I heard
a couple walking past my flat on the street the other day. Blazing row in progress. The best Scally Scouse screeching back and forth. I turned the TV volume down, and listened. Apparantly the young lad was annoyed at whom I think was his Missus. She had apparantly spent "all of their 100 quid on Weed". I peered out of the window to get a better look, and noticed 2 kids with them on scooters in tow. Stopping as their parents stopped, quite obviously upset at their parents for arguing...


Whats the best/worst example of scally britain you can recall?
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 11:12, 134 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

I grew up in a scally hellhole
The list of examples would be neverending.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 11:19, Reply)

"Didnt even do nuffin"
is their slogan
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 11:21, Reply)

Yep, that was a common one, often after they'd been caught stealing in the local shopping centre
The 'Conny', as it were.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 11:22, Reply)

I remember when the riots were on last year
a breakaway group 'rioted' in Birkenhead....

looting the only shop they know best... Mcdonalds... classy.
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 11:24, Reply)

There was the excellent story about those that broke into a McDonalds and started cooking their own stuff
That amused me greatly.

Is there anything in Birkenhead even worth damaging?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 11:25, Reply)

a few charity shops
a KFC

one of those amusement arcades for adults, where it looks like they sell fine bone China vases in the window...

and a lock smiths...



oh and a Greggs
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 11:27, Reply)

Nothing has changed in the 10 years since I was last there then.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 11:28, Reply)

a few shops have shut down, and strangly
Theres a big Fuck off Asda right in the centre... where woolworths used to be, appart from it covers the car park behnd also.

Havent been in there yet, so I sent my GF in on a scouting mission.. she saw two people on the rob....
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 11:31, Reply)

There's a shock(!)
I just despair that some of the area around Birkenhead is quite nice. (Well, the bits you can see from the M53 anyway)
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 11:35, Reply)

true
but choose the wrong road, and you will regret it.. have you heard of the wirral waters thingy-me-bop?

www.wirralwaters.co.uk/

Looking to develop Birkenhead docks into a canary wharf esque office space... wouldbe great to redevelop the north end of Birkenhead... would attract some great businesses.
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 11:39, Reply)

Nope, that's a new one
That could well be excellent
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 11:55, Reply)

You forgot to say "nuff said"

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 11:22, Reply)

To be honest, most of them would be crap, based around the same sort of things
Such as taking their kids to the shopping centre to smack them, loudly swearing at anyone who looked at them the wrong way, stealing, holding a cigarette in one hand, and a child in the other, etc
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 11:27, Reply)

Living in London I have witnessed too many to recall.
Apart from seeing a bloke pissing in the street at 2pm a couple of months ago. Which was nice.*

*Not really nice.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 11:21, Reply)

was it in one of the toilets for men?
have you seen them? kind of like a legit doorway with a toilet sign on top and funnel to piss into... people can still see you piss though, which i dont really get... theres one in Soho sq i think in London.
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 11:23, Reply)

No it wasn't one of those. I know what you mean though. Only used one of them once, when on a 12 pint drinking marathon with Jeffthedogfucker in Bristol.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 11:28, Reply)

I shat in one of those in Amsterdam.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 11:37, Reply)

I didn't really.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 11:37, Reply)

you're a terrible liar.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 31 Jul 2012, 11:53, Reply)

Buses seem to attract them in droves
refusing to pay then not getting off, abusing passengers, fighting, littering. The problem is there are no repercussions for their actions, the law can't/won'tdo anything and their parents are as described in the original post.

/oldmanrant
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 11:25, Reply)

They have become the Proles
where society no longer bothers with them. They cant be fixed, they cant be re-intergrated etc..
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 11:26, Reply)

We need a new australia to send them to
maybe greenland will become free once global warming melts all the ice
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 11:27, Reply)

...cant we just send them to Australia
anyway?

Australians have a no pussyfooting attitude, and wouldnt stand for such 'nonce sense' as someone with a 'bad hand' unable to work.

Im serious, this is actully a good idea...
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 11:35, Reply)

but they can be demonised by everyone else
to make themselves feel better
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 11:28, Reply)

yet send a slightly naughty tweet and you'll have the fuzz on you like something that jumps on something, a bear on honey, a bee on a pancake, me on a dead prostitute.
(feedingtimeatthezoo day 1 of his bikini diet started, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 13:53, Reply)

there is a (perhaps apocryphal) tale
of someone overhearing a couple round here:
her "you don't love me!"
him "I fucks 'ew and buys 'ew chips don' I?"
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 11:26, Reply)

I have heard this many times before I'm afraid

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 11:27, Reply)

I suspect it's from a true story
round here. It's just too likely
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 11:28, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/talk/1601648
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 11:28, Reply)

well, that makes sense
I knew it was Swansea
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 11:29, Reply)

Macc Ladds song lyrics.
"Do you love me?"
"I fuck you don't I?"
"Do you love me?"
"Oh why? Give over"
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 11:29, Reply)

That's how I keep my girlfriend happy.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 11:29, Reply)

you've got a girlfriend?!?!?!

