A few things then
www.guardian.co.uk/football/2013/apr/03/carlos-tevez-admits-driving-disqualified

So, despite being so fucking minted none of us will ever come close to having as much cash as him, he won't shell out for a taxi despite being banned and they slap him with a £1000 fine, literally pocket change to him, and another 6 month ban. What's the betting he will ignore that one too the greasy cunt?

Also, Iain Banks has cancer and only has a few months to live. I think this is sad as I like his Science Fiction works.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 11:58, 147 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Footballers are cunts. But I don't think they should be treated differently by the courts.
Maybe fines should be related to income as a percentage. but then people on the dole will only get £20 fines and the Mail will be up in arms.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:00, Reply)

They are.
Fines for RTOs are means-tested in court.

This is why I get slightly fucking irate that I was fined a third of that for a single speeding offence. I don't earn a third of what that cunt does. Not even a three-hundredth.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:02, Reply)

My dad was fined nearly £1000 for breaking the speed limit and the magistrate specifically said that was because he could afford a higher penalty
So by rights he should be hit for at least £100,000.

And anyone who has been banned from driving but still has the arrogance to carry on and give the excuse of "I only live two minutes away" should get a much stiffer penalty, the only mitigation that should be considered is that it was essential for his job, which is clearly isn't.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:02, Reply)

shit, agreeeing with Al
online, again.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:04, Reply)

is he even a british citizen? shouldn't we be chucking him in the sea?

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:10, Reply)

We should be cutting his achilles tendons
and then see how much he enjoys driving.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:12, Reply)

and soccerball

( Peej, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:22, Reply)

KICK 'IS MIRRAHS OFF AL!!!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:25, Reply)

I fucking would you know.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:26, Reply)

Are we still talking about your dad?
Seems a bit harsh.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 13:21, Reply)

boring

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:01, Reply)

So's your face.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:04, Reply)

I'm sorry, I didn't mean that.
I'm just a bit irate.

I apologise.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:05, Reply)

too late for apologies now

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:38, Reply)

It's odd that the first thing I thought when I saw that article was "I recognise that building"
I fucking should, I travel past it most days.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:05, Reply)

I don't know how, but this anecdote beats the printer story from last week AA

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:13, Reply)

Lofty praise - lofty praise indeed.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:25, Reply)

if it doesn't make the popular page I'll eat my trousers

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:29, Reply)

alright AA

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:14, Reply)

Alright Dozer

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 13:05, Reply)

Aw I wanted to argue about music in the other thread :(

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:14, Reply)

About the only thing more deeply unpopular than music chat
is car tyre chat.
( Kroney, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:17, Reply)

I thought you were keeping a low profile?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:19, Reply)

Is he in trouble?

(Bazongaloid, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:19, Reply)

not as much as he should be

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:24, Reply)

What's he done?

(Bazongaloid, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:26, Reply)

he's a hairy french pervert
isn't that enough?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:28, Reply)

No, I need specifics Swipe, gossip a nigga up?

(Bazongaloid, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:29, Reply)

He exposed himself to one of the girls in accounts.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:30, Reply)

I believe this.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:30, Reply)

Apparently when confronted by the HR manager he merely shrugged and made an obscene thrusting gesture at her.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:32, Reply)

I heard he just smiled, licked his fingers and started rubbing his nipples.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:33, Reply)

pushing with his hips like yeah?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:37, Reply)

And nodding his head like yeah.
IT WAS A PARTY IN THE USA!!!!!!




I really miss K Swizz.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:39, Reply)

got caught having sex with an underage office girl
on his boss' desk
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:30, Reply)

HAHAHAHAHA!
Kroney had sex yeah? Yeah, you nearly got me there Swipe, you nearly got me.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:34, Reply)

damn
i went too far

ok, he got caught wanking over a picture of the boss' teenage daughter.

and son.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:35, Reply)

Customer complaint.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:27, Reply)

Ooooo, what for?
Did he use their broadband connection to look at porn?
(Bazongaloid, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:28, Reply)

Nah, just alleged inefficiency

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:37, Reply)

Is that because he's very inefficient and spends too much timeon b3ta?

(Bazongaloid, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:44, Reply)

I get this

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:38, Reply)

whisky chat
film chat
gardening chat
gaming/computer chat
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:21, Reply)

I don't do football or driving, I do like Iain Banks though.
I am contributing
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:17, Reply)

I appreciate this

(Bazongaloid, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:19, Reply)

arrogance innit

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:20, Reply)

Yeah 'ooh look at me! I've got cancer I'm so cool!' what a fucking wanker.
Worse than Pratchett.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 13:05, Reply)

Yeah 'ooh look at me! I've got cancer I'm so cool!' what a fucking wanker.
Worse than Pratchett.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 13:05, Reply)

WORSE THAN ANDREW MARR!!!

