Ewww
www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-19834975
Apparently a quarter of the people posting here have got faecal matter on their hands.
Why don't you wash, you shitty-handed weirdos?

Alt: Why do you insist on repeatedly washing your hands over and over again, you OCD freak? By the way, are you sure you locked your front door this morning?

Altalt: I'm about to eat a sandwich and some fruit. This information is dull and I do not care about your eating habits. Tell me something non-food related.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 12:46, 120 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

I might go and look at cars this afternoon.
Or maybe tomorrow.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 12:52, Reply)

When I was growing up there used to be a Downs guy who would stand by the roundabout near my house and watch the cars.
It made him happy.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 12:55, Reply)

Well I now live in Bristol.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 12:55, Reply)

genuine officelols

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:07, Reply)

Hey Jeff,
I like cars. What sort of car are you thinking about?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:09, Reply)

I'm undecided.
I keep coming back to the X-Type Jag, the Mazda RX8 and the Alfa 159.

It would be a lot more sensible to get a Focus or something similar though.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:10, Reply)

RX-8 is a great car to drive but loses its value hand over fist
Also, you can't just start it and move it 10 yards off the drive as the engine will flood with petrol. You need to drive/run it for about 2 mins.
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:12, Reply)

I didn't know that.
On the basis that anything I buy will be used rather than new, if I can find something that has already taken a major hit in price I'll be happy. Which is probably why I'm looking at things that aren't sensible.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:17, Reply)

I had a 53 reg one and it was a fucking joy to drive
Accelerated like a Porsche
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:19, Reply)

They seem quite cheap for what looks like a fairly nice car.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:20, Reply)

£175 per tyre
jus' sayin'
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:20, Reply)

You only need 4 of 'em.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:21, Reply)

THis is true
Mine had some kind of "inflat-y can-spare" tyre
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:22, Reply)

Would you get another?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:23, Reply)

If I had no kids, probably yes

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:24, Reply)

Interesting.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:25, Reply)

Mine had Viper stripes on and everything
It was cool
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:27, Reply)

Sounds a bit ott for me.
I'd be happy with a black car with no obvious detailing on it.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:30, Reply)

I don't think you'd go back after that.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:31, Reply)

Yay!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:32, Reply)

He'd probably hum the Rolling Stones song "Brown Sugar" while driving it.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:33, Reply)

I believe they sup a lot of oil, as well?
nice though.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:24, Reply)

The Jag is a Mondeo in a party frock
The Alfa has Italian electronics, so be prepared to be fiddling with it a lot.

The RX-8 would be a lot of fun and rotary engines are a whole different experience but they come with their own idiosyncracies. Also they burn petrol like nothing else.
( Kroney, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:22, Reply)

also gets through oil quicker than a deep water horizon

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:24, Reply)

Not too bad on fuel, actually
And about £15 of oil every two tanks of petrol
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:24, Reply)

Maybe my mate's was just fucked then.
They do have an issue with the blades on the rotor wearing, causing bleedthrough in the chambers.
( Kroney, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:31, Reply)

This is all starting to sound a bit complicated.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:32, Reply)

It'd only likely be an issue on high milers.

( Kroney, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:33, Reply)

So only a problem if he has sex on an aeroplane?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:33, Reply)

I thought that was Darth

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:35, Reply)

So what I should do, is buy a Mondeo.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:31, Reply)

One that is 'powered by fairydust' and has eyelashes over the headlights.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:10, Reply)

You'll only be happy when you've got a 2CV.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:17, Reply)

Mk II Golf, brah.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:21, Reply)

Would I be as cool as Kroney if I got one?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:23, Reply)

Quite possibly cooler
as you also own a parka
( Kroney, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:24, Reply)

this article would put anyone off eating
great timing there, poo-fingers
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 12:55, Reply)

Hmmmm, weird.
I changed my username, so my password wouldn't work. Login wouldn't accept my name or password, so I've been given a "new" name of Blair Pookie, which I rather like. I shall complain to a mod anyway. Are you listening?
I wash after a dump, but not a piss. Hope that helps.
Altalt, I'm considering chicken, as it's almost vegetarian.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 12:56, Reply)

For this reason I stay logged in

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:07, Reply)

Who are you?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:11, Reply)

Bert

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:17, Reply)

Bert's a figment of the imagination.
All my profile stuff has gone, and apparently I've beem a member for just over a year, I think b3ta is broken.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:23, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1757991
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:30, Reply)

lazy

(quintsy, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 14:00, Reply)

I just did! I swear!
It was right after I loaded the dishwasher, and before I made my lunch.

