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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Thread number two, for me and you.
So, if the tabloids are to be believed, those LOLarious Aussie prank call japesters face a possible 5 years in the nick for broadcasting their call.

I believe that were this to happen (which of course it won't) this would be fucking preposterous, when you think that you can main a stranger in a terrifying drunken attack and get less. Do you agree?

Alt: Amorous Badger is on tenterhooks, desperate to know your luncheon plans. Put the poor lad out of his misery, woncha?
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:24, 176 replies, latest was 12 years ago)
We should deport them to the colonies
alt: I have a sandwich, but i think that there might eb some pizza downstairs later
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:26, Reply)
I need to pop to Sainers and surf the deals.
I fear tinned soup will be a central feature of my dining plans.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:33, Reply)
Alright Monters?
I bought a pork pie earlier, I might have that. Or a sandwich of some description. It's a tough choice.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:28, Reply)
Hello there Davlington-Smythe,old boy.
A top-end pork pie is a thing of beauty and a joy to behold.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:30, Reply)
My friend made one that was a foot across, it was wonderous

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:30, Reply)
I have to be careful with them as the pastry often gives me rotten heartburn.
But yeah, I agree.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:31, Reply)
What was the pie your missus made yesterday?

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:37, Reply)
hairy?

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:38, Reply)
Corned beef.
Corned beef as in geordie rhyming slang for deef (i.e. deaf) hence the word 'eh?' being written on it in pastry strips.

I didn't get it either until it was explained to me
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:41, Reply)
Ahh, fair enough

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:01, Reply)
I love how the press get so righteously indignant over a harmless phone call
when the only reason it reached the point where someone topped themselves over is was the constant spewed press bullshit about the whole thing.

Mind you, I think the reason they might be in trouble is that they have "form" for this kind of thing, including getting a 14 year old girl on air and quizzing her about her sex life for a laugh. Including when she was raped aged 12. Apparently.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:31, Reply)
Yeah I read about that.
The rape thing just kind of came out, much to the hosts horror. You'd think they'd have learned something from that.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:33, Reply)
yeah, you would
but still, the whole reason this is even an issue is the press. To hound a woman to suicide and then press for someone else to go to prison for it is such a staggering level of hypocrisy and lack of self awareness you'd think that Leveson had achieved nothing.

Oh, right. Yeah.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:36, Reply)
Press in rampant hypocrisy shocker!

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:44, Reply)
The press hypocrisy on this has been staggering.
I've worked in enough places looking after people who 'of public interest' to know that there's not one of the sanctimonious pricks who hasn't attempted to access confidential information from a hospital by pretending to be a relative.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:04, Reply)
Alt: might go out and have eggs benedict and a bloody mary for 'brunch'*


*Yes I realise this portmanteau is annoying.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:31, Reply)
Lusty is obsessed with eggs benedict.
Irritatingly, because she acquired this habit in the colonies she occasionally calls them 'bennys' which, despite its 'on the loose' comical association, I find somewhat irksome.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:34, Reply)
Finished off the dessert wine last night. Yum yum yum.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:37, Reply)
I have to acquire more of it.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:02, Reply)
Mrs B was most impressed with it.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:03, Reply)
If there's a law that allows them to be sent down for that long, then tough titties for them
Not sure what the sentence is for 'Impersonating a Royal to a gullible bint' is.

I don't necessarily agree, but they're Australian, they're all descended from criminals anyway.

Then again, the thing that is amusing me the most in the press at the minute is the fact that despite everyone knows it, no paper is allowed to print the name of M*gan St*mmers. Makes reading the reports about her suicidal parents a little more entertaining.

