BOOZE.
I am a firm believer that booze is simply unsuitable for some people. My pal Yeti has no problem whatsoever in caning Herculean quantities of drugs for days on end with seemingly no ill effects – however give him five pints and he becomes flushed and belligerent, and, frankly, a massive pain in the arse. Shittest Irishman ever*, so he is.

What kind of drinker are you? Do you cry on the stairs at parties? Are you a ‘drunk dialler’? Do you get into scrapes? Perhaps you're a spewer, tactical or otherwise. Do tell.

Personally, my behaviour is little changed by substances. Apparently I have the look of a naughty schoolboy about me, and that’s about it. My brother is absolutely fine drinking for hours, until suddenly something snaps, he goes grey and incoherent and is effectively a vegetable. Elvis leaves the building and there’s nothing anyone can do about it.

*quite a claim, I know
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 10:43, 231 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

I tend to tell jokes I think are funny then laugh at myself
and if I get to drunk just wander off home.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 10:45, Reply)

Oh I do that one.
I used to routinely disappear 'to the loo' at my own parties and just go to bed, too.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 10:49, Reply)

for my entire first year I thought this club night we went to ended at 2 and would leave
and then not understand where everyone else was as they stayed until 4.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 10:50, Reply)

Hahaha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 10:51, Reply)

I got home once, rat arsed and rolled a massive spliff
smoked half and popped on the playstation to entertain myself, unfortunately for me there wasn't a game in the computer but an aphex twin cd. I then proceeded to whitey and be unable to get up to turn it off.

My housemates found me slumped on the table shaking, with aphex twin on full blast, I had nightmares that night : (
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 10:53, Reply)

Again, I say 'hahaha'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 10:54, Reply)

Weed then alcohol = no problem
Weed and alcohol at the same time = fine.
Alcohol then weed = very ill.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 10:55, Reply)

I know and yet I NEVER learn

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 10:59, Reply)

I used to run a club night in Soho.
One of these nights coincided with my birthday and lots of old pals from all over the country came to say hello. At the end of my DJ set I staggered straight out of the door into a black cab and went home to bed without saying a fucking word to anyone, to be woken up by about twenty slightly pissed-off but lolling chaps a few hours later.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 10:53, Reply)

I am like your brother, I am fine...fine...fine...fine...fucking pissed in a minute
I suspect I am like most people when drunk, loud, obnoxious, rude and belligerant.

I also start to lose my memory very quickly
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 10:46, Reply)

I've done that before once or twice
It is quite scary when the internal you still seems sober but your body/talking is pissed as.
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 10:54, Reply)

MASSIVE DRUGZ!!!!
I tend to want to dance and tell lots of LOLZ.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 10:47, Reply)

Exacerbates existing mood.
Sober v drunk:

Happy = even happier (occasionally known to smile).
Pissed off with myself = take the piss of everyone in a 5 mile radius past the point that others may consider cruel.
Pissed off with other people = shouty. Very shouty.
Angry = extremely aggressive. Seek to punch anyone for any reason.

you may want to print this off and keep it to refer to the next time we go drinking.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 10:53, Reply)

You've missed one:
Short = even shorter
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:05, Reply)

Ha ha ha
(!)
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:10, Reply)

I just get loud(er)
and laugh a lot. People who get angry when drunk are mental. Why pay money to get angry?

We had someone sacked from our place after a scrape on a night out when he trieds to punch another member of staff (he missed).
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 10:53, Reply)

I know this sounds unlikely, but I become cheerful.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 10:53, Reply)

I've seen it. I know this to be true.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:01, Reply)

I become incredibly witty, charming and irresistible to women.
Then I fall asleep.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 10:56, Reply)

You are me, AICMFP

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:39, Reply)

Squawk!
*wakes up in the morning feeling like P Diddy*
(bollocks parrot squawk squawk squawk, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 10:56, Reply)

Good to see you back. Thought you'd developed psittacosis.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 10:58, Reply)

*dances*

(bollocks parrot squawk squawk squawk, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:00, Reply)

I bet you have a couple of paracetamol after you've been drinking.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 10:59, Reply)

squawk parrotcetemol parrotcetemol squawk
LOLSQUAWK
(bollocks parrot squawk squawk squawk, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:00, Reply)

