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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Thread number six, Stevie Nicks.
I think I've missed my calling as a bingo caller.

What career could you have followed given a second go at life? And which career would you choose given an ability which you don't actually have?

Alt: Name your ultimate cold weather comfort food
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 14:35, 162 replies, latest was 12 years ago)
Astronaught.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 14:35, Reply)
Grilled, or fried?

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 14:36, Reply)
Fried, but only quickly or it goes rubbery.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 14:36, Reply)
Lacist

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 14:37, Reply)
I could have been an excellent street fighter.
Provided I had been born with an aggressive personality and a far less "doughy" physique.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 14:36, Reply)
In the Metro this morning was a fellow
who has gone round the world eating and reviewing sausages. I have seldom felt such heart-rending pangs of jealousy in my life.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 14:37, Reply)
Really?
He looked like a cunt, there is no way someone who looked like a cunt could have bagged a hot catch like Lusty so you ... oh.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 14:40, Reply)
:o(

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 14:42, Reply)
I would have taken my formal education one hell of a lot more seriously and done something constructive with my brain.
Alt: Sausages and mash - king of comfort food.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 14:38, Reply)
Alt: I hear ya, Vaggie old boy.
I am going to make sausages with my kid on Saturday THIS IS NOT A LOL EUPHEMISM HA fucking HA.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 14:40, Reply)
How are you going to stuff them?

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 14:40, Reply)
P-RACTICE*

*I got given a basic boxed kit (just add meat) for my birthday: I think it's kind of a piping bag affair. If I get on OK with it I plan to invest in the proper gear next year and fulfil a lifelong ambition.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 14:43, Reply)
Alt: roast lamb.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 14:42, Reply)
I like to get a a leg of lamb and after you've carved it to get the good meat off, to pick it up and pretend to be a caveman.
Or Obelix.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 14:44, Reply)
Without the pretending.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 14:50, Reply)
A pilot, an architect or some kind of rock god
Alt:
Proper broth that you can stand a spoon up in
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 14:42, Reply)
I wouldn't change a thing if I HAD to work.
Millionaire playboy dead in 6 months person if not.

Alt: Homemade lasagna and garlic bread is tough to beat. Or fishpie. Or fingerpie. Lol.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 14:49, Reply)
or H pie

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:04, Reply)
I am shopping king \o/
Gynocologist

Alt:Mutton rice’n’pes
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 14:50, Reply)

shopping Jonathan
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 14:52, Reply)
See not *all* strikethroughs are shit

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 14:52, Reply)
Just mine?

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 14:52, Reply)
If only.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 14:55, Reply)
I bought Cans
Cans Monts Wicked Cans
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 14:57, Reply)
6 Stellas for a fiver yeah?

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 14:58, Reply)
Fuck I knew I forgot something.....
No ear cans
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 14:59, Reply)
Pffffttttt
YoUn
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 14:52, Reply)
big success on /talk yesterday, well done.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 14:56, Reply)
they were just coming around, he should have tried harder and for longer

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 14:57, Reply)
Cheers Dove

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 14:57, Reply)
I think tonight's REMATCH should be worth the entry price.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 14:58, Reply)
Know what I mean Harry

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:00, Reply)
Some sort of sculpture artist
Along the Henry Moore lines, I think that would be great, or a while ago I saw a programme with a chap that owned some woodland and he hand carved heraldic stuff for churches etc, I think that would be great.

Alt, Bangers mash and onion gravy
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 14:56, Reply)
Gotta be onion gravy, no question.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:07, Reply)
I would like to have been doing something more creative, product designer, architect taht sort of thing
alt: Beef and Ale pie, chips and peas.

in other news I over heated my pasta in the microwave to such a degree I think it may hav briefly travelled back in time.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 14:56, Reply)
new tarrintino film looks good
www.guardian.co.uk/film/2012/dec/12/django-unchained-first-look-review
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 14:58, Reply)
Stop linking things that I've just read.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 14:59, Reply)
I might link to jar of coffee i just read

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:00, Reply)
I had a cup of coffee about an hour ago

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:01, Reply)
Wow this is getting SPOOKY

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:01, Reply)
PATEL

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:02, Reply)
SP

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:03, Reply)
SP






ps SP
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:04, Reply)
I'm in your browserz

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:00, Reply)
i saw the trailer a while back and thought it looked good
glad the evil nazi guy is in it, he's great
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 14:59, Reply)
Have you seen the trailer for "Man of Steel"?

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:01, Reply)
i have yes, looks alright from what you can tell
Returns was sucha pile of bullshit
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:03, Reply)
Superman is like the shittest superhero.
I'm going to fight you! Oh no you've got kryptonite, fighting you will make me fall over a little and sweat but then the music will come up and I'll win anyway.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:04, Reply)
or if they don't have kryptonite then he can basically win in any situation

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:07, Reply)
which is why he's shit.
too goody goody as well.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:07, Reply)
They always have kryptonite.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:08, Reply)
bad times
They should get Gene Hackman back for the new one
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:11, Reply)
He's a faggot.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:09, Reply)
did he speed bum you?

