i'm sure my trainee has farted
the room smells like fish eggs.

how can i make it clear that if this happens again, i will be Seriously Angry, without using the word "fart" or making an accusation??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:38, 8 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Phrase it as a question ie
"have you grunted?"
( Kroney, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:39, Reply)

this sort of misses out on the subtlety of the whole thing

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:42, Reply)

"has SOMEONE grunted, because it stinks in here"
this will shame him into corking it in future, without directly accusing him.

TBH it's probably too late now
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:43, Reply)

there's only 2 of us in here, dude
hence me not wanting to appear accusatory.

esp as SHE is quiet and very shy!

but clearly farts like a trooper. fucking rank.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:45, Reply)

I met your criteria.

( Kroney, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:44, Reply)

we both know this is not true
on ANY level
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:45, Reply)

I'm unexpectedly hot.
Ask anyone.

Also unexpectedly nice, unexpectedly young and unexpectedly non-alternative.
( Kroney, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:47, Reply)

You surprise me

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:51, Reply)

You're not the only one.

( Kroney, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:53, Reply)

Keep it non-specific
Along the lines of "Please try to keep your bodily functions out of the office. If you feel you cannot help yourself then please use the toilets, not my office"
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:46, Reply)

Then punch her in the stomach

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:46, Reply)

With a spear.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:46, Reply)

zululolz

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:51, Reply)

woah. She'll think you're accusing her of curling one out on the desk.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:48, Reply)

This is also unacceptable and should be strongly discouraged.
Honestly, trainee lawyers nowadays eh?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:54, Reply)

Office lol

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:44, Reply)

Is your trainee a sturgeon?

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:45, Reply)

Oh deer

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:45, Reply)

Don't worry, when everyone else wonders what the fuck you're banging on about
I saw the ninja.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:47, Reply)

They'll just assume I'm being a spelling reatrd as usual

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:48, Reply)

Brain fail
and was that reatrd ironic?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:51, Reply)

sadly not, but once I'd seen i thought I'd leave it ofr a modicum of irony
10 spoons worth
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:54, Reply)

When all you needed was a fnike

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 16:17, Reply)

worse
a pesto covered fish egg
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:45, Reply)

FUCK YOU
Now my pun looks stupid and makes no sense at all, you ninja arse wipe
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:46, Reply)

hey
you use the term "rswipe" like it's a bad thing

*sadface*
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 16:03, Reply)

I thought that was the whole point of your name on here?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 16:05, Reply)

oh god you misunderstand me
and sometimes, your words?

they HURT.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 16:06, Reply)

haha
So where does you name come from then?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 16:07, Reply)

my mother had a child in her class called "richard slicker"
years later she met him as a grown-up at a reunion, and he had changed his name. she asked why. and he said: "mrs swipe, how would you like to go through life as rslicker?"

years later again, my friend and i needed a chatroom to talk because MSN hadn't been born quite yet, but she was in the philippines over the summer holidays, so the phone was not an option. public teen chatroom it was. she signed in as rslicker, the rest is history.

so yeah. what you just said, really.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 16:09, Reply)

'YOU, you snivelling little cunt,
have dropped your fucking guts. The next time you do something even half as repugnant in my prescence, I will be dropping YOU. Out of the fucking window, sunshine. You dig?'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:46, Reply)

"You know what's really funny about schartenfreude?
"Nothing, you disgusting little urchin."
( Kroney, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:51, Reply)

A punishment we call
defartistration
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:52, Reply)

I don't know what fish eggs smell like

(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:46, Reply)

visit rswipes office, then.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:47, Reply)

no thanks
I would be so eclipsed by her radiant beauty that the 'ugly friend' rule would reach maximum effect, she would simultaneously pull every single man on earth in an instant
(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:49, Reply)

i quite like this
and if all else fails, we could have a pint.

you should come over to my office anyway.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 16:05, Reply)

thanks, but I'd rather not smell your assistant's eggy flange

(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 16:09, Reply)

such cruel rejection

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 16:10, Reply)

Bit close to the bone badger, I'm sure her personal hygene is excellent

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:49, Reply)

haha!
love this
(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:50, Reply)

That's probably true.
I reckon Jo Malone do a fine line in labial fragrances.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:54, Reply)

Pink Orchid is my favourite
followed by Venus Fly trap and Rooney
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:56, Reply)

Hahahaha!
Look like a cunt, smell like one too
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 16:12, Reply)

That classic twist on the Happy Birthday song

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 16:15, Reply)

it fucking well is!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 16:05, Reply)

That's what I said ; )

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 16:06, Reply)

'I can either smell your anus or your minge.
Which is it, you grotty fucking turd?'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:50, Reply)

^this is the only reasonable approach.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:52, Reply)

Like so:
Swipey: Can I smell your cunt?
Trainee: What? Of course not you dirty Lezzer!
Swipey: Must be your arse then, cork it stinky.
Job done.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 15:55, Reply)

I like this

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 16:14, Reply)

ha
i love that a question about a suspect fart has generated so many responses.

for shame, b3ta.

except monty. you never shame me.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 16:04, Reply)

you were surprised by this?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 16:12, Reply)

Do like I do with the kids
"Do you need a poo?"
"DO YOU NEED A POO?"

Repeat until he goes for a shit
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 16:15, Reply)

Ah parenthood... So glamorous.
But really, at 22 she should be able to work this out for herself now.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 16:18, Reply)

haha!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 16:18, Reply)