b3ta.com qotw
You are not logged in. Login or Signup
Home » Question of the Week » Off Topic » Post 1783924 | Search
This is a question Off Topic

Are you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.

(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
Pages: Latest, 836, 835, 834, 833, 832, ... 1

« Go Back | Popular

Good morning turdlickers
It's Friday, or Piątek as they call it here in foggy Poland. This morning on my way to the office I saw some buildings that had bullet holes in the walls, leftover from that little spat in the 1940's. When did your environment last remind you of something historic?

Alt: What are your expectations today? I'm expecting some more libel from Dozer, some puns from Jeff and at least 100 posts called Nakers (correctly) a bent spastic. I also expect to get stuck in to several pints of delicious Polish beer later. I may also do some work.

AltAlt: Which B3tan is the most likely to get arrested?
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 7:48, 176 replies, latest was 12 years ago)
morning

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:00, Reply)

No, just having zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:03, Reply)
alright

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:28, Reply)
the B3tan most likeky to get arrested is Monty

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:01, Reply)
Or you for libel.
And crimes against fashion.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:02, Reply)
libel is civil law
So non-arrestable.

I'm wearing Paul Smith accessories today.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:11, Reply)
I'm sure there's an old law that could be invoked, something to do with defaming a peer of the realm.
Which, in case McApline's lawyers are watching, you clearly did.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:14, Reply)
show me where I defamed him.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:16, Reply)
I've never even been cautioned in my life, you turquoise bumrag.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:22, Reply)
neither have I
But I've done loads of illegal shit yo.

*throws gang sign*
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:24, Reply)
Homosexuality has been legal for years you liar.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:27, Reply)
It has?
So why did my teacher ask me to keep it a secret?
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:32, Reply)
he was embarrased about fucking such an ugly child?

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:38, Reply)
Generally I try not to click before 10am* but in this instance I feel duty bound so to do.

*because of my diabetes
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:39, Reply)
i appreciate it man,
You won't regret it.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:41, Reply)
Alright Battererererer,
Oxford is a pretty historic place, looking at buildings older than Monty is par for the course round here. Also, we have Britains number 1 covered glas roof shopping centre 1994 here, so that is pretty good.

Alt, I have few expectations of today, but I do hope no one tries to punch me today, its been a punchy week in the pub, must be nearly Christmas.

Altalt: B3th
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:10, Reply)
Careful about the age comments, I'm 3 months older than Mary Boyce.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:13, Reply)
GOOD!

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:17, Reply)
ha ha you old cunt

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:30, Reply)
I live in York
Historylols abound.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:13, Reply)
Lololololoyorkolololol

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:16, Reply)
some prick wearing a novelty tie just got on my train.
I spat at his feet.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:25, Reply)
Jimmy Hill did you.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:29, Reply)
metaphorically
And the tosser standing two feet away is reading Pratchett. He's in his forties FFS.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:30, Reply)
Do a wee-wee in his pocket.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:33, Reply)
Metaphorically, obv.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:33, Reply)
Last night.
I was in The Birdcage in Bethnal Green and recalled that about a hundred years ago there was a riot there or some shit. Something to do with pies I think. I'm still pissed so speak quietly please as I am fucking dying.

Alt: I am expecting to die. Sooner the fucking better please.
Altalt: Stunned poster, as his inability to behave has got him into bother in the past and almost certainly will again
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:26, Reply)
WHAT? SPEAK UP MAN!

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:28, Reply)
BLEAUGHRRHRHRGGHHHHHH
That's better.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:29, Reply)
Alright.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:36, Reply)
My dear boy, how the devil are you?

