Chips
When were your chips last pissed on?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:26, 112 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

My chips are so frequently pissed on that they look like chippy croutons in a cauldron of pissy soup.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:27, Reply)

this^
Moving house starts on Friday
"Hey boss, can I have next week off?"
"NO"
"cunt"
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:29, Reply)

I'm sorry Mr Boyce, these chips are considered an asset and as such will be taken and sold to help service your debts.
You can keep the bowl of piss though.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:30, Reply)

^excellent

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:31, Reply)

i clicked
we will go out for pissy soup soon. maybe we can piss in someone else's soup for a change.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:32, Reply)

At work today.
You know what's great about having two managers? It's when they both moan you're not doing work for them fast enough.
You know what's better than having 2 managers, having 4.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:29, Reply)

NHS at work

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:30, Reply)

Have you considered working faster

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:30, Reply)

Ignore Bonzodog29, I need that job doing for me yesterday.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:31, Reply)

that's the thing with the NHS right.
Too many managers, not enough people to actually help customers.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:42, Reply)

That and referring to patients as 'customers'

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:44, Reply)

*tedious joke/discussion on the definition of an actual customer*

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:47, Reply)

the last time will come to me, i'm sure
the first time i remember hearing that expression was when i was a letting agent. i was allowed to take a mother and her little girl out in the boss' beautiful soft-top jag because all the other cars were out. as we got in, the little girl piped up:

"ooh, it's the same as daddy's car!"

"no darling," said the ghastly mother. "daddy's is a DB7. this is just a jaguar."

here love, there's one or two fries at the bottom of the box that didn't get caught in that golden shower.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:29, Reply)

This is hardly chip pissing is it?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:30, Reply)

it totally was
i was so proud of myself in that car. then it was all ruined.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:31, Reply)

You were a letting agent, you should never have been proud of yourself
soz
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:41, Reply)

hey, i fucking loved that job

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:54, Reply)

Yeah but everyone hated you, sorry to be the bearer
but letting agents are vampires, they do fuck all and charge a fuck load to do it.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:56, Reply)

ack ack ack
this is so untrue! i worked my arse off. particularly chasing rent from scousers who simply feel that they don't have to pay rent, for some magical reason.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:08, Reply)

Pffft.
Pawned.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:31, Reply)

Perceptive child
iirc the two cars had the same designer and shared a lot of (mostly Ford) bits.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:34, Reply)

NO PLATFORM SAHRING CAR CAHT

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:36, Reply)

Ahahah!

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:38, Reply)

she was about 5
i think it was as complex as: no roof and shiny.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:37, Reply)

(◉‿◉)
(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:30, Reply)

You can fuck off an 'all

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:30, Reply)

(◉‿◉)
(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:34, Reply)

Hi King Zog of Albania, what's up?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:35, Reply)

is the the baldbirdwatcher again?
i get confused with all teh wakki
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:37, Reply)

I dunno who he is, but i like his face

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:39, Reply)

Oh God
Hello
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:48, Reply)

alright Twats

(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:10, Reply)

My chips were stolen.
/really profound
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:30, Reply)

:o(

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:31, Reply)

I just pissed on someone elses chips
My first project on joining was to upgrade some downloads, now the old versions are being discontinued including two I didn't upgrade. User manager comes over moaning about why the hell they weren't done - I managed to pull out an old email from HIS boss saying not to. Score.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:36, Reply)

I just dun a brownload

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:40, Reply)

Illegal pile sharing?

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:54, Reply)

I avoid chips due to my healthy active lifestyle

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:40, Reply)

You just order extra mcnuggets

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:41, Reply)

How's the training going, champ?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:41, Reply)

he's giving the prossies a 20 second head start now

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:42, Reply)

I'm running about 8 miles a week.
Early in the morning, 2 x 2 mile runs and 1 x 4. Will gradually build up the distance until the run in September.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:43, Reply)

2 mile runs, fuck me watch out Gebrselassie!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:44, Reply)

oh shut up, you're meant to build up slowly.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:47, Reply)

^ this ^

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:48, Reply)

Yeah slowly, 1 mile warm up jog then a miles run...
my granny could do that and she's been dead for 29 years
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:51, Reply)

How much exercise do you do?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:51, Reply)

He burns many excess calories in trying to hit the right letters on his keyboard

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:54, Reply)

I run 7k three times a week,
plus some core and weights

all subject to time, but i'm pretty good
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:55, Reply)

Of course you do.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:57, Reply)

Yeah I do
Like I say sometimes I miss a session cos of work though.

Don't get me wrong, running the Great North run is fantastic, 2 mile runs are very short that's all. iguess with you smoking it's tough though
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:59, Reply)

I have plenty of time to build up the distance. Downloaded a plan from runnersworld.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:00, Reply)

Tee Hee Eee
www.vice.com/en_uk/read/deep-inside-the-chain-pub-piss-dungeon
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:41, Reply)

old story is old

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:42, Reply)

Well excuse me for not knowing everything you've ever read on the entire internet.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:45, Reply)

have you noticed what this thread is about champ?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:45, Reply)

I was just tryin' to turn it 'round on you.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:52, Reply)

One of the things I like about this place is its chip-pissing abilities.
It doesn't do to get too smug about what you're up to, so having everyone on here point out what a prick you are helps to keep perspective.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:42, Reply)

For example, we haven't let your recent massive commercial muscial success go to your head

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:48, Reply)

Precisely.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:50, Reply)

Hey Tangles - have you got your last vinyl pressing back?
If so, is it up to scratch?*




*See what I did there - vinyl - scratch? Please yourselves
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:03, Reply)

Not yet.
It has been pulled from the original pressing plant and is now with a new place.
I'm expecting a new set of test pressings next week some time.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:07, Reply)

Did the original plant give any reason why their test pressings were sub-standard?

(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:16, Reply)

We're not dealing directly with the plant, so no.
We gave our man good reasons why they were sub-standard though, which is why he has taken it somewhere else.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:20, Reply)

No one has ever pissed on my chips
Literally or figuratively. hope this helps x
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:49, Reply)

I for one would like to congratulate Sporters on the quality of this thread*


*Not really. It's crap.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:54, Reply)

I haz a squidy home made cookie!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:54, Reply)

Calamari cookies?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:03, Reply)

This morning.
I got on my bathroom scales for the first time in months, and they said "Oi, one at a time please!"

Everyone's a fucking critic.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:56, Reply)

'No coach parties'

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:57, Reply)

"Domestic use only. Not for use in zoos."

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:59, Reply)

'Queue on the left'

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:59, Reply)

I'm going to end up being carried out of my house by firemen :-(

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:02, Reply)

After they've smashed a couple of walls down.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:04, Reply)

I rather think that was the joke.
Are you dopey?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:05, Reply)

Very very tired.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:05, Reply)

Sleepy, then.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:08, Reply)

CLICK

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:08, Reply)

"weighbridge this way"

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:00, Reply)

"would you like to convert metric fuck tons into kilos?"

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:02, Reply)

"I am a talking scale, that's pretty impressive don't you think"

(PsychoChomp, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:01, Reply)

That's nothing.
You should hear what my talking toilet says.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:04, Reply)

'I cannae take anymore Captain'

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:05, Reply)

Haha yeah my talking kettle insisted that I go out and kill some prostitutes with my hammer last night.
Don't you hate it when they do that?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:05, Reply)

Not really. I quite enjoy it.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:07, Reply)

"That's no moon!"

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:09, Reply)