Alright faeces faces?
If you wanted advice from a B3tan on any subject, who would you ask and what advice would you want?

Alt: How will you spend your Christmas? (or if you're Muslim your 'winter festival').

I know this is a shit thread, before you say anything. What else does it need? Perhaps some tired references to your mother, or my mother? Mentions of nommy breakfast? Well, fuck off. I don't care. By christ you're looking even more ugly than usual this morning. Turn that webcam off, go on a diet and get some fresh air.




( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 8:22, 224 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

uhhhh my housemates and I are having a christmas dinner before we all go home to our families.
I will be spending 7 days in the countryside. Will be good!

Also, I need advice from someone who is a GIRL and interested in clothes - I have a "prom" to go to on saturday night as part of this dance event in melbourne. I have a choice of two dresses and need help deciding which one!

There you go, I answered both your stupid questions!
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 20 Nov 2012, 8:27, Reply)

If the questions are stupid why bother to answer them?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 8:29, Reply)

If the questions are stupid why bother to ask them?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 8:40, Reply)

I didn't say that I thought the questions are stupid.
Pay attention.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 8:51, Reply)

there's no need to be so fanny-centric

put up both dresses and have the board vote
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:41, Reply)

I've been spewing my guts up and shitting like a diseased camel since yesterday afternoon.
I have had all my paid sick days so I am at work. I am not happy about this.

What is considerably worse is that Crackers is taking Lusty and me to Needoo's tonight - well, taking Lusty to Needoo's. Even with my guts of steel I suspect that dry meat might not be the solution to my woes.

tl:dr BOO HOO WAAAAAAH WAAAAAH
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 8:30, Reply)

Poof.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 8:33, Reply)

Morning, 'The Great Suprendo'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 8:35, Reply)

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 8:37, Reply)

In what must be my best namedrop story of all time, I sold him a shoe rack once.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 8:39, Reply)

You should sell this story to Hello! magazine.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 8:40, Reply)

I'm holding out for the highest bidder on this one.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 8:44, Reply)

I reckon you might get a whole £2.20 if they're feeling generous.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 8:46, Reply)

They need crotch shots for that amount.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 8:50, Reply)

I have also spent most of this morning spraying out brown water at high pressure
*high five*
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:48, Reply)

Probably Swipe on property and landlord issues
Only this time I wouldn't fold immediately.

Alt: On Christmas day I'm spending the day at home on my own, being joined by the missus late on in the evening. Perfect for me.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 8:32, Reply)

3.bp.blogspot.com/-Sig6AzKJdu4/UGYqjHl12lI/AAAAAAAADUs/hVM7ov2fuWI/s640/pyle+opening+of+the+mouth.jpg
(quintsy, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 8:44, Reply)

Alright Q?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 8:44, Reply)

fuck off you commie scum

(quintsy, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 8:45, Reply)

Commie? I think not.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 8:46, Reply)

commie
(quintsy, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 8:48, Reply)

I agree, you should definitely do that.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:02, Reply)

It's a birthmark, not poo.
I have previously canvassed the opinions of some b3tans on music, as I am always hungry to hear new things.

Alt: Hopefully with a steady intake of beer over the course of the day, but realistically waiting sober and increasingly irritable at my mother-in-law's house before finally getting the driving bit out of the way and being able to get stuck in, in an unwise binge.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 8:46, Reply)

Look, I'm just blacked up for the luls, OK?
I am going to spend Christmas Day desperately wishing I was somewhere other than my parents house and then feeling guilty for feeling that way. Yay me!
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 8:50, Reply)

was somewhere other than my parents house and then feeling guilty for feeling that way. Yay me could stick my cock up my own arse.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 8:52, Reply)

First click of the day.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 8:53, Reply)

Remember the days when everyone took the piss out of me for being a drunk?
I miss those days.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 8:53, Reply)

Well start drinking again then.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 8:56, Reply)

I might have to.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 8:57, Reply)

That's the exact reason I stopped seeing my parents on Christmas Day.
That, and my Stepmum complaining I drank too much, when I was drinking the wine she had given me.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:12, Reply)

I'm not sure if Muslims do celebrate 'winter festival'
I put it to you that this is Daily Mail nonsense.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 8:50, Reply)

Yes they do - it's called 'Jihad' in their language.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 8:51, Reply)

Well, Christmas can be a 'struggle'...

