Good morning.
It's far from that, but hey ho. I am struggling more than a little at the moment.

I was reading about 'coach potatoes' this morning. Not quite sure what they are, Metro, you fucking wankers. Apparently we're the third most sedentary nation in Europe. Only the Maltese and the Serbs are worse. How embarrassing, eh?

What is it about a nation's behaviour than lends itself to a lack of exercise? Could it be our long hours culture here, I wonder? We cannot blame the weather: surely the Norwegians and Finns would have a better excuse. The Maltese I know nothing about, and the Serbs are of course bull-necked Slavs and are little better than lumbering beasts.

Alt: I am really starting to loathe the Olympics. Every company under the sun is putting out ever-more-tenuously related ads: there was one for fucking TAMPONS which they'd desperately shoehorned an Olympic theme onto. Olympic periods? Jesus fucking Christ. This isn't a question btw.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 8:41, 123 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

I get plenty of excercise with your mum
Morning! Hungover much?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 8:46, Reply)

Didn't go, for a couple of reasons. Both valid, both distressing.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 8:48, Reply)

Were they "people from b3ta will be there"
and "people from b3ta will be drunk"
(PsychoChomp, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:28, Reply)

you utter quim.
Have you seen the poetic tribute to Rory on QOTW?

You dago.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 8:47, Reply)

Link it you cripple.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 8:48, Reply)

you erectile flidmuscle
www.b3ta.com/questions/burninhell/post1676288

AA a stalwart of B3ta?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 8:50, Reply)

That's the best thing I've ever seen in my life
and I've seen the bit where Jamie Lee Curtis gets her norks out in Risky Business. A LOT.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 8:55, Reply)

Surely Rebecca De Mornay?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:00, Reply)

He means in Trading Places

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:06, Reply)

You've seen right through me
I've only watched Trading Places ONCE. You can read me like a book, Monts. And not a very good book. Certainly not Bravo Two Zero by Andy McNab, which actually improves with every read.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:09, Reply)

^James Patterson lolz

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:18, Reply)

Andy McNab is actually an alright writer
Substantially better than James Patterson and his ilk.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 10:10, Reply)

That is quite excellent

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 8:55, Reply)

It's quite well-written, if ultimately misguided.
I might compose a 9000-word epic about Apeloverage and his spasticated book.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 8:56, Reply)

Which, ironically, would be significantly more words
than the feckless cunt was prepared to write in his spasticated book.

At a guess. Short stories, I ask you. LAZY
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 8:59, Reply)

Battered's autobiography.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:00, Reply)

I hear that Battered's autobiography is like the Yellow Pages
www.youtube.com/watch?v=GElOGkCBrHw
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:42, Reply)

I don't think it's aimed at me.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:06, Reply)

You mean we're not even European Champions of sitting down!?
Well, let's just see about that.

*Sits down*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 8:48, Reply)

Always the bronze for 'team GB'*
*that really makes me grit my teeth. Fucking Team fucking GB. Shut up.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 8:49, Reply)

I'm actually with you on this one old boy
Bullshit marketing "rebranding" nonsense. It's not like they're going to forget why they're there if they're not reminded.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 8:52, Reply)

I strongly dislike corporate sponsorship

( Kroney, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 8:55, Reply)

As every right-thinking man should
Unfortunately, it's the wrong-thinkers that have all the damn money
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 8:56, Reply)

Nonsense. I'm fucking broke.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 8:59, Reply)

+n beer bottles on the dare of a wealthy, sadistic Japanese businessman in a lucrative but painful enterprise destined to overturn one's crippling debts

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:01, Reply)

That's quite creative for this time of day.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:10, Reply)

Thank you
I was surprised as well
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:12, Reply)

I remember one Carnival
there were massive fucking Lilt banners everywhere, really everywhere. So I spoilt the event for them by abducting and eating a 9-year-old boy. Take that, Lilt.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 8:58, Reply)

Fuck off 'James'

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 8:56, Reply)

lol

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 8:59, Reply)

No YOU fuck off "Cecil"
I'm working from home today so I can actively contribute to our coach potato status whilst being productive*





*LOL JK wanking
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:00, Reply)

Morning captain curmudgeonly.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 18 Jul 2012, 8:52, Reply)

It is, yes.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 8:55, Reply)

I deliberately left out the 'good'
In deference to your implied lol woes.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 18 Jul 2012, 8:57, Reply)

Morning
There was something on the radio this morning about some research suggesting that lack of exercise is potentially as big a health risk as smoking. Good. Too many fat, lazy people in the world.
We've developed into a nation of feckless layabouts, too idle to even walk upright in the supermarket. The number of grotesquely obese sloths I see meandering up and down the aisles, using their trolleys to support their gargantuan frames, like some sort of lardyboy zimmer frame, frankly appals me.

