Tell me your favouritre recipe, simple everyday fair or dinnerparty special
i want to know what the people of B3ta can cook.
EDIT: leave the recipe you fuck wits

ALT: favourite insect? I like grasshoppers, i have one in the bedroom at the moment, i have seen the 'same one' on my car or in my house for the last 8 years, it's getting weird
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:02, 139 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Any curry from scratch. Both the powder and the paste.
I can do them all.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:06, Reply)

brilliant thanks for sharing 'Beer Boy'

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:06, Reply)

Pleasure. ;-)
I fancy a curry now.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:07, Reply)

me too..I must dig into my curry book more often

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:08, Reply)

I can do a Marco Pierre White recipe I saw.
You get some olive oil and put a stock cube in it. Then you rub it on a chicken breast and fry it.

Genius!
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:09, Reply)

I wonder how much he got paid for that.
Now that's genius.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:20, Reply)

Doesn't he advertise Bernard Matthews as well?
Cock gobbling bastard.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:22, Reply)

I can't believe he would stoop so low.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:26, Reply)

He'd advertise bot dogs if you gave him a tenner.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:28, Reply)

I think you're doing a fair ol' job of advertising them yourself old chum

(TheColonel, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:30, Reply)

True, but MPW might add a certain cachet that I am unable to give.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:32, Reply)

/anycachet

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:39, Reply)

Pretty much anything really.
But I'm shit hot with risottos, couscous, stir fries, and anything pasta-based. And I make my own sauces, natch.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:07, Reply)

I love risotto
My best is a king prawn and crispy pancetta, with courgette and rosemary *salivates*
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:08, Reply)

Vegetarian, in my case.
But he loved it all the same.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:12, Reply)

take out the pancetta

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:13, Reply)

And the prawns.
Just my luck to have a vegan for a friend. He's the nice kind though, and oddly loves the smell of cooking bacon.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:22, Reply)

Prawns are hardly even animals

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:26, Reply)

Anything with a central nervous system, apparently.
I haven't the heart to tell him mushrooms etc are closer to animals than plants.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:30, Reply)

Yeah but they don't have a face and that's what these cretins care about.

( Kroney, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:33, Reply)

Lasagne, bar the pasta.
Or eggy bread
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:08, Reply)

You must be starving after that joint?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:09, Reply)

I don't really get the munchers.
More the thirsties.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:38, Reply)

Pints all round!

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:41, Reply)

I love cooking steak
Very hot pan, 1 minute each side to seal, then 3-4 minutes on each side, before resting for the same amount of time. While it's resting, chuck some chopped onions and mushrooms in the pan, with a small knob of butter. Spoon the butter over the onions and mushrooms, then chuck red wine into the pan, let that reduce down, before pouring over the steak. Fucking wonderful.

Aside from the chicken and chorizo thing I made last week, this is definitely the thing I enjoy cooking most.

Alt: Ants, hardcore motherfuckers.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:10, Reply)

That sounds like a lot of cooking to me...waht cook level were you aiming for?
i like to mashed some garlic and tarragon into butter, roll it in cling film and freeze, then slice and let it melt over your steak
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:11, Reply)

I tend to go for medium
I'm aware that to many on here this is a shooting offence, but I prefer it that way.

Although, your idea sounds fantastic.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:15, Reply)

Hehehe... "knob"

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:12, Reply)

Tee hee..."small knob"

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:15, Reply)

An innings and 8 runs?!
It's a proper kicking and one for the record books.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:15, Reply)

Two innings victories in a whitewash isn't bad is it

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:32, Reply)

I can't ever recall it.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:40, Reply)

As I said to AA on Saturday
We need to milk this as much as possible in case it's the only time in our lives that England are the best team in the world.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:44, Reply)

Take a leaf out of Australia's book and rub everybodys face in it.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:46, Reply)

Funnily enough I was just going to say
that we need Australians to mock.

Not Poppet, she's lovely and, more importantly, doesn't give a shit about cricket.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:52, Reply)

Should do it anyway.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:53, Reply)

After you mate
I'll read a eulogy at your funeral.

