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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Tesco are going all-out on the grovel front eh?
Full page ad in the Metro this morning and I also got a similar wheedling email telling me all about how they're 'changing' and what they've 'learnt' from this horse scandal.

Tesco are the scum of the fucking earth. Yeti's sister resigned from her buying job for them because she couldn't live with their complete lack of morals and ethics and is now happy at Sainsbury's doing a similar job.

What do you think will 'change' after all this shit? More expensive Findus lasagnes for one thing.

Alt: who also is the scum of the earth?
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 9:58, 211 replies, latest was 13 years ago)
FANKS

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 9:59, Reply)
STOMP STOMP STOMP

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:01, Reply)
hahahaa
For this I name you Al
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:05, Reply)
Alright Betty.

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:08, Reply)
Hmmmmm
*rollerskates behind bus*
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:08, Reply)
Good as gold thanks
good as gold
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:09, Reply)
Alt: shit stirring inlaws.

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:01, Reply)
To my dying day I shall never forgive my ex's mother for the shit she caused when my daughter was born.
No wonder my ex is such an epic cunt with that hag as a role model. Fucking evil Greek bitch.
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:02, Reply)

shit stirr house buy
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:03, Reply)
I am very grateful for their generosity, but they should stay about from my marriage.

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:04, Reply)
Soz mate it's like the mafia, you owe them and will be in their pockets for ever more

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:08, Reply)
And i mean that literally

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:09, Reply)
It didn't help that their email had this picture on it.
www.tesco.com/emailImages/GRY_FD_27-02-13/v11.jpg
Yeah, great, I really want you in charge of my food.
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:01, Reply)
That's their 'sorry' face.

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:03, Reply)
Strike through sorry. Replace with cum

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:06, Reply)
Ewww.
Right into the frozen peas.
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:09, Reply)
muttor paneer

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:14, Reply)
SEMEN PATEL

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:18, Reply)
SP

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:25, Reply)
SP

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:27, Reply)
Bankers, Politicians, lawyers, Estate Agents etc etc etc

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:02, Reply)
Most hip hop "artists"

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:02, Reply)
And why do you think they will change in the light of the horsemeat scandal?
I am intrigued.
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:03, Reply)
I think they will stop wrapping about clubs, blunts, bitches and 40's and turn their razor sharp wit to the fundamental issues plaguing modern society that led to the desperate need for cheap food allowing criminal elements to create this horse meat
scandal
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:05, Reply)
Unemployment at a record high,

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:07, Reply)
In the hip hop community?

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:08, Reply)
It was a reference to Run DMC's "It's like that" which is about the fundamental issues plaguing modern society.
Although not horse meat.
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:09, Reply)
I guess they missed that one

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:09, Reply)
It was written in the 80s

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:15, Reply)
ERmmmm.... is that before or after the 20 sick people atos got back to work last year? I think you need to re-check your facts if its before.

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:15, Reply)
'wrapping' LOL

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:09, Reply)
shit, i don't even know my brain is doing stuff like that

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:11, Reply)
Text wrap the next big thing

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:11, Reply)
There was something on breakfast about the future of ready meals
The only thing Tesco is sorry about is getting caught
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:05, Reply)
Nothing will change for Tesco.
Their suppliers, on the other hand, are in for a shit year.

Alt: It still seems to be Gove.
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:05, Reply)
It must be Gove, Go-ove, Gove DA-DAAAH

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:10, Reply)
My phone AND my ukulele turned up!
Everything's coming up TWO HATS!
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:10, Reply)
KA-POWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!
Chalk one up for the Hatmeister.
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:10, Reply)
Oh man, things are really turning around for me, Monts
I can feel it in my water
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:13, Reply)
I think that's bowel cancer
Sorry to be the bearer, etc...
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:14, Reply)
It's ok, I've had a good run

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:28, Reply)
What will you play on it first?
Angry birds?
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:11, Reply)
I don't know that tune
Haha...get it? Because you're talking about the phone, but I switched it around so it looks like you're asking about the ukulele. Haha...ooooh, TH!
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:12, Reply)
piss

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:14, Reply)
That just goes to show what a great gag it is

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:30, Reply)
I like how you have subtley answered the question about which tune you will play on your uke.
Singing TH to the Byker Grove theme is gonna sound wicked mate.
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:17, Reply)
Woah
*spuggies*
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:29, Reply)
^THIS IS GOOD, GUYS. REAL GOOD.

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:21, Reply)
I'm spreading this great style of comedy one forum at a time, Montz
But I can't do it without the support of the fans. THEY'RE the real stars.
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:29, Reply)
Well, them and our Lord Jesus Christ.

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:37, Reply)
He died for our sins, Montus.
Let us never forget.
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:43, Reply)
Jesus, I mean.
Not Two Hats, who is, as far as I know a) still alive, and b) less concerned about our sins.
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:47, Reply)
I think it's by Alanis Morrisett.

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:27, Reply)
I like this.

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:27, Reply)
I don't NOT like this

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:30, Reply)
I'm unsure about this.

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:37, Reply)
How does that one go?