Alt: Chicken and chilli soup, methinks.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:33, Reply)
I hate the phrase 'methinks' with all my being
Just so you know
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:35, Reply)
Fair enough

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:37, Reply)
Methinks thou dost protest too much

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:39, Reply)
You are a bent spastic, methinks.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:43, Reply)
And you felt it wise to admit that. On here.
Methinks you're in for some bulllying.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:45, Reply)
The legal issue relates to the broadcasting of the call, as I understand it,
rather than the making of the call itself.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:35, Reply)
Ahh, fair enough
Also, this is greatly amusing me this morning
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:36, Reply)
I've only hovered over the link address
and I'm doing a sad face.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:40, Reply)
Hopefully he will carry the Cobain replacement role to its logical conclusion.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:40, Reply)
haha, yes
Also, he should have to fuck Courtney Love.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:42, Reply)
Steady on, he's not that bad.
Poor Macca.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:42, Reply)
He is you know.
And he's fucked a cripple, so Courtney is a logical extension being that she's batshit mental.

He should also try heroin; preferably a large dose.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:49, Reply)
I think everyone should. It's well nom.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:01, Reply)
Well, he's got more money than sense, so this shouldn't be difficult
His Christmas presents for others in the past have been bordering on obscene.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:02, Reply)
Like that time when he got Heather a plane
and a ladyshave for the other leg.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:04, Reply)
Damn you.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:06, Reply)
My Dad phoned me at 1am on a Monday morning to tell me that joke.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:07, Reply)
Good good

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:19, Reply)
I didn't think so at the time; he got me out of bed.
I only answered it as at the time my mother in law was dying and I thought it might have been 'the call'.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:25, Reply)
Ahh, fair enough
The last drunken phone call I had was off a friend to whom I'd recommended a takeaway in Liverpool. He phoned me at 3am to berate me that it was closed, I told him to piss off, whilst laughing quite a lot.

The one before that was my very drunk friend informing me her Nan had died, not the best.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:26, Reply)
Here's fucking hoping.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:42, Reply)
The wall will be plastered with jowls

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:46, Reply)
I think they are trying to buy their way out of trouble
metro.co.uk/2012/12/11/prank-radio-station-2day-fm-to-donate-at-least-320000-to-family-of-tragic-royal-nurse-3311867/

As for food when I go shopping later I will decide, I'm Kinda thinking steak at this stage
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:34, Reply)
Steak is a good idea
I haven't had steak in far too long, might pick some up for Christmas Day.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:35, Reply)
So far Christmas day will consist of
A turkey crown, loin of pork & Topside beef meatwise that is.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:42, Reply)
So far my Christmas day is consisting of a few beers, that's about it
Not seeing family until the next day
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:56, Reply)
Steak and beer
Sounds like your Christmas will be better than mine
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:04, Reply)
*gless*

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:06, Reply)
If she was a drug dealer then the police wouldn't have bothered.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:34, Reply)
If you genuinely believe
that when investigating internal criminal-on-criminal crime, the police put the same effort in that they would for, say, a missing child, then you are a blithering idiot.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:39, Reply)
Most of the more measured press an comments seem to absolve them of blame
Only the tabloids are baying for blood
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:36, Reply)
I think one of them should commit suicide, then it'll be justice.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:38, Reply)
Now you're talking sense
Will it be in public in front of an outraged crowd?
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:39, Reply)
Webcam hopefully at UK prime time.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:40, Reply)
Maybe we, the public, should get to vote which one dies and in what fashion

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:41, Reply)
which, as I said above
is amazingly fucking hypocritical, given the tabloids are the only body who can really be held accountable for her suicide.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:39, Reply)
I think trying to blame people for suicide is generally a non starter.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:39, Reply)
yes, granted.
these things cannot be predicted. But the press manufactured the outrage about the call, so are really the only party that have done anything seriously "morally" wrong.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:41, Reply)
I do more morally wrong things with your mum before breakfast for gods sake!
And no one is calling for my suicide...
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:42, Reply)
I am

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:43, Reply)
you don't
the carers don't get her out of bed until after breakfast.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:44, Reply)
she doesnt need to be out of bed

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:02, Reply)
As recently as the 1820s
it was necessary to pass a law outlawing the burying (and staking) of suicides at crossroads, in this country.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:42, Reply)
Perhaps if all the nosey cunts stopped buying the papers
and stopped being interested in "slebs" who they'll never meet as a substitute for a real social life, less of this kind of thing might occur?
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:42, Reply)
Yes. But the papers could equally stop publishing it.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:45, Reply)
Not while it makes them money
The market decides, etc
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:51, Reply)
bollocks
I mean, in all other areas you are entirely right, but in the area of news the market is too retarded to decide. It reads whatever shit you put in front of it.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:56, Reply)
So you're saying that if the Sun got rid of the tits and stupid sleb headlines
and turned into the Telegraph overnight, it'd still sell as many million copies?
Shite sleb-obsessed papers only exist because saddoes want to read about slebs. If they didn't then everyone would be reading something with actual news in it.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:03, Reply)
What are tenterhooks?

