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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Inappropriate work behavior
Have you pulled pranks?
Do you piss about on the webs too much?
Today I've mostly been dancing to dirty rap songs at my desk.
Good work out actually.

alt: I think I'm going to start making t-shirts, what was your last shit idea at making money?
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:14, 148 replies, latest was 13 years ago)
OMG THIS IS SUCH A COINCIDENCE
www.b3ta.com/talk/7464972
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:16, Reply)
mr horrible is the shit

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:18, Reply)
he is quite horrible tho

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:45, Reply)
I got a written warning for forcing my way
into the building at 1am, smoking at my desk, sleeping under my desk and going home at 7am "sick". I was slightly overly refreshed.

alt: Pimpin' yo' momma.
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:21, Reply)
a warning is all you got?

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:22, Reply)
If he hadn't been drinking shandy
He'd have been promoted.
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:50, Reply)
Hahahaha.
Red wine, acksherly.
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:57, Reply)
+with a dash of lemonade

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 16:01, Reply)
We call 'The Stunned vintage'
Ribena round my way.
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 16:06, Reply)
no
obviously
I like a nice desk headbang

alt: I was gonna get AIDS, then give it to people, then sell them "miricle cures"
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:24, Reply)
Alt: A Facebook page I created in two seconds for a joke has over 15,000 likes now.
I might sell t-shirts on there, license to print money really.
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:25, Reply)
what is the page about?

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:26, Reply)
I was gonna import Tim Tams from Australia
and sell them to English people. But Tesco did it first.

I might try it with Cheese Twisties instead. I fucking love Cheese Twisties.
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:25, Reply)
tims tams are shit penguins

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:26, Reply)
NO, ELEPHANTS ARE SHIT PENGUINS!!! LOL

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:27, Reply)
omg THESE
www.americansweets.co.uk/american-pretzels-243-c.asp

best things ever. maybe it was because i hadn't had a single crisp since pre-christmas, but when i tried one of these the other night, my mouth nearly came on the spot. soooooo tasty.
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:35, Reply)
I can take or leave Pretzels.
Have you tried Cheese Twisties? They really are fantastic. They are what Nik Naks want to be, but aren't.
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:38, Reply)
but these aren't your average pretzels brah

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:38, Reply)
^ this ^
they are crispy and salty and really strong flavours.

never tried cheese twisties. i'm not wild on cheese flavoured things. BUT i am open to trying, if it contains lard. and calories.
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:42, Reply)
Hold up a sec, I've had those before, and I know I haven't had them from the internet, so there must be somewehere in the UK you can get them, I just can't think wehre.
I had the honey mustard ones and they were lush.
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:54, Reply)
i had them for the first time in a pub
but never seen them in a shop
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:56, Reply)
I think it might be the turkish place behind where I used to live, that sold them.

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:57, Reply)
my options are either the internet or trek back to slough
OR stay in my new skinny clothes and not eat the fucking things.

sigh.
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 16:01, Reply)
Workplace pranksters are hilarious, aren't they?
One of the guys down in our warehouse once spent the weeks leading up to April Fool's day warning us that it was his favourite day of the year and that it was going to be "armageddon". Sadly I have nothing funny to report from this experience, apart from: he is a sad twat.
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:27, Reply)
i hope he accidentally set himself on fire

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:27, Reply)

A week into a new job out in Horsham while I still lived in London so didn't know the town at all, I went out with a colleague on a Friday night, got separated from her, staggered around a strange town swigging from a bottle of wine before eventually stumbling back across the office, banging on the door until the security guard came along. He let me sleep in reception, bringing me coffee and kicking me out at 6.45 the next morning ahead booting me out before the 7AM shift took over from him. He never told a soul, god bless him.
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:28, Reply)
Isn't that where your mum is from?

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:29, Reply)
Ha!

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:51, Reply)
is it illegal to drink in the streets there?
it is here, mostly
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:33, Reply)
No
But there are 'designated public places' with signs that say 'It's illegal not to give your alcohol to police if asked'.

Bloody Alky Policemen.
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:52, Reply)
only on here
and if i have boring admin to do, like paying my car tax.

alt: the law. the end.
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:33, Reply)
someone else make a new thread, you're all not even trying here

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:34, Reply)
i am, i raved on about american pretzels and everything!
i even posted a LINK!
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:35, Reply)
oh yeah, honey mustard are the best
use to have them when I was a kid
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:36, Reply)
i'd never seen them before
i am loving that website. lemon meringue flavoured marshmallows? hersheys cookies and cream toppings for ice cream?

uk stuff SUCKS.
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:40, Reply)
No American stuff is horrid
It really is, their chocolate is fucking awful
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:42, Reply)
Have to agree there.
Smells and tastes like sick. Vile stuff.
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:43, Reply)
I'm not trying to look through the whole site, but I'll tell you smores poptarts are off the damn chain

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:49, Reply)
i've never had a smore
sad times
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:49, Reply)
get on it ffs what is up with you people

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:51, Reply)
we are food retards

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:52, Reply)
now now, I wish I had the openness you lot do to a lot of food
plus most of you make your meals daily
most of the meals made here are bought in the frozen food section
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:55, Reply)
some british chefs these days are amazing
but we just don't have the same exciting shit that you guys do. eg our ice cream aisle will be 1/10 the size.
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:57, Reply)
oh yer moose tracks is the fooking best

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:58, Reply)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=moose%20tracks
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 16:07, Reply)
oh, lol

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 16:09, Reply)
indeed

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 16:13, Reply)
Pretzels are fucking grim.

