Well it's 4th July, y'all.
To mark this important date I shall be listening to Slowdive and the Shop Assistants all day. This is an 'indie' joke.

Would the world be a better place if we still had our Empire? I'm going to shock you now by saying that I firmly believe so. I mean, is the planet better or worse off for a 'free' Pakistan, or a 'free' America? shit no. Self rule is all good and well, except that these cunts are all corrupt and lazy. Fuck 'em, they've been given a chance and fucked it up - give it back.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 8:52, 149 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

I think America would be better off as a colony.
They are such children.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 4 Jul 2013, 8:57, Reply)

As I've said before
We've given them 250 years, and look at the mess they've made. Enough's enough.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 8:59, Reply)

they put a man on the moon.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:02, Reply)

You do realise this will set Battered off again don't you?

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:03, Reply)

Does he hate REM?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:09, Reply)

He hates all sleep phases.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:09, Reply)

You know, it's sub threads like this that make this forum what it is today.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:10, Reply)

Putting the 'wo' in 'teamwork'

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:11, Reply)

I like the chicken teryakki one.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:15, Reply)

Indeed they did

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:21, Reply)

In fact they've put twelve men on the moon.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:25, Reply)

Apparently so

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:28, Reply)

Good news for Battered here.
www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/arts-entertainment/pop-music-now-aimed-at-middle-aged-male-perverts-2013070474774
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:55, Reply)

IT WAS ALL SHOT IN A FILM STUDIO WAKE UP SHEEPLE

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:06, Reply)

I'm listening to a fair bit of Volbeat at the minute.
No, we've got enough problems at home to be dealing with these retards destroying their own countries.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 8:57, Reply)

But would the world be a better place for it?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 8:59, Reply)

For us, maybe
For them, probably not.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:02, Reply)

Why would they not want people listening to their music?

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:05, Reply)

we can't fix 800 miles of land never mind any more
There is a horrific amount of water on this tube floor. I fear some cunt may have pissed on it. I hate the public.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:02, Reply)

Ha, public transport.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:08, Reply)

the guy next to me just skidded in it when he tried to get up and booted the old woman opposite in the shin
Watching him do the spakka dance as he tried not to fall on her lap has cheered it up slightly
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:12, Reply)

Is it wrong
that I find piss splashed old lady shins exciting?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:42, Reply)

No, that's perfectly fine.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:16, Reply)

YES!
I love a bit of shoegaze and fey indie.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:02, Reply)

You really are a raging chutney aren't you.
Did you like Revolver 'BITD'?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:08, Reply)

Only vaguely remember them.
You have some link to them, don't you?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:10, Reply)

Yes.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:15, Reply)

so do I!
I have a proper soft spot for Galaxie 500, Spacemen 3 and early Spiritualized. In fact, with Spiritualized, everything up to and including Ladies and Gentlemen We are Floating in Space.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:13, Reply)

That was George Michael YOU IDIOT

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:37, Reply)

To mark this date
I will be pretending it's the 5th of July
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:02, Reply)

I think it's a great idea
I'd quite like to be an upper-class part of the Raj, cocktails and gin on the lawn and all that.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:06, Reply)

Well, we've got princes Charles, William and Harry not doing too much,
Can we send them out to rule in the Queens name? Give the poor guys something to do.
Charles can have America, Will can have Africa and Harry India and we'll just nuke China and the rest cos they're too smart for their own good, with all their tiny technology and quite frankly disturbing porn
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:08, Reply)

If you took Eric Stoltz in the guise of 'Rocky' from the film 'Mask' and painted him blue..
..he'd look like 'Iggle Piggle' from 'In The Night Garden'
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:21, Reply)

I can't remember that song, was before or after he did "Passenger"?

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:22, Reply)

I don't recall your Wesley Snipes ever doing any singing HH

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:25, Reply)

I liked him when he did that book of Eli Film

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:28, Reply)

I think it was your Will Smith that played the boxer in the film
Dunno who wrote the book you're talking about. Certainly wasn't your Wesley Snipes.
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:33, Reply)

I shall join the Travellers Club.

