Happy Wednesday you fuckers!
I'm back in Sydney, the tropical storm around southern Queensland didn't prevent us getting home. We had BBQ prawns and Snapper for tea last night.

We have a BBQ every summer for all our friends. I often make a Bacon Explosion, but this year I'm not going to as I never get to eat them. Instead I will wait until I'm having a small BBQ for a limited number of people. When did you last have a BBQ and how much fun was it?

This place looks like it's been pretty rubbish for the last two and a half weeks while me and Chompy have been away. Are you looking forward to me getting back next week?
( Bazongaloid, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 7:03, 122 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

I am.
Then you'll be back where you belong.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 7 Mar 2012, 7:36, Reply)

You didn't even offer to meet me.
You thoughtless cow.
( Bazongaloid, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 7:49, Reply)

well I didn't even know you were here.
If I had, I'm sure I would have offered. Maybe. On Neutral territory.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 7 Mar 2012, 7:52, Reply)

I've been in New South Wales and Queensland the whole time.
That's pretty neutral territory. Though a fair way from you.

So I forgive you.

Have you read the Hunger Games books? I read them while I was over here. They are pretty good.
( Bazongaloid, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 7:59, Reply)

Have not read the Hunger Games books no, I have, however, just finished a book called The Incendiary's Trail
very enjoyable victorian thriller.

I'm not sure I would have travelled that far for a meet up!
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:04, Reply)

That looks quite a good book
Have you read any of the books that the series "True Blood" is based on? I've just started reading them too, they're surprisingly good. Nothing like Twilight, more like murder mysteries.
( Bazongaloid, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:08, Reply)

I've read them all.
I devoured them in the space of two weeks.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:10, Reply)

Rachelswipe said she was looking forward to you coming back.
Quentin too. I can't think of anybody else though, soz.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 7:37, Reply)

Quentin loves me.

( Bazongaloid, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 7:49, Reply)

You knows it.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:00, Reply)

He likes me so much he writes my name on bits of paper and rubs them on his pants.

( Bazongaloid, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:02, Reply)

Thanks for that image.
*vomms*
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:07, Reply)

Have you got a smoker yet Al?
I'm looking forward to having Chompy back. The tension is palpable with him around.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:05, Reply)

I don't smoke anymore, I'm training for a marathon.
Or do you mean a BBQ smoker thing? If so, no. But I'd love one.
( Bazongaloid, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:09, Reply)

I meant a BBQ smoker
Improves the BBQ explosion 10 fold! I've been hunting for a new one recently as my old one is at my Mums :(

How long have you got left for your holiday? Still training?
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:15, Reply)

Trying to.
I pulled a muscle the second day I got here. But I've been for a few runs and done some surfing. I managed 6 miles last night, but my ankle has started hurting again.
( Bazongaloid, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:18, Reply)

How are you going to manage twenty four miles you if your
ankle hurts after six? This isn't going to end well.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:20, Reply)

I know.
CHCB is going to keep shouting at me so I keep going.

But in all seriousness, I'm doing a 16 mile run on the 17th, and if that doesn't work out then I'm going to can the marathon idea and switch to the half marathon instead. I'll try doing several half marathons in good time before I try again.
( Bazongaloid, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:23, Reply)

This place will not be improved with the return of either of you

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:07, Reply)

It sure as shit didn't improve after you decided you weren't a head spastic any more.

( Bazongaloid, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:09, Reply)

Disambiguation please
Is he a spastic in the head, or chief of all the spastics?
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:11, Reply)

His head was spastic.
He met Monty and it all went wrong.
( Bazongaloid, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:14, Reply)

I see.
I can meet Monty with impunity as I always wear my foil hat.

Sound bit of advice for all potential bashees there.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:17, Reply)

I am a corrupter of innocents. And Battered.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:30, Reply)

I'm lucky to have escaped your corruptive influence when I did.

(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:36, Reply)

It was a miracle.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 9:02, Reply)

My high moral standards make me incorruptible.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:42, Reply)

Agreed.
I'll always be a head spastic.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:15, Reply)

not burnt meat oustside for years because it's shit.
thanks for asking though.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:16, Reply)

You're shit more like.

( Bazongaloid, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:18, Reply)

go shove your BBQ up your cockend and shit out some bacon.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:23, Reply)

That's what I did to your mum.
How do think the Bacon Explosion was invented?
( Bazongaloid, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:23, Reply)

I thought you stuck a BBQ up your cockend and shat out some bacon, clearly.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:26, Reply)

Lets not fight mmps, we've got too much going for us to fall out over something so silly.