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:13, Reply)

go and worship the god of winter you disgusting hippy.
Maybe you could make a ring of stones full of autumn leaves, and cry about it.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 20 Nov 2012, 8:53, Reply)

The Winter Solstice isn't until 21 December.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 8:55, Reply)

well, isn't my face red.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 20 Nov 2012, 8:55, Reply)

I'd ask monty for financial advice.
Christmas will be spent at my dads, trying to stop lady pig punching ny brothers smug irritating girlfriend in the face. And drinking heavily.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 20 Nov 2012, 8:51, Reply)

Do you close your pub over Christmas then?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 8:53, Reply)

Yeah, not opening on christmas day, fuck that noise.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 20 Nov 2012, 8:55, Reply)

If I wanted advice on how to be a nullo I would ask Enzyme.
Alt: Not seeing my kid, nipping down to Winchester for a couple of days and quite possibly burying my grandmother, it seems.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 8:51, Reply)

Well she has been dead for 4 years, it's about time.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 8:52, Reply)

Congratulations on what must surely be the shittest thread of all time.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:10, Reply)

i was wondering if b3ta had just stopped for a bit.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:14, Reply)

That's quite an accolade.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:18, Reply)

There's some stiff competition, that's for sure.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:23, Reply)

Monty gives excellent advice about music, but that's about it from him.
What we need is B3tan who dispenses tax advice. I'm sure there is one lurking here somewhere just waiting to be asked how improve one's tax code.

Alt: down in the New Forest, trying to get drunk without being tutted at.
The muslims in Luton celebrate the festival of the profit margin, I thought that was universal.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:23, Reply)

Stayed in the New Forest this summer
I knew about the horses being there in advance, didn't realise there would be so many, and they'd be so comfortable with people.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:30, Reply)

+bumming them

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:31, Reply)

Well, that too.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:32, Reply)

I like to see the pigs rootling around.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:43, Reply)

*bursts in*
Sorry I'm late sir...i...missed my train and there was a cat on the line and someone stole my shoes.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:26, Reply)

genuine officelols

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:28, Reply)

Oh YOU.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:30, Reply)

someone stole I threw
+ into the sea
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:51, Reply)

rofflecopters

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 10:05, Reply)

I need estate agent advice
Fortunately just found out that they appear to building the Kremlin right in front of the house we were looking at, wiping out all sea views. Surely the estate agent "should" mention that kind of thing?

Alt:
Cooking, eating and drinking.
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:29, Reply)

Eastate agents are worse than nakers, fact

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:30, Reply)

WTN

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:31, Reply)

At least you found out before you bought the place.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:30, Reply)

this^
Knocks at leat £50K off the price
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:31, Reply)

Anyone know why Windows Explorer keeps crashing on my laptop? I'm running Windows 7 Ultimate 64

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:30, Reply)

Does it say anything in the Event Viewer?
Gaz me any messages that pop up
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:30, Reply)

What's the Event Viewer.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:32, Reply)

Type:
eventvwr into the Run command. Look in the Application Log
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:33, Reply)

Where do I find the run command?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:33, Reply)

hahahahaha, WTN
even I can do that
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:36, Reply)

Please tell me the answer, then fuck off. Thanks.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:36, Reply)

Windows key & R

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:37, Reply)

Thanks. I have now opened the Event Viewer.
Where should I look now?
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:39, Reply)

Applications & Service Logs

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:40, Reply)

There are 38,000 events in the Log. Is there a particular type I need to look for?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:42, Reply)

I'm afraid this is where Sporto is your man.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:42, Reply)

Leave it open and run Explorer again
Then click F5 and check the top ones and gaz me what they say
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:44, Reply)

Will do. Thanks.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:47, Reply)

Application Log

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:40, Reply)

Is there a space to type stuff in when you click Start?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:36, Reply)

Yes.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:37, Reply)

There

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:39, Reply)

Thanks. I have now opened the Event Viewer.
Where should I look now?
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:40, Reply)

you have to shake the computer and the answer will float onto the screen

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:50, Reply)

That only works if the Ipad you bought is actually an Etch a Sketch

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:59, Reply)

You have to shout 'I COMMAND YOU TO RUN!!!!' into the screen.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:38, Reply)

I command you to kill yourself.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:42, Reply)