Alt: oh god, am I washing too much? Will people think I'm weird? Do I need to explain why I'm washing my hands? Will people think I'm doing something shifty? Maybe I'm not OCD. Perhaps I'm paranoid. Do you think I'm paranoid? I bet you said I was paranoid when you all had that super secret meeting without me.

AltAlt: Why do you all hate me? I'm going to DMAAKM and it'll all be your fault.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:01, Reply)

^SHITTY HANDS^

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:03, Reply)

Everyone has been saying that you are paranoid.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:03, Reply)

Why did the baker have shitty hands...
... because he kneaded a poo.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:04, Reply)

\o/

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:06, Reply)

I read this in the paper this morning.
What your BBC link doesn't say is that the survey was paid for be - surprise surprise - a brand of hand soap.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:04, Reply)

So you are 'sticking it to the man' by not washing your hands?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:06, Reply)

He is sticking to the man because he has sticky shit on his fingers.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:07, Reply)

That thin toilet paper is a bum-fingering waiting to happen
I am starting to get OCD about the front door being locked. WHen I worked at Newcastle Uni my office over-looked the carpark. Therr was a proper nutter who used to take about 20 mins to leave his car as he checked and re-checked it was locked

Alt:
Soup - home-made and so thick I snapped the ladle this morning getting some into a recepticle to bring to work
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:05, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=MagCoUYvIXE
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:07, Reply)

He's the man with the shitty touch

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:07, Reply)

He reaches in
and takes control of your arse
( Kroney, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:14, Reply)

He's the man with the shitty touch, yeah
It takes control and slowly tears you apart
( Kroney, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:16, Reply)

Shirley Assey

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:17, Reply)

Genassis, actually

( Kroney, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:19, Reply)

I've had my Phil of them

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:20, Reply)

I tend to wash my hands more than most people, due to the eczema on my hands
Have to use a special soap for it, it's great(!)

Alt: If I don't, my skin has a fun tendency to split in places. Yes, the front door was locked, but I didn't lock my room today, as my friend is nipping in to pick up their laptop at lunch.

AltAlt: No, my soup was fucking magnificent.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:25, Reply)

Tell me of your soup, young man

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:27, Reply)

Homemade chicken, bacon and sweetcorn soup
Absolutely superb
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:38, Reply)

I like
I made chicken stock yesterday and some proper broth with red onion, celery, leeks, carrots, pulses and shredded chicken. It was fucking epic
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:40, Reply)

You made soup and saved money on your car insurance.
CHINNY RECK-ON.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:41, Reply)

My car insurance has not changed

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:51, Reply)

Superb
This was a chicken we'd roasted on saturday, before stripping all of the meat off yesterday, making sandwiches with any decent meat left, the rest going to one side to go back into the soup.

Boil the chicken in water with some onions and a diced chilli, strain this, quick blitz in the blender, back to the pan, mixture of herbs, add some sweetcorn, fry the bacon, add the chicken to this same pan, add both into the soup, season to taste.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:43, Reply)

Sounds excellent

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:51, Reply)

i dunno if i should be directing you to mumsnet or bbc.o.uk/recipes
but you appear to be in the wrong chatroom
(quintsy, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:55, Reply)

I specifically stated "I do not care about your eating habits. Tell me something non-food related"
Can't these people read?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 14:00, Reply)

He was telling me, not you

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 14:01, Reply)

all they could see in your post was 'eating habits' and 'food related'
it's your fault, you shouldn't mention food at all in front of this braying mob of obese man-nigellas
(quintsy, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 14:02, Reply)

that's so mean. just cause swipey is into scat.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:27, Reply)

I would always wash my hands after having a shit on her chest.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:29, Reply)

you rude bastard

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:30, Reply)

Sorry, I'm not really sure of the etiquette in these matters.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:32, Reply)

That's what her curtains are for

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:34, Reply)

+ beef

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:43, Reply)

her curtains are for beef?