( Bazongaloid, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:40, Reply)

*glomps*

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:42, Reply)

*offers hugzorz*

( Bazongaloid, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:43, Reply)

I cannot remember the last barbecue I attended.
I think it might have been in the USA, where they understand such things better than many Britons. I remember going to Canada in 1989 following four days at a festival, during which I had existed on one vegeburger a day. My first meal upon reaching Canada was a barbecue hosted by a pal of my father's, and there was a pile of steaks next to the grill that must have been 50cm high. My brother and I nearly wept with joy.

PS it's been fucking dreadful. I miss the pair of you. I'm fed up with being the biggest spastic on here.

PPS my sister has been promoted again. She is now a Detective Inspector. Disappointingly she is not called 'guv'. This is apparently only really done in the Met.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:29, Reply)

Congratulations to her!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:39, Reply)

The scary bitch.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:43, Reply)

My brother in law is always talking about their "guvnor"

( Bazongaloid, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:45, Reply)

Is he Met?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 9:02, Reply)

They do love a good grill in the US of A.
One of my fondest memories of Texas is a restaurant called U-R-Cooks, where one would choose a size of steak (smallest was 16oz) and then go and cook it yourself on some gigantic grills in the middle of the seating area.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:39, Reply)

I'd love to go to a proper US steakhouse.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:41, Reply)

I went to an awesome BBQ joint in New York.

( Bazongaloid, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:44, Reply)

Oh God, some guy on the telly last night was trying to put away a 72oz steak.
I couldn't watch.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:45, Reply)

Was that Man v Food?
The bloke on that eats ridiculous meals. There was one where he ate 180 oysters.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:48, Reply)

Yeah, that was the one.
He held the steak in front of his guts before it was cooked. It was as big as he was.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:54, Reply)

That programme is probably shown in Al Quaeda training camps
to illustrate why America deserves to be blown up.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 9:01, Reply)

I view Adam Richman as something akin to an American Gonz
The enthusiasm he shows for all the food, how happy he always is for it, I think it's excellent. Also, the gluttony makes me realise I'm actually not as bad as I thought I was!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 9:06, Reply)

I'd happily give that a good crack, before dying about 1/3 of the way through

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:50, Reply)

Think of your colon.
/Darth
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:55, Reply)

I'd have to give it a good crack, either way!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:57, Reply)

Yep, I'd definitely have a go
it's one of those things you just have to try. I've rolled through a 32oz steak with salad and chips before, so it can't be too hard.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 9:00, Reply)

The hardest challenge I've done was a 1lb burger
The amount was hard to eat, as the meat was top quality. However, the non changing texture was the hardest thing to deal with. Was rather happy to finish that one.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 9:04, Reply)

Yeah, Richman always uses condiments
for the eating challenges (at least the size ones).

Where did you have your 1lb burger? Sounds like a hoot :D
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 9:10, Reply)

Place called Ketchup, in Glasgow
Was fantastic
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 9:12, Reply)

V gutted you cannot come on Friday.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:44, Reply)

It's big Poppa Robinsons
Birthday that weekend. If you'd have caught me a week earlier I would have been able to wiggle out of the Friday and come. How on EARTH are you and Ralph going to be able to cope with all those women...?
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:50, Reply)

By shagging them rotten.
No idea how Rallers will entertain himself whilst I'm doing that, mind you.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:51, Reply)

Guv is much better than the alternatives
Is it Ma'm as in harm or Ma'm as in spam?

I believe the queen suffers from this too.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:42, Reply)

Fuck knows, old boy.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:44, Reply)

Wharm barm thank you Ma'am
Surely as a contraction of the word Madam it should rhyme with spam?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 9:18, Reply)

or bum
Depending upon your accent.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 9:27, Reply)

Don't your lot pronounce Mum as Mom?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 9:30, Reply)

my lot?
Straight men, I presume you mean.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 9:37, Reply)

Yam Yams

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 9:38, Reply)

The last proper BBQ I had was April last year
It was an absolutely awesome day, much booze was drunk, we all had a great laugh, and everything was going great, until a couple of people kicked off arguing at 3am, at which point I had to intervene and kick one of them out (the other person was my housemate). Damn shame, as it put a downer on what had been an awesome day. Also, the entire thing only cost about £50 to put on for 30 people, and I got most of that back.

Alt: I care not either way.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:32, Reply)

If Chompy continues with all the thread deletion he started before he went away then this place won't improve.
He seems to have taken it upon himself to delete whatever posts he can if Swipe posts in them, which is a nuisance. In his own words "If I was a mod I would ban her".

Just because they had a dalliance in the past and Swipe told people he has a micro penis doesn't mean he can try and moderate OT through thread deletion, he should just put her on ignore.