It's like when you go to a fireworks display or trooping the colour, that sort of thing.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:33, Reply)

this^

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:36, Reply)

You got any crazy-ass programs that 'enhance' it?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:30, Reply)

Your computer is entirely full of tranny porn
try deleting some to speed up performance
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:31, Reply)

I have a separate laptop for 'leisure interests'.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:33, Reply)

Possibly malware?
I had one that would crash explorer everytime I opened My Computer.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:31, Reply)

I have McAfee installed. Wouldn't that stop malware?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:32, Reply)

Not necessarily.
I've never had as much misfortune with any virus scanner as I have with McAfee. Depending on permissions (and whether Sportscow agrees), get MBAM for malware scanning.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:33, Reply)

Unfortunately it's fucked off to Burma

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:34, Reply)

Ask his next door neighbour.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:35, Reply)

*goes on run*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:35, Reply)

That story is amazing.
He keeps updating his blog with his latest crazy disguises with which he's outwitting the filth. Proper nutter.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:37, Reply)

too late

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:36, Reply)

I do.
Apparently there's a feature in Windows 7 Ultimate 64 where if the user is a monumental spastic, it crashes. The solution is to run your computer under the tap for five minutes - in 'safe mode', mind.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:32, Reply)

Is that why yours doesn't work then?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:32, Reply)

GREAT JOKE, AA!!!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:35, Reply)

THANKS, LOL!!!!!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:36, Reply)

Because, and this can't be empahsised enough, you touch yourself at night.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 10:06, Reply)

i so nearly put this
and then i thought, no, i am too mature...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 10:11, Reply)

I'm not.
And neither are you, stop pretending.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 10:13, Reply)

as he's not here to see the compliment
mighty badger gives excellent advice. as does monty.

theoretical advice, er.... i would ask darth how to be more feminine

alt: on a beach, bitch.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:31, Reply)

I'd like to some B3tan advice on Xmas music
You can't top Greg Lake for me

Alt: Merrily
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:33, Reply)

here's some advice on christmas music
never listen to any of it, ever. not even by mistake in a shop or on tv. that is why god put a mute button on the remote.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:34, Reply)

You are a wrong un
*lets the bells ring out for christmas*
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:36, Reply)

Christmas songs are mostly crap.
Although I liked the Jonah Louie one. Or however it's spelt.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:36, Reply)

But BP, that tune is shit.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:40, Reply)

I like it.
So tough tommy titty. I like the Slade one too, but it does tend to get overplayed.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:42, Reply)

no wonder you got fired, you are clearly an idiot

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:44, Reply)

For likiing Slade?

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:46, Reply)

Oh swipe, I love you for this alone
Christmas music is, I quote, "fucking shit"
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:38, Reply)

i could take that offensively, as in this is the only reason you love me
OR i could take it positively, as in this is just one of many reasons.

hmmm.

FLOUNCE
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:39, Reply)

Just on of the many reasons

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:40, Reply)

i lol'd

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:42, Reply)

I've got my DAB tuned to SmoothXmas already
FUCKIN BOSS XMAS TUNES DUDE!
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:39, Reply)

Phil Spector's Christmas album is excellent.
Other than that the Ramones did a couple of Xmas numbers which are OK.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:36, Reply)

There is a Christmas Album by Surfjan Stevens that is supposed to be quite good
I'm not really a fan of his though
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:37, Reply)

I'll bet it's got his classic 'Merry Christmas, everyone' on it!!!!!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:39, Reply)

I'M PRETENDING THAT I'VE MISREAD YOUR POST AS 'SHAKIN' STEVENS'!!!!!!!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:39, Reply)

I quite like some of his stuff
but I don't need five CDs of Christmas songs from him.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 10:05, Reply)

Ah, plenty of Mrs Murtaugh on that one
I'll check it out
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:38, Reply)

I hope Riggs guests on a few tracks too

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:39, Reply)

But, but...you're blick!

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:45, Reply)

Keffa

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:46, Reply)

The highlight is the spoken word bit from Phil at the end.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:55, Reply)

It bothers me somewhat that the only christmas song I actually like is by that twat Chris De Burgh.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:41, Reply)

Santa In Red?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:42, Reply)

that fucking mother and child thing? la la la la la la la la la la la la la? that one??