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:09, Reply)
No.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:13, Reply)
What a gay!

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:15, Reply)

I NO YOU ARE!!!!!
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:28, Reply)
£100 says it's not as good as your actual Django which is to my mind the best western* ever
*Best Western LOL!!! Like the hotels!!! DO YOU GET THIS????

uk.imdb.com/media/rm3268844800/tt0060315
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:01, Reply)
That is a premier joke right there

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:03, Reply)
Get Inn!!!!!!!

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:08, Reply)
Ibis-sed this one

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:09, Reply)
damn. Yours was better.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:09, Reply)
WTN

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:10, Reply)
What does WTN stand for?

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:15, Reply)
Worse than nakkers

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:16, Reply)
Worse than Nakers lol

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:16, Reply)
Oh :(

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:16, Reply)
I(bis) agree

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:09, Reply)
MARRIOTT

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:09, Reply)
Are you saying he has a small face?

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:18, Reply)
If no one gets this I am going to cry.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:20, Reply)
I don't get this.
I'm sure no one else does.
edit: plz cry on webcam
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:20, Reply)
+ while sucking your finger

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:21, Reply)


(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:22, Reply)
I logged in on my phone to see that : (

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:23, Reply)
Hahaha

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:25, Reply)
FFS where IS Tangles?
The one time I could do with that Tofu wanker around and he's AWOL.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:23, Reply)
He's mid way through the seven cycles of sun worship for today

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:24, Reply)
better get the tissues ready

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:21, Reply)
steve?

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:31, Reply)
PRAISE GOD
Thanks Bonz.

FUCK YOU ALL.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:40, Reply)
I would add
The Long Riders

(ignores hotel jokes)
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:22, Reply)
I might have pursued acting a bit more vigorously
I'd love to be able to play piano.

An I love a good soup in winter. Chunky.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:13, Reply)
+ the
you ghastly yankophile
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:14, Reply)
You mean you might have pursued other men a bit more vigourously.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:16, Reply)
Doubt that's possible

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:17, Reply)
I dunno monty,
I wanted to be a bus driver as a young man. Not no more. Maybe if I'd done the uni thing I could have done the teaching thing, but who knows.
In answer to your second question. Wolverine.

Alt. Hot mince pies with clotted cream.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:16, Reply)
The only way I can force a mince pie down me
is to prise the lid off and put a fuck off lump of brandy butter in it before heating, then top with cream. I'm not a massive fan of dried fruit on the whole. Xmas cake is fucking repulsive: dried fruit AND marzipan? Double urgh.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:18, Reply)
Mince pies are rank.
And I applaud your stance on Christmas cake.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:25, Reply)
Oh DG. Not you as well.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:25, Reply)
'fraid so.
Awful, awful, awful stuff. Now excuse me, I'm going to pick the missus up from work.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:26, Reply)
Send her my love

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:37, Reply)
I always knew you were a wrong'un.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:25, Reply)
inni doh

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:27, Reply)
Hahaha AWN*


*agreeing with Nakers
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:28, Reply)
good mince pies are great
and I'ma fruit cake and christmas pudding hater
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:28, Reply)

cake and christmas pudding hater
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:32, Reply)
you wish

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:33, Reply)
I CANNOT BELIEVE WHAT I AM READING.
Mince pies are all of the ace, and all the Christmas cake can get in my belly.

No other cake though, all other cake can do one.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:39, Reply)
I wont hear a bad word said against marzipan
it's the only thing that makes battenburgs worth the effort
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:46, Reply)
Chemist perhaps?
I quite liked chemistry at school and got good grades, but ended up pursuing maths instead and falling into IT.

Alt: I think we all know by now.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:29, Reply)
RUSTLERZ

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:33, Reply)
No, beans on toast
HAH!
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:35, Reply)
Oh poo :o(

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:43, Reply)
Do you have the kind with the little sausages in?
I used to like those.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:48, Reply)
They're alright
but usually I just add a few dried herbs and spices and some worcestershire sauce and a little garlic and maybe a blob of sandwich pickle and perhaps a little curry powder. As you do.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 16:05, Reply)
Given another go around, I would have been one of those frightful stage school luvvie types.
If I could have the ability to stare down a room full of disaffected teenagers, I might go back to teaching.

Alt: slow cooked beef stew.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:33, Reply)
Nigella Lawson's beef and thyme stew is the best recipe I have tried.
I skip the anchovies.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:35, Reply)
I should fucking think so.
In other news, can we not talk about food right now, please? I think I might have inadvertently consumed some dairy, and my insides are now gonzing like a motherfucker.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:37, Reply)
I skip the anchovies too.
All over her tits.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:38, Reply)
I HEAR YA BRO!!!!!!

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:39, Reply)
*fist bumps*

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:40, Reply)
Given the number of high profile nonce cases around.
It won't be long until the position of 'national treasure' becomes available. So that. If that is a step too far, I'll be happy just being 'the nations favourite'.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:35, Reply)
+ twat

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:36, Reply)
I would have liked to have been a Butcher, a purveyor if fine meats to the well-heeled of Great Britain.
If I was any good at Association Footballs I would like to have been a Footballist. Go on, the footballs, the crowd would cheer, as I put the footballs in to the goals of the other team. O, Devil, they would sing, you are actually one of the best footballists there is!