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:13, Reply)
I expect to be eating more dog over the next 12 months as they'll be too busy testing for horse
Alt:
Plumbers
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:13, Reply)
Alt: Isn't it obviAls?

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:14, Reply)
Well, that didn't work

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:14, Reply)
The public wanted super cheap food, the suppliers and supermarkets gavce them super cheap food
the result has been a massive degradation in food quality. the inclusion of horse meat is neither surprising nor particularly shocking within this context.

Plebs will still want dirt cheap shit food after this and they will still be supplied with it until they die of diabetes.
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:15, Reply)
HORSE - Don't die of ignorance

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:16, Reply)
+ wait until diabetes/heart disease/bowel cancer gets you

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:17, Reply)
My heart is fucking boss
I have a bit of paper that says so.
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:18, Reply)

My I
is my

Well, there's no point sleeping your way to the middle, is there
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:20, Reply)
My boss is cool
Monty can vouch for him
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:23, Reply)
My boss is cool too as it happens
The FNM song titles conversation was brilliant
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:25, Reply)
Oh he's a fucking great fellow.
Top chap.
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:40, Reply)
Nothing will change after this
apart from some suppliers going bust.

alt: anyone who through selfishness shits on someone else, particularly anyone who uses children to get at an ex...
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:17, Reply)
Poor Swipe.

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:18, Reply)

to get at an ex
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:18, Reply)

at an ex an erection
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:21, Reply)
alt: anyone that drives at 70 in the outside lane to make a point

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:18, Reply)
+in a 50 zone

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:18, Reply)
lol*


*not lol
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:20, Reply)
+ or doesn't learn from their mistakes

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:20, Reply)
what mistakes?
I was speeding on purpose
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:21, Reply)
Flash your headlights at him, Nakers.
He'll get out of your way then.
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:23, Reply)
I like to get right up close first

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:24, Reply)
If you get too close they can't see the lights anyway
Bet you drive an Audi, they're all cunts
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:26, Reply)
bmw is the worst
if you ever have a dick right up your arse it'll be a bmw
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:28, Reply)
You've had a Black Man's Willy in your bum?

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:28, Reply)
sorry, i was thinking of your wife
or was it your mum?
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:29, Reply)
nah she reads the Daily Mail so she's not into that inter-racial shit

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:31, Reply)
Used to be BMWs
now Audis, or reps in VW Passat diesel estates who all drive at 100+
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:30, Reply)
do they scare you :(

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:31, Reply)
Not on an empty motorway in good weather, no.
they can run interference for me.
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:40, Reply)
nope
Mazda innit, calssic arsehole car
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:28, Reply)
Doesn't work if the person in front never looks in the mirrors
and/or is a cunt.
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:24, Reply)
that's what the horn is for
or the inside lane
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:25, Reply)
Inside lane is full of trucks and Nissan Micras

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:28, Reply)
hardshoulder then, fuckers

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:29, Reply)
Also full of trucks and (flat) Nissan Micras

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:32, Reply)
Should just tap them

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:26, Reply)
or if al has kicked their mirrors off in a fit of baldy beardy rage

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:26, Reply)
best thing in the metro ever was that owl burrito yesterday
he was so cute.

everything changes but you.

alt: who isn't? quicker and easier to answer.
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:20, Reply)
Me!

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:33, Reply)
We have meeting rooms to rename.
There's 6 of them, have a think of six things and let me know yeahhh.
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:29, Reply)
1,2,3,4,5,6

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:29, Reply)

i.qkme.me/3t6axv.jpg
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:31, Reply)

www.quickmeme.com/meme/3qjk2a/
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:33, Reply)
too late for a change of address I'm afraid
nevermind eh
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:47, Reply)
a,b,c,d,e,f

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:29, Reply)
Pugh, Pugh, Barney McGrew, Cuthbert, Dibble, Grub

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:30, Reply)
At least one of them needs to be called "GARETH KEENAN INVESTIGATES"

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:34, Reply)
Pol Pot, Stalin, Hitler, Mugabe, BLIAR AND BUSH YEAH????????????

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:35, Reply)

1 2 3 4 5 6
1 2 3 4 5 6
1 2 3 4 5 6
1 2 3 4 5 6
1 2 3 4 5 6
1 2 3 4 5 6
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:39, Reply)
You're in the NHS right? They lap up this shit, name them after local royalty
I donno man like the local town mayor or some thing like that, get him to open up the meeting rooms with a red ribbon
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:43, Reply)
This is the most depressing I've read today

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:44, Reply)
You're not thinking of the free office-meeting-veriaty-pack of M&S sandwiches.

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:48, Reply)
Nah, that'll be laughed out of the office.
Famous nurses has been suggested... I can think of one.
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:46, Reply)
Abi Titmus?

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:47, Reply)
*thinking out loud*.....Shipman was a doctor.

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:48, Reply)
Going back to my alt answer, Gove doesn't think you should know any black ones.

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:52, Reply)
Name them after six of the seven dwarfs.

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:45, Reply)
Leave out 'doc', and when people ask why, say "Funding cuts, couldn't afford any docs on the NHS".