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 11:45, Reply)

Yeah and she likes chips!

(PsychoChomp, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 11:53, Reply)

woah, you some serious lucky dood

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:05, Reply)

i think the best thing about QOTW closing is that none of them have really figured out how to post anything other than their QOTW lies
they all come here, post some irrelvant drivel and then fuck off.

except dan, dan's cool
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 11:30, Reply)

(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 11:32, Reply)

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhh

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 11:33, Reply)

I might go to London next week
I can get a coach for £20. Should I?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 11:31, Reply)

No.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 11:31, Reply)

ok

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 11:32, Reply)

'Spose I ought to put some trousers on and go to work.

( Kroney, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 11:41, Reply)

there's a home for kids that have come out of juvenile detention centres two doors down from my pub,
Their favourite game is spitting at the pigeons.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 31 Jul 2012, 11:45, Reply)

hehe, I chuckled at that.
They should have had that in our olympic opening ceremony instead of kids jumping on beds..
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 11:47, Reply)

the pigeons are too fast for 'em.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 31 Jul 2012, 11:51, Reply)

Yesterday I walked past a slightly chavvy looking couple as the woman was saying
"It was obviously a melon"
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 11:58, Reply)

There was a 16 year old on Jeremy Kyle with 3 kids today.
They're always welsh when they're so young with a string of kids. Must have nothing to do in the vallys
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:00, Reply)

Moving to the Valleys then, G?

( thealternativefact, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:03, Reply)

hahahahahahaha
more of this sort of bullying.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:05, Reply)

Now look here, see
I wasn't bullying - I was trying to fill Gonz's recreation time.
( thealternativefact, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:06, Reply)

... with bullying
nicely done.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:06, Reply)

I don't seem to be able to help it.

( thealternativefact, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:08, Reply)

i think you may have killed him

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:13, Reply)

I'll have to go for sushi without him :(

( thealternativefact, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:19, Reply)

OH HAI!

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:05, Reply)

:)

( thealternativefact, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:06, Reply)

I think Al was outside my house yesterday looking at the millionaires shortbread
Because this morning there was a random massive puddle on the path
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:09, Reply)

The man is a menace.
I'm having curry with him on Thursday.
*dreads Friday morning's texts*
( thealternativefact, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:10, Reply)

oh dear.
I will lookout for the pictures of broken toilets on facebook. Also I'd like to know what level of meat heat sweats he gets to.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:11, Reply)

I'll take pictures.*
*Of his face, only
( thealternativefact, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:12, Reply)

Actually, that might be almost as bad.

( thealternativefact, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:13, Reply)

Will you be able to get far enough away to get his face in shot?

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:14, Reply)

*builds spaceship*

( thealternativefact, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:17, Reply)

I love the idea of you parking your spaceship in Asda, squashing all the cars
getting out pointing and saying "OOPS!" before laughing manically.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:20, Reply)

You know what?
So do I.
( thealternativefact, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:21, Reply)

I thought you would

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:22, Reply)

I did say he was looking in at the window....

( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:13, Reply)

looking in at licking
( thealternativefact, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:13, Reply)

This is why you have had no requests

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:14, Reply)

But we do all love Al
in a 'special' way
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:15, Reply)

I love Al's laugh.
If he didn't have such an awesome laugh I wouldn't love him at all
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:17, Reply)

And his smiley face

( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:17, Reply)

Shame he's such a cunt

( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:17, Reply)

I dunno - I think his cuntishness is his best feature.

( thealternativefact, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:18, Reply)

Andrew doesn't love him
Andrew hates him
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:18, Reply)

Andrew hates him because when they go for dinner with Al
Andrew doesn't get thirds.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:19, Reply)

I don't hate Al, I just think he's a knob

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:46, Reply)

And his belly like a bowlful of jelly

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:18, Reply)

pork pie jelly

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:21, Reply)

I think he could well have
Rock Hard Abs TM now because of all the running.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:22, Reply)

b3ta.turb0t.net/questions/offtopic/post1688384
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:24, Reply)

But she's a terrible bully
And I'm kind and lovely.
and terribly middle class
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:30, Reply)

How rude!
I'm a brilliant bully.
( thealternativefact, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:30, Reply)

My apologies

( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:31, Reply)

hahahaaaahahaa

( thealternativefact, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:17, Reply)

one of my favourite /qotw (RIP) answers:
In another queue, this time I think it was McDonalds or something,anyway, there is the typical charva family in front of me, a fourteen year old girl with her child in a Burberry decorated buggy (I'm not joking) and the 16 year old father.

The chav mother says something to the father of her child but it was mumbled.

