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This is a question Off Topic

Are you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.

(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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That thread's getting to long. Time for a new one.
Ask your own question. I can't be bothered.

EDIT This is not an 'ask Battered' thread, so please stop asking me questions. Thanks very much.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:50, 205 replies, latest was 13 years ago)
Why can't you be bothered Battered?

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:52, Reply)
cos he's a lazy cunt.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:52, Reply)
Yes.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:52, Reply)
Haven't you passed out yet?

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:56, Reply)
I'm conscious and still typing, what the fuck do you think?

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:57, Reply)
I will rephrase: Why haven't you passed out yet?

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:57, Reply)
cos I stopped drinking?

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:58, Reply)
Aren't you tired?
Or is the thrill of your bullying keeping you awake. Every cruel put down another burst of adrenalin.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:00, Reply)
No I am kinda tired, just not sleepy yet.
I've had a lot of sugar tonight.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:03, Reply)

sugar bacaine.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:04, Reply)
what the fuck is Bacaine?

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:10, Reply)
bacon+cocaine
monty invented it
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:11, Reply)
My friends makin this tonight
because he want's to make the perfect bloody mary.
blenderbooze.blogspot.co.uk/2011/02/fat-washing-process-for-bacon-infused.html
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:14, Reply)
that looks and sounds awful

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:14, Reply)
Even in a bloody mary?
blenderbooze.blogspot.co.uk/2011/02/bloody-heffer.html
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:16, Reply)
that's cheating
it's basically bacon and ketchup
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:18, Reply)
Thats delightfully awful

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:27, Reply)
LIES!
I did
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:24, Reply)
erm, no
you have no cocaine
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:38, Reply)
I think you'll find I made the word
Check the popular page
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:54, Reply)
You're overtired, stop showing off.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:07, Reply)
YOU AIN'T HER MUM

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:11, Reply)
Apathy Chompy. Mere apathy.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:52, Reply)
what's the difference between ignorance and apathy?

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:55, Reply)
Battered is both at once.
so it doesn't matter
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:56, Reply)
technically the answer is "i don't know and i don't care"
but i will take yours
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:58, Reply)
Don't know and can't be arsed to find out

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:59, Reply)
meh

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:27, Reply)
What do you class as a "proper" job/
www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-18720023
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:53, Reply)
Why don't you have a job Bear Pookie?
What kindof a man are you that you don't have a job?
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:54, Reply)
I'm resting Rory.
I'm between careers.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:55, Reply)
What are your careers Bear Pookie ?

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:57, Reply)
yeah right I'm trying to get to know the real bear pookie, the man behind the trilby and dss payments and now you've run away

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:03, Reply)
I'm hiding Rory.
Because of your bullying.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:07, Reply)
if i'd got sacked by everest windows I wouldn't tell anyone either

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:11, Reply)
We fitted the best.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:13, Reply)
Prostitute

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:55, Reply)
How many times have you been unfaithful to your wife ?

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:53, Reply)
I've been unfaithful to yours,
by potting the brown, when she only wanted the pink.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:55, Reply)
but you're a middleaged virgin bear pookie
try and get to first base with someone who aint your mum first
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:56, Reply)
Zero. So far.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:57, Reply)
not even someone holding your willy?

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:58, Reply)
Nope.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:00, Reply)
you've been raping women with your eyes though

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:02, Reply)
Obviously.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:03, Reply)
What else are eyes even for?

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:04, Reply)
making jelly on toast

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:10, Reply)
So I meant nothing to you???

Stunned was right - you ARE a bastard!
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:59, Reply)
Hahahaha.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:00, Reply)
Are you still in contact with the other Smurfs?

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:54, Reply)
I have Vanity Smurf hanging off my phone.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:56, Reply)
"Who's the Papa?"

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:27, Reply)
When are you going to stop sending me sexually aggressive gazzes?

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:55, Reply)
NEVER.
Oh wait. Wrong person. Sorry.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:56, Reply)

What time is it in spiderland?
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:58, Reply)
midnight. Again.
I should really go to sleep soon...
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:00, Reply)
How can you sleep when your bed is burning?

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:01, Reply)
it's not burning, it's toasty and warm and smells like my favourite person.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:03, Reply)
The time has come

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:06, Reply)
i wish this was in reply to kroney's strikethrough

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:10, Reply)

bed pee
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:04, Reply)
You just send me aggressive gazzes.
I told you, I'm NOT GIVING YOU MY LUNCH MONEY.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:01, Reply)
How do you get up onto the loo? Or do you have a potty?

