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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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I'm not an angel, I'm just an ordanary human being: A journey to work - by Gonz.
Ok, tounge in cheek title 'cus I totally scored big in the karma game just now.

So I'm getting off the tube at Kings Cross and there is this women bent over crying, loads of people walk passed her and I have no idea how long she was there for, but I could see she was in a bad way. She looked like someone who was in her mid 30s who looked like someone in their late 40s. It then came apparent that she was homeless. I asked her what's wrong and she said she's in so much pain, and then point to these saws all over her body "They're sticking to my clothes and they hurt really baddly", she says. I tell her we've got to get her to a hospital, let me get some help from the staff, that they have charity people they can call, shelter or something. She said she got thrown out of hospital "Because it's not a hotel" they told her, but she could barely walk*. She said she needs £12 to stay in the YMCA, and I empty my wallet of coins (and I had no notes) and took her to the cash point to give her a few night's stay. She got my number and we arranged for her to call me on monday at 9 in the evening, I hope she does and that she's alright. She promised to give me the money back, and I said "No, when you get yourself straight, pass it onto someone else who needs it". I probably spent about 30 mins talking with her in general, and I hope she's alright. She called me an angel and I said "Don't worry, the karma points always come in handy" and she laughed and then said "Wow, I haven't laughed in months".

I've scrubbed my entire body 3 times now with anti-bacterial stuff that the guy from boots recomended (there was a boots just around the corner and first thing I did was go down there, I've used 1/4 of those hand-bottle stuff now and sculding hot water from work).... I only shook her hand and she hugged me, so there wasn't much phsyical body contact.

* although she managed to run behind someone using their ticket like a fucking speed deamon, no one noticed.
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 12:56, 129 replies, latest was 14 years ago)
Awwwww!
You're a good man Gonz.
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 12:59, Reply)
Yeah I wouldn't have done that.

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 12:59, Reply)
Did she have nice breasts?

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 12:59, Reply)
I was kindda hoping she could hook me up with her prozzy mates so I can mussel in on their turf and make a few quid.

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:04, Reply)
I just can't believe you fell for the old stick on saws ruse

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:16, Reply)
yeah bitch be trippn' straight outta Homebase

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:20, Reply)
I like this

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:29, Reply)
If you're really going to mussel in on their turf you're more likely to make a few squid.

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:45, Reply)
You're a better and/or more gullible man than me Gonz.

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:09, Reply)
I hope I'm wrong
but I've a suspicion she'll be doing the same thing somewhere else tomorrow.
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:12, Reply)
On the one hand
I have a friend, who has worked with the homeless and knows people who still do, who refuses to give money to them as she claims there are hostel places for them all, if they will take it, so that any money given them will be for drugs/drink

On the other hand , on a human level, It's hard to say no to a human being who is suffering and I applaud Gonz for his decency. He is a better man regardless of her reality/motives.

It's all to easy to walk past and not even acknowledge the person in front of you as human.
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:17, Reply)
I'm not even homeless*
and I spend every penny anyone gives me on drugs and drink. 'LOL'

In truth I feel that in the middle of winter, stuck freezing your arse off in the street, some drugs and drink is probably just what will help for that brief moment. I would never be so sanctimonious as to deny someone some brief respite.

My brother only gives money to beggars who are honest and say they want a beer or whatever. 'Feed my dog' or 'cup of tea', my fucking arse.

*ask me again in a fortnight
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:22, Reply)
This is also a point.
I did once give a guy some cash because he honestly said he'd spend it on special brew, and I've refused a guy who asked for the price of a cup of tea and had no idea how much a cup of tea cost.
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:24, Reply)
Fella with no top on bounced up to us on a roasting sunny afternoon,
and said "None of this '10 pence for a cup of tea' shit. I'm rattling and I need 50p for cider."
I gave him a quid.
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:31, Reply)
Is cider really that cheap up there, or was 5this a while back?