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:37, Reply)
I'm alright.
Thanks to punchy McDrunkWanker, I was at the pub till nearly 3 with the police, so have had about 3 hours kip. Rubbish. Otherwise, can't complain.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:40, Reply)
Punchy McDrunkwanker? Of the Dundee McDrunkwankers?
Goodness me, what a small world! I was at Eton with his father. Frightful chap.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:41, Reply)
lol.
He took offense when, after falling out of the toilet cubicle and almost knocking over a member of staff, that I wouldn't serve him another brandy and coke.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:42, Reply)
You must have to deal with some dreadful oafs in your line of work.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:45, Reply)
the hipster population in my pub is reaching an unbearable level.
I'm considering a cull.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:46, Reply)
You'd have a seizure if you walked around my postcode of a weekend.
It's like there's a fucking Wilf convention on, every week.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:48, Reply)
My work reminds me I should still be in bed
Fucking hell, I'm tired.

Alt: I expect to get through today without killing anyone, so that's a start.

AltAlt: You.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:31, Reply)
you in Leeds this weekend?

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:32, Reply)
I am!
Metaphorically I am, anyway.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:48, Reply)
No, not there again this year now
Went to try Nation Of Shopkeepers last week, was absolutely packed though, ended up going to Carpe Diem instead.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:57, Reply)
I am a huge fan of the word 'badinage'. Are you?

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:36, Reply)
Woss it mean?

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:40, Reply)
Witty conversation, basically.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:42, Reply)
then, you have my vote.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:43, Reply)
It sounds best delivered in the style of Kenneth Williams.
As do most words, I find.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:44, Reply)
It's just a posh way of saying 'banter', and we all know that banter is just for cunts and footballers.
Not that I need to add the 'and footballers' there, actually.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:46, Reply)
I read this as
'I am a ghastly poove who should be executed as a matter of urgency'
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:47, Reply)
As long as there is no confusion then.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:49, Reply)
None whatsoever, thank you.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:52, Reply)
My word of the week is 'polysemous'

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:43, Reply)
Your word of the week is 'libel'

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:43, Reply)
Your word of the week is 'bankruptcy'

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:52, Reply)
No it isn't.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:53, Reply)
much as libel isn't mine

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:56, Reply)
I think we're just going to have to agree to disagree on that point.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:56, Reply)
My word of the week is 'defenestration'
As it is most weeks, really.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:57, Reply)
I walk past The Tower Of London every morning and can see The Houses of Parliament from my office window, so about 2 seconds ago, last time I looked up,
AltAlt: *cough*
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:42, Reply)
I think you might have lung cancer.
Just saying.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:46, Reply)
<s>lung</s> bum

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:48, Reply)
It's spread!

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:49, Reply)
I did not spread my bum for Windypig. How dare you.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:49, Reply)
You missed out, then.
He's a caring and sensitive lover.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:51, Reply)
I used to go to castle sween as a kid.
it's the oldest stone castle in scotland, or some shit.

you're all too dull to get arrested.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:53, Reply)
I live in an historically significant city.
Unfortunately it had the shit bombed out of it 72 years ago, so in order to remind us they decided to build the City of the Future in the 50s and 60s.
Even more unfortunately, architects from that era had fuck all idea what the future might look like and it now looks mostly shit.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:53, Reply)
I EXPECT YOU FIT RIGHT IN, THEN!!!!!!!!!!

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:54, Reply)
Textbook.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:01, Reply)
Coventry?

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:56, Reply)
No, he went of his own accord.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:57, Reply)
Don't mind if I do.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:57, Reply)
The church in the tiny village where I grew up
has cannonball holes in the tower stone from the English civil war, when the royalists were holed up in the hall next door and under siege.

Thus proving the brits take a fuck sight longer than the poles to repair shit.

Alt: I expect to get all my work done by midday and get the fuck out on the golf course then hit the pub. Hence I've been in since 7.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:56, Reply)
My parents' garage had arrowslits in it and a medieval tiled floor.
How about that?!
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:59, Reply)
Calm down, Savile.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:04, Reply)
Oh great. Look who it is.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:05, Reply)
So it was built after you were born?

