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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Morning Fuck-nuggetsdownhill to the long weekend from lunchtime \o/
anyone have some tragic news to share that we can mock them for?
I have finally finished my CV and I'm actively looking for a job, what job would you recommend for me or any other waste of flesh on here?
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 1 May 2013, 7:53,
191 replies,
latest was 13 years ago)
I am a gold nugget, not a fuck nugget, you bum nuggetI went out with a guy recently who started asking me for cash on the second date. Just a £500 "loan" apparently... Worst. Date. Ever. So you can mock that if you want.
I sometimes get the opportunity to refer people to clients, but not if I think they are cunts. It all goes to show the importance of being nice to everyone, because it's true: it's who you know.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 May 2013, 7:59,
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HAHAHAA and he'd past your first date questioning of his background finances and means. Oh dearie me Rachel HOW DO YOU PICK THEM(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:08,
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He was some Irish cowboy builder... I dunno...(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:21,
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SHUT UP IT WERE ANOTHER EFNIK IN A GREGGS HAT IT WAS WASNT IT (
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:26,
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Why continuously reference it as 'the ex' ? If shes still letting him fingerbang her with his flaky pastry fingers he ent an ex. It seems rachel whilst clever, hasn't an ounce of common sense(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:48,
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You should row the Atlantic or become the face of TyphooPlum should be a clown, Battered should remake Time Bandits etc etc
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:01,
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I don't want to see Nakers putting the Oooo in anything, thanks(
Kroney, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:11,
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Monts get thisThe Jamaican takeaway across from my work place does Chicken dumplings covered in gravy they are about the size of a Muskmelon and only £2, I’m trying to hold back until Chicken Thursday but you know what, fuck it I’m getting one today.
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hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:14,
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Why wait?You can have your own Chicken Wednesday, go for it. I have the last of Sunday's cottage pie for lunch.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:26,
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I'll save lokesy the effort*strikethrough involving changing 'cottage pie' to something about cottaging*
Everyone lols heartily.
The end.
(, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:31, Reply)
I have already made up my mind, I'm going for it today(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:31,
Reply)
GOOOD MOOOOOORRRRNNNINNGI am yet again full of beans, bright eyed and bushy tailed, waiting for the wonders that this lovely Wednesday will bring.
I would love to help guide you in your new vocation, but it would help if I knew what your current field of employment is.
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hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:07,
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+leScarlet in your trousers no doubt
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hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:12,
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T is TJ(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:19,
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oh is it? I thought you were saying I was mysterious(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:23,
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This is the most cringe-inducing subthread in a long time.Well done, dickheads.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:29,
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I think so, yes,Those were merely arse-clenchingly dull - this one is supremely embarrassing for all those contributing, or even just reading.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:38,
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rent man now, eh?Congratulations, your mother must be so proud.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:27,
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Are you dressed like a preppy dick again today? Is it an everyday occurance?(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:10,
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pretty muchgrey trousers, light blue shirt, dark blue jacket and your mums head as a hat.
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:10,
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con air, a classicim veering more towards a hackett trench over a burberry. Just in case you were wondering
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Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:13,
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i'm desperate for a trench, but ent got the cash particularly after amsterdam(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:16,
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or a belstaff I dunno. I'll see how it pans out. (
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:19,
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Not drawn to Acquascutum? Some of their coats are jolly nice.Mind you as with Burberry they have a hooligan association which has not been great for the brand.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:30,
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BURTONS4LIFE(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:36,
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You only like Paul Smith because he does XXXXL socks.How *are* the Hendersons, by the way?
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:38,
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nah the burberry scum thing has very much gone. They all seem to wear Superdry' JPN' now or some shit like that, fuck em(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:45,
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Poor old Superdry.Forever associated with Supermatt in my mind.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:47,
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I can't find his 'matrix' picture on teh calendar flickr no more :((whenever I felt down I'd look at that and smirk to myself
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Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:49,
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mike woz ere linked to three different ones on /talk recently(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:54,
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This one?b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1936372
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hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:55,
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yeah, where I just see stuff, supermatt sees binary code, how cool is that(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:57,
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did your daughter take that shot ? Its supermatts cum face ewwww(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:58,
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POTfucking yearProperly cracking up here
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 May 2013, 9:01,
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it was helped by every shot ever of supermatt just looking so darn creepy(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 1 May 2013, 9:04,
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: (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 1 May 2013, 9:13,
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hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:13,
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Dunno like, have you considered going clientside and doing product management or communication strategy or sutin? Ping me your CV and I'll have a gander. CIM qualified (not in the swipe sense) dontcha know.
(, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:10, Reply)
I was just looking at job adverts yesterdayOMG we're like twins!!!