Wotcha Bollocks

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:00, Reply)

*shits*

(bollocks parrot squawk squawk squawk, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:01, Reply)

*giggles*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:02, Reply)

*catches reflection in mirror*
*narrows eyes*
SQUAWK!!!!
(bollocks parrot squawk squawk squawk, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:04, Reply)

It can go one of three ways with me and alcomahol
In most cases I'm a happy joke-telling harmless bellend who'll bimble off into the night and eat a mahoosive kebab when the booze-o-meter gets to 'Full'.
On other occasions I end up trying to have deep philosophical conversations with other drunks who really don't give a toss.
The third outcome is when I start waxing lyrical about music (Pooflake will probably chime in about the epic Skype session when I was extremely 'heavily refreshed' and trying to get him to understand the strange dichotomy of a Ska band singing about mental illness) and I can bore the whatsits off a brass hippo.
I don't drink Whisky. I get nasty on Whisky.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 10:59, Reply)

Sounds similar to me, apart from the nasty bit.
I have yet to find a drink that makes me nasty...
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:07, Reply)

I got wankered on whisky once
Lost about 9 hours where I'd apparently (as I was told later) been a very very bad person. Just dumb luck I didn't end up either in court or on a slab.
Don't drink it at all now.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:17, Reply)

I talk bollocks, more so than usual
I find the majority of things very funny, this has included laughing the face of someone who was trying to goad me into a fight, because I'd laughed at his stupid fringe.

I went through a long stage of falling asleep wherever I was, this was extremely annoying, and it didn't matter what I had drank, whether I had eaten, anything. It even happened on a works do, much to my shame.

I don't vomit when drunk, only the morning after. Although I did chuck up when I had my drink spiked, that wasn't much fun.

According to BGB, I get very opinionated, whilst this isn't much of a surprise, I just wish she'd tell me what I was so opinionated about! I've only ever been a nasty drunk once, which led to me avoiding that particular lager for 3 years, I only tried it again a few months back. As I've been fine on it since, I have no idea why I was such a cock on the night in question.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:02, Reply)

Are you sure it wasn't just the mythical 'bad pint'?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:03, Reply)

Certain, I was mostly sober
Bought a pint in a club infamous for it's spikings, drank some of it with friends, walked away from them, put it down on a table out of sight from any of them, walked back, picked it up again, went back to drinking.

I remember puking then falling over, falling onto a metal tipped stair (that hurt), then zero memory until I was found 3 hours later.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:07, Reply)

+ covered in the spunk of a thousand tramps

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:09, Reply)

Thankfully, I was still inside

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:10, Reply)

I was they were
(PsychoChomp, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:11, Reply)

I always find the 10th pint is a really "bad pint"

(PsychoChomp, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:07, Reply)

Indeed.
It happens when 'they haven't cleaned the pipes properly'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:09, Reply)

3rd pint of the night

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:09, Reply)

maybe you're just a lightweight
children afterall shouldn't really be drinking
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:10, Reply)

Some nights I am a fair lightweight, sometimes I can drink the sun up
It varies, but what happened would never happen off the amount I had drank, and as I had, I don't vomit when drunk.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:11, Reply)

About one in 150 times I got drunk I'd do something immeasurably stupid.
I'm convinced there's a cheeky switch in my brain that sometimes flips when I get just a touch too drunk and convinces me that trying to drink myself to death would be fantastic fun. The last time I fucked up was in December and since that I've stopped drinking forever and switched to wonderful hardcore drugs like crystal moth and woof woof.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:05, Reply)

Have you still not had a drink since then?
Fucking hell Noel.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:07, Reply)

Haha nope!
Coming up twelve or thirteen weeks now. Do I disappoint you?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:09, Reply)

I AM DISGUSTED.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:11, Reply)

A fantastic reason to stick to sobriety.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:19, Reply)

the fazct that your counting says alot

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:21, Reply)

The fact that at least he CAN count says a lot more about you, spazmo.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:23, Reply)

i don't think so, bambi
my numeracy skills are more than adequate
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:23, Reply)

Shame your literacy skills make you out to be a blithering numskull.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:26, Reply)

i know a few languages fluently, my written english ain't great i'll give you that
but that doesn't make me stupid, so stop being mean you horrible cunt
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:32, Reply)