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:09, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1784010
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:18, Reply)
BOOM. In the face.
Although, I have to suggest that if it had arrowslits it probably wasn't really intended as a garage.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:20, Reply)
It was a stable block.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:26, Reply)
Most days - Coventry has quite a bit of well-known history
Alt: I expect to be overheated in an office while trying to keep my temper with yet another council numpty.
Altalt: Probably me. I can see me being carted off by the fuzz screaming "I'VE ALREADY FILLED IN THE FORMS THREE TIMES. WHY DID HE MAKE ME DO IT AGAIN"!!!!!
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 8:58, Reply)
Alright, Pisspants McWhiskey?
God I feel rough.

Fucking Boyce.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:03, Reply)
You wish, love.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:04, Reply)
I am the King of Romania.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:05, Reply)
Hahaha

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:05, Reply)
I've just had a Tesco Xmas sandwich. Triple.
It hasn't helped.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:07, Reply)
When I sober up I am going to be miserable as sin.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:08, Reply)
Don't sober up then. lol.
A Wetherspoons breakfast may be the answer.

And a lovely pint.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:10, Reply)
My boss is in Israel so this is something I could actually do, for once.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:10, Reply)
Your bozz is in isreal. tensions between palestine and Isreal are at breaking point
COINCIDENCE?
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:12, Reply)
This is your most dismally-spelled post ever, I think.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:14, Reply)
fuck me, where did those zeds come from?

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:15, Reply)
Beatz me.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:16, Reply)
I disagree, I think this post is Top.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:20, Reply)
I disagree, I think THIS post is Top:

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:22, Reply)
No, THIS post is top

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:30, Reply)
I've not seen as impressive a beard since the time DF posted that pic of his missus.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:34, Reply)
Hahaha
It is a very impressive beard though, one for others to be judged against.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:42, Reply)
Wetherspoons mixed grill
The only hangover cure I've ever had that made me feel guilty.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:14, Reply)
I'll keep out of your way in 2035 then.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:10, Reply)
I will be spending all afternoon drinking at my company's expense and will be smashed by tea time
altalt: Barry
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:10, Reply)
piss up on the firm is always the best.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:12, Reply)
5 years service and above and we all go for lunch which lasts from 12 until 7pm...
i'll post on the bus home so you cab all lol at me
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:14, Reply)
Cab we? That's jolly nice of you.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:15, Reply)
pleazure

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:17, Reply)
hahaha!

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:18, Reply)

will be spending all afternoon drinking at my company's expense and will be smashed by tea time
altalt: Barry
etc
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:13, Reply)
is this losing it's shine a little?

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:14, Reply)
I'm not at my best this morning, Nakin' Stevens old stick.
I'm really not.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:16, Reply)
I'll be similar tomorrow, the difference being mini ape will have woken me up at 6am

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:16, Reply)
On Sunday morning I am having my flat and missus INSPECTED by my fucking ex.
The indignity of it all is most galling.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:20, Reply)
Naked?

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:22, Reply)
Yes.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:23, Reply)
Not really.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:23, Reply)
Fair enough,
Probably not terribly appropriate given the situation.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:26, Reply)
That's what I thought.
My instinct is that this is very much a 'clothes on' event.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:28, Reply)
It is such a minefield trying to second guess these things though.
Who knew that christenings were so formal that they expected clothes eh?
Not me...
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:31, Reply)
Well, you can't win them all.
I had a similar misunderstanding at my grandfather's funeral.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:35, Reply)
you need an independent and neutral witness there

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:22, Reply)
My mother said this.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:23, Reply)
That's a good idea.
Get that blind fella from the flat across the courtyard.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:24, Reply)
Hahaha

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:25, Reply)
ironic really, given her sight problems

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 10:00, Reply)

be spending all afternoon drinking at my company's expense and will be have my back doors
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:14, Reply)
lols
Rugger buggers ahoy
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:19, Reply)
I shall be watching the rugger tomorrow afternoon
I fear the saffers might steamroll us
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:20, Reply)
I was going to do the bent spastic strikethrough.
But you know what. Its over for me.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:23, Reply)
I am going to England vs Australia tomorrow.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:23, Reply)
No one cares.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:24, Reply)
Shut it, hippy.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:25, Reply)
Lip up, Fatty.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:26, Reply)
good point, aussies this week
I was offerd a ticket, but i don't have the cash as just paid for next summer's holiday :(
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:24, Reply)
Where are you going?