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:42, Reply)

Yep.
A Spaceman Came Travelling. It's even got a ridiculous name, FFS.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:43, Reply)

gay

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:45, Reply)

I know
Still, it makes a change from hearing that red nosed twat Holder every 5 fucking minutes.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:46, Reply)

EUGHHHTHEWHOLEWORLDISWHEYTINNN...
The sweetest music filled the air my fucking arse
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:44, Reply)

"the sweetest music filled my fucking arse" would have been much better
just saying, like
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:45, Reply)

It's funny cause I call my penis "the sweetest music"

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:47, Reply)

Thanks scarpe

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:49, Reply)

LOL and click

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 10:03, Reply)

hahaha!

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 10:12, Reply)

why do i not get this? why?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 10:15, Reply)

You are clearly not spending enough time on here.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 10:16, Reply)

This should help:
www.b3ta.com/questions/pythonshame/post385927
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 10:17, Reply)

oh dear god
MY EYES
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 10:18, Reply)

A hip indie kid, such as yourself* might like this 2008 Christmas release from hip indie label Tough Love:
toughloverecords.com/tlv027

*Other users are reading this as me calling you a cunt.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 10:00, Reply)

as soon as you mention what lable a record is out on, youy become a cunt

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 10:01, Reply)

I was a cunt long before that.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 10:05, Reply)

what if you had a tattoo of a record label, what would that make you?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 10:10, Reply)

It means you've completed the ubercircle of cunt and come out the otherside.
We're through the cuntyglass, people.

like I can talk. Two of my tattoos are logos, ffs.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 10:12, Reply)

interesting
which logos do you have? kylie and jason????
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 10:13, Reply)

the only place i would ever have a tattoo would be my arse
but when i had an idle browse, i came across a pink hand with "spank me daddy" tattoo'd above it, and... NO. just... NO.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 10:14, Reply)

Fuck no. Rick Astley and Bonnie Tyler all the way.
One is the logo of a company that used to sponsor the shop I rode for about 20 years ago. The other is, bizarrely, pretty much based on the logo of a ski resort. I'd say it sounds worse than it is, but that's a matter of taste. It's important to me.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 10:16, Reply)

I hope it's La Plagne

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 10:18, Reply)

hahaha, actually it is
but definitely not the bit you're thinking of. Well, strictly it's paradiski
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 10:19, Reply)

oh man that would have been SO cool

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 10:20, Reply)

Imma gonna do it, just for you.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 10:21, Reply)

nice
i guess the only thing that matters is that it matters to you. unlike my friend, who had 6 months touring aus with her hot but deeply unsuitable 10 years younger bf on her year out. one drunken evening they got matching tatts of a symbol of the trip. hers is on the very bottom bit of her back. she has hated it since the morning after...

... but not as much as her now husband, who gets a daily reminder of all the hot sex his wife got with someone else....
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 10:20, Reply)

Years ago I ended up chatting with some guy at the bar at a Faith No More gig
just over his heart he had tattooed a series of women's names, all crossed out except the last one.

now that - that's class you can't buy.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 10:24, Reply)

Common.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 10:12, Reply)

I was going to say it would depend on which label it was, but then I remembered:
a) this is further evidence that I am a cunt.
b) I think tattoos are common.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 10:15, Reply)

i think these may be good points
well, the first one. the second one depends on the individual. some people pull them off brilliantly. some people look like twats.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 10:15, Reply)

tattoos are terribly common
then again, most of us are fucking deluded if we thing we aren't common, so, y'know.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 10:17, Reply)

If I am common I have no desire to visibly brand this fact permanently on my body.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 10:20, Reply)

wise choice.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 10:22, Reply)

one would not know about such things

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 10:21, Reply)

I read this as 'ee up, nowt tekken owt, me dook'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 10:22, Reply)

Not bad, you alright?
I would like to get love advice from Monty. I feel I'm in a much more favourable situation, I mean, lets look at things logicly :-

- I've still got pigmentation in my full set of hair that gets barbar'd up every month.
- My T-Shirt collection is for lounging around the house, rather than being reserved for "bestware".
- I have a Macbook Pro, iPhone, iPad, Apple Developer Lisanse (iOS AND OSX), and I know loads of stuff about Apple products.
- We're probably about even on the drugs score, except his phamacist isn't registered with gov'mint.
- Although I'm very short and stubby, he's too far the other way, very lanky. I'd imagine snuggling up to me would be much better as there is more padding.
- He once shouted at a dog for an hour straight because the dog wouldn't stop being a dog.
- He only has Freeview and 6mb broadband and doesn't even know how to download the new How I Meet Your Mother from the states. On the other hand, I have about 2tb worth of telly downloaded.
- When I shit myself*, it's an accident and I'm very embarassed by it.
- I can code in more languages than him.
- He thinks Vikings are best, but I think fuedal japan is way better.