The fact that you're a fucking spazmo is the reason we're mean to you.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:35, Reply)

the fact that your all fucking spazmos is the reason your relegated to the shit board

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:40, Reply)

This used to be by far the best board
Now you're here, it's not. Can you see the correlation there?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:42, Reply)

oh shut up and fuck off you mong
one persons presence doesn't affect a whole board, your all just dull and whiney
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:43, Reply)

Yet somehow you manage to drag the entire thing down.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:46, Reply)

your right, what a terrible person i am, nemo

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:51, Reply)

No, the content of your posts does that.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:41, Reply)

Does it?

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:24, Reply)

course it does
if you didn't care you wouldn't even notice
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:26, Reply)

I do care, that's why I stopped.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:27, Reply)

but you're counting the days
thats a sure sign of alcoholism you know
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:32, Reply)

Really? Shit, I didn't know that.
I wonder what the best way to fix alcoholism is.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:35, Reply)

Delete your account and kill yourself.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:35, Reply)

*sucks air through teeth a little bit*

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:37, Reply)

Sorry Noel, it's the first chance I've had to use that one!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:41, Reply)

Jus' bad timing bro.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:45, Reply)

Hope you're alright, anyway fella

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:46, Reply)

Ask us in a month.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:50, Reply)

will you still be around then?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:51, Reply)

Christ, I hope you're not.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:53, Reply)

here to stay, pochahontas
i'm here to stay
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:55, Reply)

Right yeah I did consider that coming here for some light-hearted jovial relief might be a mistake.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:54, Reply)

probly best rethink your whole life plan, revitalise the forward motion

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:55, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/board/ignore.php?start=90618 - That helps for short term relief
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:58, Reply)

so does this
www.sleepingtablets-online.com/
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:59, Reply)

Shall do

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:53, Reply)

i think you should follow his advise to the letter

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:50, Reply)

probably stop counting the days since you last had a drink maybe

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:40, Reply)

I have a friend with fairly similar views.
He works every music festival over the summer, and munches happily away on any substance he can find (though he refuses to smoke anything) and he reckons drugs have never made anyone act like an obnoxious, violent arsehole.

As a drinker, I'm really bad. I have no tolerance for alcohol, so a couple of drinks hit me like a sledgehammer. I get very giggly, then start falling over, then start babbling.
Actually, that's not a million miles away from me being sober.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:07, Reply)

Your friend has never met anyone on coke then

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:09, Reply)

Or can only get extremely shit gear.
EDIT actually I cannot recall any of my chums being obnoxious on coke - tedious, for sure, but not unpleasant.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:11, Reply)

One of my mates had rather a lot of coke, had a one man rave in my living room, ironed my friend's work uniform
Woke her at 5am, walked her to work, then stole some milk on the way home, and ran off, giggling.

That was very funny.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:18, Reply)

I think he mostly deals with mushrooms and cannabis
he's one of them eco hippy types.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:12, Reply)

I spin badly when I'm really pissed
I once awoke after about ten minutes of spinning and sleeping in the knowledge I was going to vomit very soon. The problem was it was pitch black I could see a fucking thing, combined with the fact I couldn't even rememebr where I was the chances of finding a receptical for my techicolour yawn was slim.

So butt naked, I decided to simply make a run for it in a direction. It didn't work out as planned as I ran straight into a wall and bounced off onto my arse and was sick on myself. Which is when my mate turned the light on...
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:08, Reply)

i drink responsibly because i am an adult

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:12, Reply)

responsibly because i am an adult ribena through a straw in a sealed plastic cup attached to my special high chair.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:14, Reply)

I now have the true image of Quintin.
He is Stewie from Family Guy.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:17, Reply)

FOBTYMH

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:18, Reply)

Fuck off back to your mums house?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:20, Reply)

hey well done! but mama would be closer

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:21, Reply)

Thanks Stewie

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:21, Reply)

(dances with gene kelly)
was it gene kelly? fred astaire? one of them old poofs that danced with jerry the mouse
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:22, Reply)

Another crap Kevin Costner film.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:24, Reply)

Foreign objects bound to yield massive haemmorhoids?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:21, Reply)

yes, well done monty

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:22, Reply)

