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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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 Last thread of the day
	Last thread of the dayEveryone has been very middle class on here recently, but what makes you a pikey? do you have a burnt out mattress in your front garden? Is your 'tea' sometimes made up of entirely ornage and biege foods? Are you from the North?
alt: plants are shit, the whole earth is covered in them, but put one in your garden and it'll die unless you smear fois gras on it's leaves and perform the third act from Aida for it everynight. Do you have green fingers?
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 16:43, 156 replies, latest was 14 years ago)
 Alt
	AltPlants will grow in the correct environments for them... you are planting the wrong things in your garden Numb Nuts
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 16:48, Reply)
 My dear fellow there is not a single thing about me which is remotely pikey.
	My dear fellow there is not a single thing about me which is remotely pikey.YES I may live in the East End in a hovel and don't have two brass farthings to rub together and YES I'm from a broken home and have zero prospects in life and YES I have a liking for working-class music forms and YES I look like a medieval vagrant but upon my honour there is NOTHING pikey about me.
PS want to buy a 'Rolex' blud?
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 16:49, Reply)
 I couldn't agree more.
	I couldn't agree more.I was raised to believe that haggling or in any way discussing money was extremely poor form.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 16:53, Reply)
 exactly my point, they may have an estate and massive house, but often no money to speak of
	exactly my point, they may have an estate and massive house, but often no money to speak of(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 16:55, Reply)
 A massive, falling apart house that is actually worth minus money somehow....
	A massive, falling apart house that is actually worth minus money somehow....(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 16:56, Reply)
 Old money frequently = no money
	Old money frequently = no moneyMy family are a classic example of this.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 16:59, Reply)
 would you like a slot on the Jeremy Kyle show?
	would you like a slot on the Jeremy Kyle show?All you need to do is tattoo a skull onto your face and fame and glory can be yours: www.metro.co.uk/weird/855970-mad-dog-deon-gets-skull-tattooed-on-his-face
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 16:53, Reply)
 I don't think they'd have me.
	I don't think they'd have me.No ridiculous love triangles in my life. Let's face it smoking only really became pikey in the last few years, and not having a job is becoming more middle class by the day.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 16:55, Reply)
 See tips above
	See tips aboveWhat I love about that guy is how shit the tattoo is as well
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 16:56, Reply)
 Fucking hell!
	Fucking hell!I think I'll give it a miss. I don't even have any crap Chinese writing on my shoulder. Tattoos are shit.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 16:59, Reply)
 I have no job and I think nothing of eating canned soup
	I have no job and I think nothing of eating canned soupAlt: I don't even own a gardne. I think in celebration of your pikey status Naked Ape you should buy yourself some plastic ones.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 16:53, Reply)
 Ahh, well then, I can claim 2/3 of these.
	Ahh, well then, I can claim 2/3 of these.Does this make me common?
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 16:55, Reply)
 Oh I have a garden. Just not a gardne
	Oh I have a garden. Just not a gardneYup. Join me in being common as muck
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 16:58, Reply)
 nope, can't think of anything.
	nope, can't think of anything.Alt: nope, I'm quite happy to have kept not one but 2 spider plans alive. Conclusion: Spider plants are immortal.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 16:53, Reply)
 Everything about me makes me a complete filthy prole
	Everything about me makes me a complete filthy proleapart from my current job, financial situation, my house, and my time in higher education.
My manners, my accent, and my views give me away as a state educated dosser.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 16:56, Reply)
 I really do love it.
	I really do love it.Much in the same way that I like fine food and drink - to me the world of MDs is just one more greedy-boy facet to my utterly unaffordable gourmet tastes.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 17:09, Reply)
 I put salad cream on chips
	I put salad cream on chipsand have a cousin in prison.
I am well common.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 17:02, Reply)
 I don't like tuna, unless it's sashimi.
	I don't like tuna, unless it's sashimi.The tinned stuff makes me want to gag.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 17:05, Reply)
 Salad Cream is the most vile sauce known to man, I genuinely don't understand it's appeal
	Salad Cream is the most vile sauce known to man, I genuinely don't understand it's appeal(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 17:03, Reply)
 You are the most vile sauce known to man, I genuinely don't understand your appeal.
