A KNIFE?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:32, Reply)

Just call her up and see if she's going to shoot you,
or say you fancy a beer and meet her in a pub.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:23, Reply)

could you imagine a friend saying "hey, my dad thinks you're going to shoot me so he doesn't want me to go over there, I mean, you're not going to are you?"

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:27, Reply)

Well if she's your best friend then that should be fine
orrrrr say "ummm I had a dream you shot me, please don't shoot me"
(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:29, Reply)

WOT
you'd be a little peeved
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:31, Reply)

Nah, you can't control your dreams, she'll just think you're being slightly mental.
Better than getting shot.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:32, Reply)

if I die I want you all to know you're probably not invited to my funeral
except for Al, cause he's going to take care of my dog
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:34, Reply)

He'd eat it as a snack.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:37, Reply)

After all I've done for you

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:37, Reply)

Look, it'll be short notice anyway, and you'd have to meet my mom, and she's a bit funny

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:49, Reply)

She is shagging perv boss

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:19, Reply)

i might have to borrow his gun

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:21, Reply)

maybe not a gun
perhaps something more subtle - knuckle dusters, poisoned dagger, that kind of thing
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:30, Reply)

this is such short notice, I don't even know where to get either of those

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:31, Reply)

foxgloves in your/your neighbours garden?
I think that makes poison digi-something. Pretty sure you could find another alternative on the internet, but that will leave a trace. The dagger doesn't need to be classy - kitchen knife will do. Knuckle dusters - fat, sharp rings.

Bit worried how easily that plan formed to be honest
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:34, Reply)

you should probably just make sure anything you take
can be explained away and used in defence.
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:35, Reply)

digitalis

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:35, Reply)

you're used to battling foes

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:37, Reply)

I never really do the planning, though
I'm more one for standing behind shields and just twatting the dude someone tells me to twat
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:38, Reply)

I think you should protect yourself
Have you ever considered visiting a gun show.?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:30, Reply)

second time you've made me laugh in a couple of minutes
give yourself a congratulatory pat on the back
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:39, Reply)

+ whilst belming furiously.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:43, Reply)

my holidays every year are to larp events

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:29, Reply)

WINNA
or loser, depending on your viewpoint
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:31, Reply)

for a while a few years ago
I'm fairly sure I owned more larp kit than real clothes
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:32, Reply)

Hello Cavy
How are your mugs?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:42, Reply)

today I bought bleach and baking powder
so, in theory, one day they will be clean
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:46, Reply)

I tried that.
Apparently, just having the cleaning stuff in the cupboards isn't enough.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:49, Reply)

oh :(
not even if I put them near the mop? I was kinda hoping for some evolution shit to kick in an it clean itself
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:52, Reply)

If you put it under your pillow
it will clean your brain
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:54, Reply)

sounds plausible

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:55, Reply)

Alt: tl:dw

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:40, Reply)

screw you, bitch!

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:43, Reply)

With mine?
I was actually saying my list of spazzy incidents is too long to write!
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:46, Reply)

ah, I see that now.
Your tl;dw was tl;dr

I retract my previous statement. Unless you think you can ;-)
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:48, Reply)

I can and I have

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:53, Reply)

I certainly believe that.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:59, Reply)

Alt: My boss has just informed me that he now wants toilet rolls and hand rolls to be kept under lock and key.
And if people want them, they have to ask the relevant boss. I think he's trying to turn us into a primary school, it's ludicrous!

EDIT: Sorry, I meant if they want replacements, they have to ask.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:44, Reply)

Boss, boss! I need a really big poo!
Can I have some toilet roll please? And the Daily Star?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:45, Reply)

That's idiotic.
Plus if you're a bloke and you ask for toilet roll then everyone in the office is going to know that you're going for a massive shit.

Or a wank.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:46, Reply)

Or both simultaneously.
"twin win"
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:55, Reply)

You could have a race
to see which substance exited the body the fastest.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 15:00, Reply)

REO speedwank.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 15:05, Reply)

Simply wipe your shit all over the walls

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:47, Reply)

In one of my old offices somebody actually did that.
The dirty bastard. We reckon it was fat Eric, a man so gargantuan that it is quite conceivable that he could accidentally smear his shit-stained buttocks against the cubicle wall whilst turning around to get the bog roll.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:50, Reply)

oh gross
when I was in elementary school someone was using their poo to write vulgar words
the principal had a talk with all the 5th grade girls
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:53, Reply)