Chav father says "What was that Spunktrench?"
and she answers (as if being called spunktrench is completely normal) "I just said, I think Courtney's shit herself again".

(fassit, Wed 9 Jun 2004, 23:52, I like this!, More)
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:04, Reply)

Spunk trench
great.
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:15, Reply)

I used to think where we lived was nice
until one morning a scally with 3 kids in tow was screaming up at the house ten doors down or so that if he didn't get his money he was going to stab the teenager who lives there. Lovely.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:05, Reply)

I once accused one of my sons of finishing the balsamic vinegar without telling me
/middleclasslols
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:15, Reply)

Only middleclass if he used it on a salad
If he was just drinking it....
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:17, Reply)

he reduced it to drizzle around a fig and haloumi salad
PRESENTATION IS IMPORTANT
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:19, Reply)

He'd been dipping ciabatta in to it
I moaned at him for finishing it....and then realised how I'd turned into Margo Leadbetter.
Once I'd got over my initial embarrassment I began to revel in my middle class heritage. She also has some gorgeous clothes.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:20, Reply)

my eldest sister is proper council.
She had her first kid at 18. Said niece is now 20, and pregnant. By an unemployed man the same age as me.

By the end of the year I will be a great-uncle. That is the same level as grandparents. I'm 32 FFS.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:18, Reply)

scotchlols

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:20, Reply)

nothing to do with whisky or sticky tape.
Soz.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:21, Reply)

what about duck tape?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:21, Reply)

Nor that.
Soz.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:22, Reply)

ARGH

( Kroney, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:31, Reply)

irregardless of your protest I maintain that i am correct

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:31, Reply)

irregardless?
You oaf.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:33, Reply)

I'm just trying to irritate Kroney more ;)

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:34, Reply)

I hate you.

( Kroney, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:34, Reply)

j'aime tu

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:37, Reply)

Je t'aime Shirley?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:38, Reply)

Il est une spastique plié

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:41, Reply)

Oui, c'est vrais.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:46, Reply)

there is actually a brand of tape called Duck Tape.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:32, Reply)

Yes, but he didn't mean that. That was entirely coincidental.
He meant gaffer tape. GAFFER.
( Kroney, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:34, Reply)

Maybe he wants to stick a car to a wall.
Cheers.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:35, Reply)

Alright Legless?
Cheers.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:36, Reply)

I grew up in Localton, Somerset.
It was more local than your mum is to everyone.

One summer afternoon with a friend, nursing a pint outside a pub, some girls who knew my mate came over.

I said something - what I can't remember, but presumably it contained a polysyllable or something, because one of the girls turned and looked me up and down, eyes blazing - if looks could kill I'd still be burning - and hissed at me "Ur yew intelligent or summat?!"
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:24, Reply)

She was wrong, obvs.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:25, Reply)

Damn you Great Uncle Dozer

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:25, Reply)

*pats head*
*offers Werther's Original*
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:28, Reply)

How wrong can one person be eh?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:25, Reply)

vagabond is stupid

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:28, Reply)

needs moar rain

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:28, Reply)

and his wife is a gothapotamus
he keeps telling himself that she's got curves in all the right places
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:30, Reply)

I think gothapotamus might be funniest thing I've read this week

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:32, Reply)

http://edge.ebaumsworld.com/picture/srfgrl05/goth.jpg

(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:41, Reply)

holy shit.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:49, Reply)

She's so fat her curves have got curves.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:32, Reply)

what's the difference between goth guys and goth girls?
About ten stone.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:34, Reply)

Why did the goth cross the road?
She didn't. She never left the house.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:38, Reply)

theres a goth club in oxford i used to go to.
There was a fat corner where all the trowled on make up, falling out of corset, black fairy winged, neon dreadlocks, stripey socks, new rock boots girls used to stand.
One night, after months of these fatties moaning, one of the dj's played some Marilyn Manson. They broke the dancefloor.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:39, Reply)

New Rock boots are fucking bent.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:40, Reply)

i think my favourite are the ones with flames on.
BLUE FLAMES!!!11!1!11!
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:42, Reply)

Goths are like sooooooo alternative.
What with their strict dress code and all that.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:44, Reply)

Hahahahahaha

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:42, Reply)

How many goths does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They just embrace the darkness.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:39, Reply)

Sometimes when she is sad she likes to cut herself...
...another slice of cheesecake
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:37, Reply)

Dominos are bringing out a Goth pizza
It cuts itself up.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:41, Reply)

Have you watched Idiocracy?
You talked like a Fag...
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:40, Reply)

Everyone has a scabby mate, mine is called Russell. Russell hates spending money
So much that he wanted to camp at our friends wedding. Camp in the field where the marquee was and use the brides facilities in the morning. Needless to say he was told to book a hotel and stop being a pleb
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 31 Jul 2012, 12:51, Reply)