Alt: Report them to LOCOG - there are laws governing who can and can't use the Olympics to promote their goods, restricting even the use of words, such as 'summer' or 'gold'.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 8:56, Reply)

*Reports TUP to LOCOG*

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:00, Reply)

The Olympics are a pain in the ringpiece.
Public transport: unable to cope & tube drivers want a bonus just for doing their job.
Roads: loads blocked off in central London just for officials and sponsors, with huge fines if you drive in one.
Increase in tourism = more twats standing on the left on tube escalators and stopping on the middle of pavements to take photos.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:00, Reply)

Fun last night?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:01, Reply)

Not bad ta. I have chimichurri for you from Bryan. He's grown a CQ moustache which is rather worrying. Thought he'd know better.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:02, Reply)

Nice*



*not nice
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:05, Reply)

What's it like in London re driving and public transport then?
Really bad?
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:05, Reply)

Getting worse everyday. I dread to think what it will be like in a couple of weeks time.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:08, Reply)

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:12, Reply)

I fucking love this

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:13, Reply)

Meh. trains & tubes are fine so far and I don't care about the roads.
I'm still looking forward to the Games, no matter how many miserable gits try to put me off.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:14, Reply)

Alt
It's for the benefit of female Olympic sky divers and roller skaters. They are people too.

Morning.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:00, Reply)

Olympic rollerskating dog-walking, woo!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:02, Reply)

The Bodyform Gold medal

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:31, Reply)

And beach volleyball. In the Isle of Dogs.

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:11, Reply)

Isn't it on Horse Guards Parade?
so all the Cabinet can perv out of the back windows of Downing Street.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:14, Reply)

I've no idea.
They should have it in Filey. Or Skegness.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:15, Reply)

Whitley Baywatch

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:19, Reply)

Hahaha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:20, Reply)

very good
*clicks*
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:22, Reply)

hahaha!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:32, Reply)

They might be out of luck, if the weather doesn't improve
www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2174212/Olympics-blow-Beach-volleyball-women-told-cover-cool-summer.html
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:21, Reply)

THE ONE ON THE LEFT LOOKS LIKE WAYNE ROONEY

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:36, Reply)

You'd still boot her back doors in in a heartbeat, Q
don't lie to us.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:41, Reply)

I WOULDN'T, I GOT STANDARDS

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:42, Reply)

4 pints and a paper bag over her head, Q.
You knows it.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:43, Reply)

Oh, I love how the Mail use three lines of text to justifty about 20 huge pics of semi-naked women
Class journalism, right there.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:42, Reply)

There was text on that page?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:46, Reply)

quite, quite.
*fires up pipe*
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:50, Reply)

Morning hippy.
Nice to see some anti Eastern European bias this time in the morning.

What's the Tampon ad? Something about running and legs? Seriously, the Olympics are wank; it's costing us billions, for some upper-class twits to pretend they're still at school sports day. I'm surprised there's not an egg and spoon race, or a Spacehopper race.

This isn't an answer btw.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:02, Reply)

The same ad break managed to make babies shitting and pissing themselves Olympic-related.
I'm too depressed to get very angry, it's so pathetic.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:05, Reply)

P&G are major sponsors and have a range of household products to flog

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:15, Reply)

Gosh, I hadn't noticed.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:16, Reply)

Don't be ridiculous, there is nothing to suggest athletes are upper class
I mean, most of them are black
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:13, Reply)

From where BP is sitting everyone looks upper class.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:14, Reply)

And I'm standing, I'M no coach potato.

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:26, Reply)

I'm just generalising.
Still think most are twats though.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:15, Reply)

Some would claim that he can only run fast as he's a sooty that got used to sprinting away from the police from an early age.
Not me though. I'd never claim that.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:15, Reply)

You are Monty.
AICMFP.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:16, Reply)

That is the worst insult I have ever been given.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:17, Reply)

If you want a good laugh
find a tofu-wearing hand-wringer and ask them whether they think that being of Afro or Afro-caribbean origin coveys a genetic advantage upon sprinters. Places them in a terrible ethical dilemma and then they tend to explode in a shower of artisan bio yoghurt and spelt.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:26, Reply)

But genetics is the racist.
All good Guardian readers know that.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:27, Reply)

I read the Guardian.
genetics is more species-ist really, though.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:28, Reply)

There was a really good programme on a week or so about this
Michael Johnson was on it, tracing his ancestry etc.
Gist was that packing hundreds of slaves into a boat, losing 90% of them on the way, meant that only the very toughest survived and bred, producing later some great athletes.
Was a rather unsettling watch.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:33, Reply)

I started watching that
Wish I'd finished now
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:41, Reply)

I fell asleep in a lecture today, so I left and went back to bed instead.
Felt much better afterwards. But I am stressed due to people and work being stressed. How do I remove stress from my life b3ta?
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:12, Reply)

WITH A KNIFE!!!

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:13, Reply)

Generally frowned upon.