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:39, Reply)
silly kroney
these are little crunchy pieces, they are much more like crisps than anything else.

AND the pub was in slough.
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:40, Reply)
they're just soaked in sauce

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:41, Reply)
they are FIT

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:41, Reply)
FIT is the last word I would use to describe them
they are yum, therefor terrible for you
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:43, Reply)
ha, not in a buff, gym-going sense
just in a tasty sense. mmm.
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:47, Reply)
I'm confused, are they snacks or do you eat them for pudding

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:43, Reply)
they're snacks

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:45, Reply)
where does the suace come from?

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:47, Reply)
sigh
make the pretzel

soak it in sauce until tasty and salty

bake it until crispy and crunchy

smash it into little pieces

put it in a packet

ship it to the uk

charge £2 a packet

?????????????

profit
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:49, Reply)
as below they aren't "saucy" as such?

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:50, Reply)
ffs how big is the packet?

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:50, Reply)
it's not how big it is, but where you buy it

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:50, Reply)
small
the small size in the link above.
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:51, Reply)
the sauce isn't wet
they are little salty flavoursome cubes of crunchy win.
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:48, Reply)
So there is no sauce?
I don't understand america food
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:49, Reply)
the sauce is baked into it

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:51, Reply)
well, the sauce gets cooked into it
like any crisp flavouring i guess
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:51, Reply)
not really a sauce then is it
Jeez
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:51, Reply)
Sounds fucking grim, to me.

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:52, Reply)
that is because you are a tasteless idiot

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:58, Reply)
maybe he's a fit fanatic
"steamed veg, no oil, butter, salt."
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 16:02, Reply)
what's a word for a wet seasoning that is spread on food before it bakes?

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:53, Reply)
Jizz or spit, if it was bought in Slough.

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:54, Reply)
not sauce
If I am promised sauce I expect the food to come in some sort of wet sauce.
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:58, Reply)
what's the fucking word then?

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:59, Reply)
The Trashmen's less successful follow-up single.

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 16:00, Reply)
It is unfortunate that the only person likely to get this
is on holiday.
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 16:01, Reply)
pfffft
we've all seen "family guy" you pretzel-hating retard
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 16:02, Reply)
Yeah, but I don't think the band were referenced, were they?
Maybe they were. I don't actually give a shit.
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 16:03, Reply)
With his bird

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 16:03, Reply)
F I T

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 16:00, Reply)
it's just an ingredient really

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 16:03, Reply)
I love food threads with you Krizzabelle

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:58, Reply)
no, you love riling me up

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 16:00, Reply)
NO*




*maybe


what's pudding?
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 16:02, Reply)
Silly Swipe.
Pretzels are fucking grim.
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:44, Reply)
yes but
these are not pretzels as you would normally think of them. you would think they were like extra crunchy crisps.

god you NEVER LISTEN!
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:46, Reply)
How would I normally think of them? How do you know? You don't, that's how.
Women, endlessly rational (!)

Edit: SO above you explain they're pretzels, but smashed up. Ergo, fucking grim.
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:49, Reply)
because you are thinking of a big soggy figure of 8 covered in salt
this is your idea of a pretzel

if this were an english brand, they wouldn't call them pretzels
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:51, Reply)
I was not.
Although those also sound fucking grim.
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:53, Reply)
you sound fucking grim

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:58, Reply)
Your face does.

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:59, Reply)
The last place I worked, a guy came to work in a mankini on his last day
He went round the whole business to say goodbye to everyone, up close and personal. The thing was, he worked in the warehouse; the office (where I worked) was three-quarters of a mile away. His last day was in January.
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:35, Reply)
Kept prodding everyone with his erect nipples, huh?

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:38, Reply)
That would have been a blessing
He was, to use the medical term, "Ker-AYY-zee" and kept jiggling around. His junk came free on more occasions than any of us cared to count.
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:39, Reply)
shouldn't that occasion have been "one"?

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:41, Reply)
Tsk, it's me
But seventeen was pushing it
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:44, Reply)
you should have brought a sexual harrassment case against him
now THAT would have been funny
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:41, Reply)
It would have been funnier if someone had ripped his cock off and beaten him to death with it
No imagination in today's workplace
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:44, Reply)
i think thats an arrestible offence

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:59, Reply)
I don't think you're in any place to point fingers
With your JOKE LEAVING CARD. Hearts have been broken over less.
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 16:01, Reply)
That video that's been doing the rounds hasn't got rid of you then?