See, on paper, I'm a far better catch than him. So I just don't get it.



* For the record, I don't shit myself.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:41, Reply)

the problem comes when the "paper" is of the photographic variety *innocent face*

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:44, Reply)

Feudal Japan IS excellent, I'll give you that.
You should download 'Shogun', the late 70s US TV show starring Richard Chamberlain.

It's the only TV 'box set' I have ever bought.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:56, Reply)

Grabbing it now !

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:59, Reply)

I'm downloading the ratpack christmas album as we speak too !

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 10:00, Reply)

It was the most expensive TV show of all time when it was made.
It really is fucking great.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 10:01, Reply)

The current plan is to go to my grandmothers and cook her christmas dinner with the "Dorris"

(PsychoChomp, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:45, Reply)

does she condone your bird's career choice?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:46, Reply)

Shockingly I haven't told my 92 year old grandmother.
But I doubt she'll give a shit, she was a land girl from Yorkshire and rode a motorbike until she had to have a hip replaced.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:48, Reply)

What does she actually do?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:49, Reply)

Stripper

(PsychoChomp, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:51, Reply)

And what about your girlfriend?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:52, Reply)

This is very witty

(PsychoChomp, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:52, Reply)

I thought so.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:54, Reply)

YES !

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 10:27, Reply)

Ahh

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:53, Reply)

No, but she doesn't like her version of charades.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:48, Reply)

"sounds like blunt"

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:50, Reply)

"feels like kebab"

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:52, Reply)

"smells like Peterhead"

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:53, Reply)

hahaha!
My mate Bri used to live there. Apparently it doesn't matter which way you are facing, the wind is always blowing that way. He went into a local pub and started to chat some bird up, to find she was actually about 15 years younger than she looked.
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:55, Reply)

So she was 18?

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:56, Reply)

stone

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:58, Reply)

stone Petri

*slides on floor*
*throws gun*
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 10:23, Reply)

christmas dinner with the "Dorris"

/littleredridingcunt
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:48, Reply)

What's a Dorris?

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 9:57, Reply)

It's where a bird smokes too much weed and goes pale

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 10:02, Reply)

It's a hideous way of reffering to a girlfriend which seems to have become popular on here.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 10:04, Reply)

Split arses is a much better term.

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 10:06, Reply)

It's actually a term for a prostitute isn't it?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 10:06, Reply)

I have no idea, it's shit that's for sure.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 10:07, Reply)

www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Doris
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 10:09, Reply)

I think it originated from Jeff on here, so definition seven is the one to look at:
www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Doris&defid=4922882
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 10:11, Reply)

That's pretty much the context I've always seen it used.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 10:13, Reply)

I'm rather concerned I encouraged that
thing is, I was taking the piss.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 10:09, Reply)

Oooh look at me girls, I'm so sensitive please let me touch you, pleeeeease

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 10:15, Reply)

I don't know why this made me laugh.
I think it's because I had a vision of a grown man at his important supermarket job saying this out loud in a fake girly voice.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 10:18, Reply)

I typed that from bitter experience

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 10:25, Reply)

I've just realised
Does the fact that you occasionally refer to your girlfriend as your 'real life girlfriend' mean that you also have a virtual one somewhere?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 10:19, Reply)

Obviously.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 10:20, Reply)

It's just not the same world that I grew up in.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 10:30, Reply)

Surely we can have a new thread now?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 10:21, Reply)

Yes, we can have a new thread, and don't...etc, etc

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 10:23, Reply)

Start one then.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 10:25, Reply)

alright Dozarino?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 10:25, Reply)

This is another one of those occasions where the comedy fake account is better than the real one.
So far I think the exception to this is the fake Chompy posting two year old news links late at night, but given time he might improve.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 10:30, Reply)

NO INTERVIEWS PLEASE

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 20 Nov 2012, 10:31, Reply)