'And yea, he never saw the 15" black rubber cock swinging towards his face until it was too late'
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 17:01, Reply)

Bugger the mushrooms.
Evil, evil things. Otherwise, a good recipe.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:13, Reply)

Chestnut mushrooms are wonderful
Every other kind I've tried can fuck off.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:14, Reply)

Even 'magic'? Are you bent or summat?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:16, Reply)

Never tried them.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:17, Reply)

Bent it is, then.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:19, Reply)

Pressure off?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:20, Reply)

Barely.
I just cannot maintain giving a toss for more than about 7 hours, it seems.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:21, Reply)

Good lad.
Have a cigarette and kick back.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:23, Reply)

Needs moar Chimmichurri sauce

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:16, Reply)

Never tried it, although it does tempt me
There was actually a Chimmichurri van at Sonisphere, I was quite tempted to partake in the stuff from there.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:17, Reply)

You should have.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:19, Reply)

If I'd had the cash, I would have.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:20, Reply)

a food thread again
this is a recipe for disaster
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:12, Reply)

better than a pun thread,,,

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:13, Reply)

p b
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:14, Reply)

i can't be the only one on here
who hates cooking and switches off whenever someone tells them a recipe which has more than 3 steps
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:19, Reply)

I feel the same way about sport
I suggest you start a thread slagging off cooking so everyone can call you a wanker.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:56, Reply)

I can cook most things with reasonable skill
The my favourite is any kind of bread.

God, I fancy some carraway and mashed potato bread right now.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:12, Reply)

i want to be able to make sour dough, but don't fancy having the starter lurking about all the time

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:13, Reply)

This puts me off too.
I only make bread once a fortnight so stick to yeast or baking pwder.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:15, Reply)

What puts me off is that it's fucking Oirish.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:22, Reply)

Pleb.
Sourdough is used by the french for their crusty bread.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:24, Reply)

That I didn't know.
I'm not much of bread man, truth be told.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:27, Reply)

and turkish bread
the best of all breads
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:47, Reply)

What was the Oirish thing you and Yeti were going on about?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:24, Reply)

God knows, old boy.
It wasn't about me shagging his dear old Oirish Auntie was it?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:25, Reply)

Possibly.
EDIT: Hahahahaha! That's true! I just remembered, you shagged his aunt.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:26, Reply)

She's a rare beauty, so she is.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:29, Reply)

alt: is it dead?
lady birds are cool, dragon flies are also pretty, but secretly bastards
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:16, Reply)

I watched them catch butterflies on the wing, cut off their wings and eat the bodies without landing

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:19, Reply)

like suave, victorian gentlemen murderers

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:20, Reply)

trufax

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:22, Reply)

Cooking is shit and for retards.

( Kroney, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:25, Reply)

I'll bet you think a Rustler's burger is the height of haute cuisine.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:26, Reply)

I don't know who this Rustler chap is
but I do know that he cooks, ergo he's a retard.
( Kroney, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:27, Reply)

Or some sort of jazz mag food

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:27, Reply)

i'd say this
only it's nice when someone else cooks, so it's not good to insult them. Also, they might put spunk in your dinner
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:27, Reply)

I like it when the ethnic lads down the road cook for me
and then ferry my food to me in fifteen year old cars.
( Kroney, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:28, Reply)

don't the road?

(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:29, Reply)

hm?

( Kroney, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:30, Reply)

I saw your typo.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:30, Reply)

No you didn't

( Kroney, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:32, Reply)

Yes. Yes I did.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:34, Reply)

No, I'm afraid you're mistaken.

( Kroney, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:35, Reply)

I am really enjoying this subthread.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:35, Reply)

Probably the best thing on /OT today.
Sadly.
( Kroney, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:37, Reply)

What's the difference between horsepower and torque?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:38, Reply)

HP = Torque x RPM ÷ 5252

( Kroney, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:41, Reply)

WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:43, Reply)

Because the calculation is meaningless if you don't know what the components do.

( Kroney, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:43, Reply)

What's HP?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:46, Reply)

Hitpoints.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:47, Reply)

It's nothing without Guiness
/Gonz
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:49, Reply)

Call that fucking cod.
You cunt!
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:50, Reply)

I would hasten to disagree.
Much like the right-wing idiot I know who thinks bringing back the cane in prison would be a good idea.

What a numpty.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:39, Reply)

Cane in prison? Schools shurely?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:40, Reply)

They're the same thing man.
Down with the system.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:41, Reply)

Yes, prison.
More specifically, birching. Apparently all prisoners have PS3s and spend all of their time playing computer games.