Our manager called all the blokers into his office to voice his disgust.
Fat Eric looked a little bit uncomfortable...
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:59, Reply)

Cos he'd cacked his breeks

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 3 Aug 2011, 15:13, Reply)

Dirty protest

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:52, Reply)

Don't think he can do that,
www.hse.gov.uk/pubns/indg293.pdf
have to provide toilet paper and sanitary disposal for the "ho's". If they haven't got free access (if someone's working late or their manager is away) then it's breaking the guidelines.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:50, Reply)

Truly your knowledge of khazi disposables policy is unrivalled on this forum, sir.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:54, Reply)

I googled.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:55, Reply)

I feel let down.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:55, Reply)

You should start keeping your empty rolls from home
then, each time you get one from your boss, give him back an empty one.
( Kroney, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:53, Reply)

he should use an entire roll for each movement

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:55, Reply)

AD&Dlols

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 15:08, Reply)

ah, I was trying to make
a classical composer joke from it. I think I overthought it
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 15:09, Reply)

I was amazed that I beat you to a roleplay joke
This explains it. There's no room for clever folks 'ere
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 15:11, Reply)

my brain's in a higher* place right now
*disjointed/free-associating/floaty
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 15:12, Reply)

You've just finished wanking?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 15:16, Reply)

finished?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 15:21, Reply)

I'm wanking, thinking about Darth wanking while thinking about you wanking.
Wankception!
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 15:23, Reply)

*clicks*
*meta-wanks*
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 15:24, Reply)

Click
Mainly because it implies you're wanking over me
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 15:24, Reply)

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/picturegalleries/celebritynews/8678482/Paul-Daniels-injured-in-Sooty-pizza-throwing-accident.html
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:55, Reply)

It doesn't properly count
but I'm waiting for Pottermore to open registration so I can get an account for my sister
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:55, Reply)

what the sweet fairy fuck is a "pottermore" ?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:56, Reply)

A 'Harry Potter experience'
I have no clue either, but she's doing schoolwork all day, so I said I'd try and get her one
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 14:57, Reply)

a "harry potter experience" ?
is that where a spotty adolescent with glasses tries to get you to touch "his wand"?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 15:00, Reply)

*Ejaculatis*

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 15:01, Reply)

*prematurejaculatis* ; more like.
*Virgino Expellaramus!*
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 15:02, Reply)

*Chlamydia disappearo*

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 15:10, Reply)

ooof. Right in the snitch.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 15:11, Reply)

Maybe it'll stop you from boasting about your Beater's bat

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 15:13, Reply)

I'm more commenting on the intrinsic weakness of bears to penile assault, really.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 15:15, Reply)

clickin all deez

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 15:13, Reply)

I really don't know
but I think I should get one as well. Compensation for the failure of an owl to appear on my eleventh birthday
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 15:11, Reply)

A shocking avian oversight.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 15:14, Reply)

bet it left her 'owling with rage

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 15:16, Reply)

Poor 11-year-old Amberl
Her dreams tawny asunder
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 15:17, Reply)

I bet she wishes she'd never been barn.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 15:19, Reply)

I'm eagle to contribute to this

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 15:20, Reply)

You're just hawking your puns all overthe place

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 15:20, Reply)

And each one receiving
raptor-ous applause
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 15:21, Reply)

and now you have
you must be high as a kite
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 15:20, Reply)

I bet she's drinking Kestrel

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 15:24, Reply)

Don't be so falcon ridiculous

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 3 Aug 2011, 15:24, Reply)

Are you calling amberl a Falconholic?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 15:25, Reply)

falconpiss!

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 15:25, Reply)

There really is no way back from here
We're what's wrong with Western culture

c v
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 15:29, Reply)

-iss unch
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 15:34, Reply)

OMLG
What kind of man punches a woman in the fanny?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 15:35, Reply)

a HARD one.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 15:36, Reply)

One of my fb friends said he's already signed up for that
whatever it is.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 15:08, Reply)

anyone out there with small-type people in the house/extended family?
This looks good.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 15:12, Reply)

I think it'll be good if roota and dj have a baby and then me and you could be it's aunty and uncle so when it's about 7 or so we could take it to places like that.
I'm not responcible enough to have a kid of my own, but I'd make a good uncle.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 18:01, Reply)

I spanged myself for 50
On a wire thing at work this morning.

Proper Homer Simpson "doh".
(Catomiagi is in with a chance, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 17:36, Reply)