I went to get some beers, and some petrol, and some chocolate, and some dog food, and although I didn't go for some, I also got some lead replacement fluid for the engine in my car.
Anyway, when I was there, there was a nasty old lady shouting abuse at a shop assistant, because the eggs she normally buys weren't there. She was rude, and horrid, and abusive. And then just collapsed. I sort of tried to help, but the shop assistant was the first aider, and sorted her out, and the old lady was still rude when she came round, despite what the staff had done to make sure she was ok.
Ever been so angry at someone you passed out? or shit yourself? Are you rude to the minions in the 7-11 where you buy your special brew and rustlers?

alt: Or are you super nice, and all the bar staff at the pub think you're a prick for pretending to be all matey, when actually, they can't stand the sight of you?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 13 Dec 2012, 16:34, 113 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Yeah nice Bingo call subject line you wanker.
'Thread number seven: weekend in Devon' - something like that would have been fine, but no, you had to be 'different'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 16:35, Reply)

I'm not playing your game.
It's stupid and I hate it. And I hate your stupid face.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 13 Dec 2012, 16:36, Reply)

Your stupid face: can of White Ace.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 16:37, Reply)

Can of white Ace: jizz on your face

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 16:38, Reply)

STOP IT!!!!

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 13 Dec 2012, 16:38, Reply)

Sorry, old man.
I'm not sure I can.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 16:39, Reply)

You know, I might have to put you on ignore for this abuse.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 13 Dec 2012, 16:41, Reply)

This is high drama right here

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 16:42, Reply)

*EastEnders drums*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 16:44, Reply)

one up the bum

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 16:45, Reply)

*golf claps*

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 17:20, Reply)

I'm always nice to people serving me, politness costs nothing
unless they are pricks of course in which case I mainly behead them.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 16:37, Reply)

I'm lovely in real life, but a completely boorish, rude prick on the internet.
It helps the time pass.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 16:38, Reply)

I reckon you're the sort of lovely where bar staff think you're a bit of a prick.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 13 Dec 2012, 16:38, Reply)

I bet he leans on the bar looking all chummy, but witha £20 note in his sweaty paw
in case the bar staff don't realise that he is awware that a monetary transaction will need to occur for him to get a drink
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 16:39, Reply)

I also click my fingers to get their attention.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 16:40, Reply)

I always ignored people who did that in bars... and whistling. Fuckers.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 17:04, Reply)

Whistling's another good one.
Or shouting "Hey! Two pints of Fosters pronto!"
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 17:20, Reply)

The problem with doing that
is that you end up with two pints of Fosters.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 17:50, Reply)

Well, yes, but you've got their attention then, and can order your bottle of brandy more easily.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 18:00, Reply)

I am polite but aloof
and a bit of a poof.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 16:40, Reply)

which bit?
I bet it's the anus
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 16:40, Reply)

Bet it's the anus: Coriolanus

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 16:42, Reply)

I'm fucking lovely, me.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 16:42, Reply)

but i still smell of wee

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 16:43, Reply)

Moustachiod Tart,
Don't you bloody start.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 16:44, Reply)

I've never drunk special brew.
Some of my homebrew could be described as similar though.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 16:43, Reply)

Good job!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 16:43, Reply)

I've had tennents super,
but not special brew.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 13 Dec 2012, 16:45, Reply)

thanks "scarpe"

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 16:46, Reply)

You know,
I'm proud of scarpe for giving up the drink
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 13 Dec 2012, 16:46, Reply)

me too, he seems like a good sort
someone I'd happily go for a drink with...
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 16:47, Reply)

Cheers!

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 16:48, Reply)

I saw an ad for that 'give up drink all of January' campaign
and thought, man that lager looks fucking lovely.