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:53, Reply)
Confooooooosed

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:54, Reply)
LOL*



*not really
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:38, Reply)
FUCKS SAKE
joe ruined the prank on tricky, we had convinced him malc was leaving and he was practically crying
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:44, Reply)
Sounds like joe is the real malc! AMIRITE!

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:45, Reply)
thats rediculous
joe is financial director, i think he pities tricky because tricky is a retard
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:45, Reply)
it must be an equal opps employer
what with all those retards!
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:50, Reply)
ah no i'd say tricky was the only genuinely mentally disabled person here
everyone else is alright, even i have my moments
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:52, Reply)
I think his parents are retards, calling a baby Tricky.

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:51, Reply)
his name is tristran but his parents came in at lunch time
i'm fairly sure they are chav/gypsies
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:54, Reply)
Does he find it difficult to rock a rhyme?

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:54, Reply)
he said its not that easy

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:56, Reply)
Was it right on time?

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 16:02, Reply)
to rock a rhyme?

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 16:08, Reply)
It's tricky, tricky, tricky, trickeeee.

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 16:16, Reply)

When you tell these little fabrications I just have a picture of you in your pants surrounded by hamsters that you've dressed up as real people.
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:49, Reply)
omg that wud b so kl

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:50, Reply)
I quite like a workplace prank or twelve
It is a daily occurence in our office. Blue Tak and a phone is your friend
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:48, Reply)
Or a party popper when someone is up to their elbows in a server

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:49, Reply)
Barry's groovy song of the day
youtu.be/ArfBJkyscZQ
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:52, Reply)
That was shit
www.youtube.com/watch?v=z2KgK0RJZ28
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:53, Reply)
Example, lol.

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:54, Reply)
An unintentional prank, and I was a witness rather than a participant.
One of the machines on the shop floor had broken down and a fitter and technician were in the process of fixing it. While the technician was underneath it checking the wiring, the fitter saw that the air dump valve was still closed and released it without first warning the technician. The machine depressurised and released the air from all the mechanisms at once, through an outlet about two inches from the technician's head.

The technician, cool as you like, just came up from underneath the machine and said to the fitter, "Here Kev, can you give me a shave as well as a haircut?"
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:54, Reply)
I would've shit myself

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:57, Reply)
Oh god, I'm starving, so hungry, and I have lunch in my bag, but it's Pasta which means it's noticable that I'm eating a meal rather than snack at my desk, at 4...
... and everyone will think "Look at the fat cunt, having a proper meal at his desk, at 4, couldn't wait to super time".
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:56, Reply)
*there there*

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:58, Reply)
so announce v loudly that you have only just found time for lunch
thereby also making them think you are really busy and important!
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:59, Reply)
Are you busy? Or are you productive?
I am neither
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 16:00, Reply)
both!
but the busier i am, the more productive i am. i thrive on stress.
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 16:02, Reply)
until you are 45

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 16:04, Reply)
+ stone

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 16:23, Reply)
That was about 6 months ago.

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 16:30, Reply)
I get to work at 12 so it's blatent.
I should start trying to get into work an hour or so earlier so I don't have this problem.
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 16:15, Reply)
1st world problem
be thankful you even have lunch you selfish fuck
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 15:59, Reply)
bollocks, food is a basic part of life, all animals eat.
Its a baseline on something everyone should have. Should have to thank fir what were all entitled too.

I solved the problem by getting crisps.
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 16:12, Reply)
I have only eaten a banana and a ham and mustard sandwich today
I'm bloody starving
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 16:13, Reply)
It's your own fault for being too stupid to go and get some more food.
I'm really hungry, but that's because I'm deliberately eating less as I become even more fat while I was on holiday due to drinking an outrageous amount of alcohol and eating shit loads of pies and tim tams.
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 16:30, Reply)
Fuck 'em, Gonz. Scoff away.

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 16:01, Reply)
I'm suprised you care what people think.
You have a human right to stuff your face whenever you wish. At least until Cammeron has his way, and abolishes it.
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 16:21, Reply)
He is only abolishing it for poor people.

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 16:22, Reply)
And Gonz.
because he is a minority.
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 16:24, Reply)
It's his own fault.
If he simply applied himself and worked hard he would have created more people like him by now and wouldn't be such a minority.
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 16:33, Reply)
One Gonz is enough at any one time.

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 16:41, Reply)
Bloody ConDem Britain.

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 16:24, Reply)
Alt: Landfill mining and reclamation.
but it's not shit I'll be a millionaire in no time.
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 16:38, Reply)
You really have set your heart on this, haven't you.

(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 16:42, Reply)
It's a gold mine,
just not economical at the moment, but it will be.
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 16:48, Reply)
The radio was saying this morning about China restricting exports of rare earth metals.
When you need some investors, give me call.
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 16:54, Reply)
I arse about all the time
I lie to students for the lols
I make up stories about my colleagues to the students for other lols


lol
(, Tue 13 Mar 2012, 17:45, Reply)

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