(quintsy, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:43, Reply)

only if labialled correctly

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:51, Reply)

v good

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:52, Reply)

Yeah
They keep the cows out of her windows
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:51, Reply)

Linux would keep them out by default

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:54, Reply)

...

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 14:06, Reply)

you just lick them clean
where do you think cadburys got the inspiration for their chocolate fingers?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:54, Reply)

i think too many people worry too much about hygiene
a little bit of dirt is good for you
(quintsy, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:31, Reply)

Alt: I'm sure I locked the door this morning as I did it exactly 8 times
Interestingly* I have just been for a post-lunch poo and I washed my hands quite thoroughly.

*Not interesting.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:37, Reply)

I didn't have a poo yesterday TLiC
AM I GOING TO DIE?????????
(quintsy, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:39, Reply)

Yes.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:40, Reply)

Twice a week is plenty
more than that and there may be traces of deadly fibre in your diet.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:41, Reply)

omg i AM going to die
:'(
(quintsy, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:42, Reply)

make sure you let us know where they bury you
i haven't been out dancing for a few weeks
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:53, Reply)

technically the rhythmic wobble of your thighs against the background noise of working in the city
could be considered 'dancing' to 'dubstep'
(quintsy, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:54, Reply)

i have toned thighs and buns of steel
as those who were groping them at the last bash can definitively confirm.

we can put a teddy bear at the grave too. i think you'd like that.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:58, Reply)

I don't care what scraps you got from KFC
you should stop stuffing them in your greasy maw if you ever want to find a man
(quintsy, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:59, Reply)

i have a hot scientist guy asking me out RIGHT NOW, as it happens
as well as the stuff with the ex and A N Other. so ner.

bet you cracked and texted your gf, didn't you?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 14:03, Reply)

she text me on saturday night and on sunday, i'm not a monster so i at least replied in a polite manner
i was going to say something really cruel here but can't remember it now because U2 came on the radio
(quintsy, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 14:04, Reply)

that's funny
because in the pic you posted, you looked EXACTLY like frankenstein's monster. only with less neck. nowhere to shove the bolt.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 14:06, Reply)

i have a neck, i even hurt it recently
you're so mean (something about you being a sexless, cat-lady harridan with the looks of Mrs Twit, the intelligence of a homeopathy magazine and the hard-up nature of a sex offender on death row)
(quintsy, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 14:08, Reply)

i don't know what i have to do to make you remember that i am allergic to cats
it's like you don't memorise every word i say
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 14:10, Reply)

i don't recall you ever saying that
why would you keep 30+ cats in your studio flat above a pie shop, swipe?

you must get through a lot of anti-histamines
(quintsy, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 14:11, Reply)

it's a portered, gated mansion block in kensington ACTUALLY
you horrible troll
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 14:24, Reply)

yeah, in your head it is

(quintsy, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 14:28, Reply)

Still with the ex
*tuts*
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 14:05, Reply)

"it's complicated"

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 14:05, Reply)

complicated gay
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 14:06, Reply)

:(((

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 14:06, Reply)

complicated only going to be solved by a pair of concrete boots and some chicken wire.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 14:12, Reply)

kinky

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 14:16, Reply)

he's such a perv

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 14:24, Reply)

what, there's another hot guy in science?
I didn't get that memo.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 14:11, Reply)

Too late
He's taken
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 14:16, Reply)

well, it's all relative
doubtless he wouldn't be hot out of a scientific environment.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 14:23, Reply)

Twice a week???
I can manage twice in a day, on a good day.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:51, Reply)

I don't know why I shared that information.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:52, Reply)

cos it's nice to share

(quintsy, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:54, Reply)

e t
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:54, Reply)

....British Telecom's earlier controversial slogan, etc

(quintsy, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:56, Reply)

after a hard night on the pop
twice before breakfast is more on the cards.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 13:56, Reply)

A dump before 11 is worth 2 after 7

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 14:06, Reply)