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:25, Reply)

Do you have any empirical evidence to support this belief?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:26, Reply)

Actually yes.
I studied the British in India as part of my degree. Academic studies into the quality of life of yer Indian peasant show that both before and after partition the standard of living was marginally lower. If I could be arsed I could find out who did this study and when but basically shut up. Factors such as access to justice and level of taxation were taken account of.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:37, Reply)

Basically the hand-wringing boo-hooing of apologists is not justified by facts.
On the whole, for the majority of those concerned, the British Empire was a good thing - which is why in places like Jamaica still love us.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:39, Reply)

Alaska

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:40, Reply)

BLESS YOU

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:43, Reply)

Particularly in the context of other options.
cf the Germans and Belgians in Africa, who were right old cunts.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:40, Reply)

You are so full of shit.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:40, Reply)

YOUN
The other options were worse.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:42, Reply)

And India according to "Rick Stein's India"

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:41, Reply)

The upper strata of Indian society flourished under the Raj,
and indeed the very idea of India as a singular entity was a direct result of our admisitrative works, railways, unified legal system etc. Prior to us it was a bunch of principalities run with differing levels of savagery by local princes, whose attitudes to human rights etc were on the whole nonexistent.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:46, Reply)

But you could get a lovely ruby.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:49, Reply)

Some of them were 'well nom', according to recent studies.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:53, Reply)

Alright, alright I only wanted to make a joke on the Empire and empirical.
Jeez.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:44, Reply)

Why the fuck did you do this as part of your degree?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:39, Reply)

Because my secondary subject was South Asian Studies.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:41, Reply)

Part of his pick up line was that he was in the SAS

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:42, Reply)

He was in the TA and SAS stood for
Saturdays and Sundays
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:48, Reply)

:o(

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:49, Reply)

I couldn't imagine Monty marching.......
Well unless it involved brown shirts and goose stepping
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:50, Reply)

And even then it all looks a bit like hard work.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:53, Reply)

Innit, can't we just watch it on the telly?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:55, Reply)

Good morning team
I have been given toast and doughnuts today. This is a GOOD thing

I think we'd have to pick and choose just what we wanted back
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:34, Reply)

I am not sure I can agree with Monty here. I don't think we want responsibility for some of our smellier ex-colonies.
I do however believe that the world would be a better place if there was a Stunned imperialistic hegemony.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:39, Reply)

Oh shit, is it? It's my mum's birthday tomorrow
I'd better buy a card. I've already missed my sister-in-law's.
( Kroney, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:50, Reply)

Please tell me you are not going to buy that Nova?

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:51, Reply)

Of course not.

( Kroney, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:54, Reply)

This was my first car only it had a rag top
fastestlaps.com/cars/ford_fiesta_13_supersport.html
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:57, Reply)

Mine was a mk3 Si.

( Kroney, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:59, Reply)

MG Metro turbo

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:12, Reply)

Turns out all the Pakistanis in Bradford have been marrying their cousins doubling their chances of giving birth to more defective babies
My cousins are munters, no way I'd chuck my muck up them
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:52, Reply)

Plus they're all paedos.
Also: smelly food.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:53, Reply)

I'd heard your cousins are right dirty slags.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:54, Reply)

you are fuckin welcome to the hairy or anorexic freaks

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:55, Reply)

I wouldn't fuck anything that had been swimming in your gene pool.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:56, Reply)

Your mum's got my gene pool all over her face

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:57, Reply)

MINE TOO!

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:57, Reply)

Regarding the Empire
South Africa, Zimbabwe and Sierra Leone have made a far bigger hash of things since home rule than has the States. If we're not prepared to take responsibility for them, we shouldn't get the better territories back, either.

Besides, it's only the Thirteen Colonies we ever control of. We've got no claim at all to the rest.
( Kroney, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:54, Reply)

Fucking Rhodesians. What a bunch of cunts.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:55, Reply)

yeah, with their stupid backwards/forwards hair

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:56, Reply)

If the attitude of the Commonwealth countries is anything to go by
a significant majority would quite probably be tempted by British rule again.
( Kroney, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:57, Reply)

My father tells me that where he lives in the US, there are those who feel that way for sure.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:59, Reply)

The British politicos of yesteryear were
very different to the dross we have now.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:00, Reply)

There were some bad eggs, as there always are.
A lot of them genuinely cared about improving the lives of the "savages" in their governorship.

The whole "Empire = bad" attitude is largely incorrect.
( Kroney, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:02, Reply)

Yup, but will your student Als of the world admit this? No they will not.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:04, Reply)

They've had the conditioning resulting from a hundred years of so of post-colonial guilt.

( Kroney, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:08, Reply)

No excuse.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:16, Reply)

most of these people are clearly completely incapable of ruling themselves, they need us, even if they don't want us

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:14, Reply)

We recognised the Indians rights to their own lands.
We take the 13 states and give the rest back to the Indians.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:56, Reply)

they can have Delaware

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:56, Reply)

We want Delaware. No tax.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:58, Reply)

We also want Tupperware.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:02, Reply)

What do we want.......?
When do we want it....?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:04, Reply)

Whenever we like, one of the benefits of Tupperware is its food preserving abilities.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:05, Reply)

don't put it in the diswasher though as the heat can warp it leading to a less than perfect seal with the lids
/tupperware woes
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:09, Reply)

Tupperwoes

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:12, Reply)

For those without knowledge on the subject
the refusal on the British part to take any more land away from the natives was a contributing factor to the War of Independance. That little snippet doesn't really get taught in American schools.