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Kroney, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:12,
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you could bring chompy on board as your director of ideasbattered for marketing etc etc
bust inside a week
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Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:18,
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I think chomps skills are more in data input tbh(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:19,
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i think she may have unsubtley covered this previously(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:24,
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I'd be the public face of the business.Tabloid scandal within days.
(, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:19, Reply)
Campaign poster insert your own catchphrase (
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:41,
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Or one step, as the case may be(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 1 May 2013, 9:17,
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Morning, ugly.None from me, sorry.
What you looking to move into?
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:28,
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Ouch(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:33,
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I NO RITEMy bell looks like supermatt's psoriasis covered scalp now!
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:37,
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thought for the day, right here(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:37,
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From his holiness the Very Reverend JCVD of Brussel's Cathedral(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:42,
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I just realised that my wife will be squeeing her heart out to 30 Seconds to Mars....at the Download festival instead of pampering me on Father's Day. I don't think I can rely on a 12, 10 and 7 year-old combined attempt at a fry-up in the morning.
I recommend working in I.T. If I can get away with it anyone can.
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Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:39,
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I might try and get a job at Amazon.I have a proven track record that I think they're gonna be pre-tty interested in checkin' out.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:41,
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30 seconds to Mars are shit and Jared Leto is a cunt(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:43,
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I am relieved to say I haven't a clue who you're on about.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:45,
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This might be the first time I've ever envied you(
Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:47,
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I know more of their music than I EVER wanted toThe best thing Jared Leto was involved with was Requiem For A Dream.
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Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:46,
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was that about a drug addict, yeah it's alright(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:47,
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doesn't it have french tits and muff in it thpough?(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:54,
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can't rememberIt's just shit anti-drugs propaganda under the guise of SERIOUS CINEMA. Hubert Selby Jnr should have been ashamed.
(, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:57, Reply)
that film is unintentionally hilarious.Worse even than Last Exit to Brooklyn.
(, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:48, Reply)
Oh my ex made me watch that once.What a crock of shit.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:51,
Reply)
I laughed pretty much all the way throughIt's so preachy it hurts.
And shit.
(, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:54, Reply)
It's no Beat Street I'll grant you, but I like it(
Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Wed 1 May 2013, 9:16,
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That's hardly fair, no film will ever stand up against Beat Street.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 May 2013, 9:20,
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30 Seconds to MarsStrike me as a band that Darth would be a devoted fan of.
Where is the screaming queen anyway?
(, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:47, Reply)
I wouldn't say shit, simply that they're overwhelmingly average.(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:47,
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Are you still here?(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:53,
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He's got the bottle to say what people really think, that's what I'm keen on.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:55,
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I liked it when he was unproffessional and rude in the european parliment. (, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:56, Reply)
I liked it when he was insufferably smug(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 May 2013, 9:00,
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We need this man as PM4.bp.blogspot.com/_6ZANIVjY2oM/TKjte3LmHMI/AAAAAAAAAGs/SgQBMGvamGM/s400/Nigel-Farrage_680809a.jpg
(, Wed 1 May 2013, 9:01, Reply)
I probably could do with a nap after my Giant Chicken Dumpling later today(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:58,
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LOL!!!!! GIANT DUMP!!!!!!!!
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 May 2013, 8:59,
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Obviously(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 1 May 2013, 9:06,
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I don't recall having my polling card delivered.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 1 May 2013, 9:03,
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plane news!www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/asia/afghanistan/10029295/Afghanistan-cargo-plane-crash-caught-on-camera.html
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 1 May 2013, 9:01,
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Tragic news?Not really, the sun is shining, the ladies are wearing skimpy clothes and the counselling is finished and I am not divorced. I now have four screens in my shed and my wife is a size 6 again.
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Peej, Wed 1 May 2013, 9:05,
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Is your counsellor some kind of wizard?(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 1 May 2013, 9:06,
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NOT LIKE BATTEREDS ONE !!!! RUB THAT ONE IN !!!!(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 1 May 2013, 9:08,
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it also helped that your wife doesn't suffer from serious third party diagnosed depression(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 1 May 2013, 9:09,
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i saw a total prick wandering around the inner temple todayclutching a canvas bag that said "the people's republic of cornwall"
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 May 2013, 9:21,
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What the fuck does that even mean?We had a conversation about Cornish republican groups yesterday at work and everyone was in agreement that they are all twats and represent about 10 people in the whole of Cornwall.