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:41, Reply)

www.thefreedictionary.com/tenterhooks
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:42, Reply)
Where does the phrase originate?

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:44, Reply)
Here:
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tenterden
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:46, Reply)
A tenter is used to dry wool without it shrinking as part of the manufacturing process.
So to be on tenterhooks is to be stretched, or under strain and exposed.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:47, Reply)
Sounds reasonable
Can't be bothered to check validity
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:48, Reply)
Well it's right, you lazy cunt.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:55, Reply)
Thing for holding cloth while it dries to stop shrinkage

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:48, Reply)
hooks on a tenter

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:42, Reply)
Hooks on a tenter, of course.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:43, Reply)
hooks on a tenter i'd have said.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:46, Reply)
Seeing as no-one is giving you a sensible answer
I'm going to say 'hooks on a tenter' here.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:46, Reply)
It originally comes from the practice
Of the British Raj, where the officers would require a large amount and varity of monkey prositutes to satisfy their urges. They also required the monkeys to be very stupid hence the order of:

Ten Dur Ho Oooks
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:11, Reply)
Today will be pork belly, with apple mash, sauteed leeks and a black pudding fritter.
I like New specials day.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:44, Reply)
I fookin love belly pork.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:47, Reply)
me too.
I also love black pudding. And you.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:48, Reply)
Let's elope!

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:52, Reply)
Pork belly is magnificent
Cayenne pepper/dried chillis, paprika, pepper and a little apple sauce, spread on both sides, then roast. I now want some.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:00, Reply)
correct.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:04, Reply)
Damn right.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:05, Reply)
I'd like to point out that it's been too long in the UK since we had someone make a pathetic attempt at being a serial killer.
Whilst it's highly unlikely we'll see someone as wonderful as Moaty again we need someone to attempt being the next Derrick Bird.

I'd like to suggest one of you gives it a go. If you decided to take me up on this challenge I will pay a whole £6. per kill, with a £20. bonus for slaughtering plumdozer.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:45, Reply)
I work just round the corner from Moaty's storm drain, you know.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:47, Reply)
I'm hoping to make it back to Rothbury on my way up Edinburgh.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:48, Reply)
I nearly didn't get out of the place last week cos the road conditions were completely shit.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:50, Reply)
I'm disappointed it will be too cold for me to wear my bright orange t-shirt.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:52, Reply)
You're the borderline psychopath round here, why don't you do it?

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:47, Reply)
Nothing borderline about it Nakers. Watch out eh?

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:49, Reply)
*checks under desk*

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:51, Reply)
To my mind Shipman doesn't really count
and that self-styled 'Crossbow Cannibal' wanker was shit.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:48, Reply)
Agree about Shipman. He cheated.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:48, Reply)
Crossbow guy had QOTW written all over his face

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:50, Reply)
I always refer to Shipman as a mass murderer rather than serial killer.
But that's just personal preference.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:52, Reply)
My personal preference is that someone takes me up on my offer and kills you.
Today if possible.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:54, Reply)
your personal preference is young boys

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:15, Reply)
They categorised Shipman as our 'worst' serial killer
As he was the most prolific, surely he was our BEST serial killer.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:34, Reply)
fuck off with your rehashed jokes you prosaic prick.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 12:09, Reply)
Derrick Bird was a mass murderer
Not a serial killer.

