This morning I was walking the dog
There was a MASSIVE dogshit which someone had stood in. In the resulting dent, another dog had pissed it full, like a faecal volcano

What is the most disgusting thing you've seen? (YM apart)
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 10:48, 132 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

How do you know it was another dog?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 10:50, Reply)

I merely assumed

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 10:51, Reply)

The refereeing in the City game yesterday was pretty fucking disgusting
Sorry to say it mate but not being able to win at home with 12 men against 10 bodes badly. It's just as well Reading and QPR are gash, would be genuinely sorry to see your boys go down.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 10:50, Reply)

wouldn't that be cheating?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 10:51, Reply)

TBH, I'm totally fucking bored of football at the moment
Since moving I didn't get Sky Sports and I'm not missing it at all.

O'Neill can fuck off for me. Thanks but it's just not working. Crap buys, terrible subs
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 10:52, Reply)

A few weeks ago I'd have said we'd have him
Not now though!
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 10:53, Reply)

The crowd shots from Cardif on Saturday

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 10:50, Reply)

Fucking Welsh cunts.
It was Englands piss awful passing that was the problem.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 10:52, Reply)

piss awful everything

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 10:52, Reply)

Cardiff were away at Sheffield Wednesday
KEEP UP THICKO
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 10:52, Reply)

How do you know it was dog shit?

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 10:50, Reply)

I really hate people who don't clean up after their dogs.
I would bring back public floggings for these people.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 10:51, Reply)

Kick off the dogs ears.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 10:52, Reply)

dog shit mind piss

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 10:52, Reply)

lol 1

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 10:52, Reply)

you should kick their dog's ears off

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 10:52, Reply)

lol 2

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 10:52, Reply)

You should kick ANDREW MARR'S ears off

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 10:54, Reply)

You should STROKE the dog

(PsychoChomp, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 10:55, Reply)

oh HO!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 10:55, Reply)

What a way to start the week.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 10:56, Reply)

I get this because I'm middle class and listen to radio 4.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 10:57, Reply)

I watched an awesome film last night.
It was called Black Eagle, it was a south Korean version of Top Gun. It was amazing.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 10:51, Reply)

I watched Oldboy last night.
Those Koreans make a good film eh?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 10:53, Reply)

They do indeed. Be clear that Black Eagle is shit.
but it's so entertainingly shit and almost innocent and unaware of it's shitness that it's a joy to watch.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 10:54, Reply)

Entertainingly shit is fine with me, any time.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 10:55, Reply)

It has been for the last 9 years, 2 months and 1 day.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 10:56, Reply)

I said ENTERTAININGLY shit?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 10:57, Reply)

They point out plot devices so obviously that it's hilarious.
"We've installed a new system on this plane, if you get shot in the wing it'll help you stabalise it better"
"Ok I'll just write that down in my notebook here..."
20minutes later
"Oh no I've been shot in the left wing what do I do"
*Flashback*
"I'll use that new system!!!"
(PsychoChomp, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 10:57, Reply)

Oh and he did a move in an air show which got him fired from the aerobatics team.
At the end of the film he only goes and does the same move to destroy a ICBM in North Korea!
(PsychoChomp, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:00, Reply)

I love this film already.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:18, Reply)

This is much more like it.
A pal of mine was once grimly making his way to Manor House tube, hung over, on a comedown and v depressed on a Monday morning, going to a job he hated, when he saw 'a pigeon pecking at a nutty shit' and nearly broke down in tears at this metaphor for his life at that time.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 10:52, Reply)

nice

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 10:54, Reply)

Woah
A mate of mine once broke down in tears while watching 'Scrooged'. I asked him if there were any problems he'd like to talk about.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 10:55, Reply)

His crippling "Bill Murray" terrors perhaps?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 10:57, Reply)

Stripesphobia?

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 10:59, Reply)

I So want that RV

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:04, Reply)

WHY ISN'T BILL MURRAY AS FUNNY AS THAT ANY MORE?!?!?!