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:35, Reply)
I am assuming he meant he needed 50p more
White cider's about £3 I think
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:38, Reply)
No idea what it is down here anymore.
in my younger days I could have told you, but that sounds about right. I applaud your decision, anyway.
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:40, Reply)
I did this about a fortnight ago.
I adopted a stern tone and demanded he didn't waste the money on tea or dog food and made him promise to show me the can. He did, we lolled, the end.
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:39, Reply)
Those chaps who move through tube carriages giving it the old 'night shelter' schtick
get about £50 per 'run' of the train. They could be staying at the fucking Lanesborough on that hourly rate.
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:26, Reply)
I find this unlikely, mathematically
Never seen one get more than a couple of takers and more often than not they leave the cariage empty handed. But then maybe I'm in the cunt carriage. They must be getting summat or they'd not do it I guess.
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:30, Reply)
One came on my tube carriage once and I couldn't breathe he ponged that bad.
It was burning the back of my fucking throat.
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:32, Reply)
I had one actually sit next to me on a train once, in one of those little 2-seats-side-by-side so there was no escape
The smell was indescribable.

It was a long time ago and I have washed many times since.
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:34, Reply)
Most chaps would jump at the chance to 'come on your tube carriage'.
I don't blame the fellow for being so excited he forgot to bathe.
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:34, Reply)
Lies on the internet.

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:36, Reply)
OK you got me.
I do blame him really.
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:37, Reply)
not lies.
most chaps would crawl on their hands and knees over broken glass just to appreciate your Hammersmith & City Line.
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:39, Reply)
*doesn't get euphemism*

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:40, Reply)
It would have been a fuck sight ruder had I said Bakerloo line.

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:41, Reply)
FILTH

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:59, Reply)

pong spunk bad hard

sorry
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:39, Reply)

you will be
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:40, Reply)
I say, this thread is on fire, what?

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:42, Reply)
Indeed.

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:47, Reply)
GET BACK TO WORK YOU BOUNDER

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:26, Reply)
Lunch break, tosspot.
What's your excuse?
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:31, Reply)
You really will do anything for a shag won't you?

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:10, Reply)
Real answer: what a lovely chap you are.

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:10, Reply)
You have AIDS, sorry to be the bearer...

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:19, Reply)
The word is 'carrier', Nakers.

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:20, Reply)
Oh fuck you.

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:21, Reply)
In your own time, old boy.

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:25, Reply)
It's fine, my heart doesn't beat enough to push it around my body : (

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:21, Reply)
You are Nosferapetu AICMFP to spend on drugs and drink.

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:24, Reply)
*doesn't reflect upon this*

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:26, Reply)
Oh that's really rather good.

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:29, Reply)
Oh, nice skills for a friday.
*cricket applause*
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:34, Reply)
It's "carrier" not "bearer".

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:20, Reply)
You are a genuinely nice guy.
It almost makes me feel bad for being such a cynical, unfeeling cunt. But, then I've not now got leprosy nor have I just handed £30 to a professional shyster, so, who's the real winner here?*

*Answer is Gonz, obviously.
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:34, Reply)
SOCIETY.

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:35, Reply)
A pearoast about homelessness
b3ta.com/questions/tramps/post471722
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:34, Reply)
One of the few people from here
who I've remained friends with IRL works/worked for Crisis. She's ace.
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:36, Reply)
I probably know her then.
I wrote that post before I flounced - hence the incomprehensible name.
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:37, Reply)
I have to confess I admire you for doing what you do.
Don't tell anyone, though.
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:40, Reply)
I'm done with it now what with the baby and all.
I am looking to do some other form of volunteering instead around the year instead of at Christmas. Not out of worthiness (you in particular know what a cunt I am generally) but because I enjoy it and get to meet new people.
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:44, Reply)
I volunteer
to go out on the raging piss with you asap. I predict we shall meet some people along the way. Bar staff, drug dealers, the staff at the Transformations shop in Euston etc.
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:45, Reply)
We are well overdue this - just get well enough first.
I demand politely request that we include a visit to Gordon's wine bar as part of this event. You can even wear your new outfit from Transformations if you like.
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:47, Reply)
Is that the shop where there's a picture saying "You could look like THIS!!!!"
and it's an extreamly unconvincing tranny?
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:51, Reply)
Yep. Monty & I found it when we had a couple of pre-bash beers last year.