(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:14, Reply)

Fingers and lube.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:15, Reply)

and vibrators, oh my.

(Captain Give-A-Fuck #internetpals4eva, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:23, Reply)

I don't think we're in Kansas any more, Toto.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:26, Reply)

You're masturbating with a dog?
You sick fucker.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 10:01, Reply)

Beat a pensioner to death.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:25, Reply)

pensioner Naked Ape
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:35, Reply)

Get a shed.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:25, Reply)

^ this ^

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:26, Reply)

+ is a shit meme

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:27, Reply)

BoatLOL

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:28, Reply)

It really is 'Boat II, Electric Boogaloo'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:30, Reply)

Boat II - The Klumps.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:32, Reply)

Warm bath, sharp knife, booze

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:26, Reply)

'rock, paper, scissors, Emo edition - in all good stores now'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:28, Reply)

EMO scissors - they cut themselves.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:30, Reply)

How would you portray warm bath?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:30, Reply)

Handful of piss?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:31, Reply)

No ta

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:35, Reply)

Will there be bubbles? There ought to be bubbles.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:35, Reply)

just remember, kids - down the road, not across the tracks.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:29, Reply)

Ha ha. This always makes lol.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:34, Reply)

Angrywank.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:27, Reply)

Lazy fat cunts is the answer here
Fucking scum underclass who can't be fucking bothered as everything is done for them. I say leave it a few years and they'll all have died of massive heart attacks.
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:34, Reply)

We couLd set up an exchange system where we send our fatties to Africa and bring back starving people instead.
And they can't swap back until their bmi meets in the middle and is the same as each others.

I've always wanted to go to Africa.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:37, Reply)

hahaha!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:40, Reply)

They fucking won't, that's the problem.
We have a great health service. Despite their best efforts, most of them will survive past 50, by which point they'll have a fuckton of morbidly obese kids and morbidly obese grandkids and the whole lot just carries on.

What I'm saying is, we need to put chemical castration agents in McDonalds and Burger King chips.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:37, Reply)

Except on weekends when I may fancy one when I'm hungover.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:38, Reply)

It would be a low enough dose that anyone who had one less than once a month would be fine.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:39, Reply)

This seems like a sensible solution

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:40, Reply)

Did you see that blog about a year old Happy Meal?
You wouldn't know it was a year old, no signs of decomposition or anything.
(Captain Give-A-Fuck #internetpals4eva, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:51, Reply)

I think I'd rather not

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:51, Reply)

If you change your mind
www.babybites.info/2010/03/03/1-year-happy-meal/
(Captain Give-A-Fuck #internetpals4eva, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:53, Reply)

I wouldn't bother
there are several out there. Fucking idiots who think that they've conducted a meaningful experiment and are showing the world that McDonalds is evilly full of preservatives and LOOK it's not rotting so it must be WITCHCRAFT and BAD MULTINATIONALS and probably the banks and governments too.

Not the first idea about science, experimental protocol, meaningful results or even how decomposition actually occurs. They can suck my fat hairy balls, frankly, the lot of them.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 10:00, Reply)

*sigh*
what signs of decomposition would you expect to "see" ?

Last time I checked there aren't any 3" long hairy bacteria with teeth. They deliberately kept the meal in a dry environment to prevent mould (because, OMFG, they had a vested interest in the results), so the burger just dessicates. Which makes it look the same as normal unless you look closely.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:55, Reply)

I don't know what signs of decomposition I would expect to 'see'
I had enough trouble spelling the word. Do you often check for 3" long hairy bacteria with teeth? Sounds like a fun project, you should start a 'blog' about it.
(Captain Give-A-Fuck #internetpals4eva, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:59, Reply)

I run two Bioprocessing/Biomedical reseach groups at a major Univeristy
so, yeah.. I do often check for hairy baterica with teeth.

Blogs are for more often than not for arseholes, though. Soz.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 10:02, Reply)

Of course, that does mean I get a lot of my funding from THE MAN.
I'm probably sucking Ronald McDonald's cock right now.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 10:03, Reply)

Sorry fella, I completely understand why stuff like that would piss you off
Thanks for the info
(Captain Give-A-Fuck #internetpals4eva, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 10:05, Reply)

haha, no worries
this is not often the place for rational debate.

For what it's worth, I still wouldn't eat that shite. but not becuase it's pumped full of preservatives. Because it's shite.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 10:06, Reply)

I've gone and got angry now and started replying to myself.
I'm going to have to have a little lie down.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 10:05, Reply)

Some fucker has given me a bastard cold.
I've woken up this morning with a head full of treacle.
Somebody is going to pay for this. As soon as I figure out who it was.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:39, Reply)

nosefucks FTW

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:41, Reply)

Was it you?
*eyes cow suspiciously*
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:41, Reply)

Yessum baws
Morning b3th. Go in the shower and do the snot-shoot. Problem solved
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 9:42, Reply)