By and large, by the standards of the time, British rule was beneficial to Imperial territories run, as it was, as a loosely Imperial trading network, rather than by pure military subjugation.
( Kroney, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 9:59, Reply)

You are correct on all points.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:00, Reply)

The problem in every non-African (cepting SA) ex Brit territory was land.
The reason we were outed from US, Australia and SA was land grab. The people living in the territories wanted to fuck the locals over and take as much land as possible.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:03, Reply)

You get a bunch of white people either emigrating
because the ruling Parliament isn't right-wing enough for you or because you're a filthy crim, it's hardly surprising that the local morality towards the natives wasn't as high as it could have been.
( Kroney, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:07, Reply)

Quite so.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:12, Reply)

i've only had a small cup of vending machine coffee for breakfast : (

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:13, Reply)

And you binged on the minges of your hirsute dietarily challenged cousins.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:15, Reply)

Beautifully put, stunned.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:16, Reply)

he spelled hairsuit incorrectly the mongaloid

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:17, Reply)

mongOloid

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:18, Reply)

Poor old Bakers.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:20, Reply)

I know you are but what am i?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:23, Reply)

It brought a tear to my Jap's Eye.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:18, Reply)

Shabba!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:19, Reply)

It wasn't me

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:21, Reply)

THAT'S MY FUTURE WIFE YOUR TALKING ABOUT!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:17, Reply)

All I'm saying is, if Hitler was British, and didn't want to kill people, and generally was loved throughout the world, people wouldn't have stood up against him, and we'd be in a different situation to what we're in now.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:19, Reply)

Quite often killing people is the best thing you can do for them.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:20, Reply)

Thanks "Far-Q"

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:21, Reply)

COP BITCH COPBITCHMOTHERFUCKER

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:26, Reply)

*kills people to make them respect me*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:27, Reply)

Uzi Lover, right?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:32, Reply)

yep

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:33, Reply)

I just want everybody to be happy in heaven, i'm doing a service, m'lurd.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:23, Reply)

Gonz's is only saying what we're all thinking, here.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:23, Reply)

The only Master Race is the Human Race, until the Th'Oriz of Neptune reveal themselves.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:40, Reply)

Who wants to hear a old school hip hop joke?

(PsychoChomp, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:22, Reply)

Monty

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:23, Reply)

No thank you I take old skool hip hop very seriously.
Very seriously indeed.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:24, Reply)

Q: Why can't Nate Dogg get his "boom box" to work?
A: Because the rhythm is the bass and the bass is the treble
(PsychoChomp, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:25, Reply)

Nate Dogg would have been about 5 in the old skool era.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:25, Reply)

he'll be telling you that Eminem invented "white rap"
when we all know that it was Vanilla Ice
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:27, Reply)

I am going rolling in my five point oh soon.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:27, Reply)

Ragtop down so my cowlick blow?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:28, Reply)

You know it!
Boyeeeeeeeee.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:29, Reply)

*makes complicated gang sign*
*breaks own finger*
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:30, Reply)

*someone* doesn't seem to have heard of Kenny Everett's pioneering 'Snot Rap',
which predates both of those clowns by years. cf 'Ant Rap', 'Wham Rap' and of course Mel Brook's classic 'Hitler Rap'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:30, Reply)

*ahem*
ROLAND RAT
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:31, Reply)

Reppin' for Morris Minor and the Majors right here.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:31, Reply)

Holding it down for MC Miker G and DJ Sven up in this mutha fuckah

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:34, Reply)

Nope, rap was invented in 91

(PsychoChomp, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:28, Reply)

+e

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:29, Reply)

lol

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:31, Reply)

Did you hear the one about the policeman who went to a "shout" and upon his return found a huge blackman dancing up and down his policecar?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:26, Reply)

hahaha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:30, Reply)

Peace

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:24, Reply)

What is it good for?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:25, Reply)

Dempsey and Make

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:26, Reply)

War!

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:27, Reply)

Stockpiling weapons in anticipation of the next campaign?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:28, Reply)

Pudding

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:28, Reply)

Providing some downtime to allow the technological breakthroughs forged in the crucible of war to filter down into the consumerist domain?

( Kroney, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:46, Reply)

NEW THREAD

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 10:45, Reply)