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 13:06, Reply)

durrrr ACTUALLY this is case of
GREAT SEATS AT THE PHIL - to qualify as ANDREW MARR it has to be two different posters you IDIOT. GOD!!!! FFS!!!!!!!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 13:12, Reply)

YEAH WELL I DONT GET THE SEATS AT THE PHIL MEME COS IT PREDATES ME

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 13:19, Reply)

Roota, late of this parish
multiply posted about getting great seats at the Phil to see Squeeze.

That's really all you need to know.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 13:23, Reply)

I knew it had something to do with Roota, but that's all I got.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 13:24, Reply)

Surely driving whilst disqualified is punishable by a spell inside?
Why has he been given community service?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:22, Reply)

teh magistrates have recourse to 'sentancing guidelines'

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:23, Reply)

He's rich.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:23, Reply)

Because he's a fuckign dirty greast foreign cunt with a shit load of money.
I would like to become a magistrate just so I can properly fuck over cunts like this.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:23, Reply)

they should make the community service really humiliating if they want to make it a deterrent
i think he should have to scrub piss and graffiti from trains with his own hair, whilst dressed as maggie thatcher.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:24, Reply)

Have you considered becoming a human rights lawyer instead of conveyancing or whatever it is you do?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:29, Reply)

yeah
i was too left wing

and i do NOT do conveyancing
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:30, Reply)

Yeah you do.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:30, Reply)

no
i really don't.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:34, Reply)

Nah
it's something I've noticed on a lot of traffic cop shows, driving while disqualified gets you another ban, cos it worked so well the first time!
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:25, Reply)

Alt: I think I've read a couple of his books, but I don't think they were Science Fiction.
It's sad for those close to him, but not for me.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:24, Reply)

Cool story bro

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:25, Reply)

by definition if he writes about lazers and donosaurs he doesn't have anyone close to him

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:25, Reply)

Fair point.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:27, Reply)

Writes Sci Fi as Iain M Banks & contemporary fiction as Iain Banks.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:25, Reply)

he should write some medical thrillers

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 13:08, Reply)

Dial M for Cancer?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 13:20, Reply)

I've read several of his SF and non-genre works.
Not really fussed about them. Dreadful news for him and his family though.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:27, Reply)

Shame about Iain Banks. Some of his books are excellent.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:25, Reply)

With the exception of a few, the books he writes as Iain Banks are utter shit.
His Sci-Fi stuff written as Iain M. Banks is much better.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:28, Reply)

I'm not a Sci Fi fan.
The Wasp Factory and Dead Air are particularly good IMO.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:31, Reply)

No they aren't.
The Wasp Factory is alright, but the only really good book he wrote was the Crow Road. Transition is okay.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:32, Reply)

I didn't enjoy Transition at all.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:34, Reply)

did he write "the hole"?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:34, Reply)

Not to my knowledge.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:36, Reply)

That was one of them - the wasp one.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:33, Reply)

Totally disagreeing with Al, here
online

Everything as Iain Banks pre-1993 is very, very good indeed.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:34, Reply)

What did he write in 1993?
Everything pre Crow Road was better than everything post crow road, but "The Bridge" had a cop out ending (It's just a dream), The one about teh Panama canal wasn't really about anything in particular.

Oh, I forgot "Espedair Street" is an excellent fictional account of an aging rock star. That's a good one, I'll grant you. Walking on Glass was quite good actually, but I've only read it once. And The Wasp Factory was okay, but it's good in a "Read it as a teenager and ooh it's a bit shocking" sort of way. Not brilliant.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:39, Reply)

Actually I'd forgotten Canal Dreams (the panaman one)
yeah, that's shite, granted.

but mostly his early stuff is excellent. Walking on Glass, Crow Road, Espedair St. Actually I'm not mad for The Wasp Factory, but it's usually accepted as being pretty fucking good.

1993 was Complicity. Last one I really liked.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:42, Reply)

Oh I forgot that one too
Okay Espedair Street, Crow Road, Complicity and Walking on Glass are good. Wasp Factory is okay as is Transition, and everything else is a bit poor, in fact some of them (Whit, Song of Stone, The Business) are fucking awful.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:44, Reply)

shit, agreeing with Al again.
Yeah, but Whit, Song of Stone etc are all later, which was what I was saying.