Before anyone says it; no I am not taking the internet too seriously you bunch of cunts.

Edited to correct a grammatical fuck up.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:40, Reply)

Where is seriously?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:41, Reply)

It's a suburb of Gravitas

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:43, Reply)

You know nothing of gravitas.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:45, Reply)

Yes I do.
It's that salmon and dill thing.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 9:02, Reply)

Gravlax ruins salmon.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 9:06, Reply)

Oops. Have edited.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:43, Reply)

You are too taking the internet too seriously.
I'm totally in agreement with Chompy in this matter.
( Bazongaloid, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:41, Reply)

thread deletion don't make the place shit.
dull posting does.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:44, Reply)

Both do.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:45, Reply)

You do.

( Bazongaloid, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:45, Reply)

Yes I do and so do you.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:47, Reply)

thread deletion is just a bit annoying.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:46, Reply)

mmps, you on tha monay

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 9:04, Reply)

*represents*

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 9:11, Reply)

Is this your way of saying sorry?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:47, Reply)

oh Monty, I like you best of all!

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:49, Reply)

top o' the mornin' fuckos

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:54, Reply)

Oh great. You're here.
Brilliant.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:57, Reply)

this place just got 3% better

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:58, Reply)

No it didn't.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 9:03, Reply)

you're right you are still here, never mind eh

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 9:04, Reply)

Morning Ape
I feel like shit today. I puked big style last night for no apparent reason and now feel "delicate"
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 9:04, Reply)

Too much sleep, that is.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 9:05, Reply)

It would seem so

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 9:07, Reply)

You are steadily declining day by day
RIP SPORTO 4EVA IN R HARTZ
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 9:07, Reply)

I'd like to bequeath my logon to Apey

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 9:08, Reply)

You'd better make your password easy to spell

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 9:13, Reply)

\o/
double the fun; SportsApe to the rescue!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 9:13, Reply)

Finally my product samples have arrived.
This makes me happier than it should, I mean, it's only samples but it felt like Xmas when the courier arrived and I had to sign for the parcel. The only disappointment was that my company shirts didn't arrive.

I am a very sad man
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 9:04, Reply)

Mt mate Bri used to live above a restaurant on a shopping complex type thing.
He had a MASSIVE balcony so we'd have BBQs up there for about 50 people. Fucking brilliant, no problems with music being on, no neighbours to complain, etc.
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 9:06, Reply)

Good day, you socially inept faggots.
EDIT: I went to a BBQ once.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 9:09, Reply)

No you went to a spit roast. Consisting of you, Julian Clary and Duncan Norville.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 9:12, Reply)

Duncan Norvelle
Was he the one with the green duck?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 9:13, Reply)

No that was Keith Harris.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 9:14, Reply)

Julian Clary
Was he the one with the veiney bang rod?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 9:15, Reply)

You tell me. Gay boy.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 9:16, Reply)

No, wait.
That was your Mum.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 9:17, Reply)

Anyone shagging that old mad slag would probably be in for all sorts of surprises.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 9:20, Reply)

;-\

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 9:23, Reply)

As a vegetarian* I find it difficult to get very excited about grilling food outdoors.
I will concede that halloumi tastes slightly better cooked over charcoal.

I have no opinion on the politics involved in who hates who, but I do think the more people are on here the more interesting it is, so come back Al and Chompy. It is dull when it is just me and Quentin.

*Yes, yes, I realise this makes me a massive cunt and a homosexual.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 9:12, Reply)

you are a massive cunt and a homosexual

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 9:14, Reply)

I know
Pretty sure I already mentioned that in my post.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 9:20, Reply)

Jesus Christ! We've got a live one here, lads.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 9:14, Reply)

Love you Stunned
Let's have lunch and you can eat the meat and I'll eat the lettuce from round the edges.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 9:27, Reply)

That sounds mighty gay.
I'm in.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 9:29, Reply)

It is all thinly veiled gay slang

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 9:30, Reply)

Morning Benderinos.
I've got a headache.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 9:13, Reply)

Cider headache?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 9:13, Reply)

Oddly, no.
I think it was caused by the shock of Bristol City winning last night.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 9:17, Reply)

Hahaha.
I am going to WH v Watford tonight. It's cold and raining here.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 9:18, Reply)

The sun always shines
On the west country.

Has Maynard scored yet?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 9:21, Reply)

Not as far as I know. £2m well spent.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 9:25, Reply)

i liek sport.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 9:30, Reply)

You love salivating on men's genitalia
whilst thumbing your own puckered anus.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 9:34, Reply)