For God's sake man, have some respect for the Ted Bundys of this world.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:50, Reply)
True,
I quite like a good family murder, like that English fella, emigrated to France, lost all his money l, killed everyone (including the dogs and horses) and then burnt the place to the ground. If you're gonna flip out, kill everything.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:50, Reply)
Got to go out in style.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:53, Reply)
I don't like any sorts of murders.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:56, Reply)
what a controversial stance

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 10:58, Reply)
I find them fascinating.
I watch a lot of murder documentaries.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:02, Reply)
CSI Miami is my favourite

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:03, Reply)
I'd like them to make CSI York as a one off special, featuring the painful slaughter of the trainee manager of the Whitby New Town Leisure Centre

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:04, Reply)
When I was a jobcentre monkey
I had a client wot done a murder. He was a bit of a cunt, really.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:05, Reply)
Met a couple of murderers who were homeless post prison discharge when I volunteered for Crisis
Neither of them looked particularly mean or nasty.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:08, Reply)
This guy was.
A horrible, weaselly looking scrote of a man who also happened to be HIV positive and deliberately infected his girlfriend. Him and another bloke did a homeless guy in and dumped him in the sea.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:11, Reply)
Sounds like a real charmer.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:14, Reply)
He was indeed.
I had another client who everyone suspected was a kiddy fiddler. A few months after I left the job, lo and behold he was banged up for it.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:23, Reply)
Deacon shoe lolz

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:21, Reply)
Daily Mash in 'quite lol link' shoqqqua
www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/our-kids-arent-taking-enough-drugs-say-rave-parents-2012121152707?utm_campaign=12122012&utm_source=emailCampaign&utm_medium=email&utm_content=
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:05, Reply)
WHO CARES?
Whilst tragic, this woman is hardly a massive loss to the medical profession. What would she have done in a real crisis?

I feel sorry for her family because I should but it's nowhere near as interesting as my BBC Advent calendar where you uncover a paedo celebrity everyday!

Alt: Homemade pate salad rolls.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:05, Reply)
Is that the calendar where the best flaps open up to #12?

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:07, Reply)
You don't want any flaps after #16.
*forbiddenflapslols*
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:08, Reply)
chortle

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:31, Reply)
This is the "can only open the flaps up to 18" joke, isn't it?

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:09, Reply)
In your own time.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:10, Reply)
Portmanteau lols: I've found out Nakers' surname:
www.houseofnames.com/bastick-family-crest
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:08, Reply)
10/10.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:08, Reply)
hahaha!
click
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:10, Reply)
terrible historical bullying

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:10, Reply)
My favourite kind.
You should put that crest as your profile.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:13, Reply)
cannae from my work

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:21, Reply)
Just give me your password and I'll do it for you.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:22, Reply)
+ PIN

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:23, Reply)
+ number

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:24, Reply)
Oh FFS.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:25, Reply)
what?
you'll need it to get money out of the ATM machine
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:27, Reply)
+number

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:25, Reply)
ffs, #stn

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:30, Reply)
I don't get it?

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:12, Reply)
bent + spastic = Bastick and :o(

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:13, Reply)
You really should change your name from turkey to goose.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:16, Reply)
I see now that it wasn't funny
and there was nothing to "get".
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:19, Reply)
WTN

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:22, Reply)
what is there to get now?

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:22, Reply)
Poked in the eye by your head dobber?

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:37, Reply)
i's ok I wear safety goggles so nah : p

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:39, Reply)
:o(

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:27, Reply)
I'll just leave this here for you, Monts.
metro.co.uk/2012/12/12/paul-mccartney-to-replace-kurt-cobain-at-nirvana-reunion-gig-3312907/
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:27, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1806026
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:28, Reply)
it's been posted already, up there^^

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:28, Reply)
thread's dead baby, thread's dead

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:44, Reply)
Nice one 'Curtis Mayfield'

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:56, Reply)
burn 'em all, i say.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:44, Reply)
Alright the Doveston
Would you mind starting a new thread whilst you're here please?

These wankers are too fucking lazy to start their own, it seems.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 11:54, Reply)
Typical Media witch hunt.
Nobody blamed them for giving Jade Goody cancer. Then they made her a saint (or something, I can't remember)

I've made some sandwich rolls as the canteen downstairs is doing Christmas dinner 5 days in a row.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 12:10, Reply)

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