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:47, Reply)
Excellent

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:50, Reply)
Ok, you can have a proper suggestion
Bletchley, Adstock, Gayhurst, Wavendon, Stanmore, and Eastcote.
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 11:01, Reply)
I used to live in Wavendon.

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 11:02, Reply)
That could be 'your' meeting room.

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 11:07, Reply)
One needs to be the Theoban Memorial Meeting Room

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 11:05, Reply)
Did you die?

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 11:06, Reply)
no

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 11:13, Reply)
Phew
I was worried there for a minute.
Especially when you didn't reply straight away.
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 11:15, Reply)
Soz I almost did some work there
The feeling passed
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 11:19, Reply)
I haven't been issued with a speeding ticket.
AWWWW YEAH. Today is a good day.

Got a good weekend in front of me, too!
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:36, Reply)
We all know what happens 1 second after that picture

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:37, Reply)
He gets crowned King Awesome and gets all the chicks?

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:40, Reply)
Me too

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:38, Reply)
Yeah, I saw your kid news.
Not THAT kid news, the OTHER kid news. Happy for you!

But mostly I am happy for me.
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:40, Reply)
I'm going to redecorate the flat Xmas-style tomorrow in preparation.

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:48, Reply)
You should do half of it Christmas and half Easter.
Hold a different holiday in each room. She'd love that. I know it's not Easter yet, but fuck everything, right?
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:49, Reply)
Going on previous form, he should cram in as many holidays as possible to this visit.

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:50, Reply)
Yeah, I didn't want to actually have to say that.
THANKS TANGLES
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:51, Reply)
This is actually a fucking brilliant idea
WELL DONE SIR!
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:53, Reply)
That's your weekend plans sorted as well then.

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:54, Reply)
Fuck that
I'm painting
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:54, Reply)
I've been helping a mate paint his new place.
I recommend getting really stoned first.
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:55, Reply)
I'll ask the kids

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:56, Reply)
I'm pleased you've chosen to have an "alternative lifestyle", and are all "indie" now by having "christmas" in "march".
I bet you turn up to house parties with a "uke" and go "HAY GUYS, WHO BOUGHT THE 'UKE ? IM NOT VERY GOOD BUT LISTEN TO ME PERFECTLY RECREATE THE HARLAM SHAKE* ON IT !"

* That's like the modern Gangham Style**
** That's like the modern Cotten-eye-joe ***
*** That's like the modern ago-doo****
**** That's like the modern Motzart 5th in c#.
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:46, Reply)
You have it exactly.

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:48, Reply)
Do you have the muppet's christmas carol downloaded?
That's my favorite.
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:55, Reply)
I haven't, no.

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:58, Reply)
You should get a copy ! Seriously, it's pure smiles.

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:59, Reply)
That's going to be a new 'thing' I'm going to try and get going. "pure smiles". That sounds like a 'thing' doesn't it?

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:59, Reply)
It sounds like a dentist in Fulham where fat women go.
www.puresmiles.co.uk/
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 11:03, Reply)
Rare blud, dat site be pure smiles muhn.

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 11:07, Reply)
what you should do
is refuse to give her back. and refuse to give the ex access.

how sweet that boot feels when it slips onto the other foot...
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:56, Reply)
YEAH
Kidnapping will sort her RIGHT out.
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:58, Reply)
i think so
he can just copy and paste everything she ever sent to him as a reply, and then physically attack her for no reason other than trying to give her child a lovely day.

karma.
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 11:01, Reply)
Pretty sure that is not how the Vedic concept of karma works.

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 11:12, Reply)
I'm pretty sure that's just common or garden people-against-people revenge
rather than karma, the judgement of the heavens.
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 11:14, Reply)
And he can send the ex pictures of the daughter holding up that day's newspaper whilst chained to a radiator too !

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 11:00, Reply)
I got that email. Didn't bother to read it, though. I imagine it was somewhere between contrition and finger pointing.
Stepdaughter worked for Sainsbury for a while. She said they were okay as employers. I've heard Morrisons are shocking.

I don't think we're too many years away from eating Soylent Green.

Alt: Osborne. Gormless idiot.
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:57, Reply)
There is a poster here in the police station asking
"Have you been the victim of a snatch?"
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 11:07, Reply)
I imagine most of you boys have, at one time or another.

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 11:08, Reply)
I was!
Now they're mostly my victims. The victims of complete disappointment.
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 11:13, Reply)
thanks for that "Chompy"

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 11:16, Reply)
What happens when you run out of co-workers?

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 11:17, Reply)
He piles their corpses up against the town hall front door and sets fire to them.

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 11:18, Reply)
Tesco ain't apologised to me and as such I'll only shop there maybe twice a week, fuck them, how dare they
Or three times.

Nowt will change, we'll just see more things being rebranded 'meat'. Including vegetables.

Alt: Me
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 11:13, Reply)
Theo Theo Theoban,
Theoban, Theoban
Theo Theo Theoban,
Penis anus cunt
(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 11:19, Reply)
that fucking lardbucket Tory shitbag Kirstie Allsopp horse frightener

(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 11:16, Reply)


(, Thu 28 Feb 2013, 11:19, Reply)

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