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 10:57, Reply)

Because you touch yourself at night
/ac
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 10:58, Reply)

I think he is, he's a genius.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 10:59, Reply)

Genius yes, I've loved everything I've seen him in since Broken Flowers
I don't think he's as amusing as he was at his mid-80s best though. Different type of acting now of course, he's not as energetic or zany as he was then. Happened to Steve Martin as well.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:00, Reply)

I think comedy writing has changed a lot since then.
Quite possibly down to things like The Office and Indy films like Little Miss Sunshine.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:06, Reply)

I like that film.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:10, Reply)

Because he's not *actually* funny at all but got lucky with a couple of roles?
Caddyshack, for example is utter shit, despite what people think - and his character in it is quite possibly the worst in it, which is saying something. Whoever thought a 'golf comedy' was going be a good idea needs electrocuting.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:00, Reply)

I like that golf comedy film with Kevin Costner in it.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:01, Reply)

Waterworld

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:05, Reply)

This comment is below Par for you MB

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:20, Reply)

I can see you're a bit tee'd off about it, soz.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:30, Reply)

I get what you're driving at here

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:33, Reply)

For some reason it's only just occurred to me as I read this
that two weeks from today I'm going to have what will be not only my first comedown in over a year, but a cumulative three-day one at that, whilst relying on British Rail to get me home, on April Fool's Day.

FUCK.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 10:56, Reply)

+ that shit

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 10:57, Reply)

Mrs badmons once saw a manky pigeon in the street and commented on how ugly it was to her friend
It seemed that the pigeon heard her an it forlornly lifted it's head to look at her with it's one remaining eye as if to question why someone would kick a bird hen it was down.

At that moment and taxi slowly rolled over it.

Mrs Badmons felt really guilty
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 10:56, Reply)

I saw a duck in the middle of the A1
Half of it had been run over and the remaining half was quacking frantically to move out of the way but it was too squished to move itself :o(

I HATE THAT DUCK. IT HAUNTS ME
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 10:58, Reply)

Thanks "Cuddles"

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:01, Reply)

click

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:20, Reply)

T was indeed TJ

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:21, Reply)

While reading that, I could hear this:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=C6ZDsUGiGqM
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 10:59, Reply)

Whatever happened to Simon Bates.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 10:59, Reply)

Yewtree, I expect

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:20, Reply)

Oh piss

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:21, Reply)

Currently cowering behind locked doors hoping that officers working on Operation Yewtree don't come a'knocking?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:20, Reply)

If you ate meat you'd have been able to post that faster and would thus not look like and Andrew Marr prick.
Just sayin'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:23, Reply)

Oh man!
I so wish your mrs was on here instead of you. Her stories are about a billion times better than yours.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 10:59, Reply)

:o(

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:05, Reply)

Sorry, I'm annoyingly chipper this morning.
Everything seems to be coming up Kroney at the moment. Haven't even seen anything disgusting, just nice things.

I'm walking around like this: =)
( Kroney, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 10:58, Reply)

you have a hitler moustach
you vichey bastard
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 10:59, Reply)

=)

( Kroney, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:00, Reply)

Swipe.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 10:58, Reply)

stop flirting
i'd rather do dozer.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:00, Reply)

I'd rather kill myself.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:01, Reply)

so all i have to do is touch your cock and you'll kill yourself?
i could take that one for the team, definitely.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:06, Reply)

I like how, when you and me fight, everyone accussed us of actually just wanting to get it on.
But with Battered nobody even bothers since it's so obvious that you wouldn't be able to stop vomitting for long enough even if you tried.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:08, Reply)

wasn't it battered who accused us of wanting to get it on?
i think it's just that battered wants to get it on with you.

i would like to think that.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:12, Reply)

I can imagine it's preferable to the idea that he wants to get it on with you. To you at least.
But ask yourself swipe, who does he follow around on facebook and accuse of being ginger all the time?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:14, Reply)

You'd stoop that low?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:08, Reply)

I say old bean
Well done
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:09, Reply)

Hahaha
no, you wouldn't.
( Kroney, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:02, Reply)

illiterate joke sign goes here

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:06, Reply)

i was once running home in the dark
slipped and fell on the hard, cold, rainy pavement. i could smell immediately that all was not well, but i couldn't see it.

until i got inside. trainers, bag and skirt went in the bin, i couldn't face it. if i could have cut my hands off, i would have done. i settled for a scalding hot wash and then bath. i don't know if it was a dog shit or a tramp shit, but i hope they fucking died in agony after shoving it out and leaving it for innocent people to slip on and fall in...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:00, Reply)

hhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahaaa

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:02, Reply)

i was so so so unimpressed and unhappy it was untrue

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:05, Reply)

What's that smell?
Oh. It's you.
( Kroney, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:06, Reply)

shut up cardigan man

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:06, Reply)

Cardigans are awesome
stinking of dogshit isn't. At least, I hope it's just dogshit.