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:57, Reply)

Are you still in touch with the other six?
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:57, Reply)
how come your small?
is it geneteic or did you not get enough iron when you were (still are) little?
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:59, Reply)
Iron has very little to do with height.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:00, Reply)

Unless you hit someone on the head enough with one.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:01, Reply)
Iron wouldn't have had any bearing on how tall he became.
If you require any further nutritional advice just gaz me, yeah?
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:01, Reply)
what does then tangles?
calcimum? i thought it was our iron rich diet now which made us taller?
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:02, Reply)
no, it was the collective increase in all general ions, minerals, carbohydrates, proteins and fats.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:04, Reply)
Calcium is more likely to have a bearing as it is required for bone development.
See also Magnesium and Vitamins D & K.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:04, Reply)
See also: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:06, Reply)
Did I ever tell you about the time I bought some weed in Berlin?

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:08, Reply)
Oh man. NOT THIS SHIT AGAIN.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:09, Reply)
Why, no! No you didn't!

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:13, Reply)
Okay, here's a question.
Can any of you shitcunts get me an invitation to pinterest? I frankly can't be arsed going to hunt one out.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:59, Reply)
Don't bother. It's crap.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:01, Reply)
I kind of need it for business purposes.
I never joined up myself as I can't really see the point of it. But it looks to be quite useful for brand awareness and stuff.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:05, Reply)
No

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:01, Reply)
+n

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:05, Reply)
Nno?

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:06, Reply)
Sure, I can!
I'll post an invite on your 'FB wall' as soon as I've finished this tweet.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:02, Reply)
By which I mean 'no, don't be fucking stupid'.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:02, Reply)
If you had a Facebook I would molest it. ALL. THE. TIME.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:02, Reply)
Such relentless bullying.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:04, Reply)
She really is frightful

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:06, Reply)
I'm just glad she's all the way over in Yabbie Creek or I'd be shit-scared.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:07, Reply)
Fuck off the pair of you, I'm smashing.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:08, Reply)
+ people's faces in

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:09, Reply)
I heard she was in West Warratah.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:09, Reply)
I heard it was a town like Malice

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:10, Reply)
+dabby-doo

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:17, Reply)
i would post kittens. And happy hippy songs. and recipes for cooking.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:08, Reply)
That was a lovely pic of you Lusty and mini you on FACEBOOK!
I showed it to the wife.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:13, Reply)
Did you tell her that in return
you'd showed us a picture of her in her underwear?
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:15, Reply)
I have loads of pictues of that shes got them on her own facebook

(, Fri 13 Jul 2012, 8:48, Reply)
it really is isn't it? I squealed.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:16, Reply)
As I posted in the reply there... shame about the ugly one in the middle.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:20, Reply)
Oh that's YOU?!
*stalks*
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:22, Reply)
*blocks*

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:24, Reply)
You can't block me if you don't know who I am.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:26, Reply)
Don't worry, Porkylips told me exactly who you are.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:28, Reply)
that rapscallion!

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:31, Reply)
Go on Battered - perve her up really good.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:31, Reply)
Done and Done

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:40, Reply)
Yeah, Len and Lusty both look good.
There's some creepy old man in shot, though.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:19, Reply)
that's your reflection in the monitor
you belming bellend
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:29, Reply)
Hah!

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:33, Reply)
Were you selling kettles?

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:38, Reply)
I don't think I've seen that.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:20, Reply)
Are we Facebook friends?
I now know who Battered is, he looks really small in his profile pic but he might just be far away
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 16:22, Reply)
It always amuses me to see pictures on facebook of people who refuse to be on there

m ro
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:35, Reply)
Do you really represent the Lollipop guild?

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:02, Reply)
CITY AM reckons we are on the verge of govt melt-down
will there be a general election soon?
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:05, Reply)
No.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:06, Reply)
No. Fixed term parliament.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:07, Reply)
Not if they tear up the coalition agreement.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:10, Reply)
That's not really applicable if the governemtn collapses and a vote of no confidence is passed.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:10, Reply)
I blame Tony Blair.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:11, Reply)
It won't happen now
www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2012/jul/11/david-cameron-offer-lords-reform

Clegg will capitulate on Lords reform like the spineless piece of shit that he is, and will then vote through the boundary changes.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:14, Reply)
You've never forgiven Cleggsy have you?
HE DUPED YOU GOOD AND PROPER.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:15, Reply)
He did indeed.
I bet you're glad you've never been caught out like that through your cunning plan of never actually doing anything.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:18, Reply)
My 'they're all utter cunts' theory has been proven to be correct time and time again.
I have yet to be convinced otherwise.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:21, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1669562
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:22, Reply)
Hahah warning, may not contain any milk

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:25, Reply)
to be fair to clegg, he's got fuck all power
he's just latched onto someone else's to his detriment
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:16, Reply)
He could have had power if he'd actually chosen to stick to his guns on something.
But he has gone over every time.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:17, Reply)

This, every time he has a chance to show a little backbone he caves.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:18, Reply)
if he'd stuck to his guns the conservatives would tell him to fuck off

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:18, Reply)
Then they would have to govern with a minority, which they wouldn't have done.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:22, Reply)
bored now

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:25, Reply)
His 'guns' consist of a water pistol and a 2nd had cap gun.
But his mum confiscated the caps.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:22, Reply)
I can't see Milliband having the guts to call for a vote.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:11, Reply)

Like off of Star Wars?
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:12, Reply)
EXACTLY like off Star Wars.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:13, Reply)

Ooooooh. Exciting.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:14, Reply)
Yes
Then we find out that Peter Mandelson is Cameron's father

and Clegg is Jar Jar Binks
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:18, Reply)
did you know that star wars, indiana jones and superman themes are all just three notes apart?