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:51, Reply)
Yeah, it's on the road up to Camden from Euston
I lol when I walk past it.
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:52, Reply)
Don't pretend you don't know that it is for definite.

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:52, Reply)
I would make a hidious tranny.

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:55, Reply)
Stick to your 'creeper' idea then.

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 14:03, Reply)
I was in Gordon's last Sunday after the South bank wine & cheese fest.
There's nothing like a fine Oloroso sherry, I say.
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:53, Reply)
Or their lightly chilled white port...

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:55, Reply)
I may have had some of that as well,
And two different red ports.

It is possible. *ahem*
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 14:02, Reply)
Nice. I cracked open the 2010 sloe gin last night. An excellent vintage.

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 14:10, Reply)
She went by Dekazer on here.
Obviously I'm not going to post her real name.
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:40, Reply)
I think I know who she is - B3ta was mentioned in a conversation between her & I on FB recently.

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:45, Reply)
Lives on a canal boat, getting married soon?

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:46, Reply)
Yep. Red hair, biker jacket...
Randomly bumped in to her & her chap (who I also know) in Edinburgh a few months ago. She isn't an employee at Crisis though - at another charity.
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:48, Reply)
Nah, she used to work christmas and new year for Crisis while she did Uni research
Her full time job now is connected to some other charity (domestic abuse/rape slanted I believe) but wasn't sure if she was still doing Crisis too
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:53, Reply)
We both did Christmas there - that's how I got to know her
Have gazzed you who she's working for in case you're not in touch and you'd like to contact her. She doesn't do Crisis anymore.
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:56, Reply)
Well said, 'lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih,'

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:36, Reply)
Just noticed I managed to fit the word shag in to that stream of garbage.

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:46, Reply)
Hmm, I'm unsure as to why I decided to throw a Legless impression in there...

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:44, Reply)
Oh no, I hope she doesn't spend it all on drink/drugs

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:34, Reply)

dr p

for either, really. Or both, with the added /
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:37, Reply)
Jesting aside, £30+ is a fatal OD's worth of money.
For someone living hand-to-mouth who never has much more than a tenner at one time (and thus has a limited amout of harm they could do themselves) this could easily be a death sentence.

Merry Christmas everbody!
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:47, Reply)
Suddenly I'm full of a warm, fuzzy feeling
Gonzo has killed someone. Lovely.
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:54, Reply)
There's one more angel in heaven
one more star in the sky
with your open sores you memory will never die
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:56, Reply)
I hate that I knew what song this was from without having to google it

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:58, Reply)
Ha, you bender...wait...oh

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 14:02, Reply)
Yeah', but seriously, who's gonna spend that sort of cash on drugs?
I mean, look, there is a mini marks'n'sparks in there, by the time she gets a couple of sushi packs and a few tarte-de-citron , there won't be enough back to get 3 wraps of smack.
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 14:20, Reply)
It's an oft-repeated sentiment on here that b3tans are much nicer people IRL than their online personas
If that is true of Gonz then his beatification surely cannot be far away.
*raises glass to Gonz*
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:46, Reply)
Gonz is the otherway around
He's a really nasty east-end gangster type in real life. It's only on here that he let's his softer side show.
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:50, Reply)
Only last night he nicked £30 of my drink and drugs money. The cunt.

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:51, Reply)
Funnily enough I found £30 last night
coincidence?
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:52, Reply)
You 'found' it whilst rifling through Gonz's trousers
whilst he was asleep in post-coital bliss, didn't you? You thieving rent boys disgust me.
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:55, Reply)
Whereas honest ones are "right up your street"

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:57, Reply)
U R Alan Turing AICMFP

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:58, Reply)
No he found it
when a kindly stranger gave it to him to alleviate his weeping sores
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:58, Reply)
This is a much funnier reply than mine.
Curse you.
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 14:01, Reply)
It doesn't happen often
so I'll savour it

/boring cunt
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 14:05, Reply)

disgust arouse.

yet another obvious and unfunny strikethrough. You're welcome.
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:58, Reply)
Oi, that's my job!