	You are the most vile sauce known to man, I genuinely don't understand your appeal.(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 17:06, Reply)
 No need to get personal love, i was just suggesting that salad cream tastes like a povvo's sweetened spunk
	No need to get personal love, i was just suggesting that salad cream tastes like a povvo's sweetened spunk(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 17:10, Reply)
 She enjoys have more money to spend on skag, so yes in a way she is
	She enjoys have more money to spend on skag, so yes in a way she is(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 17:21, Reply)
 Where I'm from, Skelmersdale is a pretty scummy place
	Where I'm from, Skelmersdale is a pretty scummy placeHowever, since moving to Cheshire, I have lost 90% of any semblance of the scouse accent I once had, so that's surely an improvement?
Alt: Not at all, but I'm considering getting some chilli plants to grow this year...
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 17:03, Reply)
 I grew some once, harvested and used to make chilli oil
	I grew some once, harvested and used to make chilli oilit never grew another chilli though
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 17:04, Reply)
 I grew two plants.
	I grew two plants.Both fruits were good, but were already laden when I was given them.
I picked off all the peppers and ate them, then the plants died.
THE END
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 17:10, Reply)
 it won't
	it won'tchili plants need to be re-fertilised every year. So unless you keep a swarm of pre-pollenated bees indoors you'd be in trouble. and if you put them outside anywhere north of Watford they tend to die.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 17:07, Reply)
 This could also be used to accurately describe women from Surrey.
	This could also be used to accurately describe women from Surrey.Well, it wouldn't be bees you needed, but the rest stands.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 17:08, Reply)
 Oh that's a real place, I guessed Skelmersdale was some sort of nickname...
	Oh that's a real place, I guessed Skelmersdale was some sort of nickname...(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 17:05, Reply)
 I could buy a 5 bed house around there, instead of a 2 bed I'm looking at
	I could buy a 5 bed house around there, instead of a 2 bed I'm looking at(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 17:08, Reply)
 I grew up in quite a nice 4 bed house
	I grew up in quite a nice 4 bed houseWhere we were was quite nice, but were only a stone's throw (quite literally, we had smashed windows a couple of times) from a subway leading to a council estate.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 17:11, Reply)
 can you really buy stickers from the shopping centre
	can you really buy stickers from the shopping centrethat say "I've seen the wild dogs of Skem" after the feral packs that roam around? I'd hate to think that Maconie had lied to me.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 17:12, Reply)
 I could buy the whole of Belmersdale with what I have in my wallet
	I could buy the whole of Belmersdale with what I have in my walletand still have change from all my debts.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 17:11, Reply)
 
	 This place is less than a mile from my old house, there are some nice houses in Skem. Just not many.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 17:16, Reply)
 
	 .jpg)
This where I grew up. The garage has arrow slits in it and a medieval tiled floor. The ground floor walls are about 4 feet thick. It was fucking cold but lovely.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 17:25, Reply)
 This is where my folks live
	This is where my folks livefarm5.staticflickr.com/4120/4755187176_16b520746e_z.jpg
The old servants tunnels still exist that lead to the stables and ice house which is now in next doors garden.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 17:32, Reply)
 That looks jolly nice.
	That looks jolly nice.My brother and I had the servants' quarters when we live in the above house. It was freezing but it meant we got our own floor.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 17:40, Reply)
 this has a building next door for servants
	this has a building next door for servantsthere is however a 3 bedroom flat in the attic, I here I am struggling to afford a 2 bed!
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 17:42, Reply)
 Truly ridiculous isn't it?
	Truly ridiculous isn't it?How I have ended up so close to destitute when my father had fucking servants when he was a boy, I do not know*
*I do really
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 17:46, Reply)
 My tea last night was pretty much orange and beige
	My tea last night was pretty much orange and beigebut as it was Penne con Sugo di Salsiccie, I think I'm still so far up the middle class arse than I can touch Nigella's tonsils from the inside.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 17:06, Reply)
 You've exposed your hideous commoness by calling your supper 'tea'
	You've exposed your hideous commoness by calling your supper 'tea'did you eat it on your 'couch' in the 'lounge' whilst furiously text voting for Peter Andre to bum a wallaby in front of it's children?