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:15, Reply)

I do tend to start off with one and go into the other quite easily. Now I know it's not only because I'm a spastic.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:17, Reply)
and quantum leap and the a team

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:18, Reply)

Now you're just teasing me!
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:19, Reply)
and Rizzle Kicks 'Down with the trumpets'
is a sample of the original rocky theme
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:20, Reply)
What, all the way through?
That would make them exactly the same tune but in different keys, you Deacon.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:20, Reply)
when i make up facts i prefer not to be correct in any way

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:20, Reply)
Me too!

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:25, Reply)
no you don't

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:26, Reply)
That was another of my made-up posts!!!!
I got you AGAIN!!!!
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:26, Reply)
d'oh!

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:30, Reply)

duh duh dunnnnnnn, duuuhhhhh duuuhhhhh duhhhhhh, duhhhhhh, du du du duhhh, duhhhhh, dNNNNNN, duhhhhhhhhh DU SUPERMAN.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:31, Reply)
star wars theme, yeah?

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:33, Reply)

May the plan be of steel
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:34, Reply)
i'd raid your ark

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:38, Reply)

you're my kryptonite Q.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:38, Reply)
you're my Rene Bolloq

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:44, Reply)
What size heels is it acceptable for the smaller man to wear?

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:12, Reply)
I heard he gets his in the same place that Kiss shop.
That's what I heard.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:14, Reply)
i hope they stock his usual brand of condoms 'for the smaller gentleman' or that would be embarrassing

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:20, Reply)
I saw this in York, I heard it brings all the boys to the yard

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:21, Reply)
can you photoshop darths head onto that please
cheers
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:23, Reply)
licking his liips and winking if possible

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:23, Reply)
first you lead bobby on
with your musical flirting.

now this.

it's disgusting.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:28, Reply)
you should hear what i do with a vibrator, my fingers and some lube

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:30, Reply)
it's MMPS isn't it

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:31, Reply)
and every other letter of the alphabet

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:32, Reply)
No. it's ME you knob.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:36, Reply)
what a way to break it to someone that they have chronic fatigue syndrome

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:38, Reply)
Oh my god. I actually facepalmed at this.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:39, Reply)
careful you'll get fanny batter in your eye

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:40, Reply)
Or a vibrator

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:43, Reply)
my vibe is too small to hurt my eyes.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:44, Reply)
bullet eh?

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:44, Reply)
best kind of bullet.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:45, Reply)
or a finger

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:50, Reply)
Don't forget the Baileys

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:35, Reply)
and an aero yogurt for my thrush

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:36, Reply)
dude... you might wanna get that checked out..

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:39, Reply)
Are you actually asking for a cockgaz here?

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:42, Reply)
NO.
I'm saying go to a fucking doctor. I'm not a doctor!
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:46, Reply)
a fucking doctor?
over here we call them urologists
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:47, Reply)
Does it consist of hallucinogens, or speed,
like the ones in Clockwork Orange?
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:31, Reply)
....brings all the mongs to the yard

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:37, Reply)
Latest: festival of lolcatz
www.bbc.com/news/technology-18795123
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:27, Reply)
*buys tickets*

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:37, Reply)
*buys explosives*

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:40, Reply)
hahahahahahhahahhahahaha
it's funny because you're poor.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:41, Reply)
You could go dressed as a zombie.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:41, Reply)
*buys vibrator, fingers and lube*

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:42, Reply)
If you have to buy fingers, you're already doing it wrong you fucktard.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:45, Reply)
AGGRESSION

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:49, Reply)
Oh, sorry

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 16:03, Reply)
You should buy one of these
b3ta.com/board/10801901
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:45, Reply)
The sex toy equivilent of a circular saw as my girlfriend described it yesterday.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:48, Reply)
i love it when you say that

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:48, Reply)
Say what?

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:49, Reply)
"my girlfriend"
it's so sweet
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:49, Reply)
What do you call your lady friend?

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:50, Reply)
wWENCH

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:51, Reply)
i call her my girlfriend, but is just nice when you say it

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:51, Reply)
I call mine the mrs.
She gets annoyed sometimes.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:53, Reply)
Well you ARE married, what does she expect you to call her?

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:57, Reply)
call her your current wife

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 16:07, Reply)

it me
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:50, Reply)
how did you buy fingers?

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:46, Reply)
KitKats innit

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 15:55, Reply)
fish, fudge, etc

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 16:02, Reply)

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