Nah this is him

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:23, Reply)

and this is you
cache.ohinternet.com/images/thumb/0/0c/AngryJoeConstipation.jpg/618px-AngryJoeConstipation.jpg

angry on the internet
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:25, Reply)

Close, but I have considerably more grey hair than that

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:27, Reply)

alright, no need to bite my head off

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:27, Reply)

That appears to be a picture someone's severely disabled kid that you're mocking
I know this is supposed to be a 'kkerazy' forum and everyone's supposed to be a banter queen but that's somewhat tight, just sayin
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:38, Reply)

Fuck me, Rory taking the moral high-ground.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:39, Reply)

shut it, meth

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:39, Reply)

Rory is the best troll on this board, you'd do well to try and live up to his standards.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:51, Reply)

pretty sure rory isn't a troll
oh wait hold on are you trolling me? omg i beleieved you when you said you were feeling suicidal too

omg i fel like such a mug
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:52, Reply)

am an adult f I don't then I spill my juice from my sippy cup.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:16, Reply)

dult nus
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:16, Reply)

Haha

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:17, Reply)

sigh

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:18, Reply)

My wife told me I am a dick when I drink
So I quit drinking without telling her. She still claims I have been drinking which proves once and for all that I am simply a dick and the drink is the innocent victim in all this.
( Peej, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:20, Reply)

Poor, poor drink.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:21, Reply)

Stop copying me.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:22, Reply)

Check the time, gimp.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:23, Reply)

OK 'stop copying me you time-travelling cunt'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:24, Reply)

Right, outside The Tardis now.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:25, Reply)

Poor old drink. Always gets the blame.
How are ya?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:22, Reply)

Sober
Which fucking sucks ass. Daughter 2 is 1 on Sunday though. We're going to the zoo to witness the sweet sweet captivity.
( Peej, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:29, Reply)

Already?
Fucking hell, that's gone quick.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:30, Reply)

Yup
Years go faster the older you get, your final decade will pass by in mere minutes.
( Peej, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:31, Reply)

Well do wish little She-Ra a happy birthday from me.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:33, Reply)

I will
Princess Peach was 4 last month she said "where my fucking present from that old cunt" I think she meant you
( Peej, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:43, Reply)

Tell her 'soz' from me. It's in the post.

I say 'post', I mean 'shop'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:48, Reply)

your daughter is a chinese?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:54, Reply)

Takeaway

( Peej, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:09, Reply)

i'll leave it where it is, thanks

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:13, Reply)

Haha

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:22, Reply)

I am the life and soul of the party.
As long as I stick to my shandy.

I too am partial to sloping off to bed and leaving everyone to it.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:21, Reply)

I am notorious for the same disappearing act that other people have mentioned.
I imagine that if ever stunned, monty and myself go out for a heavy drinking session, we'll all wordlessly get up from the table at the same time and go home.
( Kroney, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:24, Reply)

Monty does that to avoid paying the tab.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:26, Reply)

...as soon as the other two turn up

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:27, Reply)

I don't know about you two wankers
but I'll be turning up at a different pub entirely. Preferably in a different city.
( Kroney, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:33, Reply)

On a different day.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:34, Reply)

In fact, I did it last night.
Great night lads, cheers. Must do it again some time.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:35, Reply)

No thanks. Fuck off.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:37, Reply)

"Do you get into scarpes" what?
...oh...
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:28, Reply)

We used to 'til you sobered up

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:34, Reply)

I've seen the damage he did to Monty's moist water closet.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:38, Reply)

'Lord Mouldy-piss', that's what he's called in my house.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:39, Reply)

It was actually just a closet before I got done with it.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:40, Reply)

you are Christian O'Connell AICMFP

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:41, Reply)

I don't get that joke.
But I am mightily offended by being called that anyway...
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:41, Reply)

Monty was mates with him in the old days
they went to a houseparty and "the OC" pissed ina wardrobe, do try and keep up
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:45, Reply)

I was NOT mates with him. How fucking dare you.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:48, Reply)

Hahaha
Btw, did you end up watching that DVD last week?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:51, Reply)

Not yet - I accidentally left it at my kid's place.
I'll watch in in Saturday. Sorry to appear ungrateful.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:10, Reply)