I can easily imagine you seeing a freshly laid tramp-log on the street and then rolling around in it with your tongue hanging out like a labrador.
( Kroney, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:08, Reply)

hahahaha!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:08, Reply)

do not encourage the french

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:08, Reply)

They normally scat if you threaten them

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:14, Reply)

^SHITTYHANDS^

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:06, Reply)

better than your SHITTYFACE

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:07, Reply)

^SHITTYKEYBOARD^

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:08, Reply)

SHITTYCOCK
from all the bumming.

yeah. BUMMING.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:08, Reply)

^SHITTYSHEETS^

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:09, Reply)

are there any pics?

(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 12:55, Reply)

My girlfriends just got a job.
Don't know why people are unemployed!
(PsychoChomp, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:04, Reply)

maybe they don't want to flash their gash at people

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:06, Reply)

It's a relativley shitty temp job at head office for a well known retail company.
But she rung up this morning and they offered it to her on the spot and she starts tomorrow.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:08, Reply)

See, that's the spirit of capitilism right there.
In ten years time, she could be running that company, she just has to put the effort in.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:09, Reply)

I hope it's quicker than that, I want to be a house husband

(PsychoChomp, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:12, Reply)

Me too.
As long as they don't expect any actual housework to get done.
( Kroney, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:19, Reply)

Exactly, if I do that what's she going to do when she's at home?

(PsychoChomp, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:22, Reply)

Is this her CV?
tinyurl.com/cprdmdn
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:18, Reply)

I've seen that before. Who puts interests "Rap"

(PsychoChomp, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:21, Reply)

Link doesn't work properly.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:25, Reply)

Yes it does.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:26, Reply)

Only if you sign into google docs.
Got it now.

Very funny.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:30, Reply)

I hadn't seen that before
o_0
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 12:35, Reply)

*insert titty based joke here*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:06, Reply)

The trouble with these people is
They don't want to work
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:06, Reply)

I think this falls into the catergory of someone who is very very "underemployed" but meh, it's better than being on benifits.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:10, Reply)

WHAT!?
But benefits give you a million pounds a week and a gold plated house and if you want more you only have to pop out a kid and they come and lick your feet and build you a skyscraper! Right!?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:15, Reply)

At a quick calculation, she'll get between £150 and £200 a week after tax more than if she was on benifits.
Now if we were both unemployed and got housing benefit and council tax benefit it wouldn't be too much of a stretch to say "work doesn't pay"
(PsychoChomp, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:17, Reply)

It would be a stretch.
It might not be a stretch to say that two minimum wage jobs don't pay, but "work" in general, given both your qualifications, clearly would "pay"
(Bazongaloid, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:18, Reply)

That's true and even if you have less spare cash at the end of the month if you're working
you're still making it more likely that you're going to get a pay rise/better job than if you're sat on your arse doing fuck all.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:20, Reply)

Bloody poles, getting people jobs.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:07, Reply)

Oh well done.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:09, Reply)

I hate to get all Daily Mail out on here...
... but its not hard to find work if you're good at doing something. And if you still can't find work, make some work up yourself.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:48, Reply)

Awesome the Ice warriors are coming back to Dr Who!!!
They were always the most convincing of the villains in previous series.
images4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110718231539/aliens/images/6/6e/IceWarrior.jpg
(PsychoChomp, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:33, Reply)

Lego hand lego hands, the rubber suit has lego hands.

( Kroney, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:35, Reply)

It's not very frightening if your main threat is utter pain if someone treads on your hands?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:41, Reply)

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Now all I need is a degenerative mental condition and I'll be able to enjoy Dr Who along with all the other 5-11 year olds.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:40, Reply)

I think even you'll agree that the new assistant is "fit"
www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-21807081
(PsychoChomp, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:41, Reply)

I should imagine there are lots of other children's televsion programmes which also have nice looking actresses in.
I don't want to watch those either. Thanks though!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:43, Reply)

I don't think pictures are working today :(

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:51, Reply)

You've obviously got better things to do on a Saturday evening than I have.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:55, Reply)

Damn man, I thought for a moment you were talking about that gladiators-on-ice show =(

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:45, Reply)

Did it taste funny?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 11:45, Reply)

why is it called "contactless paymant"
when you have to rub your card against the machine, thus making contact?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 12:08, Reply)

You don't have to.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 12:09, Reply)

i find that you do

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 12:12, Reply)

They have a range of about 1cm, so if you hover over it you don't have to.
but then it's just as easy to touch it so stop fucking moaning.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 12:14, Reply)

Euphemism of the day

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 12:10, Reply)

how did you know it wasn't the same dog?

(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Mon 18 Mar 2013, 12:57, Reply)