Alt: Stew and Dumplings, you mother!
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:36, Reply)

actually one of the best footballists there is! not quite as shit as Gervinho
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:37, Reply)
There are very few things on this planet that are not quite as shit as Gervinho.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:39, Reply)
I've had shits that aren't as shit as Gervinho.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:39, Reply)
I've had your mum

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:40, Reply)
How was she?

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:41, Reply)
Not quite as shit as Gervinho

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:41, Reply)
I imagine Gervinho is absolutely brilliant at foreplay
but when it comes to actually getting in there he can't sort his appendages out and shoots wide.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:43, Reply)
I think it's more like he's an azaming date
He brings the flowers, books the finest restaurant in town, has a sparkling conversation and chooses the perfect menu. Then they ride back to his place in horsedrawn carriage before he attempts to open the front door but instead punches he repeatedly in the face before dumping her corpse in a shallow grave in the woods and then trying again the following week, with the same result.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:47, Reply)
Still, he's better than Chamakh, eh?

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:49, Reply)
I'm really cross with the whole team actually.
I think they should all stop getting paid until they can prove they are able to actually play football.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:51, Reply)
Who hasn't?

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:41, Reply)
Nobody except you.
Even your wife has had your mum. She said she preferred your mum to you, but didn't want to hurt your feelings.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:42, Reply)
This is just too weird for words.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:44, Reply)
That's what your mum said when I insisted on wearing a mask of your face when I did her.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:47, Reply)
Did you tell her it was alright,
she wouldn't see your face from the angle you were going to do her anyway?
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:49, Reply)
No.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:51, Reply)
Dumplings are fucking brilliant aren't they
I've tried to make them a few times but they never turn out as well as my mothers. They don't seem to crisp up enough on top.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:39, Reply)
I am a huge fan of your mother's dumplings and in that I am far from alone.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:40, Reply)
They are very fine.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:43, Reply)
I've only made them a few times:
1st time: COR! Just like Gran makes 'em!
2nd time: Acceptable
3rd time: FUCK THIS! *throws them out of window*
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:41, Reply)
I had a talent for programming at school, if I'd followed that, who knows?
I'd want to be a footballer. Do fuck all, get paid shitloads.

Alt: Lasagne, beef stew, or sausage & mash with onion gravy. Honourable mention also goes to the fish finger sandwich.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:36, Reply)
Ah the fish finger sandwich
or fingering as it is now known
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:50, Reply)
Bored of this thread now.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:57, Reply)
Should I get Skyrim now that I've got a new Laptop that can play it?

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:58, Reply)
That sounds like some high-end gaming you have planned here.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:58, Reply)
I'm not gonna lie Monty
when I was looking for a new laptop, the ability to play high end games was actually my top priority.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 16:04, Reply)
I'm all about the high end gaming

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 16:05, Reply)
I would be if I had time.
As it is, I'm all about the idea of high end gaming.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 16:06, Reply)
Yeah, it's good
Although wait until there's the next Steam sale, it might be 50% off or something.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 16:00, Reply)
Good idea.
I do like Steam sales. I realised a few weeks back that I had already bought Portal 2 and GTA IV.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 16:03, Reply)
Humble bundles are a great way to pick up a bunch of games for less than a fiver as well.
Plus you're giving to chariteee
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 16:09, Reply)
Me too Chompy

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 15:58, Reply)
Your perfect woman
www.guardian.co.uk/world/2012/dec/12/spain-woman-cocaine-breast-implants
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 16:01, Reply)
Phwoarrrr

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 16:02, Reply)
Fucking hell, that's extreme.
They must have known in advance though. Also, can you force someone to undergo surgery?
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 16:05, Reply)
As in, can the customs people actually force you to have surgery to find out they were right
I'm sure the cartels are happy to force people to do all kinds of shit.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 16:05, Reply)
You can, usually it has to be signed off by an ethical commitee in the hospital or a judge.
I doubt, they'd do it if the woman wasn't at risk, but a half arsed boob job full of cocaine is a risk
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 16:07, Reply)
True.
Imagine if they split, that would be fucking awful. You probably wouldn't know what was happening before your heart exploded or whatever it does.
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 16:09, Reply)
You end up with an IVA and look like a 80s roady from what I understand.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 16:10, Reply)
But you inexplicably get a hot girlfriend too.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 16:15, Reply)
That's only because we're both taken Al

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 16:17, Reply)
Yeah, totally dude
*fist bumps*
(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 16:24, Reply)
I've been bored of it since it started.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 16:00, Reply)
I prefer the one you started OH HANG ON

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 16:04, Reply)
Too busy earning Polish zloty.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 16:05, Reply)
I had to go away for a bit, and have missed almost all of your thread.

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 16:15, Reply)
i dun a new thread, just to kill the rest of the day

(, Wed 12 Dec 2012, 16:33, Reply)

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