Not at all!
Just wanted to know what you thought of it is all, haha
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:36, Reply)

I heard you took his 'tip' in your mouth during your experimental stage
apparently he can do that pre-cum thing
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:51, Reply)

Fuck off
He was your BFF
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:55, Reply)

They used to go youth hostelling together
but "The OC" would always bagsie the top bunk even though he wet himself
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:57, Reply)

I heard he called Monty his own lucky Pierre

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:00, Reply)

i heard monty had sex with him, and OC never called him back

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:07, Reply)

Hahaha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:42, Reply)

You didn't get your socks wet did you?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:44, Reply)

Luckily for me 'The OC' was on hand to dry them out.
ON THE FUCKING FIRE.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:45, Reply)

This should make the cider boat an interesting place. A finer range of drunken behaviours I've yet to read.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:50, Reply)

*voms on jeffs shoes*

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:52, Reply)

A group of my friends had a party one year. One of whom sleepwalks.
Several people stayed over. One couple was sleeping on the floor of one of the bedrooms when they were awoken by a strange pattering on their sleeping bags. The sleepwalker was standing bollock naked in the doorway, a graceful arc of hot piss threading its way through the night air to land on their prostrate forms.
( Kroney, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:52, Reply)

This is really not very unusual

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:53, Reply)

^ This
Surely we have all urinated somewhere we shouldn't whilst drunkenly asleep?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:55, Reply)

Nope

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:56, Reply)

I was pissed once a woke in the morning with a vague memory I had pissed in my bin
but I hadn't, the next night I was sober then woke woke with the vague memory I had pissed in my bin, I had.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:58, Reply)

Two of my friends shared a house
The toilet was downstairs, through the kitchen.
One of them came in drunk one night went into the kitchen and proceeded to piss down the side of the cooker.
He could not be persuaded that this was the incorrect place.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:00, Reply)

No
But it's good to know that apparently you have.
( Kroney, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:58, Reply)

One drunken night when I was still living with my parents
Instead of turning right and heading towards the bathroom, I turned left and headed to their bedroom. Once there I lifted the lid of their laundry basket and filled it with my piss. I could not understand what my dad was shouting about.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:03, Reply)

he was shouting because you were missing your mum
she loves a golden shower
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:05, Reply)

You are so wrong
She made sure didn't miss a drop
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:14, Reply)

+ because he is a Chinky and I cannot speak a word of Cantonese.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:11, Reply)

lol drugs! racism! lol!

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:13, Reply)

lol Quinten's posts! lol!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:14, Reply)

Not really.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:14, Reply)

[!] Quinten [!]

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:15, Reply)

lol yeti! drugs! lol! i got drunk and done a sick! lol

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:15, Reply)

lol insane fantasy world populated by tedious spastics! lol sasha!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:16, Reply)

lol 'tricky'!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:16, Reply)

again, also real
right now he is behind me learning how to 'remote in' to other people's PCs
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:17, Reply)

Yes, of course he is.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:17, Reply)

there are four or five people there, would you ilke me to name them all?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:18, Reply)

I have no desire whatsoever to know the names
of the other lost-its in Dorking library, thank you all the same.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:19, Reply)

i ahve no desire to hear about a man in his late 30s brag about drugs either
but it doesn't stop you
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:28, Reply)

lol I dressed up like a soldier! lol embarrasing pikey! lol!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:17, Reply)

neither embarrassing nor pikey
you know, unlike farming drugs with children
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:17, Reply)

That's right. Neither embrassing nor pikey in any way.
I bet your 'girlfriend' wears a pink cowboy hat when she goes out on the Lambrini.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:19, Reply)

Were she not entirely made-up, of course.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:20, Reply)

haha, she does have a pink cowboy hat actually!

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:25, Reply)

I could not be less surprised.
But not a pikey, right? Just checking I understand you correctly. Pink cowboy hat, yes, pikey, no. Got it.

