high point - seeing lots of different friends
low point - email from the ex, who managed precisely 4 days of no-contact. which i ignored. but then he emailed again. to say sorry for emailing. and i was drunk. then there followed by string of emails and texts and now somehow we are going for "friendly" drinks next sat before we both go on our respective christmas holidays.

also seeing/meeting what has to be london's only gay sikh magician. there's niche for you.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 10:28, 8 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

I am really very happy indeed to have a word with ol' chutters for you.
He's annoying ME now. Gaz me his details.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 10:32, Reply)

i'll just have to meet some dude in barbados, that'll cure me
here, this will make you laugh - stumbled across it online over the weekend, and put it on /qotw because it seemed a bit apt... what a total tosser! i seriously hope he was being sarcastic...

I am middle aged, not in the best shape and a little thin on top. All I want is a girlfriend, not a prostitute. I also want someone beautiful, (plain chicks turn me off).

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 10:34, Reply)

He sounds like a funny chap.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 10:39, Reply)

middle aged and uses the word "chicks" ?
Oh, he's definitely not a total fucking tool.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 10:41, Reply)

i am hoping that it was meant to be a joke
because otherwise he is too stupid to be alive
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 10:42, Reply)

Oh, I dunno
I am amazed on an almost daily basis at the baseline for just how stupid it is possible to be and still be alive.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 10:43, Reply)

depressing but true

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 10:47, Reply)

Hmm...
First your daughter outs you as a bummer. Next you are asking 'Swipe for her gay ex's contact details.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 10:47, Reply)

That wasn't very bright, was it?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 10:33, Reply)

Oh FFS.
have a word with yourself, eh?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 10:33, Reply)

which word would you suggest?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 10:35, Reply)

WILLPOWER.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 10:37, Reply)

NO

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 10:37, Reply)

I have run out of sympathy for you on this.
Just tell him to fuck off for once and for all.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 10:36, Reply)

i have no sympathy whatsoever for myself
i'm a total and utter fucking moron. i blame the vodka.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 10:40, Reply)

He just wants to get it wet one last time, more like

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 10:40, Reply)

nah
he wants the more confusing stuff. sex is just sex.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 10:41, Reply)

Don't do it!
If he was such a colossal bellend (as you described) he's only suffering from 'Oh my god I'm going to be single at Xmas' syndrome. He is male and therefore (almost certainly) unable to be 'friends' with a female with whom he's been squelchy.

Just sayin'.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 10:41, Reply)

he's off to thailand for 2 weeks with his mates
believe me, he's perfectly happy to be single at christmas!

i am now timing how long it takes monty or sporty to say the word "ladyboy".
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 10:43, Reply)

I'd say that for them, but I don't like talking about myself.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 10:44, Reply)

If he helps, he probably won't end up with a lady-boy, he'll more likely end up with an unreversable STI.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 10:46, Reply)

you mean that he catches from a toilet seat
whilst sitting on it crying about how much he misses me?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 10:47, Reply)

I just like the idea there are therefore "reversible" STDs
"Oh, hold on. I don't like that. Let's just reverse that one, eh?"
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 10:49, Reply)

well crabs are curable...

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 10:50, Reply)

so are several others
but I don't really think that's the same as "reversible" ...
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 10:50, Reply)

reminds me of the bedshitter. pearoast, but suck it up...
when he was on holiday with a previous girlfriend a few years before i met him, and she passed out drunk, he went out anyway. met a girl. shagged her on the beach. and she "only asked for taxi fare".

me: so she was a prostitute then?

him: er... anyway, it was AMAZING, she totally insisted that we only had anal.

me: so she was a ladyboy then?

him: er...........................

his face was a fucking picture. the more he protested, the more i could see i had made him very seriously unhappy.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 10:53, Reply)

I like this

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 10:55, Reply)

we're like a mutual appreciation society here today

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 10:57, Reply)

*chest bumps*
*defcon bongle*
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 10:59, Reply)