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 17:08, Reply)
 well, no, I was just replying using your terminology.
	well, no, I was just replying using your terminology.I'd happily watch a wallaby sodomise that Andre twat though, is that an option?
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 17:10, Reply)
 Ok, you're are forgiven
	Ok, you're are forgiveni fear a wallaby's cock would be too small to satisfactorally sodomise Petre Andre, maybe an emu could use his anal cavity as a hiding place.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 17:12, Reply)
 I got a donner kebab from outside Laindon station for my tea.
	I got a donner kebab from outside Laindon station for my tea.Although the fact that I get off the train at Laindon Station is actually enough to brand me with the common iron anyway.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 17:10, Reply)
 Question:
	Question:Is "TV Psychic Rapist" or "Rapist TV Psychic" the correct title? I'm assuming he's not a "Psychic TV Rapist" or "Psychic Rapist TV".
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 17:13, Reply)
 What are you blithering on about, man?
	What are you blithering on about, man?I am not about to Google these words from work to find out what news story I appear to have missed.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 17:14, Reply)
 that guy what nonced his kids and ran away to barcelona has hanged himself
	that guy what nonced his kids and ran away to barcelona has hanged himself(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 17:15, Reply)
 Oh.
	Oh.Apparently TV Psychic Paedophile is the correct term, so LiC was wrong on all counts.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 17:18, Reply)
 "Psychic Rapist TV" makes me imagine evil Edna on a raping spree around Doyley Woods
	"Psychic Rapist TV" makes me imagine evil Edna on a raping spree around Doyley Woods(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 17:20, Reply)
 Fucking hell:
	Fucking hell:"Eventually Smith, who appeared on TV programme 'Most Haunted', stopped trying to hypnotise the girl and simply went on to rape her repeatedly from the age of 13, the court heard."
edit: Although I'm fairly sure that sentence needed a better editor before it made print.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 17:19, Reply)
 the power of suggestion does have some sway
	the power of suggestion does have some swaysome people are more susceptible to it than others, kids are problaby even more so
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 17:24, Reply)
 he could have read her mind and seen that she was unsusceptable to hypnosis
	he could have read her mind and seen that she was unsusceptable to hypnosis(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 17:31, Reply)
 Hahahaha.
	Hahahaha.I'm not shocked often by B3ta but that made my mouth go '0' before I laughed.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 17:35, Reply)
 I have no idea what I could possibly have changed
	I have no idea what I could possibly have changedthat meant 'The Klumps' previously made sense as a reply.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 17:25, Reply)
 you said 'fucken hell:' and i turned that into a film title before you added the rest of your text
	you said 'fucken hell:' and i turned that into a film title before you added the rest of your text(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 17:28, Reply)
 TV Psychic Rapist
	TV Psychic Rapistimplies he uses telekinesis to violate his victims. So I'll go with the other one.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 17:17, Reply)
 I believe,
	I believe,it should be 'Psychic rapist who appears on TV.' Using TV as part of a noun phrase is too common for words. You should always use a relative clause instead.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 17:20, Reply)
 Don't be stupid.
	Don't be stupid.Psychic rapist is the subject, and whom can't be used as a relative pronoun.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 17:24, Reply)
 I edited, yeah
	I edited, yeahBut I prefixed my edit with "edit", so you can hardly call it ninja.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 17:34, Reply)
 I always thought the ninja part was the speed of the edit.
	I always thought the ninja part was the speed of the edit.You learn something new every day. Sorry about the stupid. I really meant silly. It came across as a bit harsh.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 17:42, Reply)
 If we bro-hug it won't make me American, will it?
	If we bro-hug it won't make me American, will it?If not *bro-hugs*
If so *man-hugs*
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 17:49, Reply)
 We're all sorry about the stupid.