Only a mentally subnormal peasant would put up with a prick like you.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:28, Reply)

tsk, such anger
the pschotropic effects of those hallucinogens you take have wrecked your mind proper
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:31, Reply)

Yes, that's right. Well done.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:32, Reply)

i like replying

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:33, Reply)

hey waity a minute, i'm being bullied by a man who thinks his 'friend' 'yeti' has taken lots of drugs
oh dearie
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:17, Reply)

sasha is real, you demented old fruit bat
www.b3ta.com/talk/7462361
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:16, Reply)

Yes, that's right.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:22, Reply)

yes it is, as opposed to all the bullshit you spout about farming drugs and 'taking copiuos amounts of drugs'
like a pathetic child
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:26, Reply)

I did tell him I was velly solly

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:13, Reply)

Er...

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:58, Reply)

I like how everybody's leaping to back you up, here.

( Kroney, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:04, Reply)

I've noticed.
We had to physically wrestle a work colleague away from pissing into a kitchen cupboard full of crockery the other year.
( Kroney, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:55, Reply)

kerrazy world we live in

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:04, Reply)

I'm not a big drinker, never have been.
I tend to drink socially and not much more. It tends to make me chatty and silly. Drinking when down is not bright for me as it takes me further down, so I avoid it.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:02, Reply)

you sound like a reasonable and sensible chap
can i subscribe to your blog?
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:03, Reply)

I generally am, muppet hair and bicycles aside.
I am however rather dull.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:24, Reply)

i hope i speak for everyone here
when i say that i hope that noely noel definately does not kill himself, i don't think you lot have shown enough support for his cry for helop up there and we should all rally around him at this difficult time
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:14, Reply)

I think you should act as a 'fall guy' here and kill yourself so that Noel doesn't have to.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:15, Reply)

but i don't wanna, i'm seriously popular

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:18, Reply)

You certainly are.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:22, Reply)

whereas you actually are, here, among all the tedious mongs and plebs that no other board wanted
care to discuss lunch yet?
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:26, Reply)

Yes, that's right.
Other people are plebeians, not you. In your soldier outfit. And your Oompa-loompa girlfriend who is 100% real.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:31, Reply)

its the real uniform you know
doesn't make me a pleb, doesn't pleb mean a poor person, you know like maybe someone who was bankrupt?
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:33, Reply)

No, it doesn't mean that.
It's a Roman social class and is unrelated to wealth.

Never mind. Classic pikey error, confusing material wealth with class.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:35, Reply)

yeah it does, plebian means poor
like you, cos you can't afford nice things and your wife left you and you take drugs to numb the pain
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:36, Reply)

I see. My wife. Gotcha.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:37, Reply)

why did your wife leave you?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:38, Reply)

I'm not the man to ask.
Up until 'An Officer and a Gentleman' here told me, I'd no idea I'd ever had one.

EDIT oops thought you were replying to me
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:40, Reply)

i meant quentin's wife
you know, what with him being such a HAWT italian studmuffin and such a successful businessman and all that.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:41, Reply)

I think perhaps the 'fucking his sister' thing might have put her off a bit.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:42, Reply)

or the copious mental meltdown issues
you should see the gazzes i got from bert when he was "thecathater". he had made up a whole other life, with fictitious people.

quentin, of course, would never do that. and has by no means set up another "truth fairy" account pretending to be one of his own fictitious inventions.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:44, Reply)

No way.
Not old 'Mr Mentally Stable' who started out on /OT claiming to be a student, but within 24 hours was a successful businessman. No way. Not helicopter boy.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:46, Reply)

In fairness I should point out that Monty's wife left him for me.
If you've ever seen the 2 of us, you'd know why, SHe prefers then well tanned and with some muscle.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:41, Reply)

*sobs*
It's true. It's all true.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:43, Reply)

Sorry Boyce, she was just too much woman for you.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:47, Reply)

one for the team and all that

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:23, Reply)

Quite so.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:24, Reply)

wind your neck in Quinten

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:33, Reply)

eh? i'm being nice here

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:34, Reply)

a flick through the above shows that you have reverted to being a total twat today, neckless
sort it out there's a good chap
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:37, Reply)

i never started it
this time
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 13:10, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1553140
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 13:13, Reply)

I think you should delete your account and kill yourself.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:39, Reply)

if i stick to vodka i'm fine
cocktails make me vomit, too sweet.

wine gives me a thumping headache after one or two glasses bottles though.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:37, Reply)

hi swipe

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:37, Reply)