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:26, Reply)
Morocco; my wife's best mate is over from Aus and in morocco for two weeks so we're tagging along

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:27, Reply)
Nice.
This week I booked my flights to the USA for my fortieth next year.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:31, Reply)
fortieth...make sure you wear som DVT socks on the way over

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:35, Reply)
Gandercombe Bog.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:28, Reply)
Romney Marsh

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:30, Reply)
Yes?

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:42, Reply)

m d
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:48, Reply)
Bollocks are you.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:28, Reply)
True story.
Cabbage Patch for breakfast beers.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:30, Reply)
I don't believe you.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:33, Reply)
Oh well.
I am going with some Aussie lawyers.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:35, Reply)
He's always going to that kind of thing.
He gave me a £300 Arsenal ticket a year or so back.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:36, Reply)
Perfect gift for such a massive football fan, like you.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:37, Reply)
Meal on expenses and unlimited free bar?
Absolutely fucking right it was.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:39, Reply)
I've got the 02/02/13 tickets if you're interested.
Free lunch and beers.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:37, Reply)
Yup, I am there avec what the French would call 'le bells on'.
Marvelloso.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:39, Reply)
"les bells" surely
like mother like son....
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:53, Reply)
Paddington gave the lawyer one of his hard stares.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:54, Reply)
hahaha
you know what, even for you, i'm not sorry
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:55, Reply)
Alright, bird?

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:54, Reply)
hello sexbomb
bomb pest
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:56, Reply)
like tears in the rain

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:23, Reply)
That's....that's beautiful.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:24, Reply)
time to die.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:27, Reply)
I'm so into film that I've never even seen it

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:28, Reply)
you're up to your back wheels in film, you're that into it.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:30, Reply)

film my mum
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:31, Reply)
GOOD JOKE!!!!!!

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:36, Reply)
Fucking your own mum, Nakkers
that's so Savile it's not even funny.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:55, Reply)
In a small square in barcelona with big church wall on one side
there are loads of bullet holes in a line, all around head height
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:46, Reply)
That's grizzly.
Montys spiritual home, The Reichstag, is pockmarked with bullet holes.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:50, Reply)
i want it over with as quickly as possible
as i have dinner at hawksmoor with friends tonight, an all-day pub crawl tomorrow, and a birthday sunday lunch on sunday, surprisingly enough. i am expecting it to be long and tedious, therefore.

altalt: i have a fab photo of monty from pizzabash posing outside a police van...
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:55, Reply)
Why are you going to Hawksmoor?
To watch other people eat perfect steak?
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 9:56, Reply)
there are many reasons, darling
1 - absinthe raspberry fizz cocktails, served by pant-creamingly hot waiters
2 - the starters
3 - the pearl barley risotto
4 - the mac and cheese and triple cooked chips and other such healthy and totally vegetarian side dishes
5 - the warm peanut chocolate chip shortbread and salty caramel ice cream pudding

but primarily because i am treating my friend as her birthday gift
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 10:00, Reply)
It is good.
I love the marrowbone starter. Keeps my coat glossy.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 10:00, Reply)
whenever i wonder where all the attractive men in london have gone
i remember they are all working in the seven dials hawksmoor
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 10:01, Reply)
pant-creamingly?
That's made me feel a bit ill.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 10:02, Reply)
looks exactly like the pearl barley risotto

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 10:05, Reply)
*shudders*

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 10:10, Reply)

sh
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 10:10, Reply)
Bit rude, mate.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 10:11, Reply)
Just follow the slug trail

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 10:13, Reply)
Classy bird, our swipe

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 10:05, Reply)
Northern bird. innit.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 10:11, Reply)
I dun a noo fred.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 10:11, Reply)

« Go Back | Reply To This »

Pages: Latest, 836, 835, 834, 833, 832, ... 1