Personally I think his heart wasn't in the non-SF stuff later on. Plus, he keeps trying to write different types of book to see if he can. Song Of Stone is basically just a weird Song of Ice and Fire type thing. Not good at all.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:46, Reply)

What annoys me is that he's basically tried to rewrite Crow Road on two other occasions, which jsut smacks of laziness
He has actually said that he views writing as a job he has to force himself to do, rather than something he does for love. But I get the impression this applies less to his Sci-Fi stuff as he really puts in a lot of attention to detail with that.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:48, Reply)

i can see why he's dying of an aggressive cancer now, leading to an agonising death

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:53, Reply)

Yeah, I don't come across as very sympathetic.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 13:00, Reply)

Whit? SHIT more like!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 13:03, Reply)

aaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahaaaaahahaha
you people actually read this shit

oh my

oh lord

oh, that's priceless
(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:52, Reply)

where did you think the honda accord inspiration came from, exactly?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:55, Reply)

I heard a Honda Accord can do the Kessel run in under 14 parsecs

(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 13:03, Reply)

what, books?
fucking shocking, that.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 13:35, Reply)

haha, poor people should be put in forced labour camps
/ac
(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:28, Reply)

science fiction is shit

(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:27, Reply)

So's your face

(Bazongaloid, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:28, Reply)

I bet when you read "science" "fiction" you're all like in a dreamy dream and thinking about robots and spaceships and aliens then you put the book down and go to your job stacking shelves in Lidl and come home and weep
then read more science fiction and dark graphic novels
(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:30, Reply)

I bet when your face reads "science" "fiction" it's all like in a dreamy dream and thinking about robots and spaceships and aliens then it puts the book down and goes to its job stacking shelves in Lidl and comes home and weeps

(Bazongaloid, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:31, Reply)

to one who dwells in stockport
lidl is like harrods
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:34, Reply)

you're kidding, there isn't a Lidl here
I believe there's one in Levenshulme if you can get past the mounds of dead drug dealers
(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:50, Reply)

isn't that even worse?
i think it might be a..........

NETTO
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:54, Reply)

there aren't any Nettos any nore, it's Asda now
do at least try to keep up
(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 13:01, Reply)

I bet when you read 'period' 'novels' you're all like in a dreamy dream and thinking about tea and sandwiches and frilly hankies then you put the book down and go to your job in the beatles museum gift shop and come home and weep over john lennon

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 13:33, Reply)

No more Culture novels? :(

( Frisbee OG wanker, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:44, Reply)

I've not read the latest one yet.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:46, Reply)

I hope he gets kicked down the stairs and get his balls cut off in community service

( Peej, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:46, Reply)

What you got against Iain Banks?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:49, Reply)

What have you got?

( Peej, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 13:01, Reply)

Cancer!
Oh no soz that's Iain Banks that's got that.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 13:02, Reply)

Gutted about Iain Banks
Couldn't give a shit about what I assume is a footballer.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 3 Apr 2013, 12:59, Reply)

this posts sums up everything that is wrong with offtopic

(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 13:06, Reply)

check 'em

(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 13:06, Reply)

Hullo Frank

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 13:09, Reply)

up yours

(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 13:10, Reply)

Yes indeed

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 13:19, Reply)

and proud.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 3 Apr 2013, 13:07, Reply)

He spells his name wrong.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 13:07, Reply)

It is the correct Scottish spelling
people with less Is are sub-human scum
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 3 Apr 2013, 13:08, Reply)

The correct spelling is 'John'.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 13:10, Reply)

The correct spelling is 'Graced by Yahweh'

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 13:12, Reply)

That's the address of your fucking yurt

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 13:12, Reply)

Always a good idea to keep a separate yurt for extra-curricular activities.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 13:13, Reply)

woah check 'em

(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 13:14, Reply)

Like kiddie fiddling, eh, Sir Jimmeh?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 13:14, Reply)

Look Sting if you want a tantric wank why not just wait til your spastic wife goes to her macrame class?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 13:15, Reply)

He's cultured
No, that's not what I meant. Crusty
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 13:16, Reply)

And once again we're back to YOGHURT CHAT

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 13:22, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1920777
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 13:25, Reply)

I do, but I like to keep a second yurt down in Cornwall and all.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 13:20, Reply)

Oh that's my mum's favourite perfume!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 13:14, Reply)

I thought off haddock would be

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 13:16, Reply)

John Wank
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 13:12, Reply)

*fewer

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 13:10, Reply)

says someone who can't even spell scotch correctly

(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 13:13, Reply)

Me too!
Apart from the Iain Banks bit.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 13:09, Reply)

You lot are bonkers.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 13:09, Reply)

Answer my text message you overly tall spastic.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 13:10, Reply)

Thank you.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 13:11, Reply)

Wot cunts eh?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 13:10, Reply)

You're the worst of 'em.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 13:12, Reply)

No, I'm Spartacunt!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 13:12, Reply)

No, you're Kofi Annan.
Shouldn't that be Ban Ki Moon?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 13:13, Reply)

WANKY MOON MORE LIKE!!!111!!

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 13:14, Reply)

Old Skool innit?
Fucking chinky cunts, coming over here, nicking our peacekeeping secretary jobs. Boutros is fucking furious
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 13:14, Reply)

I....I see that now.
Sorry guys.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 13:16, Reply)

and so you should be

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 13:19, Reply)

Who feels like starting a nice new thread then?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 13:25, Reply)

done!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Apr 2013, 13:29, Reply)