:o(
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 16:49, Reply)

The 'Free Quit Kit' anti smoking ads every January used to do the same to me for cigarettes.
I swear they are actually funded by the tobacco industry in a massive double bluff.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 16:51, Reply)

January is a month you need a drink more than any

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 16:56, Reply)

Polite and succinct.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 16:44, Reply)

But you fucking stinked.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 16:45, Reply)

1/10

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 16:49, Reply)

Bingo-style fun?
My work here is done.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 16:44, Reply)

I'm always polite
Alt: I get on pretty well with most bar staff at my local.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 16:44, Reply)

they dangle their clagnuts in your guiness like pooey teabags

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 16:45, Reply)

I don't drink Guinness.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 16:50, Reply)

+ after i found a clagnut in my pint

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 16:59, Reply)

I haven't had any Guinness since 2005 when I toured the brewery, and discovered it really does taste like shit no matter where you go
HTH
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 17:01, Reply)

+ and they still dangled their clagnuts in my pint

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 17:02, Reply)

Do you want to know a sure fire way of telling if they actually like you, or are just being nice because you're a regular?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 13 Dec 2012, 16:46, Reply)

ooh i do

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 16:47, Reply)

I'm not telling you.
I'm gonna gaz everyone else that asks, except you.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 13 Dec 2012, 16:48, Reply)

Oh cheers for that gaz mate, what an eye-opener.
Who knew that the trick is simply 'don't be Nakers'?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 16:50, Reply)

i know, easy isn't it.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 13 Dec 2012, 16:50, Reply)

A rule of life for pretty much all situations.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 16:51, Reply)

It's the only rule that isn't meant to be broken.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 16:54, Reply)

Is it if your pint tastes like semen?

(PsychoChomp, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 16:53, Reply)

no, its to do with the way they interact with you.
Any bar staff can feign interest in whatever dull tripe the regulars are prattling on about.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 13 Dec 2012, 16:56, Reply)

What way is that then?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 16:59, Reply)

I tend not to say anything more than.
"hi" "pint of grolsch please" and "busy tonight isn't it"
(PsychoChomp, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 17:00, Reply)

do you not tell them about your home brewing?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 17:01, Reply)

Nope, but they did collect all the cider bottles they sold for a weekend so I could get started.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 17:02, Reply)

'which of your cocktails has a taste strong enough to mask the flavour or *these* little beauties?'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 17:02, Reply)

have you got any blue cocktails per chance?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 17:03, Reply)

When I worked in bars I had to listen to all manner of crap from daytime alcoholics.
The ones who tipped or got me a drink bought my time.

Simples.

Such a bar whore.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 17:08, Reply)

:(

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 16:56, Reply)

This is "pretty cool"
www.guardian.co.uk/uk/interactive/2012/dec/13/census-2011-truth-where-you-live-interactive#E06000042
(PsychoChomp, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 16:51, Reply)

400% more asians, 16% less Irish.
I think we can all see whats happening in oxford at the moment.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 13 Dec 2012, 16:55, Reply)

It's easy to get a taxi, but the roads need resurfacing?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 17:17, Reply)

LOL

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 17:43, Reply)

Im always polite.
Even on the phone to Gupta in India regarding my broadband services.

I choose to vent through strongly worded emails, which always get ignored.

Suppose I should start being an irate cunt when things don't go my way.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 17:06, Reply)

See, earlier on you were on about canteens and turkey dinner, so i thought you were working class,
but the penchant for strongly worded letters has put a spanner in the works.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 13 Dec 2012, 17:08, Reply)

by strongly worded he means, written in big letters with crayons

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 17:10, Reply)

I got a Dictionary for Christmas once...
I can't help what they serve in the canteen! I haven't been here long enough for a revolt.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 17:13, Reply)

Much, much better thread. Well done you.
Having worked in customer relations for most of my adult life, I know how shitty customers can be. I tend to deal with shop staff as if they were actual human beings, and not blame them for things that are out of their control.

Shocking, eh?