When he starts explaining by roat the exact same text of the "Non sexual transfer of [desease]" from wikipedia, it's best to just move on.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 10:51, Reply)

i think that point was about 2 months ago
i'm just very slow on the uptake
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 10:56, Reply)

Haha, you're gonna fuck him, and then your entire holiday in barbaydos will be "WHY WON'T HE RETURN MY TEXTS !?!??!?!?!" when in the mean time, you'll turn down some big hot barbaydiosiun cock...
... the kind of cock where you just _know_ he sleeps with all the rich white girls who come over, the kind who get off on known that Daddy is in the next room and will leave a week's wages worth of tips because he's been so attentive (without realising quite how attentive) he's been. AND THEN, you'll regret not having that big fat juicy cock because some wrinkly old-man-balls has got your mind racing when you don't even like them anymore.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 10:43, Reply)

you terrible racist.
I bet he sleeps with all the rich Asian guys' daughters too.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 10:45, Reply)

I'm sure he doesn't mind where the rich buisnessman's daughter is from.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 10:52, Reply)

much as the guys in the caribbean are super-hot
i'd be too frightened to shag one. i've been on girly holidays when friends have done that, and they can't walk for a week afterwards. i don't fancy being split in two, thank you very much. nor explaining to my father why i am walking like john wayne.

i shall be looking, discreetly from behind my chanels, but not touching.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 10:55, Reply)

It'll be spilling out your nose by the time you're done.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 10:56, Reply)

Oh, man, you've thought about this WAY too much

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 10:57, Reply)

massive stereotyping, right here. Terrible.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 10:56, Reply)

meh, i'm sure there are many caribbean guys with tiny cocktail cocks
but my friends and i have never come across them (in any sense of the word) on our trips to various islands!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 10:58, Reply)

I've got an image of you getting ready to go out
sunnies - check
lipgloss - check
phone - check
ruler - check.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 11:00, Reply)

you know me so, so very well

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 11:00, Reply)

Haha, that'll be just Swipey's luck, going all the way there and ended up shagging someone with a tiny (for the region) 8.5 incher.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 11:01, Reply)

omg your mind is a colourful hotbed this morning
i definitely will not be shagging the ex!

but it sounds as if you might quite like some bajan cock, dude!!!!!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 10:46, Reply)

Gonz is mad for big black cock.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 10:47, Reply)

this should so be his sig

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 10:48, Reply)

Whatever happens, big jucy cock or wrinkly balls, or more than likely, both, they'll be lots and lots of regret and tears.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 10:55, Reply)

just cancel you mong

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 10:47, Reply)

this is probably excellent advice

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 10:50, Reply)

I'll draft an email for you
Sorry, *enter name of bender here*, I can't make drinks on Saturday as I am having my growler waxed in preperation for all Christmas sex I'll being having while you're smoking some fat thai pole.

kthxbyeeeee

PS You're bent
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 10:54, Reply)

i like this so so much

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 10:55, Reply)

then use it.

(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 12 Dec 2011, 10:56, Reply)

sigh

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 11:08, Reply)

waxed growler. best of all the growlers.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 10:56, Reply)

this is very true. however.
a friend of mine was telling me at the weekend about HER friend (so i knew it was her) who had a guy walk out on her when he saw her "retro" muff. apparently his exact words were:

"sorry, i'm not dealing with that."

how fucking rude is that?! let's see him have his balls waxed, then he can comment...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 11:07, Reply)

what the hell is a "retro" muff?

(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 12 Dec 2011, 11:10, Reply)

Back in the old days ladies didn't groom that particular area.
cf. hedge porn.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 11:13, Reply)

Also know as ...
... A 'Judith' - viz the character in 'Life of Brian' with a seriously untamed pubic forest.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 11:13, Reply)

ahh.

(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 12 Dec 2011, 11:20, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=D5BfYLI8bXI
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 11:13, Reply)

An au naturale one

(berk, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 11:13, Reply)