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Peej, Wed 1 May 2013, 9:23,
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worse, this clown clearly worked in londonas she was on her way into one of the buildings. idiot.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 May 2013, 9:26,
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no turquoise polyester... no pink cufflinks......and no suspicious bulge of a desperate rodent scrabbling with ever decreasing will to live at the back of the trousers for just a tiny crack of daylight...
so no. no it was not.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 May 2013, 9:31,
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Bloody Cornish, buying second homes in London and inflating property values.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 1 May 2013, 9:31,
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meh, i own my flatthe more inflation the better, pls k thx
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 May 2013, 9:32,
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does this mean we don't get to here about your wanking habits anymore?(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 1 May 2013, 9:13,
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Her feet are size 6 too!WHAT DOES THIS MEAN! Mind you I thought 5/6 was average, Sally with the massive tits was 9.5
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Peej, Wed 1 May 2013, 9:15,
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I don't mean protractor, the triangular ones, you know?(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 May 2013, 9:18,
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Yeah that one.Just pretend I said that, ok
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 May 2013, 9:20,
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The square of the length of my wife's hypotenuse is equal to the sum of the squares of the lengths of her other two sides(
Peej, Wed 1 May 2013, 9:32,
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no it isn't 6 is bang on average. if you are a 5, a 6 or a 7, you can forget about ever finding good shoes in the sale.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 May 2013, 9:20,
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I think my sister is an 8No wonder she ended up as a copper
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 May 2013, 9:21,
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there is a specialist shoe shop for ladies with larger feetcalled "after 8". i find this quite amusing.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 May 2013, 9:22,
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Gaz the details to Dozer just in case he has a sister(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 1 May 2013, 9:22,
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imagine how big the children's feet would be though(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 May 2013, 9:26,
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I bet birth would be like opening a bottle of Champagne(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 1 May 2013, 9:31,
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It would certainly cava big hole through her(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 1 May 2013, 9:40,
Reply)
The other half is an 8, she complains about this regularly(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 1 May 2013, 9:48,
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your obsession with 6's and 8's is worryinghave you got a tiny cock or something?
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 May 2013, 9:18,
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Where the obsession?She was size 6 before she had kids, she went up to a 14, she is now a size 6 again and therefore she is happy. I couldn't care less about her size, her happiness is important though.
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Peej, Wed 1 May 2013, 9:20,
Reply)
it was definitely you who said that only women who were size 8 or below were attractiveand the sooner schoolgirls learned this, the better the world would be
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 May 2013, 9:21,
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fucking fucking hellour staff restaurant had run out of crunchy peanut butter. i had to have smooth. who the hell eats this shit? smooth peanut butter is SHIT.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 May 2013, 9:18,
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I used to date a girl in Belgium and her family used to make me bring crunchy peanut butter over by the box loadApparently you can only get smooth over there. Fucking weirdos.
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Peej, Wed 1 May 2013, 9:28,
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it's just Wrongit's basically butter with added fat. whereas at least crunchy you can kind of kid yourself that it's not desperately unhealthy
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 May 2013, 9:28,
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Back before my blender fucked itself I used to make homemade peanut butterfucking gorgeous.
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Peej, Wed 1 May 2013, 9:30,
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you can do that at whole foodschoose whatever nuts you want and it grinds them fresh for you. you're right, fucking gert lush.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 May 2013, 9:32,
Reply)
My mother's is great. She adds apple juice for added sweetness.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 May 2013, 9:36,
Reply)
oh goodi didn't want to think we were talking about minges or anything, you see
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 May 2013, 9:49,
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My mother doesn't bake or make peanut butter or anythingMind you she's probably closer to your age than your mothers and spends more time partying than cooking.
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Peej, Wed 1 May 2013, 9:38,
Reply)
I find her to still be a touch sour and dryHence the spitting
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 1 May 2013, 9:40,
Reply)
OK then - my mother-in-law will most likely die of lung/brain cancer this weekendyay
Networking engineer - CAT5 king
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 1 May 2013, 9:26,
Reply)
JoyTaking the kids down tomorrow to say goodbye to her
That'll be fun!
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 1 May 2013, 9:37,
Reply)
:-(Only slight consolation is it may help them deal with it better in the long run.
(, Wed 1 May 2013, 9:41, Reply)
When she finally carks it try to supress the urge to air fist and say "ker-ching"(, Wed 1 May 2013, 9:39, Reply)
I could do with my mother-in-law going soon.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 1 May 2013, 9:30,
Reply)
webcam rigged up in her bog, yeah?SWEET
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 May 2013, 9:34,
Reply)
Shit man, sorry to hear thatJust be as strong and supportive as you can for the wife, it hits them really hard.
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hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 1 May 2013, 9:33,
Reply)
you'll get to take the piss out of your wife having a dead mum now \o/(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 1 May 2013, 9:33,
Reply)
Always a winnerand a guaranteed knicker remover...
As in "Howay deed moother I have a stonk on..."
(, Wed 1 May 2013, 9:42, Reply)
GrimSorry to hear that.
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 1 May 2013, 9:47,
Reply)
I think this thread and the 200 replies proves JCVD is consistently the best thread starter on here.(, Wed 1 May 2013, 9:45, Reply)
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