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:59, Reply)
To arouse Monty?
Good luck, you'll need to inject viagra directly into his withered turkey neck cock, so i hear
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 14:05, Reply)
A guy came up to us outside a pub
and asked for money for a can of beer, so my friend took him into the off license and saked him what beer he wanted and he got really uncomfortable and said he didn't want him to buy him beer, so my mate gave him 2 quid and said "okay, I'll just watch you buy it and then get the change" so eventually the guy got a can of beer and put it on the counter, then turned around and sprinted out the shop with the 2 quid.

Must have wanted it for a cup of tea or some food I guess.
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:57, Reply)
His poor old dog was probably STARVING.

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:58, Reply)
And probably freezing if he couldn't afford a red hankie to tie round it's flea ridden neck

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:59, Reply)
alt answer:
You took him to the off license and bought him sake? He wanted beer you fool!
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 14:00, Reply)
No my friend did.
KEEP UP MONTY YOU SENILE OLD BELLEND!
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 14:06, Reply)
Are you the nice man from the post office?
SPEAK UP DEAR.

I'M 82 YOU KNOW.
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 14:11, Reply)
WHERE'S ME TEA!?

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 14:13, Reply)
Some of you might know this guy:
www.b3ta.com/questions/internetmeets/post1400183

But surely his girlfriend's only been dead a few months, and he's already getting married? Was he cheating on her or is his getting married a grief based rebound thing?
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 13:59, Reply)
I bet he's not even a real professor either.

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 14:01, Reply)
Or, just possibly, he has found someone he is genuinely happy with once he'd got through his grief.
Probably not though.
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 14:01, Reply)
I say he's a murderer.

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 14:03, Reply)
Not sure. Never seen him at a society meeting.
Mugabe was a good speaker at the last one.
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 14:05, Reply)
God yeah. He was a right card, eh?

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 14:10, Reply)
I'll never forget his line about gassing goat herders. Genius.

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 14:12, Reply)
Last of a dying breed

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 14:12, Reply)
Don't know who'll be the speaker at the next one now Gaddafi isn't available.
I'm hoping it will be Anders Breivik.
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 14:15, Reply)
They were friends for a while and she helped him get over Jessie's death..........I think.
Good for him and I'm pretty sure Jessie is happy for him too.

I had the pleasure of meeting them at my first home bash.
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 14:05, Reply)
Wow that was quick...

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 14:06, Reply)
Jessie and the Prof, not his new girlfriend.

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 14:07, Reply)
He got over her
by getting over the other one?
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 14:07, Reply)
The best way to get over someone is to get under somebody else.
So they say. Whoever "they" are.
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 14:08, Reply)
where does it say anything about him getting married?

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 14:09, Reply)
They're engaged.

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 14:10, Reply)
In the post that Al linked to

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 14:12, Reply)

"indeed, some of you will be at my wedding."

You fucking idiot.

also - Number of the Breast
Boob Minutes to Midnight.
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 14:13, Reply)
oh, that'll teach me to skim read tedious posts
dark chest of wonders
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 14:18, Reply)
Maiden eh?
Also - Die With Your Boobs On
Can I Play With Mybreast?
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 14:22, Reply)
I think someone should check those brake cables

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 14:18, Reply)
FIRST!

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 14:22, Reply)
BISCUIT!

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 14:23, Reply)
I was stuck in training all day yesterday
got bored and doodled a picture of an iguandon with a helicopter backpack chasing a jet-powered diplodocus as stephen Hawking looked on saying 'oh no, what have I done?' in his robot voice

because I'm dead waki, me
(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 14:25, Reply)
So you didn't contribute to the training?

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 14:38, Reply)
He made bread based puns about spreadsheets.

(, Fri 21 Oct 2011, 14:40, Reply)

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