	We're all sorry about the stupid.Or 'NakedApe' as his friends call him.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 17:44, Reply)
 But newspapers always shorten phrases to fit on the page with maximum impact and infomation
	But newspapers always shorten phrases to fit on the page with maximum impact and infomation(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 17:22, Reply)
 no burnt out matress
	no burnt out matressbut those foods sound like my tea and yes, I am from the North. I also shop in Asda.
alt:I am ace at growing things
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 17:17, Reply)
 Bet that isn't the only time your whole body shudders!
	Bet that isn't the only time your whole body shudders!Know what I mean? ;-)
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 17:32, Reply)
 Are Sainsbury's and Lidl considered working class places to shop?
	Are Sainsbury's and Lidl considered working class places to shop?If so, guilty as charged.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 17:28, Reply)
 I'm common
	I'm commonBecause I watch association football and have been know to drink with people who wear Stone Island jumpers.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 17:32, Reply)
 Association Football- A gentlemen's game played by thugs
	Association Football- A gentlemen's game played by thugsRugby Football- A thug's game played by gentlemen.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 17:34, Reply)
 The new Shadow Range is alright.
	The new Shadow Range is alright. And I'd actually wear SI if I owned any, but never in a million years to football. I'd never buy it again.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 17:39, Reply)
 Gotta be honest Baz
	Gotta be honest BazI have no idea what the expensive knitwear of choice is these days for a 'casual'.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 17:39, Reply)
 Neither do I, I'm out of ze loop.
	Neither do I, I'm out of ze loop. I'd hazard Saint James at a guess.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 17:40, Reply)
 You are from Monmouthshire, right?
	You are from Monmouthshire, right?Legally right now that IS Welsh, however pre 1974 it was English.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 18:03, Reply)
 I used to piss in an orange bucket when I was growing up.
	I used to piss in an orange bucket when I was growing up.In the north.
Does that count?
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 17:51, Reply)
 Yeah.
	Yeah.That and the fact I used to spend the housekeeping on pale ale and lash out at her in frustration when I got home pissed.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 18:29, Reply)
 you were lucky
	you were luckywhen we were young we lived in a paperbag in the middle of the road. had to work 27 hours in the mill and pay mill owner for permission to work and when we got home our father would slice us in two with a breadknife
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 17:58, Reply)
 i think, more accurately
	i think, more accuratelyI wish I had some like they make in the pub we used to go to for Burns Night. If I made it myself it would be shit, even if it only required putting in the oven/microwave
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 18:33, Reply)
 Oh cavey if you can't have dinner on the table how will you ever 'bag a man'
	Oh cavey if you can't have dinner on the table how will you ever 'bag a man'Do you include this vital information on your dating profile - can't cook for shit. It's best to be an honest indian from the start you know.
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 18:36, Reply)
 Dunno which is worse fat saggy old tittybags to compliment a nasty old hairy growler with a pong about it
	Dunno which is worse fat saggy old tittybags to compliment a nasty old hairy growler with a pong about itor a cheesy knob hiding under a beergut with the faint undertone of badly wiped hairy arsehole
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 18:46, Reply)
 actual live role play
	actual live role playor tabletop? I've never heard of a lrp version
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 19:05, Reply)
 Fat blokes and birds in green paint rolling around on top of each other is not pleasant
	Fat blokes and birds in green paint rolling around on top of each other is not pleasant(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 19:02, Reply)
 So you've never experienced paddys day stateside then?
	So you've never experienced paddys day stateside then?Alright Rory?
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 19:04, Reply)
 Fuck that yo I don't bother going out for that cobblers, fucking painful really.
	Fuck that yo I don't bother going out for that cobblers, fucking painful really. begorrah
get some PoitÃn in instead
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 19:13, Reply)
 Food of the Gods.
	Food of the Gods.www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Dgrocery&field-keywords=bisto+chip+shop+curry+sauce&x=5&y=15
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 18:38, Reply)
 I'll have to give that a go next time I feel like povving things up
	I'll have to give that a go next time I feel like povving things upYou only really get that in the norf and shitty places like Stoke
(, Wed 25 Jan 2012, 18:41, Reply)
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