Alt: conversely, I do wonder sometimes if people take me for a mug because I try to be polite most of the time.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 13 Dec 2012, 17:13, Reply)

unless they are lazy fucktards, in which case they deserve to get shit

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 17:14, Reply)

Obviously,
but I try to give them the benefit of the doubt first.

and I'm one of those sad bastards that tells the manager what I think of their staff - whether they've been super helpful or shockingly incompetent.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 13 Dec 2012, 17:16, Reply)

Get bent.
My bingo threads have consistently done very well on the reply count so NERR.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 17:17, Reply)

Frankly, I'd prefer Dozer's designer threads.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 13 Dec 2012, 17:22, Reply)

Well really.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 17:27, Reply)

basically im never rude
But as time goes on and I get older, I'm getting closer to snapping at the store at some mother fucker for walking or standing so god damned close to me I can feel their breath on my neck fuck THE FUCK OFF
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 17:16, Reply)

Do you read 'Not Always Right'?
Classic shopworker humour.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 13 Dec 2012, 17:22, Reply)

i just realized it looks like i mean at work
But I actually mean in general, at any store when they stand so close to you you can't sign your fucking receipt or enter your pin ughhhhhh drives me inSANE
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 17:27, Reply)

I've turned round to people and asked them to move away before.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 17:29, Reply)

im afraid im going to snap
Like have a massive rant and yell at everyone around me and then die of embarrassment and never be able to go to that store again
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 17:33, Reply)

"Excuse me, but do you realise that jabbing your trolley into my Achilles will NOT make the queue move faster, you old bag?"

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 17:33, Reply)

seriously ffs you bastards

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 17:40, Reply)

Old people are shit
They should do the decent thing and die
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 17:42, Reply)

'I like this'

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 13 Dec 2012, 18:12, Reply)

It used to be a lot funnier than it is now.
Now it's all the equivalent of "That was his first mistake"
(Bazongaloid, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 17:29, Reply)

I'm working on my 'Campaign for Real Al' manifesto at the moment.
Just so you know.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 17:44, Reply)

Excellent stuff.
I'm looking forward to reading it and seeing the campaign posters.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 17:52, Reply)

I'm going all-out.
Billboards, TV - the fuckin lot.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 17:53, Reply)

Stealing them?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 18:16, Reply)

HI GANG!
In real life I'm a nice guy. I'm funny, I'm tight with my mates and stand up to any sort of bullies. I've got into some sketchy situations when doing so, and I've pulled my mates up for homophobia when they were taking the piss out of another mate who'd recently come out.

The landlord of my local is a nice guy, but he's a working class Tory type which gets on my tits a bit. He knows I'm a Labour voter, so I get on his.

We tend to avoid talking politics.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 18:05, Reply)

Tl;dr;dc.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 18:17, Reply)

Ts; ts; dl; wf

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 18:25, Reply)

I try to be nice
customer service sucks. I talk too much, though. One shop assistant I ended up helping her with which course she could sign up for at college and another one was setting up a business about the same time I was and I helped with her business plan.
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 18:27, Reply)

Hello. I've got jelly.

( Kroney, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 18:32, Reply)

what colour?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 18:33, Reply)

green jelly!

(Bazongaloid, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 18:34, Reply)

YES!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=t1itGV5CmZU#t=39s
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 18:35, Reply)

Orange. I thought it was yellow :(

( Kroney, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 18:38, Reply)

gutted
but Al had the right answer
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 18:41, Reply)

alright Kroney?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 18:35, Reply)

Not bad, not bad.

( Kroney, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 18:37, Reply)

are you over in Europe at the moment?
Germany, right?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 18:40, Reply)

Nah, don't leave until Wednesday.

( Kroney, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 18:41, Reply)

had your Xmas party yet?
Mine is tomorrow and there's an imposed seating plan. I could end up on the same table as the MD or CEO. I hope I don't get too pissed and bring out my standup gags.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 18:50, Reply)

Best advice is to alternate between hard and soft drinks at works do’s.
That and sit where the fuck you like
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 18:56, Reply)

it's alright HH
The SMT think I'm wonderful.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 19:04, Reply)

Pffffftttttttt
Last time I try to give you advice.
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 19:08, Reply)

also: just don't go

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 19:07, Reply)

I have to go.
It looks deucedly bad not to.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 19:09, Reply)

Mike Posner's forthcoming ZZZzzzzzzzzzz
KWS did it better
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 13 Dec 2012, 19:10, Reply)