I must be missing something here, because in the last prison documentary programme I saw, they seemed conspicuous by their very absence.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:46, Reply)

Needs MOAR birching.
And less Super Mario Cart or whatever it is the crims are gaming these days.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:48, Reply)

Oh bloody hell, not you too.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:49, Reply)

Not really.
Some of my best friends are criminals.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:50, Reply)

In fairness
My pal Hawkweye did about 4 years in Strangeways (manslaughter, if you're interested), and his review was:

'It's fookin brilliant in there. It's like being on't dole boot you don't have to get up to sign on. I met loads of top blokes too'

Lesson learnt there, then.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:50, Reply)

On that review alone
I shall be picking Strangeways for my holiday next year.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:51, Reply)

It's simply tip-top, old boy.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:52, Reply)

Was this before or after his stint in Korea?
Also, don't you mean "tup blerks"?
( Kroney, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:53, Reply)

'Tap blorks' I think is better for the Manc adenoidal twang.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:56, Reply)

Ah, I was going for Stoke.
Still, he's your mate, I'm sure you know better than me.
( Kroney, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:57, Reply)

He is one of the funniest - and most horrendous - people I have ever met.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 17:02, Reply)

I guess Hawkeye doesn't look like Darth then?
Otherwise his testimonial would have been less favourable.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:54, Reply)

No, he is a fearsome crusty from Salford, third generation unemployed and hard as nails.
No-one would bum him, I would imagine.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:55, Reply)

There should be a place where you can get scarred up before entering prison.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:57, Reply)

There is. It's called Salford.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:59, Reply)

You do know the oddest people.
I understand the bit about PS3s and whatnot. But birching? Seriously? The man is also a Sun reader, which speaks volumes.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:58, Reply)

Having jizzed in it
with their 15 year old cocks.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:30, Reply)

There is no point me cooking anything worthwhile.
Because I'll finish it in about three minutes. I live off kidney beans, tuna and black bean sauce in the frying pan. Plus if I made something proper it'd probably have about 2000 calories in it.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:33, Reply)

I think you could be overloading with salt with your other "recipe".

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:34, Reply)

I counter act that by drinking about twelve pints of water a day.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:35, Reply)

Take out black beans and add a tin of tommies and some chillies!
Serve w/rice.

Makes Barry a healthy boy.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:36, Reply)

I don't really do rice.
I do sometimes mix it up with tomatoes and spinach instead of black bean tho.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:56, Reply)

dice two chicken breasts, slice a leek and half a dozen mushrooms
melt some butter in a frying pan and cook the lot at a medium heat with plenty of tarragon for 8 minutes.
add a generous helping of creme fraiche and a good glug of white wine, cover and simmer for two minutes, then take the lid off and cook for two more minutes.

Season and serve with rice or pasta. Halve quantities for one.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:35, Reply)

I love the way as this is B3ta it was necessary to add that last little sentance
*forever alone*
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:41, Reply)

There was a trick at the end though.
It should have been double quantities for one.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:42, Reply)

Single Fruitini for dessert.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:42, Reply)

wank over the lingerie section of the Littlewoods catalogue and to bed

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:45, Reply)

Being sure to wipe your spunk down one side of your computer chair.
The yellowed, cracked side.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:48, Reply)

You appear to speak from experience sir

(TheColonel, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:52, Reply)

No, a housemate from a couple of years ago.
It's amazing how thigh muscles suddenly tighten when you notice the smaller details.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:55, Reply)

...with your sister

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:48, Reply)

Vipper and Bert only

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 16:54, Reply)

HELLO
hello
hello
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 17:18, Reply)

Shouting into one of our female poster's vaginas?
If so, which one?
(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 22 Aug 2011, 17:20, Reply)

TGB of course
I just went to /talk, it wasn't very intersting...
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 17:28, Reply)

/board's been moving slowly, too.
The entire site is half-dead today. I have never been so bored in all my working life.
( Kroney, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 17:30, Reply)

Hi.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 22 Aug 2011, 17:28, Reply)

I have 11 plums

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 17:29, Reply)

Small wonder your missus got pregnant.

( Kroney, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 17:30, Reply)

I'm like one of those rocket launching pods on a helicopter
Toodle pip one and all, I'm orff
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 17:31, Reply)

I'd see a doctor about that.
I had one apple then I ate it, and I'm still hungry, I'm debating having a bowl of cereal
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 22 Aug 2011, 17:30, Reply)

Dont eat cerial
Go and get some Rolos. Food for grown ups.
(Catomiagi is in with a chance, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 17:49, Reply)

no cereal is the best thing
apart from soft mints. I have an adiction
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 17:54, Reply)

hey!
i'm nearly awake now
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 17:43, Reply)

oh :(
you all went away. Almost like i only just really woke up when everyone else was leaving work. Time to work on getting